Eclipsed Heart
by Buff82
Summary: Bella moves to Forks and prepares to spend her remaining high school years in the small rain covered town. When tragedy strikes she is sent back to her mother. Two years later she returns and a chance encounter with Edward Cullen changes everything. A/U
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story takes place as if Bella left before she and Edward became friendly.**

**UPDATE: I've reposted these because I now have a beta (YAY!) There's just a few minor changes, but much thanks to wolfgrl04 for your help! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all of the respective characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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Chapter 1

BPOV

The sense of déjà vu as I boarded the airplane was overwhelming. Just little less than two years ago I had done the same thing; heading to the same destination point. I sat, nervously picking at the hem of my tank top, thinking how my emotions could be so similar yet vastly different. My anxiety then was because I thought I was dooming myself to the boredom that was Forks Washington. My current anxiety was from the fact that I was headed to a well of emotions I didn't know if I was ready to face.

I only stayed in the small town for little more than two weeks, but the impression it seared into my life was lasting. Closing my eyes, I slumped down in my seat, breathing in heavily through my nose. The thoughts of that day immersed my brain - the day I got the news that sent my life into a proverbial tail spin.

It had been a Monday morning and I was up and getting dressed for school. I remembered looking out my window and thinking Charlie had left for the morning even though I'd gone to bed the night before without seeing him. I hadn't thought much about it, because it wouldn't have been the first time Charlie had come home late from a fishing trip and still gotten up early to go to work. As I was zipping up my backpack there was a knock at the door.

The rest of the day was a blur in my mind. As hard as I've tried, I can't remember much. I could force my brain to see images of Billy Black as he stood at my door; the sheer look of despair written in his features. I could see his mouth moving, but I could not remember the words that he spoke.

I remembered collapsing to the floor trying hard to breathe, but being unable to do so. I remembered Jacob Black, Billy's son, lifting me up and being taken to the hospital after I'd been hyperventilating. It was like trying to remember a dream, I could see flashes of images, but all the tangible things - the sounds, the smells, the texture of the hard floor as I pressed my face against it; they were all missing. I still couldn't remember the exact moment or what was said when I was told Charlie was dead.

Thinking about it, I still had a hard time believing it to be true. He couldn't be dead, he was my Dad, and I _need_ my Dad. The dull ache that was ever present deep in my heart pulsed as I thought those words. My breathing hitched, and I rested my head on the seat in front of me. _I can't loss it here, not yet._ I thought coaching myself through the moment.

I knew going back to Forks would be difficult. I was fully expecting to have little episodes throughout my trip - but I needed to do it.

My mother had begged me to stay, but I was stubborn.

"We can just hire a service to pack up the house, you don't have to go all the way there just to torture yourself Bella," she said for the fourth time that week.

I could hear the edge of annoyance in her voice, although she tried not to show it. I understood, she didn't get why I had to do it, I barely got it myself. There was just something inside of me that knew it needed to be done my way.

"I'll be fine Mom, I promise," I mumbled, repeating my automatic statement.

"Well, at least let me come with you," she sighed in resignation.

"No," I said too quickly and then smiled weakly as I collected my thoughts.

"I just need to do this Mom, by myself, I'll be okay."

I knew the reason I didn't want Renee to come was because, out of the two of us, I would most likely fair better performing the task. Although I had taken it very rough when Charlie died, I knew my Mom would have an even tougher time weeding through his possessions. Sighing, I thought of all of the things I knew he had still kept from when they were married.

"Besides, I have to get my medical records so I can start school in the fall," I offered, hoping the practicality of the statement rang true.

The seatbelt light came on bringing me back to reality. The stewardess announced that we would be landing soon. I was a little surprised at how fast the flight had gone by. Taking in a deep breath, I readied myself for the reality that was about to come crashing down on my shoulders.

A chill ran up my spine as I stepped off the plane and headed to the rental car desk. I threw on my sweatshirt, thinking bitterly of the unseasonable cold and rain I knew was to come.

After procuring my car I went to baggage claim and found the only suitcase I'd brought. Tossing my suitcase in the back of the generic sedan, I pulled out my iPod for the drive ahead. I had thought about renting a hotel room and driving in the morning, but then decided against it. The need to get everything over with was greater, and the sooner I got there the sooner I could leave.

The long drive was much easier with music, and I only had to stop once for gas and to grab a quick bite to eat. While I sat outside the Subway, picking at the BMT in front of me, my phone chimed alerting me to an email. I withdraw it from my purse and touched the screen, bringing it to life. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face when I saw the email was from EM109. He and I had forged a strong friendship over the past year and a half; it was hard to believe I didn't even know his real name.

We had met through my blog site that I began writing as a way to dig myself from the depths of the depression I'd sunk to after Charlie's passing. I had been near comatose for several weeks after moving with Renee to Florida. When I was finally able to function for myself I was not the same person I was before moving to Forks. I was a shell of the real Bella Swan, and while I can say that now, nothing could have convinced me of it then. Renee tried for several months to bring me back to myself, yet I was unresponsive.

The problem was that I thought I was fooling everyone. I was under the impression by doing everything right - by going to school, getting good grades, cooking and cleaning around the house - they would think I was fine. They wouldn't know that I barely slept at night, for fear of nightmares. They wouldn't know that it was a struggle to breathe if I let myself think. If I kept my mind on homework and chores and didn't allow my mind to wander the stabbing ache in my heart would only be a sharp twinge, and that was more bearable.

It wasn't until Renee demanded I see my counselor at school for weekly sessions that cracks began to form in my armor. Even then, it took several weeks before I even heard what Mrs. Meyer was saying to me, and that's only because of my mother.

One morning while I sat barely chewing the mushy cornflakes in front of me, my mother sat across from me and was talking about her newest pet project. I was shocked when out of nowhere Renee's hands were on my shoulders and she was shaking me vigorously, her face inches from mine. I hadn't even noticed she'd gotten up from her seat.

"BELLA – wake up!"

"Mom?" I said with confusion and then there it was - for the first time I saw the concern in my mother's eyes. I craned my neck back, taking the opportunity to really look at her then. She looked weary and tired.

"S-sorry?" I said, still not completely sure why she had been shaking me.

"I'm sick of talking to a robot - you need to snap out of it Isabella!" She shrieked before releasing me and returning to her seat. We didn't speak the rest of the morning.

Later that day as I pulled my binder from my backpack, preparing to do homework, a slip of paper fell out and floated to the floor. I saw what looked like web addresses scrawled across the page and picked it up to inspect it closer.

It was the paper Mrs. Meyer had given me with suggested websites. She claimed that writing my feelings down might help me to recognize how I felt; as well as reading other people's stories that had been through traumatic experiences. She provided me the list of such places, but I hadn't given it a second thought at the time.

I sat at my computer that afternoon, the desperation in my mother's eyes fresh in my mind, and logged onto the internet. The first site I went to was a blog site and I read through some of the most popular entries. I made myself an account, the act of thinking of a screen name alone was excruciating enough. It caused me to have to contemplate things other than laundry, homework, and the dishes- something I hadn't done in months.

I settled on Eclipsedheart17 thinking it accurately described my feelings. Something in my head clicked into place as I laid my fingers gingerly on the keyboard. The thoughts poured out of my brain and through my fingers as they struggled to keep up. I posted the blog, not even reading it over. I couldn't bring myself to do so.

_**The Unspeakable Things I Can't Even Think**_

_The darkness around me is staggering. The pain I feel is greater than any I've experienced in my short life on this earth. _

_My brain struggles to understand why my body, my heart is damaged so. How can someone who seemingly barely touched my life cause such destruction in his path? _

_Breathing is hard; thinking is hard, speaking is impossible. _

_With the passing of my father comes a void that seems hopeless to fill. _

_Will it ever not be? _

_I made concessions in my life, sacrifices and this man was there to help me do it. He was unselfish, loving and everything I would hope to be._

_I keep waiting for the day that I will wake up and the incessant pain will be gone. _

_Today is not that day – maybe tomorrow. _

_In pieces trying to find myself whole again,_

_Eclipsedheart17 _

I'd been shocked the following day when my email was full of responses from my blog. There was a mixture of empathetic responses, and people craving to tell their story as well. I was amazed by it, sitting stupefied staring at the screen.

I wrote another blog that night, much in the same fashion; laying my fingers on the keys I willed the words to come.

The following weeks I found myself engrossed in my thoughts and feelings, wanting nothing more than to express them with the glorious anonymity garnered by that virtual world. For the first time in months I was waking up, all of my senses seemed to come alive.

Sounds seemed louder, smells stronger and colors brighter. It was as if I had been walking around with my head under water, all things dulled to me, then suddenly I could breathe deep and just – think. I made friends with several people that followed my blog loyally. One person, in particular, I connected with and even had extensive online chats with was EM109.

He had responded to my first blog saying that I had an "old soul". That he could feel my pain through my words, and that he was sorry for my loss. He was the only person that had apologized to me in a manner that had unnerved me in its sincerity. Those were the things that helped lift me from despair.

A car passed by and honked its horn at teenagers leaving the Subway. I stood, throwing out my trash, and stepped off the curb toward my car. Once inside, I opened EM109's email, a small thrill of anticipation slithered through my stomach.

_Dear Eclispedheart17,_

_I hope your trip is going well. I know this is not going to be easy for you, and I am in awe of your courage. Perhaps in another life I could have been there with you, holding your hand through this troubling task. As I cannot do that, I am sending you a message of luck and strength. I hope they both find you on your journey, and you find what it is that you are searching for. _

_Yours truly,_

_EM109 _

I sighed, putting away my phone, and made a mental note to write back once I was settled in for the night. My shoulders relaxed into the seat, and I realized there was less tension in them. Something about EM109's words always seemed to calm me. He was eloquent in his speech, always knowing just what to say.

As I turned back onto the highway I glanced at the clock, thinking it should be no more than twenty minutes to Charlie's house. When that realization hit my chest tightened slightly, I winced at the pain.

It seemed like less then that time before I was parked in the driveway, staring up at my old bedroom window. I took deep, controlled breaths and willed my legs to move from the car. Keeping my head down, I watched my feet fall over the gravel driveway, then the cold slab of cement of the front step.

Without lifting my head, I reached my hand up and found the house key under the eve by the front door. My heart sank impossibly deeper, tears filling my eyes as I thought of Charlie doing just that action every day he arrived home from work. When I opened the door fat tears were pouring from my eyes relentlessly but I made no attempt to hold them back.

I closed the door behind me, sliding my body down the hard wooden surface. My brain went right to the place I tried desperately to keep it from.

Charlie - alone.

He was alone for so long. He would come home everyday to an empty house and sit by himself, maybe watch a game and then go to bed alone. I should have been there more, I should have taken care of him better - the way I took care of Renee. I should have demanded that I spend two weeks out of every month with him and split my time more evenly.

I was his daughter, and all he ever did was love me. I did nothing for him - just took him for granted. I thought back to when I was fourteen and threw the biggest fit about having to go to Forks for two weeks in the summer. And what did Charlie do? My dad took me to California for those two weeks so that _I_ would be happy. It became our ritual from that time on. All that my father got was two measly weeks out of the year with me, but I was too much of a brat to even spend it with him in his home.

My chest was heaving deeply as I struggled to catch my breath between sobs. The weight of the guilt I felt was what truly kept the pain harbored in my heart. When it was unleashed, it was impossible to reign in. Sitting in that house, _his_ house, made it even worse.

I tore my body up off the floor and threw my legs into motion. Exhausted from my trip, clearly my brain was beyond its capacity to handle those intense emotions. I fled to the only part of the house that held any hope of not having remnants of Charlie. I was up the stairs and to my room in a blur of movement. Throwing myself onto my bed I inhaled the musty old bed spread. A fresh round of tears poured from my eyes. Charlie had promised to take me to get new sheets and comforter for my bed after I'd come back home. He never got the chance. How I had dreaded it then, the thought of shopping with Charlie. And now I sat begging the heavens for just one day, one hour, one minute of shopping with my dad.

"This isn't fair!" I screamed into my pillow, but my voice came out a strangled cry. _I can't do this_, I thought bitterly. _I thought I could but I am too weak. I should have brought Renee._ When I thought her name, as if magically, my phone rang and I jumped at the sound. Sure enough, it was my mother calling. The sight of her name snapped me from my turmoil, I heaved in a deep breath. Whipping the tears from my eyes I answered the phone.

"Hello?" I tried to speak as normally as possible, but was sure the tremor in my voice would give me away.

"Bella, honey! How was your flight? Did you get there okay? Are you okay? Do you need me to come, I can take a red eye and be there in the morning-"

"Mom!" I cut her off. Her quirky ramblings had inadvertently brought a small smile to my face.

"Fine, yes I got here okay, I am fine and NO I don't need you to come," I checked off, answering her slew of questions.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so glad you're doing okay. You are so strong. I would be a bawling mess right now if I were you." I rolled my eyes, thankful she couldn't see me then.

"Thanks Mom, I appreciate that."

"Did they turn the power on? I called yesterday and they said they had so everything should be working…"

It was then that I realized the room I sat in was pitch black. In my breakdown I hadn't even noticed all the lights were off.

"Uh- I don't know – I just walked through the door and haven't turned any on, hang on." I stood, stepping over to the wall by the door a flicked the switch. The small lamp by my bed lit up and the room seemed to warm slightly.

"Yeah, it's working, thanks Mom."

"No problem hon. Well please call me if you need anything. I love you Bella."

"Love you too Mom… Mom?"

"Hmmm?"

"You know that I really do love you and I appreciate everything you do for me, right?" I said, feeling the urge to let her know that.

"Yes Bella," she chuckled. "I know that sweetheart. It is nice to hear though, thank you. Love you too, goodnight baby girl."

"Night Mom." I pushed my phone into my pocket and allowed my eyes to wander the room. It really hadn't changed since I was little, just another reminder of how Charlie wasn't big on change. The conversation with my Mom, albeit it a short one, helped give me a renewed sense of purpose.

_I will not let myself loose it like that again. _I thought determinedly. Then I raised my eyes to the ceiling and smiled, another urge washing over me.

"Love you too Dad," I whispered, feeling as if he might hear me since I was in his home.

I realized I hadn't yet responded to EM109's email. I pulled my phone out again and typed a quick response.

_Dearest EM109,_

_Your kind words invigorate me as this is much harder then I even imagined. How do you escape the depths of your despair when you make the choice to dive into the darkest part of its abyss? There is a lighthouse blinking in the distance, shining a beacon, guiding me to my luck and strength. Thank you my friend, my lighthouse._

_Yours Truly,_

_Eclipsedheart17 _

After I had brought my bags up I climbed into bed, only bothering to pull off my shoes and jeans. Tomorrow was going to be a big day and I needed to get some sleep. I felt the exhaustion in my body as my bones settled into the old mattress.

My conscious mind drifted heavily towards sleep just as my phone chimed. I scrolled to my emails, finding a new one from EM109.

_That was fast,_ I thought. It usually took a while because of the time difference between us. Our schedules were always off; a strange feeling hovered in the pit of my stomach at the thought of being in the same time zone as him.

_I don't even know his name._ I internally scolded myself.

_Dear Eclipsedheart17,_

_The beacon is burning bright, but perhaps these things are closer then you think. Things that seem fleeting and abstract can often times be found within. Don't forget how far you've come already to overcome your despair._

_In a world with so many people I feel isolated, alone. Your words alone provide me with kinship. You make me feel warmth in the likes that has not coursed through this marble heart in ages. I will gladly be your lighthouse in return._

_Blinking brightly for you,_

_EM109_

I smiled, snuggling into my pillow; his words flittered around in my head. My eyes fell closed, and once more I invited sleep to wash over me.

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**A/N: This is my first fanfiction so please be kind! Reviews would be much appreciated, I'm just taking a stab at this, if you like it I will continue. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**UPDATE: This chapter has now been beta'd by wolfgrl04 :D**

**A/N: Thanks for the awesome reviews! I have a lot planned for this story, so I'm excited to continue writing it. This chapter is much longer and I had trouble leaving it where I did, but as it is, it's over 7k words. (*bites nails nervously) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, all the respective characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.: Rated M : A/U**

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Chapter 2

BPOV

Gray light filtered through my bedroom window. Stretching, I curled deeper into the mattress hoping for a few more minutes of sleep. My mind was hazy and I felt like I was forgetting something. Breathing in deeply, my lungs filled with moist musty air, causing my eyes to snap open at the realization of where I was. I smashed my face into my pillow and groaned loudly. Reality of the day ahead felt like a hundred pound weight pushing me down. Then I had a brilliant idea – run.

I was never an athletic person by nature. I was more apt to injure myself just walking across a room, let alone play a sport of any type. But when I moved to Florida with Renee one of the things that I found really helped get my mind off Charlie was running.

Phil had a workout room in our house and one afternoon I found myself wandering through. My fingers grazed the machines and I stared in awe and intimidation at the menacing cold metal contraptions. In the corner of the room sat the least intimidating of the equipment, a treadmill. Simply push a button and you were off, running to an unknown destination - sounded nice, so I gave it a try.

What I didn't expect was how good it felt to push the muscles in my legs until they burned with fire. Or how my mind gave way to the exertion of my body and all thoughts were gone. I was hooked from that day on, clocking over four miles a day, most days.

Sliding out of bed, my feet found the cold hardwood floor and I shivered. With one last longing glance at the warm inviting bed, I headed to the bathroom to freshen up for the morning, making sure not to look around as I made my way down the hall. My brain was in a pretty good place this morning, but I knew that was a fragile thing.

After washing my face and brushing my teeth I threw my hair into a ponytail and went back to find some clothes suitable to run in. Luckily I had packed my yoga pants and a comfortable top so I threw those on and grabbed my tennis shoes as I headed downstairs.

Slipping my shoes on, I grabbed my cell phone and started for the door when my stomach made a loud gurgle. I froze in place trying desperately to quell my urge to turn and look at the kitchen. I wasn't ready to look around yet. Swinging the door open then closing it quickly behind me, I dashed down the steps before the tears could come.

Once my legs were set in motion it was easier to think logically - with less emotion. I knew I would be there for at least a few days, if not longer.

_God, I hope not longer._ I shuddered at that thought.

I would have to get some stuff to tide me over while I stayed in Char- _my_ house. I was shocked after Charlie's funeral when the executor read the will which stated everything had been left to me.

I made the decision then to wait until after I graduated to figure out what to do with the property and other assets. The truck Charlie bought for me still sat parked in the yard, and the boat – well the boat was found capsized the morning they declared Charlie dead.

The pavement was pounding under my sneakers and I felt it give way to squishy rain soaked grass when I realized I had veered off the road. I stopped to catch my breath and turned to go back towards the road. A single drop of rain fell on my head with an almost comical plop. It ran down my forehead and dripped from my nose. I looked up into the tall expanse of the trees surrounding me.

_This place really is beautiful, I can see why Charlie stayed here_; I thought whimsically

Turning back towards the woods I pushed my legs up the slight incline. It felt good to fight the uneven terrain, my muscles welcoming the challenge. I ran for over an hour before I stopped and turned back to head home. Pretty sure I had followed a path through the woods; I didn't think I would have a hard time finding my way.

An uneasy feeling squirmed its way into the pit of my stomach, despite my attempts to ignore it; it was beginning to get to me. It seemed like I should have already reached the road, but all I could see before me was never ending trees.

I slowed my pace and looked around for any sign of something familiar. Everything looked the same; a vast sea of green. I peered up at what sky I could see through the cover of trees above me. It looked like it was going to open up at any second. In that moment, as if there were some cruel joke the universe was playing on me, thunder clapped through the sky and rumbled, settling to the earth.

"Shit." I stopped where I was to survey my surroundings. There had to be some nugget of information locked in the recesses of my brain to help me get out of there. I began to feel claustrophobic as I stood idle, scanning for a glimpse of pavement or a flash of a passing car. The tall canopy of trees now seemed to be hanging low and intrusive.

The atmosphere shifted and the air grew heavy – thick against my skin. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight as if my body was trying to warn me of some unseen danger. My heart quickened and my breaths came quick and shallow. It felt like there were eyes on me, and my brain screamed at me to just move, but my feet were not cooperating.

A branch cracked behind me, instinctively I spun to look. I couldn't see anything and decided my anxiety was getting the better of me.

"What the fuck Bell? Get it together," I scolded myself. "Okay, think - I was running uphill most of the way, so I'll just follow the slope down. The road should be just at the bottom of this hill." I must have looked crazy talking to myself aloud, but it was the only way I was able to calm my nerves and think clearly.

I started jogging down the hill and the rain began coming down in sheets. I was soaked through in a matter of seconds, but before I could even worry about that I lost my footing on the increasingly slick ground.

As my body perpetuated forward I did the only thing I could think to do and tucked my head, causing myself to summersault down the hill several yards until I smacked into a tree head first. I lay there, covered in mud, letting the cool rain relieve the sting on my forehead.

_Why did I decide to take a joy run into the woods?_ _Oh right, it's beautiful, _I thought bitterly. Just then I heard a distinctive whooshing sound that was more like a choir of angels to my ears. I jolted up, immediately sitting back down, my head spinning.

Taking a deep breath, I tried once again to stand with only one word as my motivator; _car. _I felt slightly steadier moving at a slower pace, and I cleared the distance to the road, surprised at how close I had been. Saying a silent prayer of thanks, I made my way down the road and back to Charlie's house.

Once inside I slid out of my muddy shoes at the door, proceeding to the bathroom to check the pulsing gash on my head. It wasn't as bad as some I've had, but it was up there. I would most likely need stitches, which caused me to stifle tears.

_Well, I had to go to the hospital for my records anyway,_ I thought angrily.

Doing the best to clean myself up without touching the increasingly pounding wound on my forehead, I changed out of my soaked clothes and found an old pair of sneakers in my closet. I sat for a moment on the hard floor staring into my closet, which still housed some of my old clothes. Just a few items I told myself I didn't care about so I'd left them.

In reality I knew it was much more than that. I knew I'd left them because I couldn't bear the thought of cleaning out the closet like I wouldn't need to use it anymore. Like I wouldn't ever be coming back to visit Charlie; like I was moving on, leaving him behind.

"God Dad, you would be mocking me so hard right now for this gash on my head," I chuckled to myself, closing my eyes to think of him. I could see his worried expression as I came in the house, drenched and bleeding. Then I could see his twinkling eyes in the emergency room as the doctor stitched me up and he would smile at me, relief visible.

I could hear his words, like so many times before. "Bells, we're gonna have to get you a helmet." Then he would laugh and I would feign annoyance, when I really relished his concern - but just didn't know it myself.

I reached up to wipe the tear from my eye, only to find dry skin. I hadn't even felt the smile that stretched across my lips. "It's nice to think about you, Dad," I said to the house and it was so true.

I'd exerted so much effort not thinking about him, it had never occurred to me doing just that might actually feel good. I let my brain submerge in that knowledge.

Leaning my body against the closet door, I closed my eyes again and allowed the smile to settle into my face. I pushed my hair back behind my ear and the motion caused my fingers to brush over my forgotten open wound. I hissed at the sudden sting and then huffed at my interrupted moment.

"Well, I'd better get this over with. I'll talk to you later Dad - love you." I smiled again into my darkened closet and lifted myself from the floor. Checking my phone, I noticed that it was only 10:15 in the morning. I must have gotten up a lot earlier then I thought as I hadn't bothered to look at the time before leaving the house.

I peeked out the front window and saw what I could only describe as a wall of rain. Grabbing my jacket, I prepared my - sure to be - futile attempts to stay somewhat dry. "Just don't fall again Bella," I said aloud and then made my way the 15 feet down the once gravel driveway, which had become a fast flowing river.

Inside the cover of the rented sedan, I shook off my jacket and was happy to see I wasn't totally drenched. A small, giddy, bubble popped in my stomach and I thought again of my earlier revelation. _I need to tell someone, _I thought and then reached for my phone.

First, I called Renee but was disappointed with her voicemail. My fingers tapped idly against the screen as I looked out the window, biting my bottom lip. When I looked back at my phone, I had accidentally opened my emails, and saw the name EM109.

_Perfect_ I thought, after all I hadn't responded last night.

_Dearest Lighthouse of Mine,_

_Your signal is indeed strong, and might I add wise to the list? How did you know that when I felt my worst I would find some answers within? I am curious of your secrets to gaining such knowledge. _

_My heart beats a little stronger today and my lips are curled upward. It feels good, as if after a long bout of sleepless nights they've nestled into the plushest bed ever and are finally satisfied. I am hoping to soon find a bed that fits my whole body, especially my heart, and to be buried deep in the comfort and bliss of its happiness. _

_My heart does wince at your claims of isolation. Even through my pain I've had family to collapse into. It makes my soul feel heavy to think you have no one like that. Perhaps I can hold a mirror up in hopes of reflecting some of your light and wisdom back to you; or if _I_ could be that light then I would be truly honored. _

_To know that I have warmed you in any way makes me feel as if I can fly. I can only hope to repay you in part for I know I cannot do for you as much as you have done for me. _

_A wise man once told me that once seemingly fleeting things can often be found within. Don't be surprised if your marble heart isn't quite as hard as you thought._

_Lit with hope,_

_Eclipsedheart17_

Happy with my response, I sent the email and then started the car. Driving to the hospital I was glad that even in the pouring rain it was easy to find. I'd had my fair share of trips as a child, but never had to drive myself. Luckily, it was right off the highway, like most things in that small town.

Parking, I went inside and signed in at the front desk of the emergency room. The nurse behind the desk glanced at me as she handed me paperwork to fill out and then did a double take.

"Did you drive yourself here?" she asked, eyeing my forehead.

"Yes," I sighed, leaving it at that and turning to go sit down.

One thing about small town folks was that they are all too comfortable questioning people. I didn't feel like talking so I was hoping she wouldn't follow me to my seat. I was relieved that she decided to leave me alone; I did however note that she kept throwing me pointed glances. As If trying to let me know she'd get the story on me later. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention to the paperwork in my lap.

Twenty minutes later, all paperwork done, I found myself drifting out of consciousness. I caught my head as it slipped off my palm and tried to sit up straight, blinking the sleep away.

"Isabella, Swan?" I looked up just in time to see shock flash across the nurse's face as she called my name and then quickly tried to hide it. I hadn't stuck around town long enough for anyone to pay their condolences to me after Charlie died. I was hoping it wouldn't be anything like that now, there's a reason I didn't want to endure them then and the reason hadn't really changed.

I stood and followed the waiting nurse back into one of the sheeted off rooms, thankful that she kept it professional and didn't make mention of my father. She asked the routine questions, checked my blood pressure and heart rate. And despite the obvious contusion caked with mud and dried blood on my forehead, she asked why I was there.

She instructed me that the doctor would be in shortly to look me over and left the room. Releasing a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, I smiled at the fact that something had gone my way today. Sitting back, I lazily flipped through a magazine, preparing myself for a long wait.

To my surprise the doctor didn't keep me waiting very long. When he entered and my eyes fell on his face I knew I must have been gawking. I couldn't help but stare into his beautiful golden eyes, and the brilliant smile he flashed at me made my face redden. Something about him seemed familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Good morning Isabella," he said, his voice was smooth and rhythmic.

"It looks like you had a fall today. You want to tell me about it?" He sat on a low metal stool and wheeled over to me as he spoke. I opened my mouth to reply as he touched my head to get me to tilt it down. I snapped my mouth shut at his touch. It was icy cold, but not like a normal doctors hands were cold. It felt like there was no warmth what so ever radiating from his skin. I felt chilled and my body shook slightly.

He immediately pulled his hands back and smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, my hands are a little cold." He rubbed them together to warm them and I smiled back, I couldn't help it.

"Um, it's just Bella." I said and smiled again weakly, he nodded in acknowledgement.

"I - I was running and it started pouring rain. I slipped and fell and hit my head on a tree or something," my voice trailed at the end, hoping I didn't sound stupid.

"Well, Bella, it looks like you'll need just a few stitches, nothing too bad, but it was good that you came. Head injuries are nothing to mess around with," He stated very doctor-ly as he pulled out his instruments to sew me up.

"I'm going to clean this up first and it may sting a bit."

"It's okay, I know, I've had worse," I laughed nervously. Watching his lithe hands as he prepared his utensils, I was captivated. He seemed very capable and practiced, as if he'd been doing this for decades, although he couldn't have been a day over 35.

"Bella, I know we don't really know one another, but I wanted to tell you I knew your father." I winced and he paused mid stitch.

"Sorry, I know it can pinch a little. You'd think I could do this without pulling the skin by now." The last part he mumbled so quietly under his breath I don't think he knew I heard him.

"Anyway, he was a great man and a wonderful police chief. We were truly saddened to hear about his untimely passing." I winced again.

"Are you feeling a lot of pain?" He asked, concerned for my level of discomfort. _NO._ I wanted to scram at him. _Just stop talking about my dad!_

"No, I'm okay, just a little headache. Thanks - you know, about my dad." The last part came out a little strangled and I saw him glance at me out of the corner of his eye.

He finished in silence and I couldn't bring myself to break the uncomfortable quiet. A small voice in the back of my mind was taking stalk of little subtleties about the doctor. It was nagging at me that there was something familiar about him. The golden flecked eyes, the placid white skin, and the unearthly beauty.

Then it clicked, I'd seen it before. When I had moved here and attended Forks High School. I had only attended for two weeks, but I remember a group of kids that all had the same characteristics. What had that girl told me about them, what was her name, Julie, Jennifer? She'd said they were all adopted by the local doctor and his wife who were young themselves.

I had been so perplexed by one of them in particular. He seemed to hate me, but I never knew why. I internally shuddered at the long forgotten mental image of his deathly stare when I walked into biology my first day.

_God I totally forgot about him_, I mused. I remember it was so odd because he disappeared the rest of my first week and then came back and tried to be nice. I never got to the bottom of it because I moved shortly after he returned.

"Bella, did you hear me?" I focused my eyes from their haze of memories to find the doctor staring back at me expectantly.

"Um, w..what?" I asked, having no clue what he had just said to me.

"I said I'm writing you a prescription for some pain killers and you should try not to sleep for a few hours. You have a slight concussion, nothing too serious, but I'd like to play it safe. Is there someone to take care of you at home?" My face betrayed my attempts at playing the adult I was _supposed_ to be, and my bottom lip trembled.

"No," I said through a broken sob. Tears came furiously, probably because my brain wasn't working properly. My barriers were missing and my emotions were running wild.

"I just came here to clean out Charlie's house and I came alone because I thought I could handle it. Now I'm by myself in this house that does nothing but shove memories in my face and I haven't even started to pack anything up! I should have listened to Renee and had a company pack the house." I slumped, defeated. Not only had I just laid it all out there to a complete stranger, but I said all the things I was trying not to think – so much for my breakthrough earlier.

At first I didn't notice the hard surface I was slumped against had wrapped itself around me, and then I felt the tightening of his arms. My face flushed as I realized I had thrown myself on the doctor's shoulder and was soaking his lab coat with my tears. I sat up sniffling, and wiped my face.

"Sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me," I muttered, trying to maintain some semblance of dignity.

"Oh, Bella dear, it's okay; I can only imagine what you are going through." He smiled, trying to reassure me.

"Well, I can't discharge you to go home by yourself. You may have to be admitted." I groaned audibly voicing my displeasure at that revelation.

Just then his pager went off and he glanced down at it.

"I tell you what, why don't I get some medicine for you and some lunch and you can decide if you'd like to stay the night here, or maybe you could call your Mom to come be with you?" He gave me a slightly weaker smile as I groaned even louder this time.

There was no way I was going to call Renee all the way here just for one night. She'd never leave and despite my earlier breakdown, my rational mind knew it was better without her. _At least better for her_, my inner voice whispered.

"You think on it and I'll be back in a minute or two." With that, the doctor turned and pulled the curtain behind him. I put my head in my hands, feeling the soft gauze bandage under my fingertips. I was completely conflicted, I didn't want to spend a night in the ER, and I especially didn't want to get Renee involved. I swallowed hard realizing the lesser of the two evils was going to suck.

A moment later the Doctor returned with a confused expression, he appeared almost worried.

"Bella, I do have a third option for you, but please don't feel like you need to entertain it," he said, something else lying beneath the surface of his words, a warning?

"My son, well, you've met him before I believe. He is doing volunteer hours towards his college credits. He has offered to take you home and stay with you to make sure you are okay." He was boring into my soul with his eyes and my mouth hung slack, I was confused by his words… which son? _I hope not the hateful one_, my mind voiced my fear.

"This is highly unorthodox," he continued, "and I never would have thought of it or even condoned it, but he has a good base of medical knowledge to make sure you are okay. And he's… well he's rather insistent."

I cocked an eyebrow, unknowingly, until it caused my forehead to sting. "What do you mean - insistent?" I whispered, barely able to force air through my lungs. This was making me very uneasy, but my brain couldn't rationalize why. The hair stood on the back of my neck and the same feeling I had in the woods earlier crept into my stomach.

"Well, he says he knows you and it would help him take care of a lot of his volunteer hours." The Doctor looked away as he said this, suddenly very interested in the chart notes he had taken earlier.

"I guess that makes sense," I sighed, actually feeling a little relieved at the alternative. That way I wouldn't have to stay at the hospital and I wouldn't have to drag Renee up there either. Then it occurred to me to ask, before I got too comfortable "I'm sorry, your son said he knows me? Who is he?" I half expected the answer, but maybe there was some other highly attractive doctor with a child my age in Forks, _right. _

"He said he had a class with you when you went to Forks High two years ago." I swallowed, my throat catching on the lump that had formed there.

"I'm sorry; I don't think I caught your name." I closed my eyes briefly; my head was beginning to pound. The doctor looked down at his coat and then smiled up, sheepishly.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot I'm not wearing my coat. I'm Dr. Cullen - my son is Edward Cullen." He stared back at me, like he was gauging my reaction. I couldn't even tell you what it was; all I could focus on was the pounding that was pushing in waves through my brain suddenly.

_Did he say Edward? Shit. _My mind attained that information but couldn't process it properly. I pushed my hands against my forehead as if to keep it from splitting open.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked cupping my wrists and delicately pulling my hands from my face.

"Yeah, I um… my head hurts?" It came out a question, I have no clue why, I think my brain was broken – concussions suck.

"Here, I brought you this medicine; it will help you with your head. You can relax on this bed but you can't fall asleep." He handed me the pills and then moved behind me to set the pillows up. I swallowed the pills back and shook my head.

"No, I want to go home," I stated before realizing what that meant. He came back around to the foot of the - bed that concerned look dawning his features once again.

"You're sure. You won't feel uncomfortable?"

The wave of pain pounded against my skull again. "No, it's fine." I clenched my eyes shut waiting for the pain to subside. I didn't care in that moment who took me home; I just wanted the pills to kick in, and to get out of there so I could lie down in my own bed.

"Well, let me go get Edward." He paused at the makeshift door and turned back, pulling a card from his wallet. "Bella, here is my card, it has my personal number on it. If you need me, for anything, please feel free to call." I saw the warning flash behind his eyes again and then it was gone, replaced by a smile showing a perfect row of white teeth.

"Thanks, Dr. Cullen." I tried to smile back at him, but it came out as a grimace.

"Please, call me Carlisle."

"Thank you, Carlisle." I did a little better with my smile that time. He turned disappearing behind the curtain. I immediately heard his voice just a few feet down the hall. Leaning forward I strained to hear what were hushed whispers, then a throat being cleared.

"Well, Edward, she's ready to head home." I watched as Carlisle reappeared in the doorway, a shadow that wasn't his cast along his side. He stepped into the room and a tall figure followed.

I stared up at Edward, recognizing him immediately. He looked exactly the same as he had two years ago. His tousled bronze hair shimmered atop his head. My eyes made their way slowly over his perfect chiseled features; the cut of his jaw, the straight line of his nose. His skin was just as snow white, if not whiter then Carlisle's. I remembered it all, just as absurdly beautiful as the day I first met him. I took my time making my way to his eyes because I was afraid of what I would see there.

My shoulders relaxed slightly when my gaze finally caught his, and the once murderous stare that had given me nightmares was absent. Instead his amber eyes were bright and he looked slightly irritated, as if he was straining to hear a sound in the other room.

"Bella," he spoke my name simply. His voice so melodic I wanted to curl up into it and sleep for a thousand years. A smile twitched at edge of my lips and I repressed it to the best of my broken brain's ability.

"Edward." I flushed as my voice came out raspy. My breathing stopped when he flashed a crooked smile at me and Carlisle visibly tensed. It was all my flustered brain could do to snap out of it.

"Edward, you remember the signs I told you to watch for?" Carlisle broke the silence. I tore my eyes from Edwards and fixed my stare on Carlisle, feeling too weak to handle the effect Edward's eyes seemingly had on me.

"Yes, Carlisle, I remember," he said and I could almost hear him rolling his eyes.

Carlisle smiled, pleased, apparently finding whatever reaction he was looking for in Edward.

"And Bella, you have my card," he said more as a statement then a question, staring right at Edward. I took a chance glance in his direction and saw the irritation color Edward's eyes.

"Yes, thank you," I said looking between them both trying to decode the obvious wordless conversation that was playing out between them.

Edward turned his face to me and I looked away quickly, picking at the edge of the sheet on the bed.

"Ready?"

"Okay." I looked to Carlisle who nodded encouragingly to me. I stood to put on my jacket and my body wavered as I raised my hands above my head. All I saw was the room tilt, and before my brain could catch up with the moment I felt cold hands around my waist. I rubbed my face, blinking back the dizziness.

"Thanks, Carlisle," I began before I noticed that he still stood in the doorway to the room. I looked up to see Edward's long arms wrapped around me, a pained look on his face. He was as still as a statue, I didn't even think he was breathing.

I felt my face grow impossibly hot at the realization of our close contact and for the first time noticed the buzzing that had been ignited under my skin. "Uh, I mean Edward," I whispered and he pulled me gently to an upright position. Without looking back he quickly moved to the door, farthest away from me, the pained expression faded from his face, but was still evident in his eyes.

"Let's go," he almost growled and a flash of his face from biology class two years ago snapped through my head. The hairs stood again on the back of my neck and I hesitated before following. Every cell in my body was warning me to stay away from him, for some unknown reason. And yet I still followed, I thought idly of what that said of my fight or flight instincts. Was 'run to danger' even a normal option in most human's instinctual responses?

_For now I'll blame it on the broken brain_.

I struggled to keep up as Edward moved at a quick pace through the hospital. Heading to some back parking lot I presumed, I lost track of what halls we had gone through.

Finally outside he slowed his pace and I was grateful. I took a second, resting my hands on my knees, my head still lightly pounding. The medicine had kicked in, but practically running through the hospital hadn't helped dissipate the pain, just kept its shadow held there.

"You okay?" He surprised me by speaking, his voice sounding even more harmonious bouncing off the parking garage walls.

"Yeah, I just needed a second. My head still hurts." I stared at the dark thread of my jeans not wanting to look at Edward.

"Sorry, my car's right over there." He gestured and I looked up because he sounded truly sorry. More sorry then he should have been for simply walking too fast for a concussion patient.

I was unnerved by what I saw in his eyes. He looked pained; far more pained then I could ever claim to have felt, even through my issues over Charlie.

"It's okay." I said automatically, wanting to take that pain away, wanting to reach up and smooth away the lines that creased his forehead, and wanting to make him feel just the slightest bit better. I smiled at him and stood up straight, offering to show I was fine.

He smiled back weakly but it didn't reach his eyes, and although I'd only seen it once, my heart winced at the loss of his full smile.

"Let's get you home." He turned towards his car and I recognized the silver Volvo. It had been the only car that stood out to me my short time at Forks High, figures it was his.

The ride home was quiet and despite the unseasonably cold weather, Edward kept the windows down. I shivered in my seat and he glanced at me apologetically.

"Sorry, I like the cold, would you like me to put the windows up?" Something in his eyes caused me to shake my head no; it was as if they were pleading with me.

"It's okay, I like it too."

"I guess I should thank you for agreeing to this. I know it's a little weird, and –," he stopped, seemingly thinking over his choice of words before continuing.

"And it helps me a lot with my volunteer hours," he finished flatly. I detected a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"It's no problem, besides I should be the one thanking you. You've saved me twice now." I smiled, and he raised one eyebrow at me causing a flutter in the pit of my stomach.

"How so?" he questioned, there was a lightness to his voice.

I relaxed into my seat, glad for the easier atmosphere and shrugged my shoulders as if it were obvious. "First, from that deathly hospital food and having to stay the night in one of those uncomfortable plastic beds; and then when I almost fell – you caught me."

He looked down at me as I finished his eyes slightly clouded and darker. The bright amber tinged by a blackish brown and I shrunk away a little. He blinked and they were bright again, I looked out the window wondering if I had just imagined it.

"Well, in that case, I guess you owe me," he said - a chuckle to his voice. It was my turn to raise an eyebrow and I grinned at him stupidly. My inability to control basic facial expressions around the man was highly irritating, and I was praying it was the concussion.

His face shifted to a more serious expression and I tensed slightly. His mood swings were making my head spin, which didn't help my current condition.

"Bella, I need to tell you something."

"Okay," I drew out, baffled by what he could possibly need to tell me. _Please don't be about Charlie_. I thought.

"I don't think I made a very good first impression when we first met and I wanted to apologize for my behavior." I tried to remember the first moments with him inside the ER but only saw his crocked smile, my stomach fluttered again.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Not today," he said, as if he had read my mind.

"It was when we first met two years ago, in Biology. I believe I was very rude to you, and I am sorry."

"Oh," I said trying not to gape at him.

"I was going through – something - then. I've changed though, I've gotten over my issues, but I never forgot about that and I always regretted not letting you know." The crease on his forehead softened and his expression seemed less tense.

"It's okay, we were young, I don't even really remember what you're talking about to be honest," I offered in a lie. I hoped he didn't see through me, I was never any good at lying. He eyed me for a second before accepting that peace offering and I was pleased.

"Then the things with your Dad happened and before I knew it you were gone." He turned to me then, his eyes smoldering and my body unintentionally leaned towards him.

"I am truly sorry for your loss Bella." I couldn't hate him for it; I couldn't even be a little irritated that he was bringing up my father. I was locked into his gaze and I felt his sincerity to the bone. Breathing deeply I caught the scent off his jacket. I was so close to him and my mouth water slightly.

"Thank you," I whispered with as much sincerity as I had ever accepted anyone's condolences over my father's passing. As much as I was fixed in his gaze, I didn't realize until he stiffened quickly turning away, that he seemed caught in mine as well.

I looked out the window and for the first time since we left the hospital I noticed it wasn't raining. Then I realized we were parked outside of Charlie's house.

"How did you know-"

"Small town." He shrugged with a smile, his lighter mood returning.

He was out of the car almost too quickly and opening my door. I stood, my knees weak, and I didn't think it was because of my concussion. He noticed my hesitation and lightly cupped my elbow. First I felt chilled by his ice cold hand through my sweater. Then the feeling was replaced by a low buzz that pulsed under my skin, and there was an electrical sensation that warmed where his skin made contact. It was the oddest feeling. I stared for a moment at his hand.

_Well this is going to be interesting,_ I thought.

"I'll just help you inside, sorry my hands are cold. I think it's come from working with doctors all summer… must be contagious." He laughed nervously and I pushed away from the car.

"Sorry about the house." I said as we made our way inside. I wasn't even sure what the state of the house would be like, I still hadn't looked around, but I was sure it was dirty at the least.

"It's okay." He smiled and then followed me in.

"I can't offer you anything; I haven't gone to the store yet." I flicked lights on as we made our way to the living room. I heard a low chuckle behind me, like I was missing some inside joke.

"That's okay, really." Then he looked at me with concern.

"Have you eaten today?"

"No, Carlisle said I could eat at the hospital, but we left before I had the chance."

"Oh, sorry about that," he said, running his hands through his hair. Once again, it seemed as if there was more to his apology.

"How about I order pizza since I can't leave you alone?" he said, looking a little nervous, like I might ask him to leave.

"That sounds great," I said truly thankful at the idea, and as if on cue my stomach growled embarrassingly. I blushed and he laughed loudly, making the most exquisite sound my ears had ever heard.

My heart quickened as I caught his face in that happy moment; if it was at all possible he looked even more stunning. To say that I was dazzled would be an understatement, but it's the only word that would come to mind.

I felt it then to my core; I wanted to cause him to make that noise again, to see that joy on his face all the time. I smiled back and couldn't stop the light blush that rose to my cheeks.

I knew I was acting different around him, part of my brain was screaming that at me while the other part was rationalizing that I wasn't in my right mind. So I shrugged it off and decided I'd give it a day; I'd worry about it tomorrow.

For now I would allow myself to enjoy the splendor that was Mr. Edward Cullen, and the electric tension that flowed between us. Stupid blushing blood vessels - be damned.

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**Thanks for reading - Reviews are like Edward's glorious laughter, I can't get enough!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to wolfgrl04 for being my beta - even though I am apparently incapable of using a comma at the end of a quote – I'm learning! ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight; all respective characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. : Rated M : A/U**

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Chapter 3

EPOV

I stood at the opening to the forest; staring in disbelief at the lit window in front of me. My mind immediately flashed back to two years ago when I had done the same action, staring into the same window. I never thought I would find myself there again.

I would be lying if I didn't admit that I had often times found myself lingering in that part of the forest after hunting. I could never understand what drew me there. The memory of what I'd almost done because of one, weak, little human still haunted me. Yet, what haunted me more was that she left before I was able to figure out the mystery.

Why could I not hear her like everyone else? Why was her blood so viciously loud and inviting to me? I tried to just leave, thinking it would be better for everyone. Then after being away for a few days, and without that delicious scent assaulting me, I had become cocky; thinking that no human could control me that way.

When I returned to Forks I remembered being ashamed at how she seemed terrified of me. I tried to make it right. Attempting to be courteous and act normal towards her. I thought maybe once I spoke with her I would see that her mind was that of any other typical teenage girl, and perhaps the mystery would be gone.

I couldn't have been more wrong; it only made matters worse. She _was_ different. She was selfless by moving to Forks for her mother. She was intelligent, insightful, and all too mature for her age. I was drawn to her even more. Then the few times our skin had made contact, the electricity that scorched my marble flesh was like nothing I had ever felt in my 111 years on earth.

All too quickly she was swept to Florida with her mother because her father had passed away. I recalled the night she found out about Charlie and my dead heart was still pained with the thoughts of it. I felt helpless as I watched her collapse to the floor while she gasped for air. I couldn't risk letting anyone see me, especially not Billy Black and his son. When they left to take her to the hospital I called ahead to warn Carlisle and pleaded for him to watch over her.

No one really understood what lured me to her, not even me. The only person who seemed sure of it was Alice, but I refused to talk about it with her because she had other ideas in mind. Thoughts I couldn't even entertain, so she did her best to hide them from me by reciting old nursery rhymes.

"Love you too, Dad," Bella's soft whisper broke me from my trance of memories. She was really in there, I could smell her, I could hear her – I could _feel_ her. My mind raced with what it might mean. With what I could gather from the conversation with her mother she was there because she wanted to be, yet she didn't seem happy about it. A lump formed in my throat at the thought of her sobs just moments before.

_She is in agony,_ I thought, _why would she come here?_ She confounded me, always mysterious – never any answers. My phone vibrated in my pocket, checking it I saw I had an email. I smiled at the screen, happy to see good news from an old friend. After returning the email, I slid the phone back into my pocket.

Waiting completely still, I was unmoving for another half an hour until Bella's soft snore could be heard floating down from her room. I wondered idly if the window was unlocked. I had only attempted it once before she had left for Florida, and I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

But I had to see her, my legs moved before my mind concurred. Before I knew it I had nimbly scaled the siding and slowly pushed up the window pane. _Unlocked_, I thought, both relieved and disappointed at the same time. I climbed through, easily, not making a sound.

Fixed perfectly motionless in the corner, furthest from her bed, I held my breath. I could see a form hidden underneath the comforter, but I couldn't see her face.

"Daddy, I'm sorry," she mumbled. I froze before I remembered she had talked in her sleep the one other time I snuck into her room. That time she had said Edward, I could still hear my name playing over her lips and felt lighter.

I took a step closer to the bed, still not breathing, but mentally willing her to turn so I could look at her face. As if she'd heard my mental pleas she turned, her velvety hair sweeping across her pillow. The dull light from the moon illuminated the perfect highlight across her creamy white skin, I internally gasped at her.

She looked slightly older; her face had shed almost all of its youthful roundness. Her long dark lashes cast shadows across her cheeks, but I could still see the slight blush that lay just under the surface.

Her pink lips, just a shade darker then the natural hue across her cheeks were formed into a soft pout.

Bella; _beautiful_ – her name fit her perfectly.

In that moment she looked like she belonged in a classic movie, my fingers itched to touch her wavy locks so I forced myself to take a step back.

Settling into the rocking chair in the corner of the room, much the same way I'd done two years ago, I permitted my mind to wander. I knew I had felt an unexplainable void after Bella left. I'd even considered going to Florida and finding her, but there wasn't a conceivable story I could think of that wouldn't have scared her.

Sighing lightly, I allowed a smile to linger at the corners of my mouth. She was back though, and it's a small town. I was bound to run into her, giving me the opportunity to make up for my actions of two years ago.

It dawned on me then that I couldn't very well talk to Bella while holding my breath. Closing my eyes, I drew in a deep breath, filling my useless lungs. The inner walls of my throat immediately burned with fire, and a flood of venom filled my mouth.

Slowly letting out the breath, I welcomed the burn. I should have felt pain for wanting to do something so fundamentally evil to such an innocent girl. I practiced for the rest of the evening taking in deep breaths and letting my throat singe, continually swallowing back the mouthfuls of venom.

By morning I found myself breathing comfortably, with only the slightest hint of fire. I was pleased with myself as I watched the first rays of the early morning sun try it's hardest to push through the foggy horizon. I decided it was best that I left before the poor girl woke to find a vampire in her room.

Running through the woods I pulled out my phone. "How did it go?!" Alice's voice trilled in my ear.

Understanding hit me that she would have already known everything. I was beyond irritated. "Why didn't you warn me she was coming back to Forks?"

"Hmm? Well, you did fine on your own didn't you?" she hummed into the phone, arrogance hidden there.

"Alice that could have been very dangerous!" I growled back, anger snarling through my words.

"Well, it wasn't now was it, silly? I would have warned you if I saw something bad. Oh, Edward, I'm so proud of you – I can't believe you stayed all night."

Her praise calmed me slightly. "I still think you should have warned me," I said trying to stifle a smile.

Truthfully, I was proud of myself as well, but also disappointed. What I had done was beyond the point of stupidity; my conscious apparently knew no bounds where Bella was concerned

"Look, if I had of told you, you never would have ended up at her house. And besides it works out best this way…" she trailed off and I was glad she didn't finish the thought. I could only imagine what she meant by that.

"Well, you better be going, Bella's about to go for a run and end up in the forest. Love you big brother!" With that, she hung up before I could respond.

Exhaling a loud groan, I wrenched my body around and headed back towards Bella's house to see if I could catch her before she left. I'd just missed her so I darted into the woods, praying to catch her scent. As I jumped through the trees I finally crossed her path and caught up in no time.

Bella was keeping a good pace and I was impressed. Although I remember her to be movement-challenged, she pushed herself hard and fast up the inclining forest floor. Her body moved almost gracefully. She looked like a completely different person. Mesmerized as she ran and I found myself yards away, matching her steps, running alongside her where she couldn't see me through the dense trees.

After she ran for a decent amount of time, she turned and began the jog back. I could tell she was starting to get antsy about where she was when her eyes began to nervously shift from left to right. She slowed down just as the sky rumbled with thunder.

"Shit," she said and for some reason I smiled at her profanity – it was cute.

Stopping all together her posture stiffened. I could hear her heart rate quicken and her breathing change. I was so absorbed in her every movement I didn't even notice I was moving towards her. Then I stepped on a thick branch that lay across the ground and it snapped in half. The noise reverberated throughout the woods. I balled my fists, irritated at my carelessness.

Even though I had been moving closer, I was still too far away for her human eyes to see me and I was thankful for that.

"What the fuck Bell? Get it together," she spoke and once again I smiled at her colorful language.

"Okay, think - I was running uphill most of the way, so I'll just follow the slope down, the road should be just at the bottom of this hill." As she spoke I wanted to run over to her and take her hand, leading her the few short yards back to the road. But I couldn't, so instead I stood rooted in place, not allowing myself to be so rash.

Bella turned and ran back toward the road and I was relieved she chose the correct direction. The rain began to pour down on her and I watched in horror as she went tumbling forward. My feet set in motion toward her.

Bella's body was motionless as it lay at the foot of a large conifer. I was within feet from her but had to spin quickly, lunging at a tree and pulling myself into the cover of its branches, as she sprang up quickly only to sit right back down.

I had resolved once more, against my better judgment, to go and help. I could smell the blood and I knew it wasn't the best idea as venom filled my mouth egregiously. She began to stir again, that time slower, more sure. She pulled herself up and walked slowly back to her house. I kept my eye on her till she made it inside and then I listened patiently to her movements.

"God Dad, you would be mocking me so hard right now for this gash on my head," Bella's voice came weakly from inside the house. More silence and then the most vulnerable sounding sentence -

"It's nice to think about you, Dad." Those words made me want to barge in the house and scoop her into my arms. _Bella, please come out, you need to get your head looked at. _I mentally pled with a woman who had no idea I was standing outside of her bedroom window.

"Well, I'd better get this over with. I'll talk to you later Dad - love you." I hoped for a moment that she wasn't hallucinating, then heard her descending her stairs.

"Just don't fall again Bella," she said before emerging.

I smiled, hiding in the trees, while watching her run to her car through the rain. Even through the heavy down pour, my eyes were sharp enough to make out every cell of Bella's skin.

I saw her perfectly then, her face was _happy. _She was smiling brightly and it stopped me in my tracks. _Happy awake Bella was ten times more beautiful sleeping Bella_, I wondered if that was even possible.

It took her a few moments before she started her car. I was following along the road in the woods when my phone buzzed and then rang immediately after.

"Hello?"

"I have a change of clothes for you and I'm waiting just down the road, I'll take you to the hospital."

"Thanks Alice, but I'd rather follow her to make sure that's where she's going, she seemed a little loopy –"

"She's going there, I've seen it," she cut me off.

"Thanks Alice," I said, hanging up just as the silver Volvo came into view.

Once at the hospital I went straight in to find Carlisle. He was in his office taking careful notes of a patient he'd just been with.

"Hello Edward," he said without looking from his papers. "Is she here yet?" I looked at him with a question on my lips.

_Alice called and said Bella would be here today with a cut on her head,_ he thought, still not lifting his head.

"I think we were right behind her," I said a tenor of slight worry to my tone. Carlisle looked up giving me a smile.

"Well, I'll go have a look." _I'm sure she's fine Edward, Alice would have seen if it were very serious. _He finished his sentence in his head, his eyes reassuring.

"Thanks Carlisle." I smiled, truly thankful that he hadn't even bothered to question why I was near Bella in the first place.

It seemed like days as I paced the length of Carlisle's office waiting for him. _Why am I so anxious?_ I thought, growing irritated with myself. Carlisle was right; if there was anything serious Alice would have seen.

Alice – what _had _she seen? I pulled out my phone and dialed her number; she picked up on the first ring.

"Is Bella okay?" she answered cheerfully. I huffed into the phone.

"You tell me Alice, shouldn't you know that?" I ground my teeth, internally trying to bite back the anxiety.

"Yes, big brother, _I_ do know," she laughed. "I was just trying to make conversation with you so you didn't pace a hole in Carlisle's floor."

"Well?"

"Edward, she's fine – it's just a scratch. Carlisle is probably stitching her up right now. He's going to tell her that she has a slight concussion and **–" **she stopped short.

"Alice?" I asked but heard no response.

"Edward, sorry." I could tell by her voice that she had just seen something.

"What is it?"

"What?" she asked, sheepishly.

"What did you see?" I annunciated every syllable.

"Edward," she sighed. "Have you even thought about why you're so anxious?"

"Alice" I growled. I didn't feel like hashing out what my issues were. If she saw something about Bella I needed to know what is was. "Did you see something about Bella?"

"Dear Brother, I will tell you what you want to know, just answer my question first." She was enjoying my discomfort all too much. I opened my mouth to speak and then shut it. I'd begun to think about it, but thought Alice would be able to tell me Bella was fine and the restless feeling would go away.

"You're still anxious aren't you, in the pit of your stomach – its pulling at your insides?" she described perfectly how I felt.

"Yes," I muttered like a petulant child. I then realized that I was still pacing. I stopped and stood still; my fingers pinched the bridge of my nose hard.

_Why did I still feel this way? I just needed to know she was okay, and she is – Alice said she's fine. I just wanted to see that she was okay? I just wanted to see her – see Bella._ I opened my eyes, but still held my fingers to my nose.

"How do I see Bella – I mean how I talk to her?" A wave of slight relief settled into me as my brain caught up.

"That a boy, Edward. I thought you'd never ask." I could hear her ear to ear grin.

"Well, Carlisle is going to ask her if she has anyone here to help her for the evening because she can't leave the hospital alone. She doesn't naturally, so her only two options will be to stay the night in the ER, or call her mother."

"She won't want to do that," I interrupted, thinking back to her conversation with her mother last night.

"Right," she chuckled. "So, you need to give her a third option," she finished simply.

"Okay – so what? I just waltz into her hospital room and say 'Hey, Edward Cullen, remember me? I was horrible to you the first time we met and you seemed to hate me, but I will be staying with you tonight. Oh and about all those pesky warning flags your body's trying to scream at you – don't worry I won't bite,'" I finished my tirade dryly.

Alice had pulled the phone away from her face she was laughing so hard.

"Oh, Edward I don't think that will work. You do want to see her don't you?**" **Alice's voice changed to an admonishing tone.

"Alice, my brilliant sister, how do I do this?" I sighed in defeat.

"Page Carlisle and tell him that you want to take Bella home, I'm sure he will have a convincing idea."

"Have you seen me taking Bella home?" I asked with too much hope in my voice, _pull_ _it together Edward._

"Not exactly, just that there is an option, I don't see how yet, so talk to Carlisle."

"Thanks Alice." I hung up and paged Carlisle. A moment later my phone rang with a hospital number flashing across the caller id.

"Carlisle?" I answered.

"Bella's fine Edward, honestly **–" **he chortled into the phone.

"I know I already spoke with Alice," I interrupted him. "I would like to take Bella home and stay with her."

"Son, I don't know if that is such a good idea," he replied, worry apparent in his voice.

"I know it sounds crazy, but I will be fine."

"I think Bella would be fine to stay here tonight. I'll stay here too if you're that concerned about her," Carlisle offered.

"She doesn't want to stay here, and there is no way she's calling her mother. I'm positive she just wants to go home," I countered, trying to convince him she would appreciate it.

"I know she would prefer it, but I don't know if she would want to go with you and I don't know that she _should_ go with you," he urged, trying to be as tactful as possible, but I was growing impatient.

"Carlisle, with all due respect, I know I will be fine that's not even an issue."

"You can't know that Edward."

"I do know that, because Alice would have seen it, and I spent the entire night in her room and had no problems," my voice rose and I began to sound like a teenager not getting his way.

"Edward – I don't know." I could hear the shock in his voice. He was trying not to judge, but it was no doubt hard considering my judgment had been so poor. If I knew that, then he was definitely feeling it.

"Carlisle, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done that, but I – I saw she was back and I just wanted to see her," I finished weakly, running my hands through my hair. How else could I explain the unexplainable?

With a heavy sigh, he paused in consideration. "I can tell her that you offered to stay with her for volunteer hours," he tentatively supplied.

A huge smile broke out across my face at his answer. "Thank you Carlisle, you will not be sorry – you have my word."

"Edward, I can't promise anything. The likelihood that she'll be willing to go home with you is slim to none. Didn't you say that you left her with a less then desirable impression?"

"Yes, I know, but at least she'll have the option, let her decide,"I answered, my smile fading at the realization that she would most likely say no.

"Carlisle?" I said quickly before he could hang up.

"Yes, son?"

"Could you please tell her that I was insistent on my taking her home? I know she will inevitably prefer it, but my name might scare her off."

"Edward, I can't make her."

"I know," I said, sorrow infiltrating my words. _Why do I feel I have already lost her?_ I thought as I hung up the phone.

My mind flashed to her eyes on me in Biology class all those years ago. Bright intuitive spotlights that seemed to penetrate my façade. As if she was picking apart what I really was; it had been unnerving. Then she looked so pained, those deep pools of chestnut darkening when I gave her the cold shoulder the day she attempted to be friendly after the van incident.

I didn't know what else to do. My family was fighting over my decision to save her life. Bella had extraordinarily seen everything, her eyes missed nothing, and I had no answers for her. I had frustrated her and that angered me. I wanted nothing more than to tell her everything, but I couldn't. So there couldn't be any us, I couldn't even bring myself to speak to her.

Closing my eyes, I listened through the hospital, trying to pick out Carlisle's voice; both mind and mouth. I was so used to hearing his mind that it was easy to distinguish between the others.

_Bella, please just stay here tonight. _I frowned at his thoughts. He must have asked her already. I couldn't hear their actual voices, and Bella's mind was blank to me, so I couldn't hear her response.

_I don't know why he insists__**, **_Carlisle thought. _Hopefully she doesn't see through the volunteer hours, all she has to do is ask a nurse and they'll tell her Edward doesn't volunteer here._

I instinctively leaned my head towards the direction Carlisle's thoughts were coming from.

_No Bella, it doesn't make sense. _Why would Carlisle think that? I wished I could hear what he was telling her. Gritting my teeth in annoyance I turned and stomped out of Carlisle's office. Finding myself in the hallway of the ER in no time. Luckily no one had seen me moving at an inhumanly fast pace through the hospital's hallways.

"I'm sorry, your son said he knows me, who is he?" Bella's sweet voice was clear through the flimsy curtain door. I inhaled, feeling the faint burning sensation as her scent tickled my nose.

"He said he had a class with you when you went to Forks High two years ago," Carlisle responded. I swallowed hard, anxious for her to find out it was me he was speaking of.

"I'm sorry; I don't think I caught your name," Bella's voice was perplexed. My face twisted in confusion; I thought she would have recognized Carlisle.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot I'm not wearing my coat. I'm Dr. Cullen - my son is Edward Cullen."

_I wonder why she doesn't remember me, people don't usually forget us,_ Carlisle's thoughts mirrored mine. I could hear Bella swallow loudly and sensed her fear at the mention of my name. _Great,_ I thought.

"Bella, are you okay?" Carlisle's voice softened. _She doesn't look good_, he thought.

"Yeah, I um… my head hurts?" Bella responded, sounding even more confused.

_Poor thing, I forgot about her meds_ – Carlisle's thoughts turned to the pills in his pocket.

"Here, I brought you this medicine; it will help you with your head. You can relax on this bed but you can't fall asleep," he moved about the room as he spoke.

"No, I want to go home**." **My head snapped up at Bella's words.

_Was she choosing – did she want – me?_ I wondered; my thoughts suddenly scattered.

"You're sure? You won't feel uncomfortable?" Carlisle's tone was one of warning and I fought back the urge to growl.

"No, it's fine," Bella's answer sounded pained.

_What is she thinking?_ I thought for the millionth time.

"Well, let me go get Edward." _I hope this isn't a mistake._ I winced at Carlisle's thoughts.

"Bella, here is my card, it has my personal number on it. If you need me, for anything, please feel free to call." I was a little saddened that he was trying to warn her whether he meant to or not, but I also could not blame him.

"Thanks Dr. Cullen."

"Please, call me Carlisle."

Carlisle came out of the curtained off area and down the hall to where I stood. He knew I had been listening so he simply eyed me warily**. **

_Edward, the second you are unsure of yourself in anyway, you get out of there – no question,_ he thought. _If that happens, call me and I will go over and stay with her, we will think of an excuse to tell her then._

I stared back, dejectedly; he had already assumed I would fail. I didn't know what more I could say to convince him so I just nodded in agreement.

_You know yourself well enough, I trust you to watch for the signs__**. **_His thoughts turned more assuring and he patted my shoulder firmly.

"I trust you Edward," he said aloud in a hushed whisper.

"Thank you." I gave him a small half smile.

He cleared his throat and turned to start back down the hall. "Well, Edward, she's ready to head home," he spoke loudly for Bella's sake.

I followed and stood by the curtain door as he entered the room. A wave of butterflies assaulted my stomach and I paused to steel my nerves. Alternating images of Bella's sleeping face and Bella's pained eyes as I ignored and seemingly rejected her played tug of war in my mind.

Stepping into the room, my eyes went straight to Bella's slight frame perched on the edge of the hospital bed. She looked like a small bird sitting on its perch; her cage lifted, but sitting waiting - unsure if she could fly.

Her gaze slowly lifted and I counted her heartbeats until it met pulsing beats before I was lost in the rich chocolate silk.

_If only I could have a moment into her mind so I could know what's behind those deep soulful eyes._

"Bella**,"** I said with a nod.

"Edward," her voice was soft, tentative, and the butterflies flapped madly as my name caressed her lips.

I had to pull my eyes from her face as it flushed a delicious shade of rose. My eyes flicked back momentarily, acutely zeroing in on the expanding blood vessels just below the surface of her soft feathery skin. My mouth filled and I swallowed the venom back.

I made myself look at her then, past the temptation and straight into her eyes. She was smiling slightly at me; I flashed a smile in return and was surprised when her breathing stopped momentarily.

_Well, if I can't read her thoughts I can at least read her body. _My smile grew slightly with that insight.

"Edward, you remember the signs I told you to watch for?" Carlisle interrupted my discovery, and I knew his words held a different meaning. He must have noticed the blushing and my reaction to it.

"Yes, Carlisle, I remember." I internally rolled my eyes and tried to sound annoyed so he would understand that I was fine.

Carlisle stared directly at me as he spoke again. "And Bella, you have my card."

I was growing irritated.

_I will be fine,_ I thought, wishing that he could read my mind. Carlisle kept his own thoughts generic, not trying to hurt my feelings, I'm sure.

"Yes, thank you," Bella sounded distracted and I noticed her looking back and forth between Carlisle and me speculatively. _This girl doesn't miss a thing,_ I thought.

I turned my body toward her and she looked away quickly. "Ready?" I asked.

"Okay," she replied, unsure as she looked to Carlisle. He nodded to her in encouragement. I smiled at him, thankful.

Bella stood to put on her jacket, and I noticed her instability the split second her body weight left the hospital bed. I was to her, catching her around the waist before Carlisle could act. I saw him tense, readying himself. Simultaneously, Bella's strong scent assaulted every pour of my skin. It was all around me, filling my head. I closed off my airways and stood as still as possible.

"Thanks, Carlisle," she said weakly, rubbing her face. Slowly her gaze trailed from Carlisle standing in the doorway up to my face. Her skin flushed a deep crimson and I ground my teeth together. It was even easier being that close to Bella to see the blood flowing lively underneath the light veil of skin.

"Uh, I mean Edward," she whispered, confused and distracted. I pulled Bella up, steadying her and then turned and walked to the door. Sucking in the smallest amount of air possible, I kept my teeth ground together.

"Let's go." I managed to push out with the minimal amount of air I had collected. I tried to walk at a slow pace, but felt Bella struggling to keep up behind me.

_I need to clear my head, breath in some outside air_, I thought.

I just needed to make it outside and I would be fine,_ hopefully_. There was a strong part of me that felt like there was no way I could harm Bella - that I would rather die. However, I couldn't leave room for mistakes. I had to be as careful as possible.

Swinging the door to the parking garage open, I filled my lungs to their capacity before Bella made her way out. The cool air felt good, but I could still feel the slight heat in my throat as she came through the door.

She stopped just outside, placing her hands on her knees softly panting for air. Guilt washed over me as I felt selfish for rushing her through the hospital. _She's in pain and I had her practically running through the halls to keep up with me; all because I can't control myself_, I admonished myself silently.

"You okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah, I just needed a second. My head still hurts," she replied staring down.

My heart sank, things were not going well and I needed to fix it. I needed to have a chance to apologize for my behavior two years ago and adding things to that list wouldn't get me there.

"Sorry, my car's right over there," I offered. I was apologizing for her head hurting and apologizing for my ineptitudes, which were causing her additional pain.

Looking up at me, her breathing relaxed slightly, as she searched my eyes. Trying once again to decode whatever she saw hidden there. "It's okay," she said softly and then smiled at me.

I smiled back, still feeling depressed that staying with Bella was going to be much, much harder then I had anticipated.

"Let's get you home," I said, turning toward my car.

I kept the windows down on our ride, but I made myself breath regularly getting used to the burn once again. I noticed Bella shiver slightly and a pang of guilt nudged my insides; once again she was affected by my inadequacies.

"Sorry, I like the cold, would you like me to put the windows up?"

"It's okay, I like it too,"she replied, but I could tell she was lying, _for me?_ I thought.

I wanted to make things normal. Perhaps I could at least address the fact I even offered to help her in the first place.

"I guess I should thank you for agreeing to this. I know it's a little weird, and –" I wanted to tell her everything, that I was a horrible monster and her instincts about me were all right. That she should stay away, but I couldn't - I was too selfish.

"And it helps me a lot with my volununteer hours," I finished my thought lamely.

"It's no problem, besides I should be the one thanking you. You've saved me twice now." Bella smiled at me causing me to raise an eyebrow. She was accepting me, even for my past mistakes and odd behaviors, she was trying.

"How so?" I asked, relief coloring my tone. I felt happy that she was apparently giving me a chance.

Her shoulders eased and she lifted them slightly in a nonchalant shrug. _Adorable._

"First, from that deathly hospital food and having to stay the night in one of those uncomfortable plastic beds; and then when I almost fell – you caught me."

Glancing at her, I felt my eyes darken. Unsure if it was from the memory of the rushing blood beneath her skin, or Bella's body in my arms. There were conflicting emotions coursing through me, some which I had never experienced before**. **She shrank away slightly. I blinked, pushing the thoughts out of my head.

"Well, in that case, I guess you owe me," I said with a soft laughter, trying desperately to return to the light mood. Bella arched an eyebrow at me and grinned in response. _Wow._

The urge to talk to her about what happened when she first moved to Forks was nagging, but I was unsure how to begin. I mulled it over momentarily before deciding to just apologize and gauge her reaction.

"Bella, I need to tell you something."

"Okay," she spoke slowly, nervously.

"I don't think I made a very good first impression when we first met and I wanted to apologize for my behavior." I saw the confusion on her face as I spoke.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Not today," I responded, figuring what she must have thought.

"It was when we first met two years ago, in Biology. I believe I was very rude to you, and I am sorry."

"Oh," she looked stunned.

"I was going through – something - then. I've changed though, I've gotten over my issues, but I never forgot about that and I always regretted not letting you know." I wanted her to know how much it had bothered me, but I didn't know how to explain.

"It's okay, we were young. I don't even really remember what you're talking about to be honest," she lied to me again. She wasn't a very convincing liar, but she was doing it for me; she was offering me an olive branch so I decided to take it.

"Then the things with your Dad happened and before I knew it you were gone," I went on. I turned to her, trying to express with my eyes what I was unable to put into words.

"I am truly sorry for your loss Bella." I wanted to say more, but it seemed inappropriate to tell her of my thoughts to stalk her so I left it at that.

She leaned in breathing deeply. "Thank you," she whispered and I had the urge to stroke the soft skin the stretched across the apple of her cheek.

_Signs,_ Carlisle's voice echoed in my head causing me to stiffen. I straightened in my seat, pulling my gaze from Bella.

Once again my mind and body warred with those two emotions; two completely different kinds of lust. They had been equally strong, but one was beginning to win out and I wasn't sure if it was necessarily a good thing.

"How did you know**--**?" she asked when she noticed we were parked in front of her house.

"Small town," I answered simply.

I exited the car and went to open Bella's door for her, quickly realizing I had done it much faster than a normal human would have. My fist balled tight against my leg, irritated with myself once again. It was all too easy to be my true self around her. It was unsettling.

Bella stepped out hesitantly and her knees buckled slightly. I held her lightly by the elbow out of instinct. Instantly remembering my hands must be cold.

"I'll just help you inside, sorry my hands are cold. I think it comes from working with doctors all summer… must be contagious,**"** I offered as a lame justification.

She had a quizzical look on her face, but all I could focus on was the concentrated current of energy flowing from my hands through Bella's elbow and back into my arms. It was the most intense feeling and I caught Bella staring at my hands much in the same way I must have looked.

We headed inside as Bella apologized for the state of the house. It was obvious no one had lived there in quite some time, the smell of dust thick in the air. I looked around at the pictures that sat on the mantel. They were all of Bella as she grew, and one of her father and presumably her mother in front of her house.

It looked as though everything was the same as when Charlie had lived there. Nothing had been removed or packed away. I wondered once more why Bella would put herself through everything alone, and why she had waited so long.

Bella apologized again for not having anything to offer me to eat or drink and I stifled a laugh. It donned on me that she hadn't eaten anything all day. I kicked myself for not making sure she had eaten before we left the hospital. I ordered pizza and she offered me a seat on the couch. She seemed despondent, her eyes traveling the walls as she was lost in thought.

"This must be hard," I said softly, hoping to breech the subject looked at me, pain in her eyes before she molded her face into a calm façade.

"I'm okay. It's been a few years so it's not like any of the feelings are new," she finished, her voice sounding impossibly sadder, despite her efforts to hide it.

"If you don't mind my asking… why now? Why did you wait and come here alone?" I couldn't help but ask, even though I knew it could cause her to shut down and I may not get anymore answers. She sighed and laid her head on the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling.

"When Charlie died," she swallowed heavily and closed her eyes, "he left everything to me. I- I didn't know what to do and I couldn't think about it."

My arms ached to hold and comfort her, but my mind new the cold icy confines of my granite skin would offer her no solace. I was about to speak when she began again, eyes still closed - head back.

"I thought it would be best not to make any rash decisions – wait till after I graduated to decide. I just needed to get away from here, away from anything that reminded me of him," her voice gave way to whispers as she struggled to finish her sentence.

Just then there was a knock at the door and I could smell the sickening heavy smell of grease.

"Pizza's here," she said, still not opening her eyes. I stood, moving to answer the door, and giving her a moment to herself. Returning to the living room, I watched while she sat up and plastered a smile to her face as she tried not to care again.

"Eat up," I said, placing the box in front of her and handing her a bottle of coke. She accepted and her smile seemed genuine then.

"Thanks, I am so hungry," she said diving into a huge bite of the cheese pizza.

"Are you sure you won't have any?"Bella asked, holding up a gooey slice.

"No, I'm sure; eat as much as you want."

We sat in silence as Bella finished her food and swelled down her soda. She looked to me when she was done and her eyes seemed brighter, with more energy, and I thought of how our eyes change after a hunt.

"So… thanks for rescuing me from the hospital. I can't stand them, but I always seem to find a way to end up in them," she laughed.

"No problem, like I said; you're doing me a favor," I said as I watched Bella's face shift back to that far off look. The silence was deafening to me and I stared at her as if miraculously I would hear her thoughts. No dice.

"What are you thinking?" I blurted, unable to contain my interest. Bella's face snapped up to mine her cheeks pinked slightly.

"Oh, ah – just that I hadn't been to Forks hospital since I broke my wrist when I was ten," she smiled lightly, lost in the memory. "Charlie had to take me and it was the first time something major had happened to me when it was just him and me**. **I remembered he got so flustered and was so worried. He was screaming at the poor nurses." She chuckled and it was the lightest happiest sound, so innocent, I couldn't help but smile in response.

"Charlie was pretty worried when you were in the hospital after the van incident with Tyler Crowley," I mused aloud, wanting to add to her stared straight through me as I spoke, a mixture of responses played on her face before her mouth fell open, gapping.

"Bella, what is it?" I asked, but I already knew the answer – she hadn't recognized Carlisle, she just referenced the last time she was at Forks Hospital as when she was _ten_ –

"I completely forgot about that," she said to no one in as if she were in a trance; she was obviously replaying the event in her head**. **How could she forget about that? I didn't understand. It was one of the things that I felt most badly about, I recalled she thought I regretted saving her life and I never told her otherwise.

"You saved my life," she said as she finished sifting through her memories of that day. Maybe she wouldn't remember everything. Maybe she would just remember me pushing her out of the way of the van, the rest foggy. Her eyes narrowed and I knew I wouldn't be so lucky.

"And you never told me how."She eyed me expectantly; I was internally beating myself for bringing it up in the first place.

"Well, I seem to recall standing next to you, Tyler's van lost control and I pushed you out of the way," I told her, sounding the authority on the subject – case closed.

"No, you – you were standing by your car, several spaces away**." **Her eyes shifted from left to right as she apparently confirmed the memory in her brain.

"Yeah, I remember you weren't there and then you were. And then the van was coming at me and you stopped it – your hands left impressions on the van, and then it was still coming and it should have crushed my legs but you lifted it –" Bella finished in a flurry of words, apparently flustered.

_She remembered everything_, I thought as I gapped at her.

"Bella," I said wearily, "I have no clue what you are talking about."

"Yeah, you said that then too, and refused to tell me anything even though you promised." I watched Bella's anger increase as she recalled our conversation in the hospital that day.

"How is it exactly that one moment you don't even remember almost being killed by a van and now all of the sudden you are the authority on the events that took place?" I asked accusingly, my anger at myself displaced to Bella.

She recoiled as if I had slapped her and looked away from me.

"I'm sorry, that was rude, I –"

"I guess I repressed the memory," she whispered, tears in her voice.

"What do you mean, because it was traumatic?" I asked, thankful for the shift in attention.

"No," she sniffed, wiping under her eye trying to discreetly discard a tear.

"I've had a hard time, like I was saying before – you know with Charlie. I'm finding that there are whole memories that my brain has just locked away, stuff that hurts too much to remember," she sighed, relenting to telling me. "Sometimes it obvious things that were important that I've forgotten; like summer vacations - big things I did with him. Other times it can be just the littlest thing that will trigger it, something small but sentimental. At least that's how my counselor explained it." She looked slightly relieved to get that off her chest.

"You don't talk about this much, do you?" I asked, not really wanting to change the subject, but wanting her to realize she was letting herself trust me. She shook her head no.

"Bella, why would that affect your memory of that day?" I wondered aloud, not quite making the connection.

"It was really icy that day and I was afraid to drive. I made it to school okay and when I got out of the truck I noticed chains on the tires. I guess it just affected me that Charlie took the time to do something for me, to take care of me," her voice strained to finish her thought; she was trying not to get overly emotionally.

_She is so strong_, I thought in awe of her. She laid her head against the couch again closing her eyes.

"You look tired."

"I know, but Carlisle said I can't sleep." I pulled out my phone and checked the time on the display. I noticed I had a new email and made a note to check it later.

"I think it's been long enough that you can take a short nap. I will wait and wake you up in a few hours; those were Carlisle's instructions to me." She yawned and smiled sleepily at.

"Okay." She closed her eyes again as if she would drift off right there.

"Why don't I take you up to your room, you'll be more comfortable," I suggested.

"Thanks," she replied as she stood and headed for the stairs. I followed close behind, readying myself in case she fell.

Bella made it to her bed and pulled her shoes off, stretching out. I pulled a blanket over her and she moaned in contentment. The sound sent a wave of that unfamiliar feeling through my stomach. I contemplated those feelings as I started to slowly leave the room when her voice stopped me.

"Oh and Edward," her voice was thick with sleep.

"Yes Bella?"

"Don't think you're off the hook about the van incident. I still want to know exactly what happened, and no 'It's all in your head' theories, I remember now."She smiled her eyes still closed, she seemed to be enjoying herself. Was she messing with me, or was she really planning to press the issue?

"Get some sleep Bella," I responded softly, closing the door behind me.

Internally I was freaking out. I had no clue what to tell her, and I couldn't run from her again. I went back downstairs and pulled my phone back out, welcoming the email distraction. It had been sent this morning around 10:20.

_Dearest Lighthouse of Mine,_

_Your signal is indeed strong, and might I add wise to the list? How did you know that when I felt my worst I would find some answers within? I am curious as to your secret to gaining such knowledge. _

_My heart beats a little stronger today and my lips are curled upward. It feels good, as if after a long bout of sleepless nights they've nestled into the plushest bed ever and are finally satisfied. I am hoping to soon find a bed that fits my whole body, especially my heart, and to be buried deep in the comfort and bliss of its happiness. _

_In spite of its strength, my heart does wince at your claims of isolation. Even through my pain I've had family to collapse into. It makes my soul feel heavy to think you have no one like that. Perhaps I can hold a mirror up in hopes of reflecting some of your light and wisdom back to you; or if _I_ could be that light then I would be truly honored. _

_To know that I have warmed you in anyway makes me feel as if I can fly. I can only hope to repay you in part for I know I cannot do for you as much as you have done for me. _

_A wise man once told me that once seemingly fleeting things can often be found within. Don't be surprised if your marble heart isn't as hard as you thought._

_Lit with hope,_

_Eclipsedheart17_

I was happy to hear that my friend had found a little piece of what she was looking for. She was wrong as far as I was concerned though; _there is no cure for my loneliness_. I thought but my eyes instinctively flicked to the stairs. I drew in a sigh and began to type back, letting the words come to me.

_Dear Eclipsedheart17,_

_I am brightened to hear that you are finding your way. I know certain roads can be long and thick with fog. There are no secrets to my wisdom; you will gain the keys as time passes. _

_Do not feel saddened, my loneliness is a hole - long void of soil. My heart is used to stillness, and my body holds no hope for its rhythmic return. I do find solace in your words and kindness; consider your debt paid in full._

_Sleep my sweet princess. Life is a tiring journey and you should take the comfort of sleep when it is granted, even if just to rest a part of you._

_Sincerely,_

_EM109_

I sent the email and thought once again of Bella asleep upstairs, I hoped she was finding peace in her dreams. Listening, I heard her soft snores and knew she was sound asleep.

I made my way up the stairs, not making a sound as I crept into to her room. She looked the same as she had last night, except the late day sun made her skin tint a slight orange. There was something else different about her face, I studied her for a moment and realized her brow was furrowed. She looked in deep contemplation, her brain struggling to make sense of something.

I sat in the rocking chair and watched as twilight settled around her room. An hour passed by before Bella stirred somewhat and nonsensical whispers shadowed her lips. She was dreaming of something, something that was unsettling her.

She spoke again and her voice came only slightly louder. "Edward."

I swooned – _she is dreaming of me._

"Edward, what are you?" My heart dropped to my feet as she uttered those words.

Her whispers were hushed again and she stilled. She wasn't going to let it drop, and I could still lose her because of it**. **My mind was coming to terms with the reality of the situation. When it came down to it, I couldn't tell Bella the truth, and if she pushed hard enough I would have to let her go.

My soulless body felt impossibly emptier at that realization. I closed my eyes and willed the impending night to swallow me whole.

**

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**A/N: *Gasps* a POV change!! Something I knew I was going to do from the start because it worked best to convey Edward's feelings in depth. I'm not sure how often I will do these, as I am a girl and I think more easily like Bella than Edward. **

**Also, I am not confident that I could continually, accurately, capture the magnificence that is Edward Cullen's brain. Hope that I didn't disappoint with this one, but I myself love to hear Edwards's thoughts, so I'm betting most will enjoy. **

**One other thing I want to touch on is the rehashing in this chapter. I'm never a huge fan of that in stories b/c it's often too redundant. However, I think this was crucial to give an insight on Edward's reasons for seeking out Bella. *swoon* This will most likely be the only time I rehash as they have now made contact (giggles) and will move on from here … together?**

**Thanks much, review, review review… it makes wondrous ideas come to me faster. :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for my lovely reviews, and as always - thanks to wolfgrl04 for being my awesome beta :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight; all the respective characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Rated M : A/U**

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Chapter 4

BPOV

I was reeling, how could I have forgotten almost being crushed by a van? More importantly how could I have forgotten why or _how_ I was still sitting there— still alive. My brain ran through a whole cluster of emotions all at once. I felt confused, embarrassed that I hadn't remembered, and angry that I still didn't know the truth about that day.

_How had I forgotten?_ I wondered, going back through the wild fire of memories that had been lit by the spark of Edward's words. I remembered being nervous because I wasn't use to snow, having lived in Phoenix, and was surprised at how steady the truck felt on the road, despite the icy layers that had covered the streets. When I got to school I noticed something silver hugged the tires of the truck.

_Chains_, I internally gasped at the memory. _Charlie had gotten up early and put chains on my tires; Charlie had taken care of me._ That thought was like a slap across my face, it stung and stole the breath from my lungs.

"I completely forgot about that," I spoke, becoming conscious that Edward was staring at me eagerly.

The memory pushed on in my head - _the loud screeching sound, the van incredibly close, I had no time to react, something hard hitting me, my head slamming to the ground, and the van was stopped by something – hands? It was an indention that molded perfectly around Edwards hands. The van kept coming for me, Edward lifting my legs as he held the van up, the deafening crack and shatter of the windows as the van slammed to a halt in the same spot my legs had been just seconds before._ – I watched it in my head as if I was watching a movie, each detail was crystal clear and I was sure of what I had seen.

"You saved me," I looked at him, his face unsure, it was the same look he had given me that day when I asked him how he had gotten over to me so quickly. He had pled with his eyes for me to just go along with what he was saying. I agreed, as long as he told me why later. _He never did_, I thought, narrowing my eyes at him.

"And you never told me how."

"Well, I seem to recall standing next to you, Tyler's van lost control and I pushed you out of the way," he sounded so definitive, so sure of himself - I must have been crazy to think anything other than that – _I don't think so buddy_, I thought.

"No, you – you were standing by your car, several spaces away." I steeled my nerves and then told him what I knew to be true.

"Yeah, I remember you weren't there and then you were. And then the van was coming at me and you stopped it – your hands left impressions in the metal, and then it was still coming and it should have crushed my legs but you lifted it –" I stopped, unable to continue, it did sound crazy saying the words out loud.

It didn't escape my attention that Edward was staring at me, mouth open, before he snapped it shut to recompose his perfect demeanor.

"Bella, I have no clue what you are talking about."

_No,_ I thought. _You don't get to do this again, play the innocent and try to make me look crazy._

"Yeah, you said that then too, and refused to tell me anything even though you promised." My anger was building and I didn't care, I wanted answers.

"How is it exactly that one moment you don't even remember almost being killed by a van and now all of the sudden you are the authority on the events that took place?" he snapped, his façade giving way to a burst of anger.

We had been sitting on the couch engaged in conversation and unconsciously leaning toward one another. I sucked in a gasp of breath and drew back from him. My eyes watered from anger and frustration as defeat washed over me. I rolled that question over and over in my head. I could only guess why I had forgotten, it had happened to me before, so I assumed it was for the same reasons my counselor had explained to me.

"I'm sorry, that was rude, I –" I barely heard that he had started to speak; the words just came out before I could stop them.

"I guess I repressed the memory."

"What do you mean, because it was traumatic?"

"No," I responded, tears building. I felt the familiar depression creeping into my body, trying to find its home.

"I've had a hard time, like I was saying before – you know with Charlie. I'm finding that there are whole memories that my brain has just locked away, stuff that hurts too much to remember," I sighed, irritated that I still felt the need to supply Edward with answers when he wouldn't extend the same courtesy to me.

"Sometimes its obvious things that were important that I've forgotten; like summer vacations - big things I did with him. Other times it can be just the littlest thing that will trigger it, something small but sentimental. At least that's how my counselor explained it." I relaxed into my seat a little as I became aware that talking about it had held at bay the depression threatening to attack.

"You don't talk about this much, do you?" Edward said with a hint of sorrow in his eyes.

My mind drifted back to the memories of that day as Edward and I talked a little more about why I had forgotten that specific memory. The trigger was obvious to me, and I had no question what it was.

As we talked I laid my head on the couch and closed my eyes feeling the weight of the day pushing me towards sleep. When Edward told me I could go to sleep I wanted to hug him. It was a relief because I was suddenly exhausted and thought it was against the rules to sleep when you had a concussion.

Once in my bed, Edward laid a blanket over me and a small heard of butterflies danced in my stomach at his tenderness.

_Why Bella?_ I thought. _He still hasn't been honest with you._ My body and mind warred and as my mind attempted to assassinate the gleeful butterflies, I settled for a more tactful approach.

"Don't think you're off the hook about the van incident. I still want to know exactly what happened, and no 'It's all in your head' theories, I remember now," I slurred to him, a smile on my face, as I felt myself drift away into sleep.

My sleep was light at first, my mind still racing with thoughts. I remember Edward waking me at some point in the night, not speaking, just flashing a light in my eyes and then told me I was okay to go back to sleep. Then my body gave way to the full effect of sleep and my dreams swirled around Edward.

I awoke in the morning to the sounds of birds in a tree outside my room. Shivering into my blanket, I frowned at the open window. Curling my toes I stretched in my warm cocoon, glad from a refreshing nights sleep. Regrettably, I sat up and prepared my body for the sudden temperature change. I pushed the covers off quick, like ripping off a band aid, and sprung to the bathroom to start a shower.

The hot water felt good melting into my muscles, and I stayed in the shower until the water started to cool. Wrapping my body in a towel, I cursed under my breath when I got back to my room. _Why didn't I close that window first?_ I scolded myself and went to quickly close it.

I noticed out the window that Edward's car was missing and my heart sank. I had assumed he was asleep on the couch, we hadn't said goodbye last night and I remembered him waking me in the early hours to check my pupils so I knew he had been there very late. Frowning at the empty driveway I turned to get dressed.

As I pulled my navy blue sweater over my head a thought occurred to me. _Had he really not wanted to answer my questions that badly? That he would escape in the middle of the night as soon as he knew I was okay to continue sleeping? _I hadn't really expected him to want to spend time with me. He had helped me because he needed volunteer hours; _not because he wanted to_, I thought sourly.

I pulled on my jeans and thought idly of the still cold temperatures despite the time of year. I longed for shorts and a tank top, for the sun on my skin and even the warm humidity that wrecked havoc on my hair. My stomach rumbled and I groaned at the thought of the empty fridge downstairs.

I busied myself, putting off the inevitable reality of the reason I was there in the first place. Picking up my phone I checked my emails, which I hadn't done since yesterday morning. My inbox had 6 emails from Renee, I was relieved she wasn't calling my phone off the hook, but annoyed that she still found a way to be impatient. There was also one new email from EM109, I smiled.

I dealt with Renee's emails first; they were a series of increasingly agitated and concerned emails about how I was doing and why hadn't I called her yet. I rolled my eyes and responded, deciding to leave out my trip to the hospital all together. It would just worry her and I was fine - no harm, no foul.

_Mom, _

_I'm doing fine, sorry I didn't respond faster, but believe it or not I'm not checking my emails every five minuets. Calm down! There is a lot to do here so I'm not sure how long it will take me, but I will update you with anything important that happens. Love you, Mom._

_Bella_

The same giddy feeling I usually felt when opening an email from EM109 settled easily through me. My smile grew as I read his words, he called me his sweet princess and I wanted to squeal.

_Gees Bella, when did you turn into such a girl?_ I thought, the smile still plastered across my face. _Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never even met?_

My smile dropped at that thought which had popped into my head uninvited. I reminded myself that I didn't really know the guy at all. I forced a mental picture of some 80 year old man at his computer into my head to push out any remaining thoughts of love. _Love - really, Bella?_

EM109's words were so coded, like he was trying to say something else. I chalked it up to the fact that it's how it had always been with us. Through our emails we kept things vague, mostly poetic; no real details ever passed between us. He knew I had lost my father, but he didn't know how. He knew I had a really difficult time dealing with it and that I was finally facing my fears, but he had no real idea of the circumstances.

I on the other hand, didn't know much about his struggles. I knew he had some sort of dark past that kept him isolated and alone, but he never really touched on it much. He was usually the sympathetic ear to my moans and groans. I felt slightly guilty at that, _maybe I should press him more and be his listening ear for once_, I thought. I tapped my fingers on my knee, deciding over exactly how to achieve that. I didn't want to come off obnoxious. I re-read his latest words and then began my response.

_Dear EM109,_

_Your words are always so cryptic to me; a beat-less heart? Are you some sort of mythical creature? The loneliness a result of having to hide the truth of what you are to everyone? Or perhaps that is just what you think of your self; __**so little**__. I have seen your true heart, you have shown it to me in your never ending support and beating or not – it is a good heart. _

_So before you cast yourself in the evil role of some soulless creature, know that there is more to you than you give yourself credit. And while you hold no hope for your heart's return to normalcy, I will hold it for you. When you need it, come and get it, I will keep that hope safe._

_Sincerely,_

_Eclipsedheart17_

My legs swung slowly below me as I finished the email. I hoped that would get him to open up a little more to me. I let my mind wondered about him a moment longer until I heard a knock at the door. My brow creased wondering who that could have possibly been, no one really knew I was back in town. Then I realized after my trip to the hospital the previous day everyone probably knew I was there. I groaned and pushed up from the bed.

"Coming!" I called out as I thumped down the stairs and to the front door. I didn't expect what I saw in the slightest; Edward stood on my front step holding coffee and a bag of bagels. I gawked at him as he smiled back.

"Hungry?" he asked, widening his grin.

"Yeah, thanks," I said as I opened the door to let him through. We made our way to the living room couch; I still hadn't brought myself to go in any other rooms yet. I was well aware the torrid of nerves and excitement that swirled around in me at Edwards return.

"I thought you had gone home."

"Well, that would have been rude, to leave without saying goodbye," he scoffed mockingly at me.

"I wouldn't have left at all, but I knew you didn't have any food and that you would be hungry," he shrugged.

"Thank you," I smiled at him warmly, truly appreciative of his thoughtfulness.

"So," he said as he opened the bag, "there's plain, blueberry, onion, poppy seed –"

"Plain is fine, thanks," I interrupted him, there was no way I wanted onion breath when talking to Edward Cullen.

Sipping my coffee, I watched as he pulled the bagel out and motioned to the little container of cream cheese. I shook my head yes and nestled back into the couch, enjoying the warmth of the foam cup in my hands.

"What's your plan for the day?" he asked as he handed me the coated bagel and glanced around the room.

"Um, well, I'm not sure," I mumbled through a bite of creamy goodness.

"I have a lot to get done, and I'm not sure where to start," I admitted.

"I can see that," he chuckled as he glanced around again at the untouched house. He looked a little relieved at our normal conversation and then I realized that he was relieved I wasn't upset with him. _Had he thought I would be angry about last night?_ I wondered.

He probably thought I was going to push the issue again. I had seen how nervous and angry it had made him yesterday; he obviously wanted to forget it. I looked into Edward's bright amber eyes that almost glowed at me, and it felt like my skin would melt away from my bones. I decided then to let it slide for the time being and enjoy the company while I had it, but I knew I wouldn't be able to let it go completely. Something was not right with what happened and I was going to find out what – just later.

I munched on the bagel while Edward's ocher eyes looked even lighter then yesterday as he watched me intently and I began to feel self conscious.

"Aren't you going to eat?" I asked, looking at the bag still full of bagels.

"I ate mine on the way back, I was starving," his eyes flashed bright and he smiled devilishly at me as he ran his hand through his auburn flecked locks. His hair looked so soft and a single strand fell slightly over his brow, my fingers ached to pull it away from his face.

I felt my face begin to darken and I looked away quickly. My eyes drew to the rest of the room, the full bookshelves, the old television covered in dust. I sighed at all that needed to be done. Then fixed my gaze on the pictures atop the mantel; they were all of me, except for two of Charlie and Renee. They looked so happy, standing in front of that very house. The life in my Dad's eyes was so bright. A light that would never be there again, eyes I would never see again.

My mom used to tell me that if I wanted to see my Dad again to go look in the mirror, that I had my Dad's eyes. I hated to hear that, because whenever I tried I didn't see what I wanted to see. My eyes didn't hold the same light as Charlie's, they looked dead to me – like lifeless mud puddles - and I was always disappointed.

I felt my mud colored eyes welling with tears and I drew in a large breath. I couldn't let myself breakdown in front of Edward, he'd think I was crazy.

"Bella, you okay?" He looked at me quizzically and I realized he'd already asked me that and I hadn't responded.

"Let's get the hell out of here," I blurted then stood and moved for the door. I had slipped my shoes on grabbed my purse and was outside before I even turned to see if Edward had followed. He had. With a worried look he opened his car door for me.

"Where to?" He asked and I was so happy that he hadn't asked me what my problem was.

"I don't care; I just need to get away from here for a little bit."

"Okay," he drew out slowly, starting the car.

We drove for a while in silence. I closed my eyes and listened to the hum of his car's engine.

"Bella," his voice was soft and cautious. "Are you sure you're okay, you don't want to talk about it?"

I kept my eyes closed, and hoped he hadn't really just asked me that. When the atmosphere grew awkward, and I knew he was waiting for a response I sighed opening my eyes.

"I'm okay, it's just – it gets hard sometimes," I shrugged and played with the cuff of my sweater, rolling the fabric between my fingers.

"You know, I lost my parents too," his voice was so quiet I had to struggle to hear his words. I looked at him, unsure how to respond, too touched that he was trying to sympathize with me.

"I mean, I was really young. It was – it was a really long time ago so I don't remember it all that well," he mumbled the last of his words; I could tell he felt dumb for trying to relate.

I was totally unaware I had placed my hand over his until I felt the stinging cold replaced quickly by the feel of a billion molecules as they rapidly passed back and forth between us; the electrifying friction warmed my skin. He pulled his hand away and I was saddened by the loss of his skin under my fingers.

"Thank you," I smiled weakly at him.

"I can tell you that I know what it's like to have a void in your chest, to feel unfulfilled. It's very hard to deal with and I think you are so brave for dealing with this the way you are." He turned his face to mine and gave me that penetrating stare that made my knees go weak; I was glad I wasn't standing.

"Bella, if you need anything, anything at all please don't hesitate to ask."

I couldn't speak, so I simply nodded, turning my gaze out the window. I needed a slight reprieve from the intenseness. All I could see was a blur of green and I dug my fingers into the leather seat.

"What are you doing?!" I yelled, louder then I'd intended.

"Taking you to Port Angeles," he said with a questioning look. "Is that not okay?"

"No, that's fine, but why are you going so fast?" My voice rose an octave as I watched the blurring slow slightly.

"Sorry," he muttered, "I like to drive fast."

I was able to make out the fact that it was indeed trees that whizzed by us, and was relieved that he slowed at least a little.

We were parking in no time on a busy street in the touristy part of town. I peeled my hands from the car seat as Edward opened my door. We walked slowly down the sidewalk still in silence and I paused in front of an old book store. Edward saw me eyeing the old tattered books in the store front and held the door open for me.

"Shall we?" He asked.

I smiled in return and entered the store. As soon as the door closed behind us I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. Something about the smell of old books had always been comforting to me.

I wandered around for what seemed like hours. With Edward in tow, I grazed my fingers over the bindings of the books, feeling the different textures. Picking a few out and read some of my favorite passages. Edward stood over my shoulder and read along with me, it was nice. We didn't need to talk, just being with him doing something ordinary felt good. For the first time in a very long time I felt normal; the dull ache was almost undetectable.

We left the store both obviously happy to be just spending time with the other. I noticed how Edward constantly glanced at me; as if he was trying to read my face, know what I was thinking. That question seemed always on the tip of his tongue and I could see him struggling not to ask it.

"So I was thinking," I began and saw the flash of relief across Edward's face, causing me to smile; I knew he would like that. "Since we're here would you like to get some lunch?"

"I would love to," he smiled back. "But I think it is still a bit early for lunch. Is there anything you needed while we're here that might help you with Charlie's house?"

I filled my lungs and thought about it. "I guess I should get some boxes and I need something to label them with," I ticked off the list as it came to me.

"Great, I think there's an office store not far from here, shall we?"

"Sure," I said, glad to be doing something productive. "Thanks, Edward," I said grateful to have him help keep me on track. Especially when he had been one of the soul reasons I was so completely off track.

We spent the rest of the morning making a "to do" list and picking up supplies at the office store. Edward was a great help and even offered to continue helping me when we got back to Charlie's. It was much easier to think about when I had someone else going over it with me. It was less emotional, and it kept my mind from wandering towards depression. Especially when I had Edwards beautiful face to distract me.

As he spoke to the gentleman behind the counter in the office supply store, I watched the sharp cut of his jaw move up and down. Mesmerized by the muscles moving under his skin as he spoke. I followed the line with my eyes from the start of his neck to the point of his chin and up to his full lips. Slowly his lips curled into the sexiest grin I had ever seen and I realized he had caught me staring.

I turned ruby red and had to physically turn away toward the door before I exploded from embarrassment.

"Bella," he whispered in my ear, my heart skipping a beat and then speeding considerably. He stood all too close. I could feel his nose push slightly into my hair, I thought I heard him inhale deeply through his nose.

"Are you ready to go eat lunch?" He asked, the grin evident in his voice. I couldn't bring myself to turn to him, sure I was still bright red. Nodding, I pressed my palms into the door, pushing it open and stepping out.

Once outside the air helped clear my head slightly, allowing me to feel more comfortable to look at him. He was staring down at me, that same alluring grin lazily hanging from his face.

As we walked down the street he stood closer to me then before. It seemed my momentary ogling had bolstered him a bit, but he still looked careful not make contact. All the while my skin was screaming out for just the slightest touch. I battled with the urge to grab his hand and thought better of it because of his earlier reaction when I had touched him in the car.

We found a nice little restaurant and went to be seated. The hostess placed us in the back corner and I glanced around quickly to locate the bathroom.

"I'll be right back," I smiled and headed for the other corner of the restaurant. I needed a moment of clarity, a moment out of Edward's atmosphere that seemingly clouded my head.

On my way to the bathroom I stumbled twice and nearly knocked a poor waiter down along with his tray full of drinks, luckily he stepped out of my way just in time. I had always hoped with age my clumsiness would lessen, in some ways it had, but in others – like when I was self conscious of being watched – it was as bad as ever.

Once inside the sanctity that was the women's restroom I rested my hands against the counter immediately recoiling in disgust at the gooey wet mess that I had placed my palms in. One of my pet peeves: how was it that grown women can't wash their hands without spewing water and soap everywhere? I grabbed a piece of paper towel and wiped the counter down.

Looking in the mirror I sighed at my reflection. I looked sallow and tired, a shadow of purplish black rimmed under my eyes. _Why didn't I take the time to throw on some makeup?_ I thought staring drearily into the mucky eyes in front of me.

Opening my purse I smiled at the contents that had obviously been put there by Renee. I hardly ever used my purse, and normally it was just out of convenience to carry my wallet, phone and keys. Renee had always tried to tell me how it was important to be prepared for anything, and that your purse could be your best asset.

I thought back to just before I left; I couldn't find my purse as I was ready to walk out the door. Renee had brought it to me, claiming I had left it in her car. I should have known she was up to something.

I pulled out a small plastic box with q-tips, lips gloss, mascara, a small compact, tampons, a hair tie, mace, a miniature brush, eye liner, and the things I expected to find – my keys, wallet and cell phone.

Inspecting the items further, I lifted the mascara and eye liner to my face, squinting at the writing. They matched and claimed to be perfect for bringing out brown eyes. Renee had bought these especially for me apparently. I smiled again and looked back to my reflection.

Shrugging at myself, I began pulling the brush through my hair. I was never much for makeup, perhaps I might have been but I hadn't really thought much about that kind of thing these past few years.

When I moved to Jacksonville with my mother, after I got over my initial deep depression and was making more of an effort to act like a normal 17 year old girl, I did have a few boys interested in me. I had gone on a few dates and allowed Renee to dress me up like a Barbie doll, but I was never able to connect with any of the boys. They all seemed too immature to me and I had a hard time relating.

I did appreciate the little things Renee had taught me about makeup. I always liked how with just a little mascara, lip gloss and blush my face looked brighter. And even I couldn't deny that the eye liner, when I allowed her to use it, did make my eyes "pop" as she had said.

Chuckling to myself as I continued to reminisce, I opened the compact that lay on the counter. It had four separate compartments and the top part lifted to reveal several small brushes hidden underneath. I took the fluffiest looking brush out and applied a little of the peachy colored blush. I dusted the brush across my cheeks while making the stupid face Renee always insisted I make.

Next I applied some mascara, noting the small flecks of gold it seemed to bring out in my eyes. With a little bit of lips gloss added, I stepped back and assessed my job. _Huh,_ I thought. I could hardly notice the light circles under my eyes and my face definitely looked healthier.

Carefully, I placed everything back in my purse, but held up my cell phone and dialed Renee.

One ring.

"Bella honey, is everything okay?"

"Yes Mom, everything is fine," I laughed happy to hear her voice. "I just wanted to call and say thank you."

"Oh, what for?"

"Well, I'm out to lunch with a friend, and I just found the 'survival kit' you put in my purse, and it did come in handy – so thank you," I was rambling a bit, but I was happy to be talking to her and truly thankful for her thoughtfulness.

"You're out to lunch – with a _friend_?" I understood the tone in her voice right away. She sounded more like a gossipy teenager then I ever have, I rolled my eyes.

"So who is this _friend_?" She emphasized the word again.

"This _friend,_" I mocked her, "is just a guy I new from Forks High. I ran into him …" I realized then that I would have to explain the hospital visit and bit my tongue.

"Oh honey, that's wonderful!" she squealed into the phone. I was grateful she didn't inquire about my unfinished thought.

"I am so happy to hear that you're not just sitting in that house brooding all by yourself. There are some really nice people in that town. So it's a _guy_… how old is this _guy_?" She was gushing and I couldn't help but smile. She was vocalizing the inner girly girl that I seemed to be lacking; only when it came to Edward it was more like suppressing.

"His name is Edward and he is 19, like me, but I know what you're thinking - so stop. We are just friends**,"** I annunciated each syllable to its fullest.

"Whatever you say sweetie," she sighed into the receiver. I could tell by her tone she was already in la-la land, probably planning our wedding.

"Well, I better go Mom, I'm holed up in the bathroom and I don't want to be rude. "

"Oh! Okay, honey, well enjoy yourself and _be careful,_" she stressed the last part in a particular way that made my checks slightly pink.

"Thanks again Mom, love you."

"Love you too Bella."

I hung up with my mother, spared one last glance in the mirror to make sure I didn't have a huge glob of mascara on my face, and headed back to the table.

"Everything okay?" Edward stood as I returned and greeted me with a smile.

"Yeah, fine," I said waiving my hands in dismissal. "I got stuck on the phone with my Mom, sorry."

I sat and picked up the menu, finding mushroom ravioli that looked pretty yummy. The waiter came by and I ordered and Edward did not.

"You're not eating?" I questioned.

"No, I'm still full from breakfast," he shrugged nonchalantly. I mentally marked it into my 'weird Edward things to be addressed later' list, which was growing. I didn't think I had ever seen the man eat.

The waiter delivered my coke and a basket of bread and I picked at a piece and sipped my soda. Glancing up from my mauled piece of bread, I was met with Edward's eyes. They were a deeper color gold then I had ever noticed before and a smile played at the corners of his lips.

"Did I tell you that you look absolutely lovely in that color?" He asked but all I could do was shake my head back and forth dumbly.

"Bella, you look absolutely ravishing today," he breathed in a husky whisper.

"Thank you," I said in earnest, my gaze locked with his. There was something in his eyes when they deepened like that which made every fiber of my being _know_ that he meant it one hundred percent.

I blinked, pulling myself from his trance and my mind flashed to thoughts of old black and white Dracula movies - when the camera would close up on his eyes and then the women's eyes, and you knew he was going to kill her and she would let him. I chuckled to myself at the silliness.

"So," I started, "tell me something about yourself." I stared at him expectantly and he looked back, unsure.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, have you ever played twenty questions?"

"No." He was beginning to look slightly agitated. I was noticing he didn't really like answering questions.

"Relax," I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly. "It's no big deal, just stuff like what's you're favorite color?"

"Navy blue," he said without hesitation and I blushed remembering his fondness of my sweater. "What is your favorite color?" He asked.

"Blue," I responded but my brain yelled amber as I looked into his eyes.

"Favorite kind of music?" I asked as my food arrived.

"Classical."

I quirked an eyebrow, that was not the typical 19-year-old answer.

"Hidden talent?" I asked, trying for the more obscure questions.

"Ha, um," his grin could only be described as a shit eating one – _adorable_. "Well, I play the piano, does that count?"

_Oh yes it does,_ I thought glancing down at his long fingers. "Yeah," I swallowed. I'd always found piano playing very sexy; I think it's the nimble fingers. I felt a crooked smile on my own lips, and Edward's eyes grew darker again as he mirrored my expression.

"Are you going to eat?" he asked, not taking his eyes from mine. It took actual effort to peel mine from his and look down at my untouched ravioli. I breathed in, it smelt delicious and my mouth began to water.

Taking a fork full into my mouth, I couldn't help the soft groan that slipped through my lips. The ravioli melted into my mouth and I realized how hungry I really was. I smiled up at him nodding my head, and was amused by his expression as he stared at my lips, a far away look in his eyes – _who's ogling now?_ I thought, suppressing a laugh.

The rest of our lunch could only be described as wonderful. As I ate we exchanged more stupid questions and I sensed myself becoming more comfortable. It was nice, I was able to just be myself around him. He seemed so familiar to me, I couldn't put my finger on why, but it felt like I was with a long lost friend.

Edward paid the tab, even though I insisted he not seeing as how he didn't even eat. I relented, only letting myself be slightly annoyed; after all it was a nice gesture. We headed back toward the car, a lazy smile resting on my face.

"This was nice," I said.

"Yes, it was. I've had a very nice time with you Bella." He looked down at me with a genuine smile across his face, exposing a row of perfect white teeth.

We got to his car and started the trek back to Forks in silence. My body was relaxed from the easy-going day. I closed my eyes, once again listening to the purr of the engine. I hadn't meant to fall asleep, but Edward's soft voice pulled me from my dreamless rest. I blinked my eyes open, disoriented.

"Did I fall asleep?"

"Yes," he laughed quietly.

"Where are we," I asked looking out the window realizing we weren't back at Charlie's.

"We're at the Thriftway; I thought you could use some groceries and cleaning supplies," he offered with a shrug.

"Thanks, that's a good idea." I smiled at his attentiveness.

We walked around the grocery store and I stocked up on simple foods and cleaning supplies. I didn't need much, but enough to get me through the next week at least.

As we headed to the checkout discussing the difference between bathroom disinfectants and kitchen disinfectants I almost mowed someone down with the shopping cart I was pushing.

"Whoa! The person yelled as he jumped out of the way. I looked up in shock as I stared at Tyler Crowley, who was now laughing hysterically once he noticed who his would-be assailant was.

"Bella! How are you?" he choked out between cackles.

"Tyler!" I said still surprised. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, but it looks like we're even now huh?" he snorted and I snapped my mouth shut. I had been about to apologize, but that comment irritated me and I decided against it.

"Glad you're alright," I said through gritted teeth at the boy in front of me making a complete jack-ass out of himself. I looked up at Edward giving him a look as if to say 'can you believe this guy?', but he missed it because he was too busy shooting daggers from his eyes at Tyler. I shuddered at his expression, if Tyler hadn't been so busy laughing he probably would have been cowering away from the deadly look.

"So, what are you doing in town?" He asked, composing himself a little, but still not acknowledging Edward.

"Um, just tying up a few loose ends," I sighed.

"Cool, well, since you're going to be in town you should come with a group of us to La Push tomorrow. It's sort of a 'last hurrah' before some people get ready to leave for college," he finished, his gaze finally falling on Edward, whose stare had gotten even more deadly. Tyler noticeably shrunk back into himself , taking a step backward.

"Maybe, I – I'm not sure, I have a lot to do," I offered, not wanting to hurt his feelings, but a 'last hurrah' with a group of kids I barely knew didn't sound like my scene.

"Okay, well, maybe I'll see ya around," he finished quickly, still watching Edward as he backed away and then fled out the automatic sliding doors. I watched him leave and heard Edward release a breath he had been holding.

"What a dick," he muttered, my eyebrows rose at his use of foul language. Light as it may have been, I'd never heard him be more than proper. I giggled, unable to control it. That broke him into a smile and he shook his head. "Sorry," he offered with no real apology behind it.

"I just can't believe he compared almost running me over with his van to me almost bumping him with a shopping cart," I scoffed as I loaded the food onto the conveyer belt.

"Yeah I know," was all he offered as he helped load things as well.

I eyed him for a second trying to weigh out if I really wanted answers that badly. Edward had been nothing but kind to me and currently was my only friend there. Did I really want to screw that up all because he was a possible superhero and wouldn't tell me? _I mean so what if he _promised_ to tell me the truth and didn't follow through_, I thought.

_God I'm so stupid_ - _I have to know_.

It would have bothered me forever, no matter how nice Edward had been. A promise was a promise and I wanted answers, I decided. _You can't build a friendship off of a lie anyway Bella_, I thought reaffirming myself.

"So, speaking of almost being crushed by a van," I began, trying to keep my tone light and playful. He pushed the cart full of bagged groceries out of the store, his shoulders stiffened but I couldn't see his face. He didn't respond or say anything, but then again, I hadn't asked him a real question yet.

"You want to tell me how you really saved me?" I asked my voice sounding weak and unsure, part of me felt like I was going to loose him for pushing things.

Edward whipped around to look at me, surprising me with the look of utter indignation on his face.

"What more do I need to tell you, I've already told you how it happened!"

His anger licked at me like flames and I began to feel heated, my anger flaring in return.

"I told you I wasn't going to just let it go Edward! I know what happened and your 'version' is not the truth!" My voice rose as I spoke and I realized we were in the parking lot and I didn't want to make a scene.

Edward turned abruptly and began placing the grocery bags into his car. He finished quickly, stomping around to my side of the car and opening the door.

"Get in," he growled at me and I felt very small all of the sudden, like a mouse being invited by a lion into his den.

"Edward, I- " I began, and then I let my arms fall to my sides. The look on his face told me that he was already too upset for me to just say 'gotcha' and let it slide. I slumped into the passenger seat and waited for him to join me.

Without saying a word, he started the car and headed towards my house.

"I don't understand why you can't just tell me the truth? I thought we were – I don't know, friends," I finished so softly I don't think he heard the last part.

He ripped the car off the road and threw it into park. As he pinched the bridge of his nose tightly between his fingers, his shoulders slumped.

"I can't Bella, I just can't," he sounded sad as well. I was too dumb to stick to my sad tone, instead I pounced on his weakened demeanor, feeling I might be able to make him tell me yet.

"Yes you can Edward, it's not that hard! All you have to say is whatever the truth is! 'I'm really superman; I was bitten by a radioactive spider' – whatever!" I shouted at him.

He looked at me skeptically, a slight smile hid in his lips as he tried to suppress it.

"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" He allowed the smile now but something in his eyes stayed angry and weary.

I looked him over and thought for a second of what he might be trying to say.

"You're dangerous?" I gathered without any hint of humor in my voice. He didn't answer, just looked back still trying to communicate with his eyes and in that moment I felt sorry for him.

"But not bad," I stated without question. "No, I don't believe that you're bad."

He sighed and looked out the window, the anger had dissipated, but the tension in the air was still palpable.

"You can tell me, I can handle it," I prodded once more. He looked back at me then, his expression full of sorrow and simply shook his head.

Pulling the car back onto the road we drove back to my house in silence. Once we had all of the groceries and the boxes we had purchased in Port Angeles inside and put away, Edward headed for the door. We still had not said anything more and I didn't know what to say. It was obvious he was fed up and was leaving.

"You're leaving?"

"I think it's for the best Bella," he said looking past me, not at me. I felt the furry build in me again, fists clenched at my sides.

"Coward," I seethed staring at the floor as my eyes filled with angry tears.

"Excuse me?" He said, sounding truly hurt and caught off guard. I looked into his eyes and allowed the tears to spill over, not caring.

"You're too afraid to be honest with me so you're running away like a coward," I stated the fact. I watched the hurt turn into anger and he opened the door behind him.

"Isabella, you have no clue what you are talking about. You are just a naive little girl and you don't know what's best for you," he said condescendingly.

I gawked at him as he turned to walk through the door. _How dare he call me Isabella and talk to me like a five year old!_ I fumed.

"Fine – leave!" I yelled to his retreating form stupidly, I had no quick comeback. I did have a door though and I slammed it, rattling the frame.

I grabbed my purse from the table next to the door and ran to the living room, dropping down on the couch. The tears came furiously as I felt that familiar ache in my chest. My heart hurt and it was difficult to breathe, all the normal things my body's done in the past when I'm overwhelmed by grief about Charlie. Only that time I wasn't reacting to Charlie - I was reacting to the loss of Edward, and that pain seemed impossibly worse.

I was angry that he couldn't just be honest with me and confide in me, I was frustrated that I cared so much, and I was saddened by the loss of his presence. I smashed my face into one couch pillow and pounded my fists into the other.

After exhausting myself and taking out my aggression on my poor old couch, I sat emotionless starring at the yellowing walls. I felt nothing but numb and knew where that feeling usually led me, depression and robot Bella. I couldn't let that happen to me again - _not over a boy… a _stupid_ boy_, I thought narrowing my eyes.

I retrieved my phone, opening up my emails. I hadn't gotten a response from EM109 yet, but I didn't care. He'd always been there for me and I could always count on at least him, sad as that may have been.

_Dear EM109,_

_How can you trust someone when they ask you to trust, but then tell you they can't give you the truth?_

_Do you follow blindly into the lion's den because they promise warmth and shelter?_

_Or do you question the intentions behind the offer and chance being left out in the cold?_

_I need advice, I need a friend._

_Unsure,_

_Eclipsedheart17_

I sent the email, and put my phone back into my purse sighing heavily. Immediately I heard a buzzing noise coming from the entryway and then a thud. I went to the table by the front door and found Edward had left his phone and it had gone off, buzzing its way off the table. Picking it up to place it back I saw the screen flashing '**one new email**'.

_Hmm..,_ I thought, looking back to the couch at my phone. _That was weird._

I took Edward's phone back with me, resisting the urge to check the email.

"There's no way," I laughed out loud. My knee bobbed anxiously as I stared down at the little screen which had gone dark. Biting my lip, I wondered if I was going crazy to even consider the possibility. I pulled out my phone slowly, trying to be casual, opened my emails and typed a simple message.

_Did you get my earlier email?_

Seemed simple enough, so when EM109 got it he'd just think I really needed to talk to him – easy. I hit send and then put my phone away as if I was bored. Edward's phone buzzed then, the screen illuminating with '**one new email**'.

I threw the phone out of my hands onto the couch next to me as if it had burned my skin and backed up.

"No way," I said gawking at the offensive phone inches from me. "No FUCKING way."

My breathing grew erratic, coming in quick short bursts. _Does he know_, I thought, wracking my brain of any details I had given EM109 that might have tipped him off. _No, nothing_, I decided. We hadn't ever given any real details.

I stood and began pacing the floor. I couldn't decide what it even meant, there were too many thoughts flooding through my head. The sole person I had been able to rely on, the one who helped pull me from my darkest place was _Edward Cullen_? I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

_It doesn't mean anything_, an inner voice bellowed from my subconscious. My legs felt weak and I dropped to the couch, completely drained at that thought. It doesn't mean anything because Edward doesn't want to tell me the truth and we can't be friends.

That realization ripped my heart from my chest and I felt as if I might faint. I was beginning to panic, my swift clipped breaths making me light headed.

_Now I have to morn the loss of my best friend too_ - I wanted to dig a whole and burry myself right there.

How much is one person supposed to take, my head was spinning fast and I was sure I was going to pass out. I was startled by a loud thudding knock at the front door. The noise cleared my head momentarily and I jumped up grabbing Edward's phone.

It was my chance, I would tell him I didn't care about the past. I would show him his phone – show him that it was him all along, he was my support system through everything. Then we would laugh about how ironic it was. Hope started to fill my heart as I raced to the door.

I swung the door open and all the hope that pushed me there bled out of me immediately.

_Not Edward -_ was all I could think and I collapsed to the floor, giving up.

**

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**A/N: muhahahaha – sorry for the uber-cliffhanger, but I had to leave it here it works best. Trust.**

**PLEASE - review, review, review!!! I can't get enough and I love all opinions/comments/concerns :D Lots o' juicy things to come so stay tuned…**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Again, sorry for the cliff hanger, but it had to be done. Also, sorry for the longer wait, hopefully I'll be back to updating weekly. (And I may be already almost done with the next chapter, muhahaha) **

**As always, thanks a bunch to my beta, wolfgrl04 – you rock.**

**Thanks for the kind reviews, I've added a little something special for you all to enjoy (remember this is rated M). Okay … here we go…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, all the respective characters belong to Stephenie Meyer: Rated **M:** A/U**

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Chapter 5

BPOV

"Bella, Bella wake up!" The voice trying to rouse me was unfamiliar. My body felt heavy, my eyes even heavier. Something scorching hot was wrapped around me and beads of sweat broke out across my forehead. The intense feeling of claustrophobia was weighing down on my chest and I tried to push the heat from my body.

"Hey, you okay?" The stranger's voice was softer now, less frantic. The heat receded and all I could feel under me was the softness of the sofa cushions. I opened my eyes slowly and stared at the huge being in front of me. He sat slouched down into his seat, his dark eyes watching me intently. Despite his hunched posture he still seemed to tower over me.

"You had me worried there for a moment… water?" He shoved a glass into my hands and I greedily took a sip, my mouth felt like it was full of cotton.

"Thanks," I gave him a weak smile. He watched me expectantly and I looked back at him, trying to place his face. He looked familiar, but it seemed like I would remember someone as large as he was. I shook my head, frustrated.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

He let out a loud bellowing laugh that shook the whole couch.

"Oh Bells." I flinched at the nickname; no one had called me that since Charlie died, that was _his_ name for me.

"It's me, Jacob!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands out in a grandstand effect.

"Jacob … Black?" I said, thinking this enormous person in front of me looked nothing like the small awkward pre-pubescent boy I remembered – except for his eyes, I saw it as I looked deeper at him - that same kind goofiness was there.

"In the flesh," he laughed again.

"Wow, Jake, you look different." I scanned him up and down motioning with my hands at his obvious growth. He waggled his eyebrows at me and I couldn't help but smile – _goofball_.

"Well, what are you doing here?" I asked, secretly ecstatic for the distraction. His face changed immediately to a more solemn expression and he straightened up in his seat.

"I came to tell you to be careful." He was almost whispering and I looked around to see who he was trying to whisper from.

"Careful … of what?" I matched his tone.

He sighed, fidgeting with his hands as if he weren't sure where to begin.

"I heard you were in town and I came by the house earlier to see if you needed any help. I know this must be awful to deal with." He glanced around and I saw the sympathy in his eyes. He knew what it was like to deal with the loss of a parent, and it was evident in his expression.

"Anyway, I was headed back to the reservation and I noticed you outside of the Thriftway with Edward Cullen. It looked like you guys were arguing or something, so I followed you back here and waited for him to leave."

I looked at him, unsure of what he was going to say next, he looked like he was picking his words carefully.

"I just wanted to tell you that you shouldn't hang out with Edward," he finished with a shrug like that explained everything.

"Why not, what's the big deal?" I asked, trying to hide my curiosity by sounding indifferent.

"Bella, it's just – he's just – he's dangerous that's all."

I flung my hands into the air and rolled my eyes. I was so sick and tired of other people telling me what was and wasn't good for me.

"I'm so done with this stupid bullshit 'dangerous' talk," I exclaimed, putting air quotes around the word dangerous. "I wish someone would just give me a straight fucking answer!" I yelled at him and he stared back, a confused expression on his face.

"What? What do you mean 'someone'? Who else told you he was dangerous?"

"_Edward _told me he was dangerous but he wouldn't decode what the hell that meant!"

Jacob looked down at his hands and I saw the conflict playing on his features. _He wants to tell me_, I thought. I took a deep breath and scooted closer to him on the couch.

"Jake," I put my hand under his chin and pulled it up so he would look into my eyes. Fleetingly, I thought of how much warmer his skin was compared to Edward's, even compared to my own.

"You can tell me, its okay." I tried to make my tone even and reassuring. He stared into my eyes like he was lost for a moment and then opened his mouth as if he were going to speak but nothing came out. He closed his mouth looking frustrated and sat back.

"I can't," he fumed, glaring at the ceiling.

"I'm so sick of hearing that!" I huffed, pouting like a child. He sat forward then, a devilish gleam in his eye.

"Bella, what do you know about Edward?" He asked me, looking hopeful.

"I – ah, not much." I shrugged unsure of what he was trying to pull from me.

"Bella, you're a smart girl, and if you've spent any time with him I'm sure there are things you've noticed about Edward, strange things that don't make any sense."

He had my attention; I wanted to tell him all I'd noticed that didn't add up, but it would mean betraying Edward and I couldn't do that. I searched my brain for any detail I could ask Jacob about that wouldn't have to do with when he miraculously saved my life.

"His skin is really cold," I said halfhearted, not knowing I said it aloud. Jake was smiling ear to ear.

"The Cold Ones," he whispered, apparently happy that he was able to say the words.

"What - isn't that beer?" I asked, confused again and he laughed at me.

"There are certain things I'm not allowed to say," he quirked his mouth to the side, obviously in thought. "Do you remember the name of our tribe?"

I pondered for a minute, I was sure I had heard it before. I had spent enough time there during my trips to visit Charlie as a child.

"Queilute?" I whispered, thinking it was wrong and still searching for the answer.

"Yep**,"** Jacob popped his 'p' and rested his long arm across my shoulders. I felt like a dwarf under the weight of his giant limb. "That's my girl."

"That doesn't answer anything," I started and he held up his hand.

"Just think about it Bells, maybe do some research, and call me when you've figured it out – we'll talk then." With that he patted my shoulder and stood to leave.

"Jake – I…"

"Bells, you got this baby, just think it over," he grinned and I smiled back at his boyish attitude.

"Thanks Jake," I said, as I let him out the front door, waiving goodbye. It was obvious he really wanted to tell me but couldn't, and I was grateful that he had at least given me some hints. _That's more then I can say for some people_, I thought bitterly.

I went up to my room and pulled out my suitcase that housed my laptop. Once it was powered on I stretched out on my bed with a pad of paper and a pen. Another thought occurred to me and I ran downstairs to retrieve my phone. _There were so many cryptic messages in his emails, maybe I can find something there_, I thought as I skipped back up the stairs.

The sun was setting and there was a brilliant orange glow that settled around my room. I got up from my position on the bed and flicked on my bedroom light.

After searching the internet for two hours, pouring through what seemed like hundreds of websites, I still had nothing. I had searched the name of Jacob's tribe and found some pretty interesting information about them, but nothing that related to the strange things I had noticed about Edward, or 'The Cold Ones'.

I typed 'The Cold Ones' into the search engine and was supplied with a bunch of links but nothing of interest. I scrolled down and one of last links caught my eye. It was titled Quileute Legends, Folklore, Myths and Traditional Indian Stories.

I scanned through the first few paragraphs and found a passage that looked promising.

'_Native American Quileute legend suggests that they are descended of wolves; said to transform to protect their people from the cold ones, also known as blood drinkers or vampires_.'

I re-read the passage still not allowing the word to seep fully into my conscious yet. My eyes closed and I took a deep breath and then opened them and looked back over the notes I had scribbled down of things I had noticed about Edward.

_Freezing cold to the touch_

_Inhumanly fast _

_Inhumanly strong_

_-left indentions in side of car; lifted van? etc._

_Eyes seem to change color from blackish ocher to a bright golden/amber _

_-----------Things from emails---------_

_Feels isolated – alone_

_Marble heart_

_Heart used to not beating_

The last few things listed from the emails had just seemed like abstract alliterations to me, but taking it in this context, it only bolstered the insane idea. _Edward Cullen is a vampire_, I thought, trying it out in my head. I read back through the passage. _Does that make Jacob a wolf?_ I wondered.

What I knew of vampires was only what I'd seen in movies and on TV; they slept all day, couldn't come out in the sunlight, have long sharp canine teeth and drink blood. I swallowed hard and my stomach churned a little. _Edward_ _was outside with me all day_, I thought.

I closed my computer frustrated; I could only imagine myself going to Edward, telling him everything was fine, that I knew he was a vampire. He would probably never speak to me again.

As I stripped down to my underwear and threw on a tank top I thought about my next course of action. I decided I should call Jacob in the morning and offer him what I found out, maybe if I was close he would tell me, _or laugh at me hysterically_. I snickered at the absurdity of it all.

I checked the old alarm clock by my bed; it was only 8:45. I felt exhausted though and decided to call it a night anyway. After my teeth were brushed I tucked myself into bed. Once under the covers my body began shivering, not out of coldness, but purely from being overwhelmed. And for the first time realizing what it would truly mean if Edward really was a 'cold one', Iwas suddenly terrified, not of Edward, but terrified that this would keep him from being in my life.

Annoyingly, my teeth chattered together and I struggled deeper into my mattress. I hoped for more answers in the morning, but for now I was glad to have a recess from reality as I faltered into unconsciousness.

xx

My feet sank into the soft moss and water pooled around my toes. Rain fell softly around me, dotting the thin cotton of my tank top; it felt warm and soothing. The air was thick and smelled sweet as I sucked in a deep breath.

I was standing in the woods in my white tank top and pink cotton underwear. Something was gnawing at my conscience, as if I was forgetting something very important. My purpose was lost and I tried desperately to fish it from my memory.

I turned in a circle to try and tell where I was, but my eyes only met with identical trees in each direction.

I found myself fascinated with the environment around me as I walked slowly toward a rather large tree. The base of it was twice as wide as me if I were to stretch my arms out at my sides.

I reached my hand up and touched the rough bark and was enraptured as it flaked away with ease. It was amazing to me that something which looked so strong and indestructible could be pulled apart so easily; with just the scrape of my thin fingers.

"Lost?" A familiar harmonious voice spoke from behind me. I turned to see a pair of golden eyes penetrating me, my knees felt weak and I pulled my eyes from his, trying to focus on his collar bone which was sticking out from beneath his crisp white button up shirt.

Edward took a step towards me and I felt my toes dig into the soft earth beneath me. I should have been scared, my reaction should have been to run, but my body rooted itself there. Trying to mirror the tree behind me, perhaps I could look as indestructible. _I hope he doesn't try and scrape away the layers_, I thought.

"I – I'm not lost," my response was weak even to my own ears; obviously I was lost. I made myself look at his face again to see what his demeanor was as he continued to slowly advance my way.

An alluring grin strung up his mouth to one side of his face, and I felt my checks flush. He was so beautiful and looking straight into his god-like face caused a tightening in my stomach and fog to cloud my brain.

Edward cocked his head to one side, letting his eyes fall to my bare feet. His brow furrowed slightly at the sight, but I didn't expect his next reaction. He raked his eyes agonizingly slowly up my legs, causing his brow to soften and a new expression to settle on his features.

His amber orbs felt like two spotlights moving gradually along my body. He made no effort to hide his obvious admiration and then his gaze was finally backto my face and he was inches from my body. His eyes appeared darker and they looked as clouded as my brain felt.

My fingers began twitching; my body's plea to touch his flawless skin. He dipped his head down without a word and the cold sensation when his nose grazed my jawbone sent shivers down my spine.

I held my breath and reveled in the feel of his skin touching mine in even the slightest of ways - that ever present current between us stronger than ever. He kept his arms steady at his sides, still not touching me and I mimicked his body language. Something told me I should follow his lead.

I was only partially aware the slow drizzle of rain had picked up slightly. The thin material of my top clung to my skin, and my sensitized nipples were very visible through the now see-through fabric.

"Isabella, don't lie to me," he cooed into my ear and I instinctually leaned into his lips. _What are you doing, you idiot!_ My subconscious was trying to scream at me, but something was muffling the sound and the message was lost in translation.

"What are you doing in the woods all alone?" He breathed and I allowed my temple to rest on his, our body's surfaces skimming each other.

"I have no clue," the honest answer slipped from my lips without thought, my eyes closing.

"There are very dangerous things in these woods Isabella," he crooned my name like he was singing me a lullaby.

"Like you?" I smiled, _why are you smiling you twit?!_ Once again my right mind tried to weigh in, having no effect.

Whatever power Edward held over me, it was all-encompassing and I didn't care about anything else at that moment. His body so close to mine, his hands touching me; that was all I wanted and every nerve ending in my body was screaming for it.

Edward pulled his face back and glared into my eyes with such intensity it shook me to the core.

"Yes," his answer was simplistic, but above all, completely honest. Before I allowed the smarter part of my conscience to register his look combined with his warning, Edward's fingers grazed my arm dismissing all thought process. I couldn't make sense of his attempts to warn and allure at the same time, I knew which was winning out though.

Once again he dipped his head, slowly this time, I watched as he licked his bottom lip and then ran his nose along my own; his lips were now centimeters from mine. The electrical current hummed in all its intensity and I couldn't follow suit anymore, it was killing me. I acted on instinct and allowed my body to take over; crushing my lips to his.

They were freezing, of course, but smooth and softer then anything I'd ever felt before. If a fire could have been started from the sparks I felt snapping between us then we would have burned the whole forest down in mere seconds.

He moved his lips softly against mine and I felt hungry, wanting more. I sucked in the breaths that he exhaled and my head began to spin. My hands wove into the hair at the base of his neck in desperate attempts to ground myself, and bring him closer at the same time.

I felt his hands become more frantic stretching across my back and trailing lightly up and down, igniting flames along their path. I opened my mouth slightly and licked invitingly at his bottom lip, he opened his in response and then our tongues were dancing, vying for top position.

A low moan slipped from my mouth as he tilted my head back to gain deeper access. Suddenly his mouth left my lips and I whimpered at the loss. His lips returned at once, this time kissing lightly along my collarbone. Edward made his way slowly kissing and licking up my neck to the hollow beneath my ear. _God, that feels so good._

Our bodies were pressed together and I could feel his firm muscles pushing into my soft form. It was the most erotic kiss I had ever experienced and the tightening in my stomach increased ten fold as he worked his magic along my skin.

Moisture pooled fast between my legs, soaking my underwear. I moaned again and pressed my thighs together, granting slight pressure where my body wanted it most. Edward kissed back along my jawbone and across my cheeks stopping briefly at my lips and then down across to the other side of my neck.

I felt his hands wandering my body from behind; his long thin fingers traveled down my leg and his hand cupped behind my right knee. I couldn't help the loud cry that escaped my lips as he hitched my leg up on his hip pushing the most sensitive part of me right into his obvious erection.

His free hand traveled to my hip and then slowly up and my body buzzed with anticipation. I was already so close to sweet release, all of the sensations proving to be too much. Then I felt pressure over my left breast as his hand finally found the soft fleshy mound and he squeezed lightly. Feeling like I might self combust; I bit hard into my bottom lip and threw my head back, immediately tasting the copper tang of blood. My body began to writhe against his and Edward froze, becoming a statue.

I was not prepared at all as his hand dropped my leg and flew into my hair at the nape of my neck, ripping my head back further. His eyes were coal black and he stared directly at my lip which had a fresh bud of blood pulsing from the bright pink skin. He growled and I was frozen in fear, he looked like an animal going in for the kill. There was something so primitive in his eyes, and I just knew – he was going to kill me.

All too suddenly, his mouth was covering mine again, but not in a kiss. He pulled my lip between his and sucked - hard. It stung and tears welled up in my eyes, my body going ridged against him. I tried to push away, beating at his shoulders, but he had me held tightly by the hair.

My voice would not work and I was unable to make a sound, even though I tried desperately to push air through my throat.

A million thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there locked in Edwards embrace and soaked to the bone. _He has lost control, this isn't his fault - why didn't I listen to myself, this isn't what he wants, but he can't stop,_ and my last thought as I began to feel light headed … _I forgive you_.

He pulled hard on my hair again and continued to suck feverishly at my lip. My eyelids drooped; unconsciousness threatening and my arms went limp at my sides. Just as I thought I was about to pass out, the smallest sound emitted from my throat. Like a small animal's painful last cry - it sounded pathetic.

Then I was flying; flying through the air and my body smashed into the tree behind me, falling to the earth along with shattered bark all around me.

It took me a second to realize what happened as I shook the haze from my brain. I looked up and Edward was gone. He had pushed me away from him, Edward had almost killed me, and he had to push me away in order to save my life. I curled my knees into my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Tears flooded down my cheeks and I cried silently, only one phrase passing over my lips.

"Edward, please come back," I whispered, and then I knew – with that last thought, that no matter what he was it didn't matter to me – and I was completely and irrevocably _fucked_.

I nearly fell out of bed I sprang up so fast, my body completely drenched with sweat. _It was only a dream,_ I thought assessing myself for injuries or mud. I was looking for any trace of being in the woods with him last night; nothing. I tentatively touched my lip but there was no spot where I had bitten into it.

I wrapped my arms around my body and tried to cope with the realization of my dream. _It had seemed so real._

I stayed in bed for quite some time trying to make sense of my nightmare, if that's what it was. I had felt such a craze of emotions all in just a few seconds time, and it was as real and intense as any feelings I had ever experienced. I had been so scared for my life, and then accepting that I was going to die and as soon as that happened, all fear melted from me.

I had only thought of Edward then and felt sorry for him; something deep within me knew he didn't want to kill me. Then when he had left, I felt so completely empty, more so then I'd ever felt before - _that_ was horrifying. My dream had showed me one thing for certain, I wanted Edward in my life, at whatever cost.

I felt resolve fill me and knew I needed to find out more, I needed answers so I could figure out the best way to approach him. I got out of bed and threw on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved, gray fitted shirt. Equip with my cell, I headed downstairs and then stopped at the kitchen door. I stood at the threshold, unable to move, peering into the dark room. It seemed so ridiculous; I had no problem coming in here yesterday to put some groceries away. Then I thought back to the hurried act and how I was distracted by being upset with Edward. I hadn't thought about it, I was so preoccupied I just went in unloaded the stuff and that was it. I knew it also helped that Edward had gone in with me, lending me support in ways he wasn't even aware of.

_Come on Bella_, I thought. _It's just a room, get over it._ I reached my hand in and flicked the light switch, illuminating the florescent fixture hanging from the ceiling. I stared at the pale yellow cabinets, a reminder that Charlie didn't like change and prepared myself for tears.

A soft chuckle elicited from my mouth and I began to smile at the tickle that had burst out in my stomach. Because as much as I was my father's daughter – I hated change just as he did- I still managed to find a vampire to fall for. _Now that's a hell of a change_, I thought and a fresh irruption of laughter spilled out of me. I slid to the floor, shaking I was laughing so hard, until tears did fall from my eyes.

"Oh, Dad, what do I do now?" I said aloud as I came back down from the hysteria of it all. Then I looked up at the counter to the junk drawer. Billy Black was always an unwavering support for Charlie, they could always count on one another; maybe Jacob could be my Billy. I smiled and lifted myself from the floor, making my way across the kitchen. The cold linoleum floor felt good against my feet and I thought fleetingly of dancing around on it with Charlie when I was only 6.

I pulled a tattered old address book out of the drawer and placed it on the counter. _Edward_, was all I thought as I opened the book and stared down at Charlie's handwriting.

It took my breath away, to see his scrawl across the small pages. All the names of people he knew, friends he had. I pictured Charlie excited for a fishing trip, going to this drawer and pulling this book out, calling some buddies he hadn't seen in a while to invite along.

The thought of my father happy brought a light smile to my face. I ran my fingers over the letters and felt the indentions the pen had created. _Remembering my Dad happy is good_, I thought warmly.

My fingers flipped through and found Billy Black's name and information, I thought idly that I hadn't even checked with Jake to see if he was still living with Billy. I shrugged that thought off and punched the number into my phone. It rang a few times and then a man answered that was obviously Billy.

"Hello?" His voice was gruff and sounded weathered.

"Billy? Hi, it's ah Bella Swan."

"Ah, Bella, how are you dear?" His voice took on a softer tone and he sounded genuinely curious as to how I was doing.

"I'm doing well, I'm sure Jake told you that I'm in town, trying to organize Charlie's house."

"Your house, Bella, your house," he said with sorrow tingeing his voice.

"Oh, I – ah," I trailed off not sure how to respond to that.

"Charlie left everything to you, and I know he worked hard and was proud of what little he had. So I would hope that you would treat it as your own and afford it the respect it deserves," his tone stayed kind and gentle, he sounded like a father taking the opportunity to teach their child the right thing to do.

I hadn't thought about the fact that distancing myself from what Charlie had left me, and not 'owning' any of it may come off as ungrateful, or uncaring. If only he knew, it's because I cared too much.

"You're right, Billy, sorry. Is um, is Jake there?"

"Sure, sure," he said and I heard him pull the phone from his ear and call for Jacob.

"Hey Bells!" Jacob's voice was booming and jovial into the phone a few seconds later.

"Hey Jake," I smiled at the nickname this time, expecting it. It was actually very nice to hear again.

"So, did you have a chance to think about what we talked about?"

"Yeah, and I think I got some leads, but I still have a million questions. Are you a wolf and is Edward a murderer? If he is one of **'**The Cold Ones'then why can he come out in the daytime? How –"

"Whoa, slow down!" Jacob interrupted my onslaught of twenty questions.

"Why don't you meet me at First Beach? I need to talk to some friends but I can be there at about 11, does that sound good?"

"That sounds wonderful as long as you can answer my questions."

"I'll do my best, Bells, promise."

"Thanks, Jake, I'll see you soon."

I hung up the phone happy that I would be getting at least some answers in a few short hours.

My stomach growled at me as I pushed eggs around on a pan. The familiar popping sound of bacon sizzled on the back burner mirroring the anticipation popping around inside me, saturating my head.

The kitchen filled with the delicious smells of scrambled eggs with cheese and my mouth watered, I was starving. Breakfast finally prepared, I sat at the small kitchen table and buttered my toast. I felt at home for once, thoughts of sadness and depression only a faint shadow stitched to my feet, the threads coming loose.

It was hard to tell if it was the fact that I had forced myself to trudge through and stay in the place I had been most afraid of for so long, time fortifying my resolve. Or if it was the fact that my brain had so many distractions, but it was becoming easier to be in Charlie's house, _my_ house. _It's the distractions of course_, the thought came from nowhere - the more cynical part of my brain.

As I chewed my eggs greedily I made a mental pact with myself that I would begin the daunting task of sorting through the house today. _Why not after breakfast_, my subconscious flared again, challenging me. _Fine, I will, after breakfast_, I sneered at my inner skeptic and popped a piece of bacon into my mouth smugly.

After washing my dishes and setting them to dry I turned and tapped my fingers on the edge of the counter. I chewed my bottom lip as I debated on where to start. _Well, I'm in the kitchen_ … I thought with a shrug. Truthfully, I knew there wasn't really any good place to start; I just needed to dive in head first, or I'd never get anything done.

Forty-five minutes and two boxes later, I had all of the dishes and glasses packed up, except for a few items that had sentimental value. I kept out the '#1 Dad' and 'I Heart Fishing' mugs I had given Charlie as gifts. They were obviously loved and well used, one had a chip at the rim and they both had coffee ring stains around the insides.

There was a fancy looking china plate that didn't match any of the other dishes, I kept that because I wasn't sure what its significance was and I wanted to ask Renee. There was also one other plate I had made out of clay and painted for Charlie in second grade, it had my handprint pressed into the center. I placed my hand over the small child-size impression and sighed. _Why would he keep this - you can't even eat off of it_, I thought.

I sat up straight from my position on the floor and stretched my arms toward the ceiling and my back made a loud crack noise. My phone said it was 10:10 and I figured I was at a good stopping point.

I went up to the bathroom and ran a brush through my hair, I hadn't looked in the mirror this morning and I almost laughed at the site of my tussled hair. 'Sex hair' came to mind and I thought of my imaginary yet awesome make out session with Edward. _That was some dream I thought_, misty eyed.

I pictured my inner skeptic eying me dubiously; fully aware that anyone else would have been completely freaked out by that dream. _Why did I have such an unusual reaction? _No answers from the peanut gallery - so I decidedthat even my personal Jiminy Cricket was a little intrigued by how Mr. Cullen affects me.

In attempts to make myself more presentable, I grabbed my purse and went for the emergency supplies a-la-Renee. After applying mascara and a light dusting of blush I toyed with the idea of some eyeliner and then decided against it. _Too dressy. _I threw on some sheer lip gloss that was almost the same color as my lips and left it at that.

The short drive to La Push had never seemed so long. My knee bobbed anxiously and I felt like I was moving in slow motion, but my mind was racing. As the trees receded and I could see the horizon over the breaking waves I let out a sigh of relief. The tall rock formations jutting from the water in the distance were beautiful as always. This has always been one of my favorite places to visit. Even after living in Florida, no beach compared to this one in my mind.

I parked my rental car and glanced around. There were a few people playing in the light waves and others were littered along the sand, soaking in what rays of sun they could, but I didn't recognize anyone. Most of them shared the same russet colored skin and jet black hair that Jacob and Billy had; all part of the Quileute tribe no doubt. There were a few obvious tourists speckled here and there, but not many.

My phone said it was 10:56, so technically I was early. I went over to a long piece of driftwood that sat secluded from the other beach-goers. I sat, watching the rhythmic motion of the ocean washing into the sand over and over. I was captivated by the image of the ocean, so vast and deep, trying desperately to pull away from the earth, merely to always come crashing back into it. They were forever bound together, only the moon's gravity ruling their fate.

"Bella …you came!" The excited voice behind me was not the one I was expecting to hear and I cringed as I turned to see Tyler Crowley with his arms stretched wide.

"Tyler…" I trailed stopping myself from saying something I would feel badly for later.

"Not everyone was able to make it, but Mike, Jessica, Angela, Ben and Lauren are here!"

_Oh joy_, why didn't I remember that they were having their 'last hurrah' here today? I internally smacked myself repeatedly.

"Oh, that's great," I swallowed hard and then forced a smile.

"I – ah, I'm actually meeting an old family friend here though so…"

"Well, that's cool." Tyler's enthusiasm was only dampened slightly and he turned and waived the crew of people who were emerging from a van in the parking lot towards us. _No Tyler, take a hint damn it!_

"Hey guys, I told you Bella was back in town!"

I nervously ran my hand through my hair and tried to plan my escape route. My gaze caught with one of the boys who visibly picked up his pace at Tyler's words. I thought I remembered him to be Mike Newton, and then I remembered his constant attention the few weeks I was at Forks High and how he called me what seemed like hundreds of times after Charlie had passed, but I never returned his calls. I groaned; _could this possibly get any worse? I just want to know if Edward is a fucking vampire and what the hell I'm suppose to do if he is._

"Hey, Bella, long time no see**,"** Mike said, as he tried to catch his breath from his near sprint over. Jessica and Angela followed close behind and I smiled at Angela. I had always liked her, she was quiet and unassuming – my kind of girl.

"Hi, guys," my voice came out weak as I hugged Angela and Jessica and sat back down. Lauren sat across from me, shooting daggers, _gees_; I never got what her problem was with me.

Mike sat down right next to me and I looked up and gave him a polite smile, he was staring. I looked away, back to the water hoping he would get the picture, but I could feel his baby blues eyes boring a hole into my left temple. I chanced a glance back at him and immediately regretted it. I knew the look on his face, he felt sorry for me – the sad broken girl who lost her Dad and had to move away – he wanted to fix me, be my hero.

"Are you okay Bella?"

_God, here we go._

"Yeah, I'm awesome. How are you?" I put on my best big girl voice and looked him directly in the eye. I didn't want to show any hesitation or weakness, I was fine, I didn't need a hero. _More like an evil vampire_ - my inner skeptic awoke from nowhere, rearing her ugly head.

"Um, I, I'm g-good," Mike stammered, taking a moment too long to answer, apparently thrown by my confident response.

"Good," I said with finality flashing him a wide smile and I immediately had images of Edward's cocky grin flash through my mind.

"So Bella, you're cleaning out your Dad's house. Does that mean you're selling it?" I turned to the always nosey Jessica who was looking back at me awaiting my response.

"I haven't decided what I'm going to do with _my_ house yet," I emphasized the word 'my' and it felt good. For the first time I was proud to claim the ownership, with no feelings of sadness attached. It must have been the looming expectation that I would be sad and broken and I wanted to show these people that I was fine, I was handling it. And yet another trait from Charlie I was finding in myself, I was being proud.

"How long are you going to be in town for?" Jessica continued her prying as she eyed Mike's creeping proximity to me.

"I'm not sure, there's a lot to be done." I was loosing patience with the conversation and I checked my phone again, 11:10, _where are you Jake?_

"Well, if you need any help while you're in town don't hesitate to call." I looked up at Angela who was smiling at me warmly.

"Ben has a truck and we could help you pack some stuff if you want," she stated simply without a trace of pity on her face. It was very refreshing to feel like she honestly just wanted to help, no other motivation whatsoever.

"Thanks Angela, I really appreciate that." I stood and made my way over to where she sat on the outskirts of the small circle that had formed. Angela and I talked for a few more minutes and then we exchanged numbers. Thankfully, the attention had been taken off me and now everyone else was engrossed in their own conversations.

"Bells!" I looked up from my phone, relief washing over me as Jacob approached.

"Jake, hey!" I called over the group of people; I couldn't help the smile that stretched across my face. Jacob walked right through the crowd and wrapped is gigantic arms around me, lifting me into the air in a tight bear hug.

"Jake… I can't breathe," I laughed and tapped my hands on his back so he would release me. As he set me down with a roar of laughter I noticed everyone gawking at us. I suppose we were a sight; Jacob with his enormous form towering over me and our jovial disposition when they all expect me to be the sullen-girl.

"So, you ready to go?" He asked and I looked at him unsure of what he meant.

"Um, yeah, okay."

"Well, let's hit it then." He motioned for my car and I realized he was supplying me with an out.

"Well, it was great to see you guys." I waived at everyone as I stood.

"You're leaving already?" Mike asked, and he looked like one of those abused dogs on those ASPCA commercials that makes you want to go out and adopt every dog in the pound.

"Yeah, Jake and I have plans." I said with a polite smile, giving another wave. Everyone said there goodbyes and Angela extended her offer again to help anytime I needed it. Lauren didn't even so much as glance in my direction, which was perfectly fine by me.

I grabbed Jake's hand and practically ran for the car.

"Gee wiz Bella - slow down. I mean I could tell you didn't want to be stuck with those guys, but at least spare their feelings a little," he teased.

I rolled my eyes at him and jumped in the generic looking sedan that was temporarily mine.

"Nice ride," Jacob mocked me as he ran his hands along the dash like it was fine Italian leather. He looked hilarious cramped into the small passenger seat and I burst out laughing at the sight of him.

"What?" He asked, chuckling along. I just shook my head, unable to answer I was laughing so hard.

"It's good to hear you laugh Bella."

I took in a deep breath and thought about how I hadn't really laughed like that in years.

"It feels good," I responded in earnest.

"Now where to?"

"I guess we could head towards your house," he shrugged.

The ride back to my house seemed quicker than the trip out, and neither one of us said anything. As anxious as I was for answers I had no clue where to start.

"So, thanks for rescuing me back there." I smiled at Jacob as we parked in front of the house.

"Sure, sure. No problem, that blonde kid was bothering me anyway, he was all ogling you and shit – I didn't want to stick around."

"Mike," I sighed, "he's harmless, just a little clueless is all."

"Yeah, harmless is good." Jake stared at his hands and I knew there was a double meaning there.

"Yeah, I hear there are worse things out there."

Why am I being so obtuse? Is it really that hard to say what I know, or at least what I think I know? _Yes, because it sounds crazy_, my ever omniscient subconscious piped up. She was beginning to get on my nerves.

"Bella," Jake began, still staring at his hands. "I still can't say anything; you have to guess." He looked at me, his eyes imploring for me to just 'get it'.

"Let's go inside, I'll make you some tea."

"Do you have coffee?"

I eyed him; for the first time since I'd come back to Forks, Jacob looked like a little boy trying to act older.

"Coffee? … Jake, you know that will stunt your growth," my tone was playful and I cocked a knowing eyebrow at him. He stared a moment too long and then laughed nervously, looking back to his hands.

"Tea's fine, Bells."

"Good, because I don't have any coffee."

I laughed to myself as I watched Jacob's huge body awkwardly fold into one of the small kitchen chairs. On second thought, maybe he could use some coffee; a little stunting of his growth might be a good thing_._ We sat and waited as the water boiled and I searched my brain for where to begin. Do I ask him about Edward first or the possibility that the man sitting in front of me was a werewolf. Why doesn't that freak me out – _because there's something wrong with you,_ when did my inner musings become so snarky?

"Edward is a vampire." There, I said it, no turning back now. I swallowed hard and chanced a look at his face. Jacob was giving me that patented ear-to-ear Jacob grin and nodding at me.

"So… does that make you a werewolf?" He still wasn't speaking just nodding, his smile faded slightly at my last statement and I could see a touch of sadness in his eyes.

"Does Edward kill people? Will he kill me?"

"Edward's family is supposedly different. They don't feed off humans, and if he tries to hurt you I will kill him myself," Jacob sat straight and his voice was suddenly so commanding. I shivered, knowing he was completely serious, Jacob would kill Edward.

"Couldn't you get hurt, or killed yourself?" My voice went up an octave as I thought aloud; I was suddenly terrified for Jacob's life.

"Vam-vampires are seriously strong Jake, I watched Edward stop a moving vehicle with his bare hands. He could rip you apart!" My hysteria grew as these things flooded my head.

"Bella, calm down; being a wolf has its perks too ya know. We aren't weak; we're built to kill vampires; that's why we are what we are."

"So, if they weren't around then you wouldn't exist?"

"No, I'd exist, but I'd just be … normal." I saw the sadness touch his eyes again.

"You don't like it do you… being a wolf?"

"I didn't at first, but it's grown on me." He shrugged and I could tell there was more to what he was saying.

"So, if the Cullen's don't feed off humans then why is Edward so dangerous?"

"Because Bella," he sighed, "there's always the possibility of danger. He could lose control or he could accidentally hug you too hard and snap your neck; there are so many different ways it could happen…" he trailed off and I felt defeat creeping in, _no there has to be a way, I don't care, Edward wouldn't hurt me._ I tried desperately to fill myself with a little hope.

"I can't even think what would happen if he tried to kiss you…" Jacob was breathing hard now, his skin was quivering.

"Jake," I watched him carefully, he was getting visibly upset. "Jacob!" He still wouldn't look at me so I grabbed his chin and forced his eyes to mine. "Calm down Jacob, he hasn't tried to kiss me." Jacob took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I'm dangerous too Bella." He slunk down in his seat, relaxing slightly but that sadness was ever more present on his features as he said those words.

"I don't know what you mean Jake."

"Just now, I was getting angry, that's dangerous. If I phased and you were too close… it just wouldn't be good."

"You almost … phased … just now!" I blanched at him, I was sure that meant he almost turned into a wolf right here in my kitchen.

"It makes me so angry to think of that bloodsucker being anywhere near you, so – yes I almost phased thinking about it."

"What – why…" I didn't know what to say or ask; I was at a complete loss for words.

"You stopped me Bella." His eyes bore into mine and the deep brown was soft and gentle; calming.

"How did I stop you?" My voice came out a whisper.

"When you made me look at you, I couldn't …I couldn't be angry anymore." Jacob looked away and I had no response.

Before I could get my brain working again there was a trilling whistle coming from the stove and I jumped.

"Tea's ready," I said. I poured tea into the '#1 Dad' mug and handed it to Jacob and I took the 'I Heart Fishing' mug, sitting back at the table.

"Bella, you have to promise me." Jacob surprised me as he grabbed both of my hands tightly and pulled them to his chest, pulling me and my chair closer to him.

"What, Jake?" I asked weary of what he was going to say.

"Promise me you will stay away from that bloodsucker."

"Jake," I let out an exasperated breath, "I can't do that." I couldn't bring myself to look at him as I denied his request and Jacob let go of my hands, they fell limply to my lap.

"You like him, don't you."

"Yes, Jake, I really do." Now Jacob was the one who looked lost and deflated.

"Jake, he's not a bad guy, he would never hurt me."

"How do you know that Bella!" Jacob suddenly bellowed at me.

"I – I just do okay." I stood, distancing myself form him. All of the sudden, Jacob jumped up from his seat and was instantly in a crouched position in front of me.

"Jake, what are you doing?"

"He's here."

"How do you know that?" I asked, nerves seeping through my voice.

"I can smell him."

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**A/N: Please press review, I love to hear everyone's thoughts and if you're all liking the story. Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving here in the US! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Big thanks to my beta wolfgrl04, you are awesome, thanks for making me look good. Okay, are you ready… let's get to it**.

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, all the respective characters belong to Stephenie Meyer: Rated M: A/U**

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Chapter 6

BPOV

"Get behind me Bella**,"** Jake's voice was commanding again and he was taking a defensive stance in front of me. My mind was whirling and I couldn't process everything fast enough. _Edward – here, Edward the vampire was here with Jacob the wolf – mortal enemies. Bad, this is bad._

"Jake, no, it's fine. I told you he won't hurt me."

There was a knock at the door and I put my hand on Jake's shoulder as Istepped around him all the while keeping eye contact. 'It's fine', I mouthed to him and he took a half step back.

I went to the front door and took a deep breath, trying desperately to steel my nerves. Opening it as casually as I could, I wasn't surprised to see Edward standing there. I was surprised, however, by his expression; he looked _livid_.

"Hi Edward," I said in my best how's-it-going-everything's-normal-and-I-don't-think-you're-a-vampire voice.

"Bella," he said curtly with a nod.

"Come on in," I gestured and he stepped in, going straight past me into the kitchen. _Shit._

"That wasn't your place, _dog_," Edward spit at Jacob and I wasn't sure what part of the conversation I had missed.

"Bella's a smart girl Edo; she figured it out all on her own."

"You have put her in grave danger, don't you understand that?" Edward was furious and Jacob's expression was unreadable but calm.

"NO! You can't protect her from everything and you _know_ I would never hurt her**,"** Edward shot at Jacob and then recoiled like he had been hit.

Jacob just glared at Edward and said nothing.

"You have no clue, you mutt**,"** Edward growled.

I literally shook my head to make sure my ears were both working, _why am I missing chunks of this conversation?_ I thought frustrated.

_Maybe it's some special supernatural creature code – you're not in that club – too bad._ Oh joy, my cynical inner self is back – **go away**.

"Hey!! Hellooo… _she_ is standing right here! Someone want to let me in on this coded conversation."

"Edward can read minds**,"** Jacob said as he stared right at Edward's face. Edward glared straight through Jacob and he looked impossibly angrier.

I felt dizzy and my face flushed bright red. _He can read minds too... has he been reading my mind?_ My breathing came quickly and I sat in the seat behind me, placing my head between my knees.

"Bella, are you okay?" I felt a cool icy hand stroking my back and I flinched away.

"Can you, can you read my mind?" I asked breathlessly.

Edward crouched in front of me and pulled my face up to his. Being in such close proximity to his beauty made my head spin for a completely different reason and his tawny eyes glistened at me, his expression softer all signs of anger gone.

"Bella, I have never met anyone like you in my entire life. No, I can not read your mind, you're the only one and it's yet another reason why you confound me so," his voice was soft and musical thatI would have accepted anything he said to me then. But to hear that I was special, in addition to the fact that –_thank the lord_- he could not read my mind; relief didn't even half cover what I felt, I was soaring.

Before I could respond, Jacob ripped Edward back by the collar and my heart fell to my feet. _No, please no fighting._

"Don't touch her you parasite!" Jacob looked enormous and intimidating, stretching over Edward. A low growl emitted from Edward's throat and all the blood drained from my face when I saw his expression.

My dream didn't even touch what Edward looked like when he was being threatening. He looked more malevolent then I could ever imagine, his eyes jet black and the shadows underneath looked the darkest I'd ever seen. I was scared to death for Jacob's life in that second, and the saying 'if looks could kill' rushed through my head.

"Stop!" I heard someone yell and then realized it was me. Neither one of them looked at me; both locked in a death stare. Tears filled my eyes and I felt the anger welling inside me. _If either one of them gets hurt…_, I thought fueling my own rage.

Then I watched what I feared most unfold before me**.** Edward made the slightest twitch in Jacob's direction and I saw Jake's skin begin to quiver once again.

"NO!" I screamed as I flung myself at Jacob with all the force my 110 pound frame could muster. The chair I had been sitting in flew back from the momentum of my body being propelled from it. I heard the metal clank of it bouncing off the floor as I closed my eyes and slammed into something hard. I was unsure if it was Jake, Edward, a wolf version of Jake, or the kitchen counter, but I prayed to God I had thrown myself between them in time.

My arms were wrapped around something, so I immediately ruled out the kitchen counter. I felt heat pouring over me so I knew it wasn't Edward, and then I felt the softness between my fingers. I opened my eyes slowly and was met with the same soothing brown eyes I had been looking at all afternoon, only they were attached to a much different looking creature.

"Bella, move away very slowly," Edward's voice came out sounding panicked. But as I stared into this familiar eye I didn't feel any fear.

"Jacob?" I questioned as I rolled my fingers through his mane without thought. He closed his eyes and leaned his gigantic wolf head into my hand.

"Bella…" Edward's voice urged me to step away.

"You can read his mind, is he going to hurt me?" I asked, looking for the first time at Edward's face. If it were at all possible, he looked even paler then normal I could see the strain and worry he was struggling against by having me so close to Jacob.

"No."

"I don't want you two fighting over me." I looked back and forth between the two of them as I spoke.

"I am an adult. I can decide what is best for me, and I don't need you two killing each other over it."

"Bella, you don't understand, this mutt is not good company."

Jacob growled and barred his teeth and I took a step back, a little nervous now to be in between them.

"Please," I plead to them both. Jacob's expression softened slightly and he put his teeth away.

"Bella," Edward began and I put my hand up to stop him.

"Jake, thank you for today, but I think Edward and I need to talk now." He leaned his large head towards me again and whimpered lightly.

"He doesn't want to leave you alone with me,**" **Edward explained sounding despondent.

"Jake, I'm fine, I promise. Edward won't hurt me." I tried to plead with my eyes and let him know that I truly wasn't afraid and he shouldn't be either.

"He wants you to call him in a few hours so he knows you're safe." Edward acting as translator was clearly weighing on him.

I smiled at Jake and ruffled the fur atop his head. "Thanks Jake."

With that he turned and ran for the front door thatEdward was now holding open for him. I looked around the kitchen, taking notice of all the torn pieces of fabric splayed across its surfaces. A cabinet door hung limply off it's hinges; a casualty of Jacob's transformation. _So weird_, I thought, _and I didn't even really get to see it._

_Yeah, and that's a sane concluding thought to what just happened, _Jiminy Cricket rolled her eyes at me and I dismissed the thought. Who's to say what is sane now anyway?

Edward returned to the kitchen looking defeated and heartbroken. I stared at his beautiful face puzzled as to why he looked so sad, and clueless as to where to begin.

"Bella, I just came for my phone. I can see that Jake told you everything and I won't bother you anymore."

I stared blankly at him, he was upset that I knew his secret and he wanted nothing to do with was my turn to look defeated and heartbroken.

"Edward, I don't know what to say…" How do I tell this man that he already means so much to me and he can't just walk away? _He obviously doesn't feel the same for you, so there's nothing you can say._ Thanks Jiminy.

"You don't have to say anything Bella, it's smart for to stay away from me – I told you I was dangerous." Edward's eyes had returned to their gentler tawny color and they seemed to be searching my face for something. He thought that I don'twant to spend time with him because he's a vampire, relief washed through me.

"I don't care." Edward's mouth set in a grim line and he shook his head at my words.

"I don't want to stay away from you." As I spoke I took two steps closer to him watching as he froze in place, every muscle in his body hardening into stone.

"Bella, you _should_ care," his voice was low, conflicted.

"I like you Edward, and I want to be around you." I closed the distance between us, stepping right in front of him and looking up into his eyes. It didn't look like he was breathing and he hadn't moved a muscle, not even the slightest twitch. A small smile crept up one side of his mouth and he closed his eyes.

"For a human you have a pretty atrocious fight or flight reflex. I don't think 'welcome with open arms' is supposed to be an option when you're confronted with a deadly being."

"You won't hurt me." I lifted my eyebrow slightly, trying to hide my question as a statement. Deep down I felt that it was true, I just couldn't explain why.

"How do you know that?" He opened his eyes and they looked deeply sad as he gazed at me with such intensity I forgot myself for a moment.

"Well, beside the fact that you told Jacob you wouldn't; you don't drink human blood and I just believe it in my heart." I shrugged as I finished like it was simple logic.

"You are so odd, Isabella Swan. You should be running screaming for the hills, but instead here you stand, mere inches from a cold blooded killer and you look as cool as a cucumber."

The casual use of my full name had my stomach doing summersaults and I took a deep breath to calm my excitement. The smell that filled my nose clouded my head and I had to close my eyes to hide its affect. Edward smelled glorious, my mouth watered and I instinctively leaned into the alluring scent.

"I'm not afraid of you," I said without thinking, my judgment impaired; I felt slightly intoxicated.

"You should be," Edward's tone was dark and it sobered me enough so I could open my eyes and look at him. His expression was stern and concerned; perhaps he thought I was crazy.

"Why don't we go sit in the living room and talk, I still have lots of questions, and maybe now you can give me some answers." He nodded and followed me out of the kitchen.

We sat and talked for what seemed like hours. I found out that his whole family couldn't read minds, just him, but they all had their own special traits.

"So then Alice must have seen me coming."

"Yes, she did, but she didn't warn me."

"_Warn you_, why would she have to warn you?"

"You still don't get it Bella." He laughed humorlessly to himself as he shook his head.

"I told you - you are unlike anyone I had ever met before. Not only is your mind closed to me, but your blood is especially alluring as well. It's more potent then anything I've ever smelled in my whole life." He was giving me his intense stare and speaking slowly like it was vital that I hear each word.

"I don't understand, you don't drink human blood."

"No. I don't but that doesn't mean it's not still a temptation. I have gotten used to ignoring the cravings and the smells, but with you – it's a hundred times stronger then any craving I've ever dealt with."

"So that's why Alice should have warned you so you would be ready for – my smell?"

"No. She should have warned me because I would have left town if I had known."

"Left town! It can't possibly be that bad Edward, I …"

"I almost _killed_ you the fist day we met." I gapped at him as he pinched the bridge of his nose, obviously frustrated with me.

"Why?" I squeaked, sounding like a small field mouse.

"Because the need was so overwhelming and I had never experienced any feeling like that before. I spent the entire class battling with myself and plotting how I could kill you with the least amount of casualties." He kept his fingers pinched across his nose and spoke quickly as if in confession.

I stared at him as I thought back to that day, the color draining from my face. I remembered that he had acted strange and then was gone for the rest of the week. I gasped at that thought.

"Is that why you went away, because of me?"

"Yes."

"Then why did you come back?"

"I was foolish and thought that I could control it, that I wouldn't let a small human have such power over me. I told myself I would at least stay away." Edward's gaze bore into my soul and I could hear the blood push quicker through my veins, my pulse throbbing in my ears.

"But I couldn't – something draws me to you, and it's not just your blood. When Charlie passed away and you left before I had a chance to apologize for acting so horribly to you, it took my entire family to convince me not to go to Florida and find you."

I was completely dumbfounded; this Greek God is drawn to _me_? My mouth went dry and a prickling sensation was expanding across my toes. I was getting light headed and Edward being so close - that delicious smell that was _him_ filling my nose - wasn't helping me.

"Is that why you came to me at the hospital?"

"Yes." My forehead scrunched in confusion to his answer and I broke my gaze away.

"How... how did you know I would be there? Was it Alice, did she tell you?"

Edward squirmed in his seat slightly and it looked completely out of character for him. Usually the picture of composure, calm and collected – now he looked embarrassed? I couldn't place the expression with the context of the conversation.

"No, Alice didn't tell me."

"Then how …"

"I was there." He looked at me with guilty eyes. I sighed, my cheeks reddening, as the awareness he had seen my fall in the woods took hold.

"You saw me hit my head?" He nodded in response and I pushed my fingers across my forehead, feeling the three miniscule stitches at my hairline.

"Good Lord, how embarrassing," I muttered to myself. My eyes widened then as another thought occurred to me.

"Were you hunting in the woods and came across my scent? Edward, isn't that dangerous to hunt so close to town?!" My voice piqued, and visions of Edward loosing control after crossing the path of my scent then attacking me, filled my head.

"No! God, no… of course I don't hunt that close to where humans live. You're right that would be completely dangerous," he finished with a light chuckle and rubbed his hand across the base of his neck - that embarrassed expression returning.

"I was, um, watching you."

"_Watching_ me?" He said nothing just stared at me dumbly.

"Edward, how long have you known I was back in town?"

"Since the night you got here." He sighed and leaned back on the sofa looking to the ceiling. "I told you that it took my whole family to keep me from going and finding you, well… sometimes I would still find myself in the woods outside your house." He looked at me then with a far away expression and sorrow in his eyes.

"I don't know why really. I knew you were gone, and I didn't expect that you would return. You see, vampires are without your human needs for sleep. As a result, we are left with a lot of time on our hands, especially at night." I sat back and soaked in every word, loving that he was confiding 'vampire secrets' in me. _Great, he's a vamp __and__ a stalker_, Jiminy piped up and I internally glared at her.

"A lot of nights I go for runs, sometimes it's one of the only things that helps clear my head. There is a lot of noise up here," he said as he tapped his temple with his pointer finger, playfully. I smiled and bit my bottom lip, playful Edward is adorable.

"At times I would find myself in the woods right outside of here, and that night I stood there staring at the house thinking I had gone mad. That all these years of being surrounded by a family of vampires who all had someone and my complete loneliness had caused my brain to overload, supplying me the sweet delusion of your return." There was true pain in his features and my fingers longed to soothe away the hurt.

"Then I heard you when you were crying, and a small glimmer of hope grew in me. I waited for you to fall asleep and I came through your window just to see your face, to confirm I wasn't feeding into a delusion." My mouth hung slack and I couldn't put two coherent thoughts together. My vision blurred and my brain was reeling. Jiminy was the first to gain hold of Edward's confessions;_ see… stalker, I told you. Tell him to leave._

"You were in my room… while I was sleeping?" The words came out dry and slow and I tried my damnedest to focus on the top button of his plaid shirt. _Plaid, really? I hadn't even noticed._

"Yes, but I assure you I was in complete control."

"Complete control!" My voice was shrill and hysteric at his statement. I swallowed hard, trying to reign in the anger I hadn't expected.

"Edward, first of all, let's just ignore the fact that it's completely _creepy_ to sneak into someone's bedroom and watch them sleep. You just got done telling me that you thought it was a delusion I was back and before that, the fact that my blood is like any other you've ever endured. Those two things don't mesh well in my opinion. What if you convinced yourself it was a dream and it was okay to let your control go?!" I finished my rant, breathing hard and Jiminy Cricket nodded at me in encouragement for once. Edward wouldn't look at my face, only his hands and his shoulders were slumped.

"Bella, I wouldn't have gone into your room if I weren't in complete control, delusion or not," his words were quiet but sure and I believed him, I sighed in resignation; Jiminy slapped her hand across her face in annoyance.

"I just don't understand. If it was so hard the first time, how are you miraculously cured?" Edward's eyes drew to mine slowly and I felt a pulling deep inside my being at his intense stare.

"First, let me tell you that being here with you is not without great difficulty. My every basic instinct is to grab you by the throat and rip into your soft flesh... it would be like melted butter. Your smell burns through me like a wildfire and I still have to keep myself in check." Edward seemed to be loose himself in thought; he hesitated and then trailed an icy finger along my neck letting it rest on my pulse point.

I swallowed hard, and it caught on the baseball size lump that took up residence in my throat. A cold sweat broke out across my skin and I wrung my palms together tightly. As much as his words absolutely petrified me, they had turned me on as well and Jiminy threw her hands up in exasperation of that feeling.

"With that said - I've lost you once Bella, and I don't ever want to experience that again," hisvoice was impossibly soft as those words flittered out into the space between us and my brain swirled; I felt like Alice falling through the rabbit hole. My right mind, a.k.a J.C., was screaming at me that it didn't make sense. But another part of me, a rather large part, felt the same. I pictured myself leaving, packing my suitcase, and going back to Jacksonville; my heart vaporized at the notion.

I could not leave this man, the draw, the tie, the lure - whatever you want to call it - was far to strong and leaving him would mean leaving a piece of me as well. I'd already gone through enough emptiness after Charlie, and my intuition told me that was nothing in comparison to the pain Edward could cause me, obviously physically but especially mentally. I shivered at the thought and the hollow space in my heart reserved for Charlie pulsed as if to illustrate the point.

"So you watched me sleep?" I asked meekly, staring at my hands laced together so tightly, my knuckles were turning white.

"I watched you sleep every night," he admitted.

My little internal friend had her mouth slung open and I mental pushed it closed with my index finger.

"Why?" I calmly questioned.

"Firstly, because you are exquisite when you sleep; secondly because it is nice to be around you – quiet; and the last reason I have already admitted, I am drawn to you." I felt the heat radiating from my cheeks as I swooned at his words.

"Exquisite?" I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Bella, you are simply the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. To see you in a state of complete rest and relaxation is the next best thing I've experienced since I was able to sleep myself. Except for when you have your bad dreams," Edward cast his eyes to the hem of his pants as he spoke.

I narrowed my eyes at him and tilted my head slightly. "How do you know when I'm having a bad dream?" Edward looked up, a sheepish grin playing at his mouth.

"You sometimes talk in your sleep, and you also toss and turn a lot when it's especially bad."

I knew I was quite possibly purple at his statement. _Of course I talk in my sleep, my parents had always made fun of me for it, why didn't red flags go off in my head the second he mentioned watching me sleep!_ I buried my face in my hands and I heard him chuckle lightly.

"It's not that bad Bella."

"Not that bad! What did you hear me say?!"

"The first night I heard you cry for Charlie," his expression grew solemn. "Those were particularly bad episodes, a lot of tossing and turning." He frowned.

"Then you were quiet, only slight whispers here and there about missing your Mom, until last night." His eyes fell on mine and for once I went white instead of red. _Last night_, I thought, internally moaning and then noticed J.C. sat back contently, obviously enjoying my discomfort. My legs wanted to run, pull me as quickly out of the room, out of the house and into the creeping dawning of the evening. Instead I clasped my eyes tightly shut and asked the question I didn't want the answer to.

"What did you hear last night?"

"At first you seemed happy, smiling and saying something about being lost. Then I could see you were getting restless and you tossed and turned so I thought you were having a nightmare…" Edward trailed off and I knew he didn't want to tell me what else I did. My mind filled with passionate kissing and the longing and want I had felt so vividly.

"What else?" I whispered.

"You started moaning and then you just froze completely still. I wasn't sure what to make of it until…" He trailed again now avoiding eye contact.

"Just tell me Edward, I know what the dream was."

"You said my name. At first I was soaring, elated that you dreamt of me, then I felt it all ripped away when you murmured 'I forgive you, Edward please come back'. Then I knew you were dreaming of me and not moaning from pleasure, but pain; I must have been hurting you in your dream. I wasn't sure how you would have been dreaming that until I heard through Jacob's mind that you knew everything." He finally looked at me then, an apology in his eyes and I wanted to wash it all away.

"Oh, Edward, I did dream of you and it was an amazing dream, but you … you just vanished and I felt empty, that part was not good." I couldn't bear to tell him why he left, and I was thankful again that he couldn't read my mind. He looked slightly relieved at my confession and then his eyebrow lifted slightly, a mischievous gleam in his eye.

"Care to share then?" I looked away, embarrassed again. Edward sat so close to me, all I had to do was lift my hand and it would be at his face, touching his skin. I wanted nothing more then to do just that, but I couldn't find the confidence and my arms laid lamely in my lap. Despite his confessions of being drawn to me, I had no clue if that meant he wanted anymore then just to be around me.

As I looked at Edward's face, his eyes implored me; tawny, golden orbs that were lit like I hadn't seen them burn before. I wanted to pour them in a cup and drink from of them; they looked so warm and inviting. My fingers twitched as some part of me ached to give into my body's instinct. My mind flinted to the thought; _what if Edward gave into his instincts_? Do I really care? I don't live much of a life as it is, I would die someday anyway, and wouldn't it be more epic to die trying for something my soul was telling me I needed?

"Edward, I…" My lungs filled with air as I pulled a sizeable breath in through my nose and my eyes closed. The sweat smell of Edward swirled my brain, I imagined it curling like smoke through my entire body, pulling at my muscles and nerves, inviting me to him. I opened my eyes feeling their heaviness from the need that had overcome me.

Cautiously, the pads of my fingers touched the cold marble skin that stretched across Edward's cheek and the sensation buzzed through me, an icy burn. I waited for a second, giving him the opportunity to push me away, he simply closed his eyes at my touch.

Slowly, I trailed two fingers along his features, outlining his nose, soft eyelids, the purple-hued skin just beneath his eyes, high cheekbones, his jaw line… _that jaw_. I cupped my hand under his chin and ghosted my thumb over his gloriously plump pink lips. His mouth opened slightly at the feel of my finger over his lips and they pursed minutely. I leaned my faced closer to his, stopping just centimeters from his delectable mouth.

"Edward…" I let my breath warm his face and the corner of his mouth twitched up.

"Hmmm…" He was relaxed, enjoying my touch.

"Don't move**,"** I whispered, watching as he sucked in air audibly and then froze. I took the opportunity to truly appreciate the moment, anticipation buzzing through my entire being. Edward was putting his trust in me, allowing me this close and letting down his guard. I drew in my own breath of air and leaned in ever so slowly.

I kept my eyes open, watching his face for the slightest warning that I'd gone too far; Edward hadn't moved a muscle. My tongue caressed my own lips, lending light moisture beforeI pushed my mouth gradually against his. I felt the delicate skin of his mouth under my own, soft and unyielding at the same time. He wasn't giving in completely, but he was allowing me to continue.

My lips moved languidly over his and slowly I felt his body soften to me, his mouth moving in return. Electricity pulsed between us and brought every nerve in my body to attention. My hand caressed his jaw, the pad if my thumb drew small circles just next to his ear.

Then it was as if a switch turned on in Edward. He shifted his body closer and his hand drew up to hold my face between them, cupping me as if I was precious china he didn't want to break. His head tilted to the side as our lips moved in unison and I felt myself growing hungrier for more. My body reacted to him instantaneously and moisture was coming in tidal waves between my legs. I leaned toward him, trying to get our bodies closer, and he allowed the motion, leaning back on the couch. Then I was over top of him and I crawled onto the couch, straddling his left leg as we continued or lavish, yet chaste kiss.

My breaths came quicker as my need grew and Edward was beginning to pant along with me. I pulled away from him for a second and brushed my nose along the length of his, kissing the tip of it. His eyes watched me with such revere and I smiled. I leaned back into him, resting my body along his and moved my tongue slowly along his bottom lip.

Edward moaned deep with theaction and the burn for pressure heightened between my legs. That sound coming from his lips was ecstasy, and the thought that I caused it was nearly enough to get me off right then and there. I took his lip in between my teeth and bit down slightly, tugging his mouth closer to mine and then I was inside his mouth, exploring with my tongue and it felt amazing.

Edward's tongue sliding against my own mirrored the friction I so desperately sought out and it caused a low moan to elicit from my own lips. His leg pressed upward between my thighs and I gasped at the sudden pressure. I pushed my hips down onto him granting the friction and moaned again.

"Edward… I want you," the words came out without thought, all brain filters apparently on an ecstasy high and not working.

"Bella..." he crooned and the musical sound of his voice along with his mouth moving with mine, my body pressed to his was too much. I bucked my hips into him faster.

"Oh, God Edward, say it again." I was panting hard into his mouth, my hands frantically roaming his body. I was so close to sweet release and a mental picture of poor little Jiminy Cricket crouched in a corner of my brain shielding her face in horror and embarrassment sprung to mind. I was completely out of control, this man had made me loose all inhibitions and I didn't care how ridiculous I looked.

Edward's body stiffened below me, closing off to my advances.

"Bella, love, slow down." Edward hands found my arms as he tried still me. I pulled my face from his and looked into his hooded eyes, which were dark with lust, but also a hint of pain and worry.

"This is hard for me…" he began and guilt seeped into every pore of my body.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry." I let my head fall to his shoulder. Not only was I embarrassed that I had attempted dry humped Edward, but I was also mortified that I hadn't even thought about the fact that itwould be difficult for him. _Idiot_, I thought as J.C. sprung up from her corner and she was all arms-crossed-disapproving-head-shakes.

"It's okay," he said as he cupped my jaw and pulled my face up to look me in the eyes.

"That was absolutely amazing, and _I'm_ sorry we couldn't continue." I kissed his nose again because I didn't know what else to do and then slid off his lap. He smiled back and laughed softly to himself.

"What?"

"You really are something else. You are amazing Bella and I am so happy that I have found you. We need to go slow though, I'm not sure what I can handle." I laid my head lazily on the back of the couch and smiled at him.

"I understand, I'm sorry I got carried away," I said as I stifled a yawn, suddenly exhausted. Edward leaned in and brushed the pad of his thumb under my eye.

"You look tired."

"It's been kind of a long crazy day," I said as I thought over all that had transpired. I found out Edward was a vampire and Jake a werewolf, then they almost kill each other in the kitchen and all the physical exhaustion I just expended… my brain was beginning to hurt thinking about the emotional roller coaster that the day had been.

I pulled my phone out to see what time it was and immediately remembered Jacob.

"Shit, I was supposed to call Jake like three hours ago." I looked at Edward and he was visibly irritated at the mention of Jacob.

"I should really call him," I said, guilt infused in my words. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose momentarily and then sighed, dropping his hands to mine.

"If you have to Bella, I don't mind. Why don't you call him and then go on to bed? I have to go take care of some things."

"You're leaving? You mean you're not going to watch me sleep?" Edward's crooked grin emerged and my stomach fluttered.

"I'll be back. That is, if you'd like me to."

"I'd love it," I sighed and leaned in placing a light kiss on his mouth. "I just wish you didn't have to leave."

"Bella, I should go hunt, after what has transpired here, I think it would be best if I fed as often as possible… you know, keep cravings to their minimum." I mouthed 'oh' and shook my head in agreement.

His cocky smile grew wider and he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. "Not to mention the fact that I sure worked up an appetite just now." His voice was low and seductive and damn it if it wasn't taking every restraint I could muster to not jump him right then.

"Edward," I moaned, my voice coming out husky, "you should go." I placed my mouthlightly over his, letting it hover there. The feel of his lips just barely skimming along mine was driving me crazy, in a good way, and I allowed that tension to build. The heat of my breath slightly warmed his mouth as I finally sucked his lower lip between mine and pulled away slowly, and then licked back along its surface.

"God, Bella what are you doing to me?" He whispered and I could hear a mixture of lust, confusion, and anguish there.

"I could ask you the same thing**,"** I said softly as I pulled away. My legs wobbled as I stood letting Edward to get off the couch. He looked pained still and I kicked myself for pushing him too hard.

"Too much?" I asked, and then decided to try harder to control myself. Edward just shook his head as he walked to the door.

"I'll be back in a few hours, sleep and I will see you when you wake." He kissed my cheek and I leaned in to him.

"Goodnight my sweet Bella," he said in a voice that made me want to fall asleep right then.

"Thank you," I yawned again and smiled at him as he pulled away; my body immediately mourning the loss of his touch.

I waited until I was sure Edward was gone before I called Jacob, I didn't want to make him feel badly.

"Hey**,"** a gruff voice answered, Jacob didn't sound happy.

"Jake, I'm so sorry I didn't call sooner. Edward and I were talking and I lost track of time…"

"Oh, so he didn't try and kill you then?" Jacob's tone was sarcastic as well as bored; he was trying to pull away emotionally. I'd done it myself over the years after Charlie passed; the worst was when I had done it to Renee.

"Jake, don't be like that."

"Look Bella, I'm glad you're not dead, but why don't you call me when you've decided to be smarter about this."

"Jake, I…" I was interrupted by Jacob hanging up the phone and I slunk down onto my mattress. He was really angry with me, and I didn't know how to fix it. Charlie would be disappointed by this and I felt miserable.

Just as I was turning out my light to go to sleep my phone buzzed to life alerting me of an email. I thought of Renee and the fact that I hadn't emailed her in the past few days. _Great she's probably worried sick about me_, I thought. _Oh, good, why don't you let her know you fine, safely tucked into the arms of a vampire – xo J.C._

I rubbed my eyes as I opened up my emails and a load of butterflies poured through my stomach when I saw it was from EM109.

"Holy shit," I said out loud. I had completely forgotten to tell Edward that we had been secretly emailing each other for the past two years. I smiled to myself then wondering if I should just tell him or make it fun.

_Dearest Eclipsedheart17,_

_My sincerest apologies for my absence, I was without my usual method of communication for a while. _

_As per your inquiry to trust; trust is earned and can not be taken. _

_It's not something anyone can demand from you; always remember you hold the power entirely._

_The cold is a lonely place, but it is also safer then blind travel._

_Hold true to yourself and trust your instincts, you will know what to do._

_Sincerely,_

_EM109_

I brushed my fingers gingerly across the screen of my phone and sighed. It was entirely different reading his words and placing his face; my heart swooned once again. To think, just yesterday I was questioning my trust in him, and now I felt as if I would follow him anywhere - blinded or not.

xx

_Dearest EM109,_

_Thank you for your never-ending wisdom. _

_Luckily I was able to gain new insight into things and was happy to find that trust was worthy this time around._

_You have the wisdom of many lifetimes and I am happy I can always call on you when I am in need._

_Which reminds me, how old are you anyway?_

_Always, _

_Eclipsedheart17_

_PS, I was thinking of changing my name as my heart doesn't feel so darkened these days. What do you think? _

I giggled to myself as I watched my phone, waiting to see if he would respond right away. Sure enough, my phone buzzed and my smile grew impossibly bigger.

xx

_Dear Eclipsedheart17,_

_Why the sudden interest in personal information? I know it's never been stated, but we've always kept a sort of anonymity._

_To answer you, old enough._

_I have always liked your name, but I am glad to hear the news of your heart. _

_What other names did you have in mind, perhaps I could help you choose?_

_EM109_

xx

_Dear EM109,_

_I was just curious, you always sound so wise, but in my head I picture you as a stunningly handsome young man with bronze tousled hair and vibrant ocher eyes… in short, my dream man._

_As far as a name I'm not sure. _

_I find myself ringing with excitement as of late, but I can't put my finger on a name that best describes the action to 'ring'. _

_None that don't sound silly at least, any ideas?_

_The blogger formerly known as Eclipsedheart17_

xx

_Dear blogger formerly known as Eclipsedheart17,_

_Your choice in eye color for your dream man is quite interesting. I can't say I've ever seen anyone with ocher eyes._

_So ring … chime, sound, clang, bell… all synonyms. Any you like best?_

_The blogger still known as EM109_

xx

_EM109,_

_Orangey, tawny, yellowish-brown … all synonyms for ocher according to my thesaurus. _

_Tell me, have you never seen someone with light brown eyes, dare I say almost golden? My dream man holds those eyes. _

_Hmmmm… I__** am**__ feeling 'clear as a bell' at the moment._

_Is a bell a good penname?_

_The blogger f.k.a. Eclipsedheart17_

xx

_Bella?_

xx

_I do like that name, especially when it comes from your lips._

xx

_I am coming back._

xx

_Don't be silly, go - eat. I am going to sleep now, we can talk in the morning._

xx

_This is amazing, my mind is reeling… does this mean I'm your dream man?_

xx

_Hmmm__… well let me go to sleep and I'll find out._

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**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, please press review and give me your thoughts!! : Quick survey - How many people would like another EPOV? I'm toying with the idea for chap. 7... thoughts?**

**Also, while you're waiting for my next chapter, check out the one shot, **_**Sweet Release,**_** I posted. It has my very first lemon in it *yipe o_0 **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: As always, thanks to wolfgrl04 for beta'ing this mess. Check out her stories **_**Torn**_** and its sequel she just started, **_**Fate**_** if you get a chance. She's awesome you'll love them. **

**Okay… so you all asked for it… errr… well not really, three people asked for it, but I digress. Let's see what Edward thinks about all of these shenanigans.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight; all respective characters belong to SMeyer. A girl can all dream though.**

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Chapter 7

EPOV

The red light turned green and I sat still staring dumbly at my phone's screen.

'_Is a bell a good penname?'_

No, it couldn't be, there was no way. However, logic told me it was a rather odd way to phrase that sentence.

Is a bell a … _Isabella?_

I typed the only response my brain could assemble in that moment.

_'Bella?'_

Her answer was immediate and I almost wrecked my car off the road. She was talking about my lips … in a seductive way. Part of me felt angry with her for being so reckless in coaxing a vampire. While another part of me, buried deep inside – a very human part – trembled in excitement.

It was such an odd feeling; a variable well of mixed emotions. I could dip my fingers in, stir the water and pull out a handful, never to have the same emotion twice. Bella had truly turned my world upside down, and I didn't think she had the slightest clue just how much.

My mind wandered as I drove the familiar route home. It floated back to where I wanted to be most: Bella's house. The feel of her mouth pressed against my own was unlike anything I had ever experienced before.

She had been bold, and I had stupidly allowed it. That was something I would have to think long and hard over. What could I possibly give her in that regard? There were so many stumbling blocks that I could trip up on. It seemed too dangerous, and my right mind told me I shouldn't allow things to follow along that path again.

The sun had sat hidden beneath the horizon for some time and most humans would have been readying themselves for a full night's sleep, but as I pulled up to the house I saw all the lights were ablaze inside. It was a home full of vampires performing their nightly tasks to keep themselves busy; trying their hardest to shove it out of their heads that they would never again dream.

No doubt Emmett would be preparing for a long war against Jasper in chess, and Alice would be busy at work on her computer.

"Edward, how did it go?" Alice was the first to greet me at the door and I gave her a skeptical look as she spoke.

"Like you don't know," I scoffed mockingly. She looked tense and her nose quirked up in a weird, sad way at my words.

"Well, no, not everything…" she trailed off, clear annoyance in her voice. I raised my eyebrows in question and she scowled at me.

"There were big chunks missing and it made everything very confusing," she spat.

"Really?" I wasn't sure what to make of that, Alice's visions were fool proof, but I would never bet against her. I'd never known her to miss something, especially when she was looking for it specifically.

"What did you see?"

"Just you very visibly upset, but I couldn't see what caused it. Then you and Bella were sitting and 'talking'." She put air quotes around the word talking and I narrowed my eyes at her.

"You mean you didn't see anything that happened with Jacob?" As I spoke, Alice quirked her nose up again in confusion.

"No, I didn't even see that he would be there…" she trailed off and looked over my shoulder into dead space, contemplating.

"That's odd, he was most definitely there." Alice not seeing Jacob was news and I wondered what Carlisle had made of it.

We made our way into the living room, and Alice sat with me while I filled her in on the events she had missed when Jacob was around. I suppressed a smile as her face morphed into a thousand different expressions all at once while I spun the wild tale.

Alice looked like a five year old perched on the couch with her knees crossed, hands entwined and leaning forward as if to hear me better; she hung on every word. I told her of how close I'd come to ruining the treaty with the Quileutes and how Jacob had phased in front of Bella. Neither of us noticed the audience that joined to listen until I met eyes with Jasper who stood in the doorway to the living room.

Her mouth hung agape when I told her Bella knew everything, and if I had a working heart it would have been pounding out of my chest as I spoke. I wasn't sure what to expect from my family. When I put myself in their shoes, I could only imagine how angry I would have been if one of them had allowed such a thing to happen.

My gaze floated to each of my family members, who stood taking in everything I had said and I tired desperately to read their faces and not their minds. I didn't want that advantage, I didn't deserve it. They had the right to think what they wanted and address me as they chose.

The tension in the room seemed to build, but I couldn't tell if it was my own anxiety or what everyone was feeling. Alice spoke first, breaking the ice, and I could have kissed her as a smirk drew up on her lips.

"Well, that explains why she was being so friendly with you … and why you let her."

It was my turn to be speechless, and the only thing that was going through my head was the delicate blush that filled Bella's cheeks when she was embarrassed. How red my cheeks would be then if it were at all possible.

"Thanks Alice," I muttered under my breath as I rubbed the back of my neck nervously looking to the ground.

"Well, Edward," Carlisle finally spoke.

"I trust you, and if you are putting your trust in Bella then I am fine with that Son." His words were supportive, but his tone seemed tentative and I couldn't help but hear flashes of his thoughts. _'Not safe for Bella, I hope this will turn out okay…' _

The rest of my family followed Carlisle's lead and accepted the situation as it was.

"I think it's wonderful you found someone darling," Esme gushed as she leaned over the couch, squeezing my shoulders in a motherly hug.

_Had I really found someone?_ I wondered.

"You'll figure it out," Alice said as she gave a sympathetic look and a quick squeeze. No doubt she would be watching my future very carefully since Bella was in the picture, and at that moment it was probably a collage of possibilities.

It was true that I was obviously drawn to Bella in more ways then one, and I was fully aware of that. But what could our relationship possibly lead to?

What cruel fate would deal me with such cards?

I thought of Bella's face; I thought of her light airy laughter I hadn't gotten a chance to hear much yet and I yearned to hear it again. I thought of her delicate features, her porcelain skin and never-ending deep brown eyes. I thought of how she made me feel when I was around her, and how that was the only place I wanted to. And I thought of how I wasn't worthy of her.

She was an angel walking on earth and I was a demon; I would only poison her. I didn't deserve to have her soft lips pepper my wintry hard skin with kisses as she had done tonight. I didn't deserve her warmth or her soft words of kindness. Perhaps the unkind hand of destiny was the one dealt to Bella and not to me; I on the other hand had been sent a miracle – she was the one who would suffer the cruel fate.

"Hey, Edward?" Jasper's voice brought me from my contemplations.

"What's up Jasper?" I looked at him warily as I could hear his thoughts were full of pity and worry.

"Would you like to go hunting with me? Alice is busy with her designs and I thought this might be a good time for you to stock up, if you know what I mean." He gave me a light smile that didn't reach his eyes. I knew he could feel my tension and his thoughts pointed in that direction. It was his attempt to be helpful and I was grateful to him for that.

"That would be great; I was thinking that hunting as much as possible would be a good idea for me right now." I hoped by adding that thought in it would show him that I wasn't completely fooling myself.

"Let's go," he smiled at me, a truer smile that time.

My bare feet pounded against the muddy earth in a steady drumming rhythm and thunder boomed through the sky, adding a bass to my nature's song. The rain was coming down heavily and my eyes closed as I ran, allowing my heightened senses to take over.

I could smell the thick scent of the soil rising from the ground, being stirred up by the rain water. The musky perfume of pine needles and bark rolled off the trees and I dodged one just in time.

The water splashed hard against my face and it was refreshing, like an invigorating shower after a week spent in the desert. I felt feral, my true nature able to be unleashed as I ran through the woods at full speed; not having to hold back - to just be me.

My lungs filled with air, not out of necessity but out of habit, and I longed for that burning sensation that told you your body was exerting itself. I thought briefly of the burn that filled my lungs when _she_ was around. It wasn't quiet the same.

I caught the aroma of a mountain lion not far away and slowed my pace. My eyes opened and I transitioned into stalking mode. My position was optimal as I perched lithely in a tree and looked down on the animal. He was a rather large feline and I watched as he stalked prey of his own. I smirked at the sport of it; it was always more fun when challenging.

A few tree tops away Jasper snickered and the mountain lion drew back from its stalking position and took on a defensive one instead. _Thanks Jasper, you ruined the fun,_ I rolled my eyes at him with that thought.

I dropped down nimbly in front of the wild cat. It recoiled and hissed at me, barring its teeth and hunching its back he attempted to make himself as intimidating as possible. With a decisive strike I was quickly on the cat's back and it was flailing helplessly; its claws breaking against my granite skin.

My teeth ripped through the animal's hide, breaking the skin easily, and blood poured progressively into my mouth. I sucked up the thick drink and it both burned and cooled my throat.

The heat from the animal filled me and it calmed the burning need that had built during my time with Bella. I growled deep in my chest as her name passed through my thoughts. Without thinking I began sucking feverously from the animal until it was bone dry and Jasper was nudging my shoulder.

"I think that one's tapped out," he said with a weak laugh. I knew he had sensed the change in my mood and I felt slightly ashamed as I dropped the lion from my mouth.

"Sorry…" I muttered lamely, not knowing what to say, or if I even needed to say anything. He sat down next to me and gave me a sympathetic shrug. He wasn't judging me and I was thankful to him for that. Jasper was really like a brother to me and I knew, no matter what, he would be there to support me.

"Thanks for going hunting with me, I think I really needed it," I said as I wiped blood from my chin.

"No problem man. Do you think five mountain lions will hold you over till morning?" He laughed jokingly and pushed my arm. I laughed with him and noticed for the first time just how full I felt, almost bloated with blood.

"Yeah, I think that will do."

"It's gotta be hard… what you're doing. I can't imagine…" Jasper trailed off and looked to the ground as he spoke. He was treading lightly, not wanting to upset me, but needing to talk about it. I nodded to him and tried to think of how to explain myself, if nothing else my family deserved that much.

"I don't know what it is, but it's such an intense _thing_, that I feel like I have to see where it goes," I spoke slowly, choosing my words carefully. I didn't want to call them feelings because those would be mistaken for thirst, but I didn't know what to call it. Jasper just nodded in understanding.

"I've been around you all for so long, watching relationships from the outside. At times it has been to a painful point, where I've felt truly alone and isolated – even in a family full of vampires, I still play the outcast. But when I'm around Bella, the feelings that course through me can only be likened to what I've witnessed between you and Alice, Emmet and Rose, or Carlisle and Esme. I am drawn to her in such a way that I can't put into words. And when I look into her eyes I don't feel so alone."

Jasper watched me in quiet awe, and I knew he could feel the deepness and sincerity of the emotions rolling off of me. He understood completely and he would support me through it all, no matter what, I could see the resolve in his eyes.

"When Alice found me in that diner and told me about you all, at first I was very unsure. I didn't know if I could do it. I knew I was very unhappy with my life the way it was. The things I'd seen… things I'd done; I didn't ever want to be anywhere close to that again," Jasper spoke as his stare reached past the trees, back to a place I couldn't even begin to imagine.

"Then this angel appeared and told me there was another way. It seemed too good to be true – too easy. I was wrong though, it wasn't easy at all. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done – become a vegetarian. You know how I've struggled with it, but I did it. I did it because I was drawn to Alice as you are to Bella; I would have endured anything for her. Love can make you do crazy things."

I stared at him wordlessly. _Love, _is that really what this was?

"I can feel it emanating from you whenever we talk of her – its love my friend," Jasper answered my silent question as he slapped me heartily on the back. I laughed with him then, trying to lighten the mood, but the revelation was not lost on me as a whole new level of nerves and fear crept into my subconscious.

_What if Bella doesn't feel the same?_

By the time we made our way home, the sun was stretching its first golden rays of light above the horizon. The air was thick from the night's rainfall and the early morning light showed an unusually small amount of cloud cover. I thought of Bella sound asleep in her bed, no doubt expecting to find me when she woke.

Truth be told, I was apprehensive about seeing her so soon after I had my grand realization. So many different levels had been added to the equation and I was at a loss on where to begin the next time I saw her.

Bella knew I was a vampire and accepted that, to my complete shock, dismay, and elation. In addition I had apparently been pouring my soul out to her for the last eighteen months, unbeknownst to me.

I wondered how long she had known and then remembered that I had left my phone at her house. At the time it had seemed like a smart idea. Bella was so angry that I couldn't answer her questions, and I didn't know how to handle her which in turn frustrated and angered me. I could feel her slipping away and I knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind to deal with her then.

As I headed out the front door, I easily slipped the phone out of my pocket and onto the table without her noticing. It was perfect – I would give her a day to think things over and for us both to calm down. If she didn't budge by then I would simply return for my phone.

If only Alice could have predicted Jacob, maybe I would have come back in the morning instead. It was curious that she was unable to see him. I knew Carlisle had already left for the hospital and I made a mental note to get his opinion on the subject later.

While thousands of thoughts floated in and out of my head I found myself in a familiar place. My fingers pressed gently into the cold ivory of the piano keys, and slowly a soft melody filled the air. I worked gingerly across the keys putting my worries into song, and then I felt the soft touch of Esme's hand on my shoulder.

"That's beautiful, is it new?" she asked, a smile on her lips.

"Mhmm," I answered, closing my eyes and letting the music come from me.

The vibrations of the piano buzzed through my fingers and stretched up my arms, and it reminded me of the feel of Bella's skin against mine. Sweet low tones entwined with high soft notes and the song infused into me.

I saw visions of cream and silk wrapped around deep sad chocolate, two soft pink rose petals fell into place as a mouth. These images moved and shifted with the song, flowing along in their own dance.

Then the vision became clearer - it was Bella and she sat before me. The song slowed and became soft and quiet. She looked into my eyes as if she held the key to me. She revealed it, the key to my soul, and she pressed it to me making me whole again.

Her hands pressed to my chest, mine rested above hers and I felt warm. In that moment, in that thought as the sweet sad song filled me, I was whole. It was her song, and I was hers - I knew it then without a doubt.

The piano bench clanked to the floor below me as I jumped from my position there. Esme gasped and grabbed my arm, worry in her eyes. Her expression relaxed when she drank in my own. A smile spread across her face, full of the understanding and compassion that was Esme.

"Go," she said simply, and I was off, running as fast as my legs could carry me. I was in a race against the sun as it pushed up against the sky. I was going to Bella to see her - the woman who had been the tornado in my life; turned my earth on its axis and defied my gravity.

I was going to see the piece of me that had always been missing, the void I could not explain – she was it, my love.

**

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**A/N: Sorry for the longer wait for this chapter and I know it was shorter than normal. I'm hoping to get the Chap. 8 out before Christmas. The next one may be another EPOV, thoughts? And to all of you creepers lurking in the back - that's right ... you - who have put me on alert ****please press review, Id _love_ to know your thoughts****! I am an unapologetic review whore, and I neeeeddd them. It helps feed my ego who kindly asks you all: "Feed me Seymour, feed me!!" **

**Thank you, -management. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **_**Two chapters in one week**_** – well, Merry f'in Christmas, yay!! But I must warn - before you get too excited, it's another short one (booo), but it's all Edwardy goodness (yay!). I admittedly have a harder time writing the fluff, hence the smaller chapters. Ask for the sadness and the heartbreak and I can write a book… love and happiness - I can barely squeeze out 2500 words. So curl up with a glass of eggnog, throw a Yule log on the fire and get ready for some fluff.**

**_Ahem, Dear Wolfgrl04, what can I say – this would be one ugly mess without you, thanks for helping get my shiz together!!_**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all the respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 8

EPOV

The world passed in a blur, everything melded into one thick streak of deep greens and golden rays. I had made it to Bella's house in record time, and as I climbed up the siding to her window nerves flickered wildly within me.

Bella lay sound asleep nuzzled in her bed. She looked stunning as ever, but different, there was an extra glow to her skin and her lips were curled up into a smile. She looked content, happy.

The golden arms of the sun reaching through the window shimmered off my skin and splayed dazzling colors against the walls. I looked around for a second and tried to decide whether I should close the blinds and when I looked back at Bella her eyes were open.

She had not moved a muscle and the smile still rested on her lips as her bottomless mahogany eyes looked me over slowly.

"Mmmmm, you are even more dazzling in real life, and I'd say the answer is yes – you are most definitely the man of my dreams," she cooed, her voice thick with sleep.

My mouth went dry and I noticed that my throat had that slight burn against its walls. Nothing like it used to be, but I could still feel it. It was a constant reminder of why I shouldn't be anywhere near her, but there were so many other things that overshadowed that – pulled me to her.

I took a few steps toward the bed slowly and her body stayed nuzzled deep under the covers, only her eyes followed. I knelt down and brought myself eye level with her, filling my lungs with her scent as the burn intensified slightly. The lids of my eyes slid closed instinctively as I got used to the pain and waited for it to dull.

The soft pads of her fingertips pressed into the top of my forehead and ever so softly pushed a piece of hair back on my head. Her touch was warm and it tingled, stirring feelings in the pit of my stomach which were unlike any craving I had ever felt before. Bella kept her hand in my hair, stroking it and it felt amazing – so calming. The burn was nearly extinguished it relaxed me so. I opened my eyes and looked at her in awe.

"How did you do that?" I asked quietly. Her brow furrowed slightly and her hand halted momentarily.

"Do what?" she asked.

"How did you know to calm me like that?"

Her mouth lifted to the side in an adorable smirk and her hand began to play in my hair again.

_God that felt good._

"You had that look on your face… that pained one… I just wanted to soothe you I guess…" she trailed off lightly and her cheeks warmed slightly in embarrassment. I stared at her, even more dumbfounded by the woman in front of me. She was so perceptive it was unnerving at times. I searched for the right words to say in that moment and her eyes met with mine again.

"You know, you're pretty beautiful," she said, drawing lines along my cheekbone and then down my jaw.

"How does your skin do that?" she asked holding her hand up as the light bounced off my face and refracted diamond like shimmers on the palm of her hand. I shrugged, not knowing how to explain it.

"It's just how our skin is; it's why we can't go out in the sunlight."

Her eyes grew big and her smile went crooked. "You mean you won't melt if you go into the sun?"

"Bella," I sighed, "I've been out with you during the day before, remember? We just can't be in direct sunlight because I think _this_ would attract some attention." I held up my hand casting technicolored light in every direction to illustrate my point.

"That's why we like it here; the sun hardly ever comes out." She mouthed _'oh'_ and then returned to lazily drawing patterns on my face, occasionally running her nails through my hair.

_Fuck me._

I laid my head on the edge of her bed and closed my eyes again, just enjoying the feel of her tender touch. The warmth of her body moved closer, and I could sense her face was now inches from mine. Her feather soft kiss brushed across the tip of my nose first and I couldn't help but smile.

Then I felt the heat of her mouth hovering above my own and I froze. My body was a flurry of feelings, most of it a want and need I didn't think I could fulfill with her – it was too dangerous. Her lips pushed slowly to mine and their warmth and softness caused me to groan. The muscles in my stomach clenched and a wave of pleasure flowed from my lips to my groin and then to the tips of my fingers and toes.

Her hands kneaded into my hair lightly and she moved her mouth slowly but with purpose. My body ached for me to kiss back, to thrust my tongue into her mouth push her over and take her right then; but my mind would not allow it. _I have to do this right,_ I thought.

"Bella," I said as I pulled my face away, she whimpered lightly and tried to pull me back to her. "Bella, love, stop please. We have to take things slow," I began but stopped as I got lost in her expression. Her eyes were heavy with lust and she licked her bottom lip, her small pink tongue seemed very inviting.

Our gaze was locked together; our eyes doing what our bodies longed to do. She was full of such want and I couldn't help but smile at her. Her eyes widened and she held her breath as her cheeks turned bright pink and she looked down to her hands.

Slowly, she brought her gaze back to mine, biting her bottom lip.

_Oh, don't do that. _

"That's not fair, you can't do that," she said breathless.

I studied her face for a second, confused. "Do what?"

"Dazzle me like that, and then expect me to keep my hands off of you."

_Oh please don't, I want your hands all over me._

As I struggled to reign in my inner teenager, I smiled at both her cuteness and my thought.

"I dazzle you?" I quirked an eyebrow and gave her the same smile I just had. Her breathing hitched again and her cheeks flushed even more. Her stare was locked to mine though and she just nodded in return.

I moved slowly back towards her, on a slight high that I was able to effect her at least half as much as she effected me and also happy that if I couldn't read her mind, I could at least read her body.

"Well, it looks like I'm not the only one then," I whispered and then brushed my lips lightly against hers. She shocked me by crushing her mouth eagerly to mine and tried to pull me closer by my neck. My body was on overdrive and I was carried away in the moment.

I leaned over top her, our lips staying connected, and laced my fingers into her hair, pushing her back on the bed. My body hovered directly over hers as our mouths moved, working together. There was a burning sensation which echoed that of the one normally in my throat. Only now it raged through my entire body, filling it with need of a different kind.

Release and not consumption was what my body wanted.

Bella opened her mouth and groaned softly as I filled the space. Her tongue glided along mine, fire and ice, and it felt glorious.

The electricity that flowed between us was unexplainable, as her lips worked against mine and the friction grew I felt like Zeus harnessing the power of lightning. My fingertips were tingling and Bella's breathing was becoming ragged. Her small hands moved down my back in need, attempting to pull me closer. She found the hem of my shirt and began to lift it above my head and that action snapped me out of the haze of hormones.

"Bella, stop… What are you doing?" I asked softly pulling back to look at her. Her hands were on my bare chest and my shirt rested at my collar bone. She starred at the skin there and ran her fingers along my chest muscles. I closed my eyes at the feel of her warmth that left buzzing trails along my body.

_I want it all over._

I sighed at myself and looked back at Bella who seemed lost in thought.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?" she asked not lifting her eyes from my chest.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." I spoke softly, my voice laced with shame. I should have had better control over myself; I _had_ to if this was to work at all.

"You really are amazing…" she mumbled still entranced.

"Bella, did you hear me?" I chuckled lightly.

"What? Oh, yes, yeah I heard you." She finally looked at me and I sat back, pulling my shirt down. She pouted slightly and reached for the fabric.

She bit her bottom lip again, the pillowy flesh pushing up around her white tooth, and looked at me sheepishly. "I was okay with what you were doing,"

"Bella, this is … hard for me," I rolled my eyes inwardly at the pun and kept going. "I have so much to consider, you don't understand how fragile human life is." My thoughts came out jumbled as I struggled to clarify myself.

"I told you Edward, I don't think that you will hurt me, but I understand if it's hard for you to be this close to my blood." She sounded slightly exasperated and I shook my head at her.

"Bella, I can honestly say that doesn't bother me much anymore. I have sort of resolved with myself that I will not hurt you in that way. But I _am_ a vampire and I could still easily hurt you without trying." She looked confused and then opened her mouth as if to speak but closed it again.

"If I am not completely aware and careful with you all it would take was me squeezing you too hard and I could break your back; crack a rib and puncture a lung. One flick of my wrist and I could snap your neck without thought. I can't risk losing control around you Bella, it's too dangerous."

Her eyes fell in understanding and she nodded. "Okay, so we take it slow?"

I smiled at her hopeful look and rubbed my knuckles lightly along her cheek. "I can't promise anything but to try, as long as we go slowly."

Bella accepted that with a smile and laid her head back on her pillow, staring at the ceiling.

"What would you like to do today?" I asked, glad for the change in subject.

Bella sighed and rolled towards me looking a little guilty. "_I _should really get to work on this house. I've been here for four days and only packed a few boxes up in the kitchen."

"I would love to help."

Her far off stare shifted to me and she sighed. "No, really you don't have to. It'll be pretty boring and I'm sure you have more exciting things to be doing." She gave me a sly smile as she finished and I knew she meant something 'supernatural'.

"Bella, I do normal things most days. I only fight bad guys and save the world on the weekends."

"Are you sure you want to?"

"I am your servant, do with me what you will." I bowed my head to her mockingly.

She arched an eyebrow and gnawed her lip for a moment in thought. I rolled my eyes at her and mouthed the word 'slowly'. Her eyes darkened with lust and I caught the double meaning of the word as I quickly scooted off the bed feigning fright.

Bella sat up on all fours, her comforter falling to her side and began to stalk me. Narrowing her eyes, she swayed with my movements. I was momentarily distracted by the fact that she was in a t-shirt and it was riding up on her hip revealing her silky blue underwear.

She had the upper hand with my distraction and pounced – literally. Before I could peel my eyes from the inch of fabric that caused my mouth to go bone dry and my pants to become uncomfortably tight, she was flying through the air. I caught her around the waist just in time and we fell softly to the ground.

She giggled uncontrollably and kissed and nipped my neck. "Ha, you'd totally be breakfast right now if I was a ferocious lion."

I was elated to hear her so happy and a little disappointed when she pulled away. But I was glad she was honoring my wishes.

"Speaking of breakfast, you need some."

"I think I need a shower first."

"Well, why don't you take care of that, and I'll make you breakfast."

She raised both brows skeptically at me. "You cook?"

"Well, I've learned a thing or two over the years. We do tend to have a lot of time on our hands."

Bella narrowed her eyes at me, "How old _are_ you exactly?"

"Old enough."

"No, no … you've gotten away with that before. I want to know what kind of life experience I'm dealing with here."

I pinched the bridge of my nose thinking it over, I didn't want to scare her away, but what was the use in keeping secrets now. She should know everything; know the reality of it all. Then she could decide for herself if she wants to stick around. I opened my mouth but couldn't say the words.

"Think about my penname," I said lamely.

It only took her half a second before her jaw dropped and she drew in an audible breath. "One hundred and nine?" she whispered.

"One hundred and eleven now," I shook my head and looked away, waiting for her tell me to leave. She said nothing and when I looked back at her she had a quizzical look on her face. "What does the 'M' stand for?"

"Masen, it was my last name when I was human."

"Hmm, so you took your adopted name then."

"It was easier in terms of establishing a family with paperwork and such." I stared at her amazed and shook my head with a curt laugh.

"What?"

"I just keep waiting for the one thing that's going to send you running for the hills."

"I'm not going anywhere," Bella said simply as she bent down and kissed my cheek, with that she hopped out of the room to take her shower.

I watched her leave, feeling once again awestruck by her. She took everything so well; it seemed too good to be true. I couldn't help but feel like there would be something, one thing that was too much.

I knew I wasn't deserving of her grace and kindness, it was only a matter of time before she would see that too. I would enjoy my time with her while I could, but in the back of my mind I knew I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

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**A/N: So another survey: Faster shorter chapters or longer less frequent ones? ****There is a little button below to press that allows you to give me any thoughts and feelings you had about my writing. It's great - just press it and then let me know how much you hated or liked (*fingers crossed) the chapter. I get all giddy when I receive reviews, so please bring 'um on. (They make great Christmas presents.) Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas, and if you don't celebrate it - a Happy Holiday to you. Thanks bbs. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Gracias to Wolfgrl04 for her mad beta'ing skills ;)**

**Disclaimer: Twilight and all respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 9

BPOV

It had been two days since I awoke to an angel with billowing light curling around his form. He had stood there, a dazzling prism of color like a dream – better than a dream – and that morning seemed utterly perfect.

Edward and I had been inseparable the past few days; he had somehow made the impossibly hard possible. My house was now almost fully packed, and I hadn't had one episode so far.

I was mentally prepared for the onslaught of emotions – the uncontrollable tears, tightening chest muscles, the stabbing pain through my heart - as soon as I opened the first closet. Miraculously, I hadn't yet felt that type of anxiety darken my mood.

There had been moments when it was very difficult, but having Edward there was so comforting. Despite the fact that he said he could not read my mind, at times it seemed he really could. Edward knew just when I was hitting a low point and would flawlessly help me through it. Whether he distracted me with some random thought, or just held my hand and soothed me, he had been there.

"Did you know crocodiles can't stick their tongues out?" Edward asked nonchalantly as he wrapped a picture frame in packing paper. The brown paper I was holding crunched under my fingers as I molded it around the crystal bowl in my lap. I had barely heard him through the haze of sad reflection that crept into my brain.

The crystal candy bowl always held Charlie's hard candies that he used to help himself stop smoking when I was much, much younger. He would always sneak me a piece before dinner.

I pulled my eyes from the mesmerizing way the paper folded smoothly, yet wrinkled terribly in some spots, asking, "What?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders, "Yeah it's true. They can't stick their tongues out, the poor bastards."

I quirked an eyebrow at him, suppressing a smile and he glanced up like he hadn't just said something completely random, and ridiculous … and cute.

"Why would they need to stick their tongues out anyway?" I asked, indulging him.

"I don't know … if they wanted to make a face at someone, or wet their lips…" he trailed off as he picked up another picture frame and folded packing paper around the wood.

I could no longer hold my demeanor and laughter spilled out causing me to roll to the floor. A successful smile graced Edward's mouth; he lay down beside me and pushed the hair from my eyes.

I simply smiled back at him, still laughing lightly and said, "Thank you."

Edward beamed back at me and his smile softened, a question lingered on his lips. "Would you like to talk about it?"

I drew in a deep breath and sat back up, cradling the bowl in my arms again as I pulled the paper back. "This was Charlie's."

_I can do this,_ I thought, _talking about it is good._

"He used to smoke ever since I was a baby. My mother tried over and over to get him to stop, but he didn't really show much interest." I ran my fingers along the cold indentions of the crystal thinking back to some of my earliest memories.

"I was about three years old and Charlie had pulled his cigarettes out to smoke one. I remember crawling into his lap and asking him what they were. He told me that they were a special treat for him and I had clapped my hands, very excited, telling him I wanted a special treat too." My eyes slid closed and I could see Charlie's face in my mind down to the minutest detail.

"I'll never forget his expression; I guess it dawned on him that his smoking might be a bad example for me. His brow hugged together tightly the way it always did when he wasn't sure of something; when he was trying to make a big decision.

That day he threw away all of his cigarettes and I never saw him smoke again. He would go to this candy bowl a lot; he always seemed to be sucking on hard candy.

Every evening before dinner he would come home and I would be bouncing up and down in the hall, waiting for him to remove his boots and gun at the front door. He'd pat my head and I would trot behind him as he went to the living room and pulled out two hard candies from this bowl. He would smile at me and wink – it was our little secret, candy before dinner."

I shrugged and folded the paper back over the bowl; I could feel Edward's eyes on me – watching intently. "It's just one more of those quiet declarations of Charlie's love for me that I took for granted."

Edward took my hand and sat up next to me as I allowed the feelings to filter through me. I was expecting the pain and heartache of past experience. Only it was different, with Edward there, holding my hand I felt fortified, stronger. I felt the sensation of loss and sorrow, but with a new sense of pride for my father. Looking back on memories of Charlie reminded me of what an amazing father he was – he would have done anything for me, and that made me happy.

"Your father was a good man, Bella. He obviously loved you very much." Edward talked slowly and his eyes were deep with feeling as he spoke. He ran his fingers lightly down my cheek.

"You shouldn't feel badly that you did not appreciate him, I'm sure he knew how much you loved him. You have such a good heart, Bella, how could he not."

Words failed me and I couldn't express my gratitude to him for his words in the moment, once again, he knew just what to say. I kissed him chastely on the lips and we returned to packing.

The next day we decided to venture into Charlie's bedroom. I could feel the tightness in my chest the second we walked through the door. I began pacing my breathing in efforts to keep myself in control. I had never spent much time in his room so it was somewhat unfamiliar to me, which helped a little. But then I saw it, in a small plastic yellow frame, "Daddy's little girl" painted around the edges, there was a picture of Charlie holding me in his arms. His eyes were beaming, and my 7 year old face looked ecstatic as we stood outside the San Francisco Zoo.

I froze and my eyes glued to the picture, I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe – just stare. Then I felt the soothing hum grow closer and Edward stood directly behind me, one hand on my shoulder, the other intertwined in my left hand. He had said nothing, just kissed the top of my head and rubbed circles with his thumb into my hand. That relaxed me enough so that I was able to pull my gaze and collect my thoughts. A kiss on the cheek showed him my appreciation and nothing more was said of it.

The knock at my door startled me out of my thoughts of the previous day. "Bella, are you ready to go yet?"

_Go_, I thought, _oh yeah… time to meet the fam._ A fresh round of nerves and anxiety cascaded through me and I wrung my hands in my lap.

"Almost," I sounded weak in my response. A shiver ran through my spine and I shuddered, pulling my arms around my body. I stood and caught my reflection in the mirror that hung on the back of the door. I had only gotten as far as finding a pair of jeans and a bra, clueless as to what I should wear. What do you wear when you're meeting a house full of vampires?

_Bathing in holy water before hand and wearing a shirt made of garlic__**.**_ Jiminy Cricket seethed sarcasm from her spot in the corner of my mind I had exiled her to.

I pulled the only blouse I brought out of my suitcase. It was a sapphire shade of blue, fitted in just the right places, and flowing in others. It was one of my favorite nice tops, and thinking about it then I wasn't quite sure why I had packed it in the first place.

For the eight hundredth time that morning, I ran a brush through my hair and pushed it behind my ears, pulled it back into a ponytail, then twisted it into a clip before grunting - giving up all together and letting it just fall around my shoulders. _Less is more_, I thought trying to encourage myself.

My stomach was in knots and at the rate I was sweating I would have to bring deodorant with me and apply it every fifteen minutes. I opened my door and brushed past Edward who had his mouth open as if to say something, but snapped it shut at the sight of me.

I rushed to the bathroom and closed the door behind me before speaking. "Sorry, I'm almost done."

"Take your time," he responded evenly.

I opened my survival kit and began applying make-up. After I finished I leaned back and assessed my job, it wasn't bad. I added some eyeliner and my normally flat brown eyes appeared a deep warm chocolate with flecks of gold threaded throughout.

With one more tousle of my hair, I flapped my hands in front of my face in an attempt to cool the blood that burned through my veins.

Edward held the car door open for me and the look on his face was a peculiar one. He looked a bit taken a back when I came marching out of the bathroom informing him that we needed to leave before I lost my nerve. I thought my abruptness threw him off, but as he looked me over for the tenth time – that same hint of something playing in his expression, I thought it must be something else.

"What? Do I have a huge booger hanging from my nose or something?" I immediately regretted the sentence as it leapt from my mouth; tact was one thing I had a hard time holding onto when my nerves ran amuck.

Edward cracked an uneven smile and shook his head. "No, you look absolutely stunning." His golden orbs locked with mine and warmed my very soul. I melted.

_How does he do that?_

"Th...thanks," I stuttered letting my hair fall in a curtain over my face, trying to hide my flaming skin and break his trace in one motion.

"So, um … vampires … ah any good ice breaker conversations you can suggest?" I fiddled nervously with my shirt sleeve and my mind raced. Being socially awkward could be such a pain in the ass. What most people assumed was a simple thing was so much harder and so anxiety ridden, it rendered me nearly incapable of acting normal.

Edward took my hand and gave me a reassuring look. "Bella, you will do fine, they are going to adore you."

The casual contact of Edward's skin calmed me slightly, and I relaxed into my seat. "If you say so."

He shot me his heart stopping smile, flashing all of his perfect teeth and chuckled darkly, "Bella, trust me, they will eat you up."

My eyes widened and I raised a brow gaping at him incredulously. "Mr. Cullen, was that a vampire joke?" I feigned shock and disappointment.

Edward rolled his eyes at me, supplying me with another quick smile and kissed my hand sweetly.

_Ahh_, I sighed, _playful Edward._ I had seen a lot of him the past few days and I loved it. Since I found out the truth it seemed a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He's not quite as brooding and most definitely more open, it was absolutely wonderful.

I couldn't help but return the smile, realizing that his antics had given me a reprieve from my nervous tension. We drove the rest of the way in silence and I took the opportunity to examine the incredible specimen that for some reason had chosen me.

It was hard to believe when I really thought about it. Edward had been so amazing those past few days; I couldn't even imagine my life without him. And somewhere, locked up in the deep recesses of my subconscious, Jiminy Cricket was pacing nervously spear heading warnings to me that it was not healthy. To be so attached after such a short time, poor Jiminy was close to having a stroke.

I pushed those thoughts away, electing to just enjoy it while it lasted. In reality, I was making the decision to be completely selfish. Because at this point I _needed_ Edward Cullen, I needed him like a drug. After having his support, I knew there was no way I could go through everything without him. The thought of him not being there sent a shiver down my spine, I couldn't lose him.

_I'd rather die._

The thought came unbidden and caught me off guard. Did I truly feel _that_ strongly for Edward? I didn't know how to describe my feelings for him without using weighty words, because his presence in my life _felt_ heavy. I did feel that strongly for him, and there was only one other word that came to mind to describe it – but I couldn't think that yet. I wouldn't allow my brain to go there.

_Too soon, _I thought, andJiminy breathed a slight sigh of relief.

"Ready?" I was interrupted by Edward's eager expression as he opened the car door for me. I nodded and took his hand as I exited his Volvo.

The Cullen's residence was nothing smaller than a mansion. It's wide expanse and openness was not what I expected in the slightest and I gawked, open mouthed, as we stood just inside the door. My hand formed a death grip around Edward's – I'm sure he barely felt it, but my muscles burned under the tension already.

"Bella, how nice to see you again," Carlisle emerged and I relaxed slightly at the sight of him first. At least there would be **one **other familiar face.

I smiled widely at him and let go of Edward's hand long enough to give Carlisle in a quick hug. "Carlisle, it's so nice to see you too."

He looked a little thrown off that I so brazenly pulled him into an embrace, but I couldn't stop myself. I was thankful for his warm welcome and I had been so keyed up and anxious about Edward's family liking me that I would hug and kiss just about anyone who showed me the slightest bit of acceptance.

Edward gave me a half smile - half questioning look and I just shrugged and took his hand again.

"Well, Alice and Jasper should be back shortly. Emmett and Rosalie are around here somewhere, and Esme is in the kitchen preparing some food. I breathed in deep and the smell of cheese and chicken filled my head, my mouth watered.

"Smells delicious," I said, hoping not to drool all over myself. In my flurry to get ready and mentally prepare I had skipped breakfast all together and I was famished.

"I believe she's fixing quesadillas, is that good for you … we weren't sure." Carlisle smiled expectantly at me and my cheeks flushed lightly as I realized I would be the only one eating … hopefully.

"Oh, that's sounds wonderful, but you didn't have to go to all the trouble…" I trailed off.

"Nonsense," the voice that came around the corner was light and airy and sounded like a chorus of bells ringing in perfect harmony. I gasped quietly at the pure beauty of the woman's face before me. She had the same golden eyes that Edward had, and her caramel colored hair flowed in waves over her shoulders. I had the urge to reach out and touch it, it looked so soft.

It must have been Esme, as I had seen Alice and Rosalie before and she did not look familiar. I would never get used to the inhuman beauty of the Cullen's. It was unnerving and I felt myself staring.

Esme walked right over to me and pulled me into a tight squeeze. "It is wonderful to finally meet you Bella, I have heard so much about you."

I felt my cheeks darken more as she pulled away and examined me only the way a mother would. "She is beautiful, Edward." She smiled at Edward standing behind me and the look of love in her eyes was very apparent.

"I know, thanks mom," he spoke softly as he put his hands soothingly on my shoulders, I relaxed into him – his touch had that effect.

"You are, however, too skinny," Esme returned her gaze to me and her tone became a mock chastise. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Well, I had waffles for dinner last night," I said weakly remembering being too wrapped up in packing to make a real dinner and opting to pop in a couple eggos instead … they were chocolate chip at least.

"Oh, no honey … you need protein. Come, you can help me in the kitchen, I'm almost done."

I smiled tentatively at her and glanced back at Edward as Esme lead me through the foyer to the kitchen. He grinned and mouthed, "You'll do fine."

Once in the kitchen Esme motioned for me to sit on a bar stool by the counter. "What would you like me to help with?" I asked.

Esme looked around and then held a knife up, "Would you like to finish chopping the peppers?"

"Sure," I said hopping down and rounding the counter.

"So, Bella, how are things going at your father's house?" Esme swirled the chicken in the frying pan and the smell was heavenly.

I carefully sliced the pepper open and dug out the seeds as I spoke, "It's um, it's going okay. Edward has been such a big help."

She nodded, "I am so glad that he's been able to do that. I can only imagine what you must be going through."

Esme looked up at me, her eyes full of so much sorrow and sympathy and I knew then that she was an exceedingly compassionate and caring woman. I could feel it in her gaze and it warmed my heart, I had been missing that feeling of motherly attention. A wave of sadness swept through me at the thought of Renee, I missed her so much.

We turned the subject quickly away from more sensitive issues and I began to tell Esme of my plans for the fall. I told her about enrolling at Jacksonville University and my plans to live on campus, even though I would be so close to home.

"That way I'll be able to get the full college experience," I told her as she folded the quesadillas into the pan and pressed the spatula into it.

It felt a little strange to be talking about my future plans. Although I had gone through the motions of applying to schools and choosing one, I hadn't truly been thinking past my time here in Forks. It had been a dark cloud, looming in my future, and I dreaded it – not being able to think to the future much at all.

Then the unexpected events that had occurred since I came back had made time move slow. Even though I had only been in town for a little over a week, it seemed as if it had been months since I left Jacksonville. I hadn't thought about college once since I'd arrived

"Does Edward know of your plans?" Esme asked, flipping the quesadilla.

I stopped short, _no he didn't._ Would it matter, would it change things … should I let it change things? Jiminy shook her head vehemently at me, letting me know the answer was - no I shouldn't. My mind raced in thought, my conscience warring with my feelings immediately.

A normal person wouldn't up and change their entire future for someone they began seeing less than a week prior. As much as my right mind knew that as a complete sensible fact, my heart throbbed with the possibility of a problem.

"No," I said all too quiet, sitting on the bar stool across from Esme.

She smiled warmly at me, sensing my discomfort no doubt. "Well I'm sure it won't be a problem dear."

Esme finished up my food and plated it, placing it in front of where I sat. "Eat up, dear, you look starving."

"Thanks," I said grabbing my fork, once again hoping I wasn't visibly drooling.

"Would you like something to drink?" She asked as I took my first bite, it was delicious.

"Water, please?"

She turned and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and I caught a glimpse of the completely stocked contents.

When she turned to hand me the water she smiled sheepishly, "We have to keep up appearances; it's good to have food if anyone ever stops by."

All I could think was that they must waste hundreds of dollars in food weekly.

"We donate the unused items to the local homeless shelter, so it ends up being a good thing for others," Esme said as she wiped down the counter.

I stared at her for a moment, "Can you read minds too?"

"Ha ha, no, I just know what I would be thinking if I was you, and frankly I am amazed by how easy going you've been with everything." She stopped cleaning and looked at me with such a loving expression.

"I've never seen Edward so happy before … thank you Bella."

I blushed pink and shrunk down a little in my seat. "Oh, well … I …" I didn't know how to respond, but internally I was dancing and swirling with the knowledge that I made Edward Cullen happy.

Esme and I talked and laughed for a long while in the kitchen before Edward returned asking if I would like to see the rest of the house.

"Yes. Please."

I hugged Esme before we left the kitchen, thanking her for the food.

"So, that wasn't that bad was it?" Edward asked as we made our way upstairs.

"No, that was rather nice," I admitted happily.

Edward took me around to all the rooms, each one decorated completely different. I was in absolute love with Esme's sense of design; she had a wonderful eye for eclectic furniture.

We had gone through each room, and the last one Edward took me to was his. It was, once again, not at all what I expected.

"No bed?" I asked as I scanned the large space. There was an entire wall of music, and a very expensive looking stereo system.

He gave me a sideways glance, lifting an eyebrow, "Don't usually need one."

I grinned at him; my interest peeked by his 'come hither' look, "Too bad."

Without a word, Edward crossed the small space between us and ran his index finger along my jaw. I shivered, not from his frigid touch, but from the sensation that flowed along the surface of my skin, trailing in the path of his finger. _Oh those fingers._

"Hey Emmett," he said and I scrunched my face in confusion. As I turned I saw Edward's brother waltz in, uncharacteristically graceful for his gigantic frame.

"Hey brother!" he bellowed, clapping Edward on the back with a hearty laugh.

He twisted to me and smiled a huge goofy smile, his arms stretched out wide. "Bella! Awesome to finally meet you!" He grabbed me in a bear hug and swung me around. I couldn't help but giggle from the immediate butterflies caused by the weightless feel.

"Nice to meet you too," I laughed and then looked at Edward which made me laugh even harder.

He looked frozen in fear, unsure what my reaction would be to Emmett's greeting. I gave him a reassuring nudge and his expression relaxed.

"Where's Rosalie?" Edward asked.

"Oh, she's in the kitchen talking to Esme."

Edward took my hand and gave Emmett a strange look. I could not help but feel a fresh wave of nerves rush through me as we headed back downstairs.

Rosalie stood in the kitchen with her pristine blonde hair flowing down her back. She was even more beautiful than I recalled and I couldn't help the pang of jealousy and self-consciousness it spurred in me – any girl would have felt it when in her presence.

Her cold expression fell to me as Esme finished her thought, sending shivers through my body. I stood, half hidden by Edward and felt like a child as I peeked apprehensively around his shoulder.

It may have been my imagination, but Edward's body language seemed tense as well, only perpetuating my anxiety. So far, Rosalie was the only one who Edward had mentioned might have a problem with us. Her look then told me that was more than a possibility and I swallowed hard.

The silence that filled the room was palpable and I was being tormented internally on whether I should say something. I closed my eyes and prepared to step from behind Edward just as she spoke, "Bella, it's so nice to meet you. I know we met in passing at school, but it's nice to meet you formally."

Her voice sounded even and pleasant, not at all what I had anticipated. I chanced a look at her and she was smiling, looking back and forth between Edward and me. She took two steps toward Edward and put her hand on his arm.

"After all, you have made Edward very happy, and if he's happy … then I'm happy." She smiled warmly at us and Edward almost looked unnerved, definitely confused.

"Awe, Rosie … you're so sweet," Emmett chuckled as he wrapped his colossal hands around Rosalie's waist, making it look that much smaller.

"Yes, thank you Rose," Edward said, squeezing her hand as she let go of his arm.

"Oh good, we didn't miss her," The trill voice came from behind me and I turned to see Alice and Jasper standing in the door to the kitchen.

Alice beamed at me warmly and Jasper cracked a quick and polite smile, nodding. "Bella, I'm Alice and this is Jasper … I'm so glad my brother finally brought you to meet us! I've been waiting ages it seems."

She danced lithely over to where I stood and in one fluid motion swathed her arms around me in a hug and spun me around.

"Nice to meet you too," I breathed as she released me. "All of you, it has been wonderful – you've all been so … lovely."

We stayed for a while longer as Alice and I chatted for some time. Although Rosalie had been accepting, she seemed to keep her distance, which I was grateful to afford her. I didn't want to make anyone in Edward's life uncomfortable.

Alice was very refreshing, she was so light and happy it was infectious. I found myself smiling and laughing constantly. I also enjoyed the effect Edward's siblings seemed to have on him.

It was nice to sit back and observe him in the different interactions; each one of them pulled out distinctive parts of his personality.

I felt like I was learning so much about him; like Edward was funny … very funny, which surprised me because before he had always seemed so gloomy and sullen.

_Heh, sullen Cullen,_ Jiminy mocked and I inwardly rolled my eyes at her – swatting her away.

He was kind to his siblings, and I could tell he loved them very much. I was beginning to recognize the look of love in his eyes and it did not escape me that I had seen a similar expression when he'd looked at me. My insides churned at the thought and butterflies had a jamboree in stomach.

In short, I was seeing Edward being himself; a good, loving and caring man and I really liked what I saw.

We said our goodbyes and everyone hugged me but Rosalie. I was not offended; she had given me a friendly wave, and never once made me feel uninvited, so I took it as a good encounter.

Edward drove us back to my house with a silly smile on his face the whole way. "I've never seen you like this," I mused.

"I'm just happy everything went well." His smile grew wider and he took my hand in his, engulfing my fingers.

"I was actually surprised at Rosalie, and it's hard to surprise me. I knew she hadn't thought much about it, not around me at least." He shrugged as he thought about it. "She must have just been trying to decide how she wanted to handle it."

I squeezed his thumb, "Well I think she was great."

He grinned down at me and I couldn't fathom the look in his eyes. My body tensed automatically and I began to tell him to watch the road as he kept his eyes on me, then I realized we were already parked in front of my house.

My head began to buzz as Edward kept his gaze on me, penetrating my very soul. My knees went weak and I had to remember to breathe.

"Wanna come in?" I stammered breathlessly.

He did not answer, he did not speak he merely leaned into me, his lips grazed mine and I was complete jell-o. Our mouths met with anticipation, moving in unison. He tasted amazing and his smell made my muscles clench in a delightful way; I inhaled his scent greedily through staggered breaths.

Edward surprised me at the need in his kiss. His hands tangled in my hair pulling me closer to him. He had been so careful the past few days, and I had struggled to oblige him. Something was different in his kiss then, it felt more feral - as if he had unleashed a part of himself he'd kept locked away.

I returned his fervor full force, indulging in it completely. My hands began to wander and I fisted his shirt with my left and trailed my right down his torso. I found the hem of his shirt and slowly dipped my finger underneath. He hissed into my mouth at the feel of my warm touch to his cool skin, but kept kissing me.

I was squealing on the inside that he allowed me to do that, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning, unwrapping the one present she'd been asking for all year. His tongue moved expertly against mine and the feel of the muscles sliding against each other, working together, elicited a moan from deep within my throat.

My right hand meandered with purpose up his body. I traced my fingers along his sharply defined ab muscles and up to his chest; circling once around his erect nipple, resisting the urge to pinch.

He groaned into me "God that feels so good Bella, you're so warm."

_You have no idea,_ was all I could think and I turned my attention back to the feel of his marble skin under my fingers.

Then I felt his hands on me, and I almost lost it right then and there. I gasped an embarrassing noise and threw my head back, breaking our kiss and huffing into the air. He chuckled softly into my neck and started kissing slowly from my collarbone to my earlobe.

The feel of his strong hands pressing into my body was otherworldly, and all I could think was what Edward _really_ touching me would do to me. The pressure of his palm smoothed along my back and up my ribcage and I began to pant.

I wanted desperately to reciprocate the way he was making me feel, but I doubted my hands could be as effective as his. I fumbled my right hand, trying to focus – but failing, down his body until I found the top of his jeans.

Edward's tongue began to swirl in small circles under my ear and I whimpered, thrusting my left hand into his hair as I pulled him closer, and my right hand slid over his full erection. I pushed my hand into him and whimpered again-- he growled.

_Mother of fuck. _

He _growled_, like, lion in the jungle growl, and even poor Jiminy who had until then been watching in horror, sat wide eyed and relented - _Damn, that was hot_.

My body flew into overdrive as my muscles clenched impossibly tighter, moisture pooling in waves. I pushed my mouth to his and rubbed my right hand against him as I sucked at his bottom lip. Edward grunted his breathing ragged, despite the fact that he didn't need to breathe, but then I felt him freeze against me.

_Damn it._

"Edward," I whimpered against him, attempting to head off any decline in our activity.

"I want you…" My voice was heavy with want and I tried once more to rub against him and bite his lip.

He groaned slightly and then placed his hand over mine. At first I thought he was guiding me but then he applied more pressure to stop me all together.

"Bella, baby, please," his voice sounded thick and needy as well. "I want you so badly; you have no clue what you are doing to me."

That knowledge of my power sent tingling sensations buzzing through me, making me light headed.

"Can't we just try?" I pleaded and Jiminy recoiled at how whiney I sounded, frankly most of me did – _pull it together, Bella_.

Edward pulled my hand from his crotch and leaned back to look into my eyes. "Bella, that's one mistake I'm not willing to test."

I bit the inside of my cheek in thought, "Well, can't we try … other things?"

"Other things?" He asked, looking unsure.

"Well, yeah, I mean there are other ways…"

"Bella, I don't know. The whole point is that I can't lose control around you - it's too dangerous."

I slumped back in my seat, defeated as well as in need of a change of underwear. Edward tilted my chin up with his finger, lifting my gaze to his. "Let me think about it, okay?"

I beamed back at him; all too excited it wasn't a definite 'no'. He returned the smile and leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. I sighed, Edward Cullen had me in knots and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

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**A/N: 2010 - holy crap. Hope everyone had a Happy New Year!! Please press review and lay it on me - _whatever_ you're thinking. Thanks to all of you lovelies who have reviewed! Another shout out to my beta Wolfgrl04, check out her stories _Torn_ and_ Fate_ ... they are full of wolf packy goodness. **

**Also, a fic recommendation : _Daedalus In Exile_ by_ Ezrocksangel_, I was up until 4 am reading it last night... it is true love.**

**I'll try to give rec's with every update, I've noticed ppl doing that and I think it's wonderful... yay ff ladies!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks as ever to my beta Wolfgrl04 who helped keep me from climbing the walls with anxiety as this story takes on a life of its own. A quick shout out to two lovely ladies who have reviewed just about every chapter: hershey123 and ladyeire3 … you girls melt my heart and make me swoon from your support. Thank you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight; all respective characters belong to SMeyer. **

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Chapter 10

BPOV

I wouldn't characterize myself as a particularly patient person. In fact, in most cases I was completely impatient. But when Edward Cullen informed me he was willing to think about trying other things; I resolved to be the freaking Mother Teresa of patience.

Only, not so much.

It was proving to be a lot harder than I thought it could be. I had done okay for a few days; I found keeping myself busy helped. The house was entirely packed, save mine and Charlie's room. I still found it difficult to go in there.

I had rented a storage facility and Edward and I moved most of the furniture out of the house. We finished that all in one day - sometimes it paid to have a vampire as a … boyfriend?( I guess that's what he was, _God he seemed like so much more_.)

Edward had noticed some things around the house that needed to be fixed, so we went to the hardware store for some supplies. I had gone a little crazy and decided I wanted to paint just about every room in the house, so we bought several cans of paint as well, in a wide variety of colors.

That proved to be an excellent idea, because it kept my hands busy and made me exhausted by the end of the day. Because truth be told, I was freaking out.

My skin was crawling, in the most delicious way, anytime Edward came near to me. I had to take deep breaths and recite insignificant things in my head like random poems, or the periodic table to keep my mind away from _that_ line of thinking.

A complete new persona had been forged in my brain, my libido I suppose rearing her ugly, persistent head. I had named her Horny Bella, because that description fit to a T. She was wild and ravenous, and the simple smell of Edward made her jump crazily around in my head.

Then there were the dreams, _oh the blessed dreams_. At first I loved the dreams; it was a glimpse into what could be. But then it had become downright frustrating to wake up all tangled in my sheets, covered in sweat, my groin on fire. A person could only be worked up with no real release so many times.

To top things off Edward was always there, which I wouldn't have had it any other way, but it just added a level of difficulty. He was there while I was having those dreams, and I was apparently very vocal. The first morning I awoke in that manner I was mortified, reaching a new shade of crimson. Edward sat, twisted uncomfortably in the chair by my bed, his eyes a thick slate black, even though he had left to go hunting right after I had fallen asleep.

Then the more I woke up in that way to find him sitting uncomfortably, obvious that he was effected at least half as much as I was, the more Horny Bella grew a malevolent smile and began to forge a strategy.

It had been four days since we had our exchange in Edward's car, and he had left me giddy in bed that night as I tried to sleep and he went to hunt. I was all too excited at the prospects. As those four days passed I made no mention of it, even though I knew he was more than aware of my dreams. I _was_ the freaking Mother Theresa of patience, but that shit was getting old.

Jiminy was beginning to make her concessions toward Edward, allowing that he had proved himself thus far. She was especially approving of my attempts to cage Horny Bella. Then we were at evening five, and something had shifted.

I had been painting all day, and I suppose I could blame it on the fumes, but I was feeling particularly light headed. Edward had just finished replacing the banister on the stairs and he caught me by surprise when he came up behind me and wrapped his lean arms around my waist.

I leaned back into him, unthinking, and hummed in contentment to his touch. That's when it happened. His scent filled my head and H.B. lost it. Clad in a leather loincloth dress, hair wild, and eyes blazing, she rattled her proverbial cage until she broke free. Her first mission was to bound and gag poor Jiminy, thrusting her into a closet in the deep recesses of my mind.

I turned slowly, letting the paint brush in my hands drop to the bucket beneath me, and curled my arms around Edward's neck. My body pulled to his immediately and we were flush against one another – my nose rested at his chest. I took in another deep breath, relishing in his smell. Oddly, H.B. was quite calm as she stroked her chin evilly, implementing her plan.

I slowly drug my nose along Edward's chest and cooed at him, as I tipped up onto my toes and placed soft wet kisses along his neck. He hummed in response and then leaned down to place a kiss on my lips. I allowed it, not letting myself lose restraint – yet.

Instead I decided to take complete control. I had seen the way he reacted to listening to me near climax each night in my dreams; and I had _felt_ the power I had over him in the car that evening five days prior. I could do it, and H.B. growled the cliché phrase _'I am woman, hear me roar'_, boasting me that much more.

Slowly I withdrew my mouth from his and then licked along his bottom lip leisurely. His mouth fell open in the most appetizing pout as he exhaled involuntarily into mine. I took that moment of weakness and pulled his bottom lip into my mouth, biting down.

I didn't bite hard, but put a lot of pressure there with my teeth, pulling back at a painfully sluggish rate. I kept my eyes open, despite their penchant to want to slide closed, and peered up at him from under my lashes as I finally released his lip.

Edward's mouth hung slightly agape as he stared down at me, eyes black coal, and H.B. was doing a victory dance in my head.

"Bella," he muttered his voice heavy, as my plot fell into place - make _him_ want. I could barely hear little Jiminy pounding on the closet door in my brain shouting¸ _He's already wanted too much! _And a slight pang of guilt struck through me, until H.B. kicked the door, rendering Jiminy silent – and all was forgotten.

As I leaned in once more I kept my eyes on his, and kissed him softly. "I should go take a shower."

My voice was raspy with need and I allowed it to seep through every syllable. When I turned to leave I glanced over my shoulder and knew what I had done was working. I couldn't help the devious smile that spread across my face, and I trotted off to the bathroom.

I took my time in the shower, knowing it was getting late and Edward was probably squirming in the other room. I had never been able to pull myself away like that and leave him wanting, he was always the one to dictate the flow. I was dizzy with the power, and Horny Bella let go a villainous laugh inside my head.

Forty five minutes later, I came sauntering out of the steamy bathroom, wrapped in nothing but a towel. Edward sat, rocking softly in the chair by my bed, but stopped short when I entered the room. Without thought, because otherwise I would have lost the nerve, I pulled a tank top and underwear from my suitcase and stood, dropping the towel to the floor.

My back was to Edward, so I had no clue tohis reaction, but I knew he had seen and that's all I wanted. I pulled my underwear up on my hips and then the tank top over my head. Quickly I towel dried my hair and then turned to see the look on Edward's face. He was the picture of calmness; inside H.B screamed, _shenanigans!_

I hardened my resolve and strolled over to his side, plopping down into his lap. _Oh yes, he'd seen_, I thought happily. My fingers intertwined with his unruly hair and his eyes slid closed.

"Edward," I crooned.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Will you sleep with me tonight?"

At my request his eyes shot open and I rubbed a soothing hand along his jaw, shaking my head.

"No I just mean, lay with me," I chuckled lightly… _yes; it's a completely innocent request_.

His expression relaxed slightly and I gave him a light kiss on his cheek to show him I wanted nothing more … _right_.

"I suppose that would be fine."

I jumped up without another word and pulled on his hand, "Well, I'm exhausted let's go to bed."

He stood and I just about ran to the bed.

As I snuggled under the covers and waited for Edward to remove his shoes, a brief moment of reflection sent more guilty twinges through my stomach and H.B. growled at them. In all of my nineteen years on the earth, nothing had enthralled me the way Edward had. He had me in complete shambles, and the physical aspect of our chemistry was turning me into someone I wasn't usually.

Before I could think much further on the subject, Edward tentatively stretched out next to me on the bed. I gave him my best puppy dog eyes and spoke softly, "You're not going to get under the covers?"

He looked at me skeptically. "Bella, don't look at me like that. I can't … you'll freeze."

I shook my head calmly. "I'll be fine… I promise I'll tell you if I get too cold."

With a sigh, he shifted his body weight and pulled the comforter back, sliding underneath. "I can deny you nothing," I heard him say so quietly I didn't think he meant me to hear it. H.B. scoffed at him and rolled her eyes, _yeah right_.

The first part of my plan had gone flawlessly, almost too flawlessly and I was beginning to feel my tenacity weaken. I scooted close to him and hooked my leg over his waist before I let myself give up all together.

My head rested in the crook of Edward's arm and I did shiver at first from the coldness of him, but I soon found myself more than comfortable in his embrace. Slowly, with great care to seem nonchalant, I brought my left hand up under my chin. Then I began to graze it along his chest, feeling the firmness of his pectoral muscles.

I took in another breath of him to strengthen my determination and Horny Bella smiled wildly. The dizziness that had been cleared away from my shower returned, making me feel afloat in a sea of his sweet earthy smell.

Then Edward did something I didn't expect, he began humming to me. The sound of his voice rumbled in his chest, lending a soothing vibration under my ear. The tune carried softly, floating into the air and settling around me like a warm blanket.

His hands ran smoothly through my hair and I yawned loudly, causing him to chuckle.

"Sleep my beautiful Bella." He crooned and my eyes fell immediately heavy, as if hypnotized by the stunning creature in my bed, and responded on command.

I could feel H.B. waning as my head fogged with sleep, all of the sudden too tired to even move. Part of my brain began thinking conspiratorial theories on how he was deterring me on purpose, and he had sniffed out my plan from the beginning.

_Damn him for being so…._

Then I was out, his sweet melodic music lulling me quite literally, and I didn't have a chance against it.

Xxx

Coldness surrounded me in droves. I was blinded and couldn't see anything; there wasn't any light or even shades of grey - just blackness. A delicate melody wafted through the air, tickling my skin and I smiled.

My body felt alive, super sensitive to its senses without the use of my sight. Each nervending felt like a live wire, sparking and flailing haphazardly, searching for its grounding current. Suddenly it felt as If someone was dragging an ice cube across my skin causing me to yelp out loud.

The sensation disappeared quickly, and then returned, pulling slowly over my taut nipple causing me to realize I was completely naked. Whatever ran along my skin was so cold it almost burned and it pimpled my flesh in its wake.

I hissed at the sudden moisturethat encircled my breast, pulling and elongating my nipple.

_A mouth_, I thought in a haze.

My body arched into the sensation as it reacted on its own accord and I was momentarily frozen in fear. Someone was on me and I still could not see. The things they were doing my body welcomed, but as my brain caught up it screamed, _no!_

While the sweet music swirled around me, my body and my brainwarred for dominance. I felt hands roaming me, exploring every curve and crevice. Then there were lips pressing against mine, hard marble lips that were in some way unfeasibly soft and I melted against them, my mind put at ease.

_Edward._

I breathed into him with a smile and tried to lift my arms to his head, but found my muscles were no good - my extremities had no sensation at all.

"Lay still my love, I will take care of you," he whispered feather light in my ear.

It wasn't until he glided his long nimble fingers along my limbs that I could feel them again. Like shining a flashlight in a pitch black room, lending only one path, I could only feel where he touched. His mouth soon joined his hands as he licked and kissed his way along my body.

I longed to lift whatever shroud covered my vision – to see his beautiful honeyed eyes on me as he worked his magic, but I couldn't find a way. Time seemed to lapse and my body was all too suddenly on the verge of climax.

Edward's hands were nowhere near the actual sensitive parts of my body that longed for his contact. But he was somehow driving me to that destination, simply by his touch on my skin and the weightless kisses that followed.

"Oh… Edward…" I moaned a guttural embarrassing sound.

I sensed my body rising, so close to that point and then there was nothing – as if I had been dropped. There was no stroke of his lips against my skin; no soft melodic hum permeating from his chest, and no tingle from the trail of his fingers… it was gone. I was left completely wanting, my loins on fire with need and tears formed in my useless eyes.

Xxx

"Bella, wake up Bella."

I was roused by Edward's soft voice and his hand stroking my face. I blinked my eyes, but didn't open them – afraid there would be nothing but black.

"Are you okay?" Came Edward's concerned voice low in my ear, and then I felt the wetness under my right cheek.

I allowed my eyes to flutter open, afraid at first when I was met with a dark room. Then as shadows emerged and soft beams of light were visible from the street lamp outside I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

My hand ran under my cheek to inspect the source of the wetness and my eyes grew wide when I realized they were tears. The memory of my dream came flooding back to me and fresh tears sprung anew.

"Bella, love, what is wrong?" Edward's voice was softer still in my ear.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him from pure disgrace. I had been crying, no, not crying … bawling; no doubt right after being overly vocal about my tantalizing dream. I must have looked crazy to him.

I finally allowed my face to lift to his and our eyes met. What I saw there, the deepness, the care for me took my breath away. I closed my eyes briefly and memories of the sensations from my dream crept idly through my nerves.

"Oh, Edward," I choked out a half sob, and then looked back to his rich eyes imploring.

"It was so real, and it felt so good." I could say no more and I didn't need to. In that moment of my weakness and full out unabashed need, I watched his resolve falter.

He cupped my cheek and his lips crashed to mine. My hands didn't miss a beat driving into to his hair, finding purchase among the soft waves. His kiss was needy and I was surprised at the roughness of it.

With lightning speed Edward rolled us and then was on top of me, pressing his hips into my stomach. His arousal evident, causing me to moan against him. He reached a hand under my left leg and bent it at the knee, allowing himself to settle lower between my legs.

His hard length pushed into my soft apex and I cried out at the pressure. My hips bucked into him and Edward growled an animalistic growl, fueling me further. With frantic hands I pulled his shirt up and over his shoulders. Edward's fingers that roamed my body echoed the sensations from my dream, only more intensified.

My fingers, still frantic, hooked into his pants and when Edward made no motion to stop me I shoved my hand fully into his pants, under his boxers, and fisted it around his erection.

Edward's body immediately went ridged and he growled the most sadistic growl I had ever heard. He lunged back off the bed and I shrank into my pillow, fear taking over the waves of emotions riding through my body.

Not fear from his visceral reaction, fear that I had pushed him too far, that I had screwed up.

Shadows played across his bare chest and I could see it heaving in and out roughly. But I could not see his face and I sat frozen, unsure of my next course of action.

"I told you I can't lose control like that, this is wrong Bella!" He snarled at me and turned, ghosting to the window and was gone before I could respond.

A fresh round of tears pricked my eyes and I felt utterly pathetic.

"Edward," I cried in a whisper, but could say no more. I was beyond ashamed of my actions, my selfish need. Edward had risked so much, just to be in my presence and I couldn't handle a few hormones run amuck?

Jiminy Cricket ducked her head slowly out of the closet and gave me a sorrowful nod_. How could I not see that before?_

I needed Edward in one way and one way only, and his needs were multifaceted. How could I even complain that it was difficult for me? Let alone, try and seduce him, because I knew full well that had been my intention all along. I knew even if I had fallen asleep that it would have been next to impossible for him to lie next to me as I writhed and moaned out his name without affecting him. What I hadn't counted on was my reaction to the dream, having him so close – it fared too much for me.

Horny Bella sat slumped back, weak and despondent; shriveling away as I bid her farewell – I would not do that to him again. _If I even got another chance,_ I thought warily.

I was trying desperately not to sob as I stared out the window watching the rain fall down in sheets. It was 3 am and Edward had been gone for all of twenty minutes. I felt like complete scum of the earth and there was no way I was going to be able to go back to sleep.

Through my tear soaked vision I swore I saw a shadowy figure just at the line of trees along my property. Lightning flashed, illuminating that spot and the shadow moved swiftly before I could verify what it was. My hand involuntarily pressed against the paned glass and I swallowed past the lump in my throat.

The anger I chastised myself with bubbled at the thought of my cowardice as I sat idle, doing nothing. I leapt up from my spot, and flew down the stairs in record time. It was a wonder I didn't slip and break my neck. I ripped my jacket from its perch on the wall hook and threw it around my shoulders, slipping my bare feet into my boots.

The hem of my jacket brushed along the skin just above my knees, and I thanked the lord it covered my lower half just enough, because there was no way I was going back upstairs to throw on my forgotten pants.

The cold nipped at my bare legs and the rain pelted down on me, soaking my hair instantly. In vein, I pulled my hood over my head and squinted through the rain. As I walked towards the section of trees I thought I had seen him, my unlaced boots suctioned into the mud and puckered out, making it hard to keep my balance.

I teetered more than a few times, narrowly escaping a face plant in the mud each time.

"Edward!" I shouted through the dark rainy night. There was no response, but I knew he was there, I could feel his presence.

I took three steps closer to the trees before I heard a low and angry voice call, "Go back inside Bella."

"Edward, we need to talk, I'm sorry – I …" My voice failed me as I couldn't find the words I needed. Shame colored my face and I felt like curling in a ball on the ground and drowning in the rain.

I walked closer and could see his outlined shadow in the trees. Another bolt of lightning arched across the sky and I jumped at the sight of his face. His eyes were hallowed onyx pools, his body language taunt and ridged. He looked more like an animal then I had ever seen him before, even the first day we met.

I shuddered at the comprehension that _I_ had done that to him, brought out the worst part of him, the part I knew he despised. In turn, I despised myself for being so selfish.

"Edward," I whispered and reached my hands out to him. He snarled and shifted his body away.

"I need you…" breathlessly fell from my lips and my arms fell, resting on my knees.

"Go, Bella … I need time," his voice was thick and laced with anger and need. My lungs tightened painfully, I had to make things right.

"Please, just talk to me," I begged, stepping closer still. We were arms length apart then, and I could just barely make out his features. My heart broke into a million pieces at the conflicting emotions that played across his face, but mainly from the torture I saw there.

Edward made no move away from me as I stepped in a half step closer. His expression turned unreadable, he just looked into my eyes. Emotion filled me at his silent declaration by not pulling away; he had given me a chance.

"Edward, I am so sorry, that was wrong of me." The flood gates opened and I was talking at a hurried pace, trying to convey a million feelings into one thought.

"You have done nothing but just _be_ there for me, and you have been amazing. On top of it all it's next to impossible for you to be around me, but you've endured. And I can't even take a little physical discomfort." My eyes pled with him to understand that I understood … I had been wrong, _so wrong_.

"I was horrible to you, and I am so ashamed … please forgive me Edward."

Tentatively, I reached my hand out and laid it against his still bare chest and beads of water ran down in between my fingers. While I spoke his face had not changed - he had not moved, but as soon as my skin made contact with his cool marble flesh, new fire lit beneath his eyes, and he growled once again at me.

I tensed, expecting him to pull away, instead only to feel his strong arms capture around me with force. Before my brain could catch up with the scene playing out before me, I was being pushed against a tree roughly; Edwards cool sweet breath fanning across my face.

"Bella, you have no clue what you do to me. You drive me crazy, and I want nothing more than to make you feel good … in every way."

His hold was tight, almost hurtful and I bit into my lip to keep from whimpering in pain. His hands let go of my arms and he ripped my jacket open. I shivered at the menacing gleam in his eye as they raked down my body. Then his hands were on me, everywhere, forcefully he grabbed at my flesh through my light tank top. The sensation was not necessarily a pleasant one, and I stood petrified my heart hammering in my chest.

His lips found my neck and he kissed violently along the skin in between words. "It makes me so angry that I can't just give you what you want … what _I _want."

Through all the interactions I have had with Edward, I had never once felt true fear of him. Even afterknowing he was a vampire, I had always felt a sense that he would not hurt me. But with every flash glimpse of his darkened, crazed eyes fear seeped deeper into the forefront of my mind.

He was wild, out of control, and I closed my eyes, tears falling slowly, knowing I would reap what I had sewn. I could not blame him for his actions; I had pushed him too far. Even now in these woods, I pushed him farther still when I didn't give him the space and time he'd asked for.

Edward was gone, only a monstrous creature pushed against me now, taking what it most desperately wanted.

_Take it_, I thought. He could have it all; I would give him what he sought.

My head lulled to the side, giving him better access to my neck. In that moment I thought of Renee and Charlie, I thought of the life I wasn't living anyway. Then I thought of him, theman before me who I would let take it all away. Giving your life for someone that you loved wasn't the worst way to go.

Hungry hands covered my rain soaked body and his kisses grew even harder. When his lips crashed against the thick pulsing vein along my neck I knew my time was near. I crushed my eyes closed tighter and the tears were hardly detectable against the rain that joined them down my cheeks.

"I love you Edward," I breathed in a barely audible sob as I felt his teeth graze my skin.

**

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**A/N: So… yeah … thoughts?? Please press review, I would love it so. ****My beta Wolfgrl04 is a freakin marvel and along with her completed fic she is now writing_ two_ other stories, so go check them out. **_**Torn**_**, **_**Fate**_** and now **_**I Still Think So**_**, which includes a delicious bad boy Edward that I want to lick in various places. Ahem, anyway… on to my rec's, for this update I supply you with two:**

**Most of you probably know this one, but I will pimp her out simply because this story currently owns my soul. **_**Master of the Universe**_** by **_**Snowqueens Icedragon**_**. Show her some love and read / review. **

**The other fic I've read most recently was **_**Maybe I'm Amazed**_** by **_**AliceDances01**_**. This story has its highly amusing parts balanced by just the right amount of angst and is almost complete. Read / review – show her the love because a story that good deserves to be finished.**

**So you have your reading assignments for the week, enjoy bb's!! **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews; Wolfgrl04, my beta queen, as always – thx bb.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all the respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 11

EPOV

It was the darkest moment of my existence.

I had let go - opened the door and released the animal that I tried desperately to hide from the world, especially her.

Even the times in my life when I had justified drinking a human's blood, there had always remained a higher cognitive power that was in control. I had reasoned it out and made the decision, applying moral boundaries where I could.

Never before had I acquiesced to want, to _need_ the way I did in that moment.

There was no moral compass to follow, however subjective that may have been in the past, it was all together absent. No decision had been made, or even considered, only actions – no thoughts. Feelings that raged through me like a hailstorm were acted on.

I felt, I touched; I kissed, pushed, and pulled. I wasn't gentle.

With my pristine vision all I could see was a haze of lust. It blinded me and filled me, I was consumed. I did what I could, I left, and when she sought me out I told her I needed time. But she kept coming, like a wrecking ball through my delicate control – she destroyed it.

Soft flesh beneath my lips was just a fragile sheath over her pulsing veins.

Warmth radiated from her and I wanted it, all of it. I cursed my cold granite shell, longing for the pliable nature of Bella's form. If I was like her then I could touch her and feel and love – without care or concern.

My Love.

Bella grew slack beneath me as my lips pulled at her skin, seeking more. I could no longer hear her soft cries, or her hands squeezing around my arms. She had given in, opened her neck to me, and she had let go too. The words that fell from her mouth were dangerously close to getting lost in the rushing sounds of the blood through her veins.

_I love you Edward._

Love. Let go.

We both had, only she was the brave one. She was willing to give me everything, without further thought. _Bella loved me_.

She loved and I pulled and gripped to her, holding on for dear life.

Life,_ her _dear life. _You are hurting her._

The thought came like a sharp blow across my face. I held her too hard, pushed her too much, she would bruise, and I would break her. My teeth were against her skin, mere fractions of a centimeter away from taking my love.

_No._

A low rumbling growl ripped from my stomach through my chest and her warmth was gone. I dug my fingers in to the sopping wet earth where I had landed. Leaving Bella frightened against the tree, I'd propelled myself hundreds of yards into the forest. The haze lifted, my emotions calming. One phrase repeated over and over in my head.

_I love you Edward._

She sounded so weak and resigned uttering those words, but there was something else… relief? I wouldn't know what that meant. I wanted to go to her, but shame lay heavy against my dead heart, holding me captive. How could I look at her and not expect her to see the monster that just attacked her.

_Because she loves you._

I could hear her still, she had not moved from beneath the large conifer. I forced myself to move; I could not leave her there and let her suffer anymore.

"Bella?" My voice was weak and shaky.

She said nothing, made no motions. Her body was still pressed into the bark, her head hung down and her hair fell over her face. I could hear her pulse beating slowly and her breathing was shallow and slow. As I got closer I noticed her fingers were dug into the bark and bleeding. The burning sensation that filled my throat was laughable – as if I could hurt the creature before me, _ever_.

Softly, I tilted Bella's chin up with my finger so that I could read her face. I drew in an audible gasp at what I saw, if I was capable of crying, tears would have flowed freely. Bella's eyes were dark and heartbreaking, but her tear-streaked cheeks blushed crimson and her bottom lip was pulled into her mouth, exposing three perfectly white teeth.

It was an opposing expression, her sad eyes belied her face as her cheeks and mouth indicated embarrassment. After what I had just done, it was not the reaction I would have thought; I would have expected fear, terror, and a significant amount of sadness, even anger. She just looked confused, and lost which made my soul ache for her that much more.

"Bella?"

"Don't," she whispered, casting her eyes to the forest floor.

"Don't what?"

"You don't have to say it back, I'm sorry." She made an effort to lift her eyes back to mine and they looked even sadder than before.

I realized then that she was embarrassed at her confession of love for me. She thought I didn't reciprocate and she didn't want me to pity her. I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up through me and her brow furrowed, her eyes glinting anger.

I cupped either hand against her face as delicately as I ever had and leaned into her slowly, as I pressed my forehead to hers.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. You have always been the missing piece to me, the thing that was lacking. For 111 years I lived in the dark, not knowing. I was a dead, horrid creature, caught in this purgatory with no hopes of ever being different. Then you appeared as if an Angel in all your glory and for the first time there was light and warmth. My heart didn't feel as dead anymore. I would perish now without you. You have me – all of me. I love you, Bella."

I smiled and let out a sigh. It was so relieving to say that out loud and the sound of relief in her earlier words I better understood.

What felt like years passed as I waited for her reaction to my profession. It felt weak and a poor attempt to explain the depth of what I felt for her, and as I waited I began to fear it was not enough. Then my gaze was met with soft doe-eyes crinkled at the edges. She had a fragile sad smile lifting her cheeks into her eyes.

"Bella, love, what are you thinking?"

She opened her mouth and then shut it only to open it in another attempt to speak. "I just, I can't believe it." She shrugged and forced her eyes down.

"What can't you believe that such an undesirable monster as me could care for such a beautiful miraculous creature?"

"I think you have that backwards…" she trailed, still deflecting her gaze from mine.

"What?" I couldn't fathom the sadness in her voice.

Lightning illuminated her face as she lifted her eyes to me again; they brimmed with tears, she clamped them shut and shook her head. "I am the horrible monster Edward … I pushed you too far and now you are angry with yourself and you could have … you could have …"

Bella fell into me sobbing and I was astonished. I almost killed her, or severely injured her at best, and she was worried about me chastising myself? She cared little for her own pain, physical and mental, only for how I felt - and she calls herself the monster?

I knew what she was going to say and she was exactly right, I could have killed her. I_ would _have killed her; if she knew how close I came would she still be standing there? It was only her words, only Bella that saved herself and in turn saved me.

"Oh Bella, I am the one who should be begging for your forgiveness. I let go and that is completely my own fault. I was on the brink and you saved me, you brought me back. To hear that you feel that way for me, that you love me … it is more than I could have ever hoped for."

Bella did not answer, she just continued to cry into me and I felt her whole body begin to shiver. The rain still fell heavily and Bella was completely saturated, I needed to get her in the house before she began exhibiting signs of hypothermia. "Let's get you inside," I whispered into her soaking wet hair.

As we stood just inside her door, I peeled her jacket from her limbs and hung it back on the wall. The immediate thrumping of water splashed in drops against the hardwood and filled my ears. It was a calming rhythm.

_Thrump, thrump, thrump_

It matched the beats of Bella's heart as she stood, looking so small and curled into herself. Her arms wrapped around her body and her face cast downward. I could see the goose bumps pimple the flesh on her legs, her knees bent inward toward each other. I brushed a mat of wet hair that was pressed to her cheek behind her ear and her eyes flitted briefly to mine.

I could feel the warm buzz of our current passing freely, with my casual touch it sparked under my fingers. Bella, so small, so delicate, mine. I wanted all of her; I wanted to protect her from anything that would hurt her in the world – including me.

I had to find the balance, I knew after the events in the woods there was no way I would ever press my deathly teeth into her soft flesh, _ever_. I would sooner die a slow dismemberment than drink from her sweet nectar of life. I just needed to find equilibrium so that there were no mistakes, I couldn't get carried away but I could try harder. After that evening I knew I couldn't give up, I couldn't assume the impossible. If I had done that with Bella in the first place I would have never assumed she would love me.

_She loved me. _The thought ran through my head for the millionth time with the grandeur and wonderment of a small child.

"Come," I said as I took her tiny hand in mine and lead her up the stairs.

I closed the door to her room, it made it seem warmer that way, more intimate – just Bella and me in such a small space, yet the space between us seemed too big. I closed the distance, standing in front of her where she stood against the foot of her bed.

"Bella," I spoke softly and brushed my fingers along her arms, she shivered.

"You and I have something that I cannot describe. The words are lost on me; I can only say that it is why I feel this pull to you. Why I feel electrified when I stand close to you... when I touch you." I ran my index finger along her collar bone and down her slender shoulder.

"We are an enigma; it's not right for us to be like this. Everything in your body should be pushing you away from me, not drawing you in. And yet we seem to defy nature." I pressed my forehead against hers again and exhaled her breathing was even but shallow, her tight grip around her waist was loosened, she had relaxed slightly.

"Bella, in the woods, by all rights, I should have killed you, ripped through your fragile skin and sucked the life from your veins." She sighed against me and her skin rose in goose bumps again.

"You and you alone brought me from the deepest most evil part of my being. Through my bloodlust I heard your proclamation and the want, that basic need – what I was made for – vanished." The humming that resided between us felt warm against my skin, I marveled at the feel, bringing my hand to cup her cheek. Bella's mouth hung slightly open, her eyes focused on my chest.

"I should only assume that the same thing will happen again, that one day I may kill you." I felt the muscles in her neck tighten.

"I should be smart; I should leave you alone and not threaten your life in such a manner. I care too much for you to allow that kind of a possibility of harm." I closed my eyes; she needed to know the truth. "But I am a selfish creature Bella, and I don't know how to let you go."

Bella let out a heavy breath and I felt a tear run in between my fingers as I held her face in my hand.

"What does that mean?" She whispered so softly, it was barely a breath.

"It means that while I am fully cognizant that this is wrong, I cannot turn away from you now. I have witnessed a miracle in the power of what we have with what happened tonight. I cannot doubt that, I can't ignore it. I know in my heart, however feeble a heart it may be, that I will never hurt you. I would not be able to bear the loss. Not just the guilt from the ramifications of it, but I can't stand the prospect of not having you in my life Bella." My eyes were still closed as I spoke and Bella's hand lay against my cheek.

I opened my eyes gradually and gazed into hers, they were full of hope and love. "You are my life now Bella."

"Edward," she breathed and then tipped up onto her toes, pressing her lips against mine. I could taste the salt of her tears mixed with the fresh rainwater that dripped from her hair. The soft scent of strawberries from her shampoo mingled with the earthy smell of the forest and swirled around my nose. It was intoxicating.

"Bella," I whispered my voice raspy. "I want to show you I can be everything for you."

"You are," she replied as she broke our kiss, a new fierceness lit her eyes – determination. "You are so much more." Her mouth met mine again and I deepened our kiss. It was not needy like before; it was gradual and sweet, loving.

My hands moved slowly, softly, along her arms and then wrapped around her back. She placed light kisses along my cheeks and nuzzled her nose into my hard skin. I smiled, letting out a heavy breath. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too." Once again her eyes held a wealth of emotion. Gradually, I brought my face back to hers and placed my mouth along her plump lips. The kiss was warm, inviting, and we poured all of the unspoken feelings into it. I opened my mouth and ran my tongue slowly along Bella's top lip and she allowed entrance.

The malleable fleshy muscles pressed into each other, rubbing and circling one another. The feel of it made me light headed. My hands trailed slowly to the hem of her still wet tank top. Gently, I curled my fingertips underneath the fabric and lifted it, inch by inch.

The contrast in our movements was vastly different compared to earlier. We moved languidly, our breathing was deep but even. I could feel Bella's heart against my chest beating strong and steady. I broke our kiss only momentarily as I pulled the soggy garment from her body. It made a thick smacking noise as I dropped it to the floor at my feet.

My hands found the skin along Bella's back again and I sighed into her mouth at the feel of her warm supple body under my fingers. Bella groaned at my touch and I pulled away to look at her. As I peered down at her delicate form my breath was taken away, her body was absolutely gorgeous.

"You are so beautiful, Bella." Her lidded eyes looked back lazily as her cheeks darkened. I reached down and lifted her into my arms, then laid her back on the bed. I could tell she was battling with an internal war to cover herself from embarrassment.

"Absolutely exquisite," I breathed as I kneeled over her on the bed, running my hand up her arm. Her hands intertwined into my hair as the more emboldened part of her won out. I looked at her supple skin, the delicate curve of her waist that rose into the swell of her breasts. Her slight hip bones were pronounced wrapped in sinuous flesh just above the lacey trim of her underwear.

I placed a soft kiss along her lips and then moved lazily down her neck and collar bone. She gasped as I trailed my nose through the valley between her breasts and I couldn't help the chuckle that fell from my lips. The flesh that covered her stomach would rival the softest rose petal, the most delicate butterfly's wings and I was consumed by the sensation of the inviting skin there.

I took my time as I placed loving kisses around her navel, swirling my tongue along its edge. She cried out and dug her nails into my scalp. I felt the need for Bella swell inside me, but I also felt in complete control. It would be for her, I would show her that I could make her happy.

The path I had forged along her stomach looped and lead me back up along her ribs. She squirmed and giggled under me. "Ticklish?" I gaffed at her playfully.

My hands roamed freely along her planes and I glided them gracefully over the peeks of her chest. Bella's muscles tightened at the contact and I could smell her arousal, which only fueled my desire. I held my body above hers and looked down at her breathtaking face; she looked so happy, so calm, so trusting.

"Hold very still," I informed her as I moved my mouth above her right breast, taking the hardened nipple in between my lips.

She moaned loudly and threw her head back, the sound sent sensations of fire straight to my groin and I lowered my body against hers, barely allowing my weight to press into her. She bent both knees and I sunk down in between her legs with ease.

"Oh God, Edward, I need you closer," she ground out as she tugged my hair in attempts to pull me nearer. I steadied myself, a reminder in place that it was all for her and I needed to keep my head clear. I sucked her nipple deeper into my mouth and palmed her other breast, rolling the flesh under my hand.

She began to pant and I released her nipple, she whimpered in protest. I moved down and placed more kisses against her stomach, tucking my fingers under the fabric of her underwear.

"Edward, I need you," she whispered.

"I know, I need you too love," I responded in a heavy gruff voice.

I inched the fabric down her legs and threw it on top of her discarded shirt. I took a second to revel in Bella, completely naked and seemingly glowing beneath me ready to give me everything - trusting me yet again. My mind reeled with the mixture of emotion and need that filled me.

"You are my everything," I whispered and her breath hitched, I could tell she was choking back tears. My hands, once again found purchase along Bella's rich creamy flesh and my mouth wandered lower along her hip bone and then to her thighs.

I opened her legs and kissed up to the apex of her thighs while she wiggled beneath me.

"Edward, please," she moaned, her hands were fisted in her own hair.

Slowly I parted the delicate fleshy mound with my tongue that was hidden under the light covering of hair. Bella cried out louder than before, "Oh God!"

I felt the warm juices of Bella's arousal on my lips and I licked and sucked it up. My tongue swirled around her clit as I gently pushed one finger inside of her. The skin there was blazing and I could feel the muscles tighten around me. _God I wish that could be me inside her and not just my finger._

_For Bella, this is for Bella. _

I repeated that mantra as her breathing became erratic and her hand twisted into my hair, her hips bucked into my mouth.

"Oh, God Edward … I'm … so close … fuc…"

I added a second finger and her muscles clamped tighter, my motions quickened as I sucked hard at the fragile bundle of nerves at her center. I could feel her legs go rigid along my shoulders and Bella's back arched off the bed. Her breathing stopped and her hands ripped at my hair.

"Oh, gah, Edward … yes, yes, don't stop! " Her words were sporadic and her moans became a constant keening as her internal muscles began to pulse around my fingers and I felt her ride out her orgasm.

Clearly exhausted, Bella's taunt muscles relaxed quickly and she collapsed into the mattress. I pulled myself along side of her and drank in her expression. I had never been intimate with a girl before and if I thought Bella was beautiful before, it was nothing compared to Bella with a post coitle glow. She looked ravishing.

I was on cloud nine, I had done it. I was able to give Bella what she wanted, what I _wanted_ to give her and I kept control. I lay staring at the ceiling with Bella's naked body curled into me. It wasn't until she began to shiver that I had to separate myself from her. I wrapped her body under her comforter and lay next to her, a huge smile plastered to my lips.

Bella was mine, and I was hers. Elation filled every marble pour of my being. The knowledge that I could be more for her, that I could push myself and not just be a soulless empty entity was amazing.

_I could be good enough_

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**A/N: Please review, I am a self admitted review hoor and I need it. I feeds my kids with it. (Strongbad… anyone? o_O look it up) Okay, and on to my rec's for this week, I have two again:**

_**-Living Backwards**_** by **_**Ciaobella27**_

**This first one was recommended to me by my beta, I fell instantly in love with it. I truly laughed through most of the chapters. Bella is pithy and hilarious and as funny as I found the story it was also tender and touching, even gut wrenching in just the right places. Show her some love and read and ****review**** (I'm gonna make some sort of PSA announcement about the importance of reviewing - trufax)**

_**-Fear is the Mind Killer**_** by **_**IvoryAdulation**_

**This one caught my eye as she reviews EH frequently. I went to her page to thank her and saw she had a story. I'm not just saying this to butter her up for more reviews *ahem* I was hooked instantly. It is an AH story with such a different premise than anything I've read before. Her Bella reeled me right in with her fierceness, and the fact that Edward is an ER doctor and depicted in his scrubs often *gah – yes please* may have helped a little. This is a very touching story with many layers to sort through. The journey has been well worth it thus far. I dub Edward Heartward in this one, as he is a sweetheart (or perhaps Scrubsward because - yummy) And no one ever gives Bella a name so I'm gonna go out on a limb here and deem her Fiercella. Once again, in keeping with my central A/N theme: read and ****review****!! **

**Lastly (gesh, this is long) anyone have a story they would like to recommend? One that you loved and couldn't stop reading and you want to share the wealth, or maybe one you've written yourself? Add it to your review or pm me, I'd love to know what you guys are reading / writing. **

**Thanks lovelies!! xoxo **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Wolfgrl04 did the beta thing, thanks bb. When done with this chapter go check out her stories **_**Torn**_**, **_**Fate**_** and **_**I Still Think So**_**. Two helpings of wolf packy goodness with a side of bad boy Edward … mmm mmm good.**

**Important, please read:**** MsKathy is putting together the Hatit Relief Twi Fanfic Author's Compellation. Authors are donating stories to it and all you have to do is donate $5.00 to the Haiti Relief Project of your choice and submit your receipt before Jan. 24. She will then send out the compellation doc with all of the wonderful stories. This is a great cause and I love that the fandom is getting involved with things like this. I am still debating on donating a story, but I will definitely be donating the $5! **

**For more info, please go to: www(dot)mskathyff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/01/haiti-relief-twi-fanfic-authors(dot)html**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight; all respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 12

BPOV

Swirling amber waves, golden hues, and sparks of light filled my vision. Warmth filled me, extending around me, through me - infusing into every solitarily inch of my insides. I felt amazing, I felt wanted.

xxXXxx

When I woke to the dulled light making its pathetic attempt to push through the thick cloud cover and dance across my floor, my brain paused to take stalk. There was nothing - no memories of any type of dream what so ever. All that I felt was a deep heaviness in my muscles, and the lightness of my head - which felt disconnected from my body.

_Strange_, I thought, _I always dreamt about something._

Coldness settled into my bones and I lifted my head slightly to see what the cause of the draft was. My eyes met with deep tawny golden orbs while my mind spun images of lips and tongues, and my toes began to tingle. I inhaled and my breathing hitched as I gazed into Edward's eyes.

"Good morning, love," he whispered.

I stared. I couldn't smile, couldn't speak, and even if I could there was nothing intelligible that would have come out of my mouth. Edward lay next to me, bare-chested, but still in his damp jeans; he looked even more tousled than normal, and completely edible. Although his expression was a contented smile, I could see the slight indent between his brows, he wasn't happy – but he didn't want me to know.

Unintentionally, my own brows furrowed. I reached my hand up and traced my index finger along the slight line there and sighed.

"Bella, what – "he began. I held my hand up wearily to halt him, and then rubbed it over my face, closing my eyes trying to clear my mind.

I was naked; wrapped in my comforter, but completely naked. My hair was slightly wet at the ends, but my pillow felt soaked. I had yet to move more than just my right hand and was not sure if I was even capable, my muscles felt so heavy. I was lying on my stomach, my body tilted towards Edward.

Fully aware of the events that had transpired; I was tentative to really think about it. Looking within myself I saw that HB was lounging in a recliner, feet up, head cocked to the side, mouth open and drooling … she was dead asleep.

Jiminy was nowhere to be found and I thought it a bad sign that my subconscious had abandoned me. _Had I gone too far? How angry will Edward be … with me … with himself? _

"Bella?" His soft voice broke me from my mental rambling and I opened one eye, peering at him.

"Yes?"

"Is there something wrong? Are you in much pain?" The indention deepened as he spoke, his ability to seem happy faded.

_Pain? Why would I be in pain, I felt amazing … he had made me feel so much_.

"No," I said softly, still not able to smile. I think any movement or facial expression that required muscles was out of the question at that point, I felt as if I had thousand pound weights strapped to each individual muscle fiber. _Sleep would be good._ I closed my eyes again and willed myself to drift back to the warm darkness I had just resurfaced from.

xxXXxx

Scorching heat burned my skin, quickly followed by ice pressed firmly against me; a loud hissing noise whooshed through the air, steam billowed around my flesh. I was panting, trying desperately to catch my breath to no avail.

My nerves were wound tight, beyond hypersensitive. A feather ran down my spine, goosebumps erupted violently. A jagged rock replaced the feather, digging into my skin, flaking away the flesh. My heartbeat doubled as the sensation became unbearable; pain rolled through my body until its sharp force edged with pleasure.

Ice again, than fire – pain then pleasure. The coils in my stomach sprung loose and I screamed into the blinding sun as it drew me in.

xxXXxx

I woke from my dream and was sweating._ Sweat shirt? Why was I wearing a sweat shirt?_ I was completely under my covers and looking down at the familiar lazy grey fabric that clung to my chest. Somehow I was in yoga pants, a sweatshirt, and socks, but still in bed.

I pushed my body to sit up and my muscles screamed in protest. My room was donned in a darker grey light than before, and I knew it must have been close to twilight. _I had slept all day?_

"Edward?" I called out, my voice raspy from disuse. He wasn't in the bed next to me and as I took that information in I noticed the pillow cases on the bed were different. I pressed my hand into the fluffy surface and was surprised that it felt dry.

"Edward?" I managed to say slightly louder, panicking that he may have left when we hadn't yet spoken about last night.

Just as I forced my legs over the side of the bed, my socked feet sounding a soft _thud_ against the hardwood floor, my door opened and Edward stood before me, expressionless. I smiled in relief, "Edward, I thought you left."

"Are you hungry?" Was all he said in response, and I couldn't help but detect the coldness in his tone.

"No, not really," I mumbled and he groaned.

"Bella, you haven't eaten in over sixteen hours, you should eat something."

I blinked at him and tried to decipher his tone. "Come downstairs, I'll make you a sandwich," he finally sighed before he turned and headed toward the kitchen. I followed without thinking, still trying to decide what to say to him first, because obviously we were having an issue.

The kitchen chair felt harder and colder than usual as I perched on its edge, and watched Edward prepare my food. I closed my eyes, feeling lost and drew in a deep breath, _jiminy I could really use you right now_, I thought.

A light clanking noise caused me to open my eyes when Edward placed a plate with a turkey sandwich on it in front of me. After taking one look at Edward's stern expression, I picked up the sandwich and bit into it, chewing more than necessary between bites.

I felt sheepish as he watched me eat, his face was so intense, occasionally his gaze would roam over my form and he would sigh sadly. I mindlessly pushed my sleeve up as I ate, and the dark purple bruise impressed into my forearm caused me to gasp audibly. I couldn't help but examine it, its expanse wrapped around my arm, branching out into a perfect outline of each of Edward's fingers.

I pulled my other sleeve up hastily, momentarily forgetting Edward was watching me. An identical, only mirrored, bruise encircled my other forearm. Pushing back in my chair, I stood and raised my shirt finding my torso covered in bruises. Tears stung my eyes as I began to feel each bruise, my body and mind finally connected and the pain crept into my conscious. I was sore all over, my joints and muscles ached.

Feeling even more lost I sat back in my chair and looked at Edward, which was a mistake. The expression of pure pain and anguish from last night was set back into his features, and I wanted nothing more than to take it all away.

"Edward, please. Don't look at me like that … don't be angry," I said so softly I could barely hear it. He shifted his gaze away from me and tucked his chin, staring at the floor. The tendons in his face pulled tight and I could see him battling internally over my bruises.

"I'm sorry," I say while tears lined my eye lids.

"You're sorry! _YOU'RE_ sorry!" He bellowed as he stood and knocked the chair he sat in to the ground. The hard smack resonated in the tense atmosphere. I stared at Edward, unable to speak, shrunken into my seat. My heart was pounding as my mind raced searching for the right thing to say.

Edwards's hands were ravaging his hair, pulling roughly at the ends as he paced back and forth. "Bella, I cannot look at those marks on your body and not remember how close I came to something so unforgivable – you should be livid with me!" He stammered uncharacteristically as he paced, stopping briefly to through me a punctuated glance.

I was not prepared for the anger that simmered inside me suddenly. I stood, filled with a sense of authority and yanked both of my sleeves up as far as they would go on my arms. Then grabbed the hem of my sweatshirt with my right hand and pulled it up around my ribcage, holding the fabric back against my chest.

"I did this to myself!" I gestured franticly with my left hand; my voice was angry but even, louder than normal and forceful. I wanted to get my point across, but I knew that Edward was fragile and I didn't want him running away like last night.

_Well, he ran away because he was crazed with lust … you did that._ Jiminy emerged, tapping her foot, apparently tired of letting me try it on my own – thank God.

Edward halted his repetitive treading and gawked at me. I had never seen his brow so low before, his eyebrows knit together so tightly that his eyes nearly disappeared.

"_You_ did not force me to grab your skin so hard that blood rose to the surface and marked your body. _You_ did not force me to push you against the tree as roughly as I did. _You_ did not force me to scare you so badly that your fingers dug into the tree until they bled. I did all of that – I was the monster that let go at my weakest moment. I failed … I failed _you_, Bella." His voice quieted with each statement and the anger subsided into resigned defeat.

I gazed down at my fingers, noticing for the first time the shallow cuts on their tips and the dried blood crusted along my nails. The tears that had swam idly behind my lashes spilled over, and I sank back into my chair.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," I wept softly into my hands. "We said so much last night, it meant so much to me, and now you are unhappy … I don't want you unhappy." My shoulders lifted lightly with every quick breath between tears. I felt so lost; _tell him that – let him know you feel as feeble in this as he does_, Jiminy urged me on.

I looked up to see Edward hovering over me awkwardly. I could tell he wanted to sooth me, but didn't want to touch me. _He's scared – you scare him_, Jiminy only lamented sympathy, her snippy comments no longer necessary. My whole self had accepted Edward, it was right – we were right and I had to make him see that no matter what, we would be okay as long as we had each other.

With all of the world experience that Edward had in all his years, it was all as new to him as it was to me, and we would have to work through it together. Gently I took his hands and pulled him to me. He knelt in front of me, and I kept his hands in mine.

"I am lost," I began searching his face as I spoke. "I haven't a clue what to tell you to make you feel better about what happened. I can tell you that I feel just as at fault as you do, so please don't dismiss that." His expression softened slightly at that, and a slight flicker of light licked behind his previously dead eyes.

"Last night you told me that you were a selfish creature, that you don't know how to let me go. Well I was the one who was truly selfish, and I pushed you too far. I know I apologized for that already, but know that I am so sorry. I never want to cause you to be angry with yourself over something that is only natural for you." I laid my left hand against his cheek, and he leaned into my touch.

"I only ever want you to see yourself how _I_ see you; an amazing man with such depth and compassion. What you have been able to accomplish to allow me a chance with you … I cannot express how grateful I am for that. That you could be strong enough - much stronger than I was." Tears were slowly ridding down my cheeks, they were not tainted with anguish or sadness, they were tears of awe for the incredible man in front of me.

Edward just stared back wordlessly, but I could see in his features that what I was saying was sinking in. "You are my life now, Edward. " He sighed a contented breath as I repeated the words he had used last night and his eyes slid closed.

"We are in this together, and there will be mistakes on both parts. But if we work through them together it will make all the difference." He opened his eyes looking slightly weary at my words.

"Edward, I am fine. A few bruises are all that mark me, but not having you in my life would leave such a deeper mark inside of me. It would steal my soul and I would wilt away. Bruises are an easy price to pay as a learning curve in keeping our relationship. Please don't beat yourself up over it anymore."

"It's not just the bruises," Edward finally spoke. "It's the fact that it was almost so much more – it was almost everything Bella, you would have been lost to me forever."

"Edward, right now you sit less than a foot from me, holding my hand – the other placed against your face right?" I stated the obvious, he nodded. Jiminy had been right, talking my feelings out had helped. I felt a tranquil calm wash through me as everything seemed very logical all at once.

"Putting aside the fact that you would not have been able to be in such close proximity to me just a few weeks ago, I know you can smell the dried blood on my fingers mere inches from your nose." He inhaled sharply and nodded again.

"And yet her I sit, in one piece and you aren't even flinching," I smiled lightly at him thrilled at the words I spoke. He smiled slightly, but I could see he was still holding back. I locked eyes with him and implored him to feel the certainty I felt.

"In the deepest parts of my heart, my soul, my mind, and my body –to my very core - I truly believe that you could never hurt me. Beside the fact that you said that very thing last night, you have proved yourself to me over and over."

"Bella," he began looking like he may argue and then I saw resolve settle through him. "I love you."

I beamed at him and kissed him chastely on the lips; which sent instant reminders, mentally and physically, of last night.

"Oh!" I squeaked, suddenly animated. "You – I can't believe – last night, you –" I was rambling madly not knowing how to phrase it and then my checks burned ruby red all the way to my neck. My crazy flustered display brought a smile to Edwards's lips, which made the embarrassment worth it, and when I did flush he laughed heartily.

He cocked an enticing eyebrow, and his mouth bent into that delicious half smile. "Isabella, is there something you would like to share with the class?" He taunted me playfully as he stood and pulled me into an embrace.

Not having to look into his mesmerizing gaze emboldened me, and I spoke muffled into his chest. "Oh, just that I had this amazing orgasm last night. My boyfriend's tongue can work wonders." Edward stiffened against me, and I chuckled, knowing I had won the round of teasing. Jiminy shook her head with a laugh as she stood next to HB – arms linked - and I realized my subconscious could welcome a little Horny Bella now and again.

"Bella, behave," he half groaned – half laughed into my hair. And then I remembered something.

"How did I get dressed?" I asked curiously, pretty sure it was Edward, but still, to wake up different from how you fell asleep was always disorienting.

He shrugged against me. "I was afraid you would get too cold and your pillow was wet. So after you fell asleep again I tried to wake you, but you were dead to the world." He laughed at the memory. "So I found these clothes in your suitcase and put them on you." His voice grew sad suddenly, and my forehead crinkled in confusion.

"Were you sad to have to cover my glorious body?" I said trying to keep the mood light, but truly curious what made him saddened.

"Well of course," he laughed softly. "But when I put your clothes on is when I saw all of the bruises I had caused."

"We caused Edward. That _we_ caused," I said definitively pulling back to look him in the eyes as I spoke. He bobbed his head in response and tried to smile. "What about my pillows, you changed them?"

"Yes, I figured what good was putting clothes on if your head was going to stay wet." He shrugged again and I smiled, filled with such jubilation from his care and concern for my well being.

"Thank you," I said contently.

Just then Edward's phone chimed from his pocket, it was the first time I realized that he had changed at some point as well. He squeezed me lightly and then released me to answer the phone. I took my plate to the sink and washed the dish, placing it in the drying rack. There were a handful of dishes already in the rack; I didn't bother to put the few items I had left unpack away. It seemed pointless as I had only left out enough things to use for myself during my stay.

I peered out the kitchen window as that thought played on repeat through my head. _My stay here_ – what did that mean? What were my plans? Now that Edward was in the picture I wasn't sure. Yes I was suppose to go to school at the end of next month, but could I? Edward couldn't very well up and move to Jacksonville. He would be forced to become a recluse, only to come out at night, and I couldn't stand for that.

_I wonder if it's too late to transfer._ Jiminy threw into the pot, and I was caught off guard a little by the mental suggestion. I had applied to several colleges to appease Renee, and I had been accepted to all of them. Despite my robotic state after Charlie's death, it hadn't affected my grades. If anything, it made me work harder. All I did was study and chores to keep my mind off … other things. I had been the model student – the model robot student.

A slow smile crept across my face as it dawned on me that I had applied to University of Alaska in Anchorage. It had been a last minute addition to the list of schools I applied that I thought my mom would be thrilled about.

That one I had actually thought about going to. It would have been on the other end of the spectrum of isolation. Instead of isolating myself from the world in the comfort of my own home, I could go somewhere completely isolated from everything. The only reason why I decided against it was the sad look on Renee's face when I told her how far away it was.

A plan began to formulate in my head, and I decided to look up what it would entail to transfer there. I would make some phone calls tomorrow when Edward wasn't around, I wanted to surprise him. I was brought out of my deep contemplation by Edward's voice getting louder to whomever he was speaking with.

"I just think it's a crummy idea," he said, sounding irritated.

"I know, Alice, but that's different. I know. Yes. Okay, well I will ask her but -," I could hear the ecstatic squeal through the phone; _oh no, this can't be good_.

"Alright, bye." Edward hung up and turned to me, an exasperated look pulled on his features.

"Alice," he said in explanation, holding the phone up to display who he'd been talking to. I shook my head to indicate I knew as much. "She wants us all to go out tonight."

"Go out?" I asked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Sometimes we go into Port Angeles to a few of the comedy clubs, or sometimes just a regular club. It's fun. We don't do it often. I told her I didn't think it would be a great idea with you, but Alice thinks we need to let off some steam…" He trailed lifting one shoulder in a question.

I couldn't help but giggle at the thought of five vampires 'clubbing'. "Wait, what do you mean, it wouldn't be a good idea with me?" I asked my laughter cut short by my offense to that comment.

"It just makes me nervous, and you can't even drink … not that I would even want you to." He stated as if it were obvious. I squared my shoulders, indignant to the insinuation that I was too young. My mind catalogued all the times I had gone to parties at Renee's insistence, only to grab the first bottle of Rum I could get my hands on and squirreling away to some isolated corner. I could drink, and I could actually hold quite a bit of liquor. But he wouldn't know that, so before I let myself get too heated over his assumption I sighed, relaxing my shoulders.

"Edward, I've had drinks before. I'll be fine, I know my limit." I tried to sound as level headed as possible.

He quirked his eyebrow at me, "How do you expect to get in?"

"Well I would assume the same way you do, Mr. Forever 17; your hypnotizing vampire powers." I waved my hand flippantly to illustrate how easy I thought it would be. He laughed and shook his head.

"First of all Ms. About to turn 19, we have several IDs with varying ages, no powers necessary."

"Oh," I said sheepishly and internally I groaned at the realization that he was in fact perpetually 17, and I would soon be turning yet another year older. He must have seen the flash of sadness in my eyes, because he glided to my side and pulled me against his hard chest.

I melted to him and hummed in contentment. "Bella, love, if you would like to go we can. I'm sure I could use my powers of … persuasion to get you in."

I craned my neck back. "Really?" I sounded all too excited; I hadn't even thought of how nice a night out to unwind truly would be. I had been through a vicious emotional roller coaster the past two weeks.

"Yes really," he laughed again and kissed my head. "Alice will be thrilled," he mused as he pulled his phone out to call her. Before he could even dial, it rang with Alice's name flashing across the caller id. As soon as he answered I could hear Alice yammering a mile a minute, Edward never even said hello.

"Ok, see you soon," he spoke before pocketing his phone once more.

"Soon!" I shouted, "I don't even know if I have anything to wear, I have to take a shower – Edward I won't be ready soon." I frantically glanced around the room grabbing at my clothes to illustrate just how not ready I was. I saw out the window that the sun was low in the sky, and although it couldn't be seen through the thick covering the warm orange glowing wall of clouds just above the horizon told me it was about to set.

"Relax, Bella," he held his hands up in surrender. "Alice will be here soon to help you get ready. She said that she has the perfect outfit for you, so not to worry."

I deflated from being so worked up and then a swarm of nerves cascaded through me. C_rap_, I thought as I realized I was going to have to be Alice's Barbie doll … I wondered how bad it would be.

"She said for you to jump in a quick shower and she and Rose would be here shortly."

_Rosalie, shit, this would be bad._ Although she had behaved at the Cullen home, I had no way of knowing how long her patience for me would last. I swallowed hard and shook my head.

Edward leaned in to me, "and don't think you're not going to have to explain how you 'know your limit' with alcohol Miss Swan," he whispered into my ear, I rolled my eyes at him and then realized there was a lot he didn't know about me from my 'dark' past. I wondered idly if he assumed I was a virgin.

Before I could mull it over, Edward kissed my cheek and then released me; the devilish smile that perched on his lips taunted me. The muscles at the bottom of my stomach clenched instinctively at _that_ look.

_Good God._

Rather than allowing my body to jump him as it wanted to, I turned and sashayed out of the kitchen, making sure to sway my hips a little more than usual. I smiled triumphantly as I turned the corner down the hall, catching a glimpse of Edward's expression; dark eyes, stunned and hungry. _Take that, Mr. Cullen – two can play at that game_.

Once in the shower, I allowed the water to boil to a scalding temperature before I stood under the flow. It felt magnificent as I burned the soreness away. I tired, somewhat successfully, to push my fears of what kind of Frankenstein Dr. Alice would turn me into, and what Rosalie's temperament would be like. I did need the relaxation, and it would potentially be a rather fun night.

The water pulsed down around me; it warmed my skin as shampoo foamed between my fingers and filled the bathroom with the smell of fresh strawberries. Nerves slowly subsided to excitement, and I found myself bobbing in place to some imaginary music. I would let Alice dress me however she liked, be as nice to Rosalie as I could, and hope for the best. _Will they drink_, the thought came out of nowhere … it would be interesting to see how they behaved. I began to daydream about dancing with Edward, our bodies pressed close together … yeah; it was going to be a blast.

**

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****A/N: Okay, first off – as always - please review! And thank you to everyone who does. So the Indie Twfic Awards are going on again and I would love to have my one shot, **_**Sweet Release**_**, nominated. You have to have 45 reviews for a one shot so I would love for you lovely readers to review it for me (I only have 16.) If I get over 45 reviews I'll let you all know … you know, in case you'd like to nominate it ;) *wink, wink. The awards are designed to get little known writers and their stories out there, which I think is wonderful. SO even if you don't want to nominate my story perhaps there is another one you have in mind. Go to www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com **

**My week was a little crazy, so my reading was sparse, but I figured you all would prefer an update as appose to a bunch of rec's. In short, I'm somewhat phoning this one in because I'm recommending Angstgoddess003 and let's just face it, I think everyone knows she's awesome :D**

_**Company Loves Misery**_** by **_**Angstgoddess003**_** has been wonderful, I love her repentant Edward.**

**She also has a link to a story she's only doing on her Live Journal called **_**Rising**_**, this story has been very interesting so far. The last chapter had me develop feelings of loathing towards Edward – which I didn't think was possible. She only has a few chapters up. Links on her FF profile. **

**All right I will leave you to it with another quick shout from the roof tops, review, review, review! **

**Xoxo **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: KatBug86 (ficster formerly known as Wolfgrl04): I'm cheersing my lucky charms to you, thanks bb. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight; all of the respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 13

BPOV

Alice did not disappoint. She was every bit of the whirlwind I had expected her to be. But I had to say, as I looked at the woman reflected back to me in my full length mirror, she did a pretty damn good job. Black skinny jeans fit tightly to my legs, accentuating and making them appear longer. The blouse she brought was thankfully long sleeves, and I cringed a little realizing that she would have known _why _to bring a long sleeved blouse. Alice had seen everything I was sure, heat darkened my cheeks at that thought … _everything_. Jiminy shuddered and then lifted her chin telling me to, _buck up_. I was going to have to get used to having little secrets around the Cullen's.

The dark blue top was a little shiny and it clung to my skin, making my boobs look perky and my waist look tiny. I gave Alice a goofy smile when she pointed that out and Rosalie rolled her eyes. The sleeves billowed loosely in contrast around my arms and the back was completely open. Luckily I only had a light shadow of a bruise on the right side of my spine, which Alice was able to cover up with makeup. One small strip of fabric stretched across my back and held the top together.

Makeup and hair was a blur, I couldn't even begin to tell you what those girls did. Rosalie worked her magic on my hair, and boy was it magic. I had never seen it so smooth all the way down until the tips curled softly just above my waist. Alice did my makeup and I had expected to possibly look like a raccoon. I kissed her cheek heartily when I looked in the mirror and saw that I still looked… normal; with subtle accents of eyeliner and mascara, a little blush and actual lipstick. I had never worn real lipstick before; the girls were shocked by that fact.

I was surprised and relieved by the easy atmosphere. Rosalie was light and happy, and Alice was - well Alice. Rose's sarcastic whit helped to keep Alice tethered to the ground. And for that I was very thankful because when Alice pulled out 6 inch heels for me to wear, I almost had a heart attack.

Rose's eyes grew wide and she barked out a laugh. "Alice!" She chortled. "The poor girl can barely walk on a flat surface with _no_ shoes - how do you expect her to walk in those!"

Alice huffed out a pout, ready to argue, and Rose gave her a pointed glare. Alice relented and pulled a pair of ballet flats out of her bag. I resisted the strong urge to pummel Rose with a bear hug and smiled gratefully mouthing "thank you," instead. She waved her hand and rolled her eyes, trying to act indifferent. If I didn't know any better I would have said she was displaying a bit of protectiveness toward me, I pushed that thought out of my head and chalked it up to wishful thinking.

When the girls had gotten there Edward left to go get himself ready; I missed him immediately, it was rather silly the slight ache that I felt at the loss of his presence. _There is no way I could go to college in Jacksonville_, I thought as tornado Alice whizzed about me doing 'last minute touches'.

"Perfect!" Alice chimed in a crescendo as she whirled me around. In the mirror I saw the three of us and momentarily I didn't feel so far out of their league. "Well?" Alice bounced in anticipation of my thoughts.

"I think I see three sexy bitches ready for a night out!" I laughed enthusiastically and they doubled over in laughter at my candor.

"Yeah, let's see Edward try and resist you now!" Rose shot back through her laughter.

My own laughter caught in my throat, and Alice froze, glaring at Rose. I would have normally been immediately scarlet and run from the room embarrassed, but as I looked at those two girls who had just spent the better part of two hours getting me ready, I felt like I had sisters. For the first time, I felt like part of a group of girls being normal, and I couldn't be angry with Rose's attempt to joke with me.

"Yeah, I'll have him begging before we even get to the club," I sassed, exaggeratedly shaking my hips. Rose and Alice melted into each other in laughter. I giggled along, happy that the momentary tension was gone. It felt good; better than I could describe to have sisters. My smile stretched wide across my face as we headed downstairs and waited for the boys.

We didn't have to wait long before the guys pulled up in Emmett's Jeep. Rose and Alice ran out to the mammoth vehicle to greet their men, and I turned to lock my front door. As I slid the key back onto the eve a shock of cold pressed just under my right ear. I shivered and giggled as Edward pressed his nose into my skin and his arms wrapped around my waist possessively.

"Hey baby … you look absolutely delicious," his voice was low and inviting, and the way he called me 'baby' caused my thighs to press together as another shiver ran down my spine. I turned and gave him a proper hello, pressing my lips to his.

"Hey come on love birds, we gotta go!" Rose yelled at us, breaking up the kiss much sooner than I would have liked. I groaned, laying my head into Edward's neck and felt his chest lift rhythmically with his laugh.

Rose got shot gun naturally, but I had no issues with the seat I was squeezed into as I snuggled into Edward's lap. The ride was bumpy, and I had to stifle back a laugh more than once as Edward squeezed my hip and groaned into my neck each time we hit a particularly big bump, and I was jarred into him.

"Sorry baby," I laughed lightly into his ear as I tried to shift discreetly so my ass wasn't pressed right into his crotch; although that was right where my body wanted to be.

All I got in return was his crooked smile and the coils in my stomach wound tighter. Even Jiminy was fanning herself; _this man will be the death of me_, I thought before Jiminy caught its unintended double meaning and sighed in disappointment at my ease with it.

The club was very loud and the whole building seemed to be pulsing with music. Although I had been to my share of parties, I had never been to a club before, so I was unsure what to expect. Nerves betrayed my exterior nonchalance as we approached the bouncer at the front door. To my surprise, it was a woman; she would have been better described as an Amazon. She was close to Edward's height and very bulky to boot. I, for one, was more than intimidated and fully prepared to tuck tail and head back to the Jeep. She was going to take one look at me and laugh, I was sure of it.

Rose, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper all went in before us and my palms were sweating profusely when Edward stepped up and handed the woman our cover charge. She didn't look at him, but her heavy gaze locked onto me. I felt like she was strangling my heart with her stare - Darth Vader had nothing on this chick. The menacing smirk that played on her features told me the jig was up. I opened my mouth to say 'sorry, I'm an idiot' right as Edward stepped in front of me, breaking her gaze.

"She's with me," he smiled - that smile. _Dear God._ His voice was all velvet, and I wanted to drape it across my skin and sleep in it for a thousand years. Haze clouded my head and the female version of Conan the Barbarian gawked at him. A giddy smile broke out across her face and she winked … _fucking winked!_ And Edward and I were allowed entrance to the club.

Once inside I paused by an outer wall and pulled Edward to me. I knew my expression was an unfathomable one and he beamed down at me happily.

"Holy crow, you fucking did it!" I almost screeched, I couldn't contain my excitement at his 'powers', and I couldn't contain my language apparently either. Thankfully, it didn't throw him, and he just laughed along with me. I reveled in his face at that moment. He looked so joyful, so light and carefree. The dark circles under his eyes were barely detectable, and he really looked like the seventeen year old boy that he was suppose to be - happy and normal. He was glorious, and he was mine. _Wow._

I couldn't stop my impulses, and I attacked his mouth with my own; greedily pulling at his lips. Edward was shocked at first, but then he melted into me joining in with full fervor. It was the sound of the music the reverberated off the walls and seemed to travel through my body that pulled my attention from the kiss. It wasn't typical club dance music, it was … Latin music?

_No. They wouldn't have_, I thought as I released Edward. "What kind of club is this?"

"Hmmm?" Edward looked a little dazed from our lip lock and HB danced in my head, thrilled by the power.

"This club, that's not normal dance music, is it Latin music?"

"This club does all different types of music nights. Tonight I think is mostly Salsa music."

My eyes nearly popped out of my head. "What! Salsa, I don't know how to Salsa!" I was half laughing, half hysterical. _Didn't these people know me at all_, I wondered as my head spun from the thought of my impending embarrassment. While dancing was somewhat of a stretch for me, if I was loosened up enough I actually enjoyed it. It wasn't that hard to shake your hips to the beat, but a dance where you had to actually know steps and timing … there was no way in hell.

Edward leaned into my ear and whispered, "It's not that hard if you have the right partner. I won't let you go, I promise." The calm tenor to his voice soothed me slightly and I tried to reel my emotions in. Worst case scenario; I watched everyone else dance and had a few drinks, I decided.

"Ok, but I need a drink," I said giving him a weak smile. We made our way to a table at the other side of the room where the others had already set their jackets. I placed mine on a chair and sat down wondering where everyone else was. Then I saw them, Rose with Emmett, Alice with Jasper. They looked like they should be on_ Dancing with the Stars_ as they weaved their way across the dance floor flawlessly.

I didn't even realize my mouth was hanging open until I felt a cool finger slide under my chin and lift it back into place. "Don't worry, love, you'll do fine."

I was glad he was so sure and was finding my freak out so amusing, but he really had no clue. I sighed at the fact that I was just going to have to show him that he was wrong. _At least I can't hurt him,_ I thought bitterly as a waitress came by.

"Rum and coke please," I asked with smile, and Edward raised his eyebrows slightly.

The waitress returned quickly for which I was grateful, taking a big sip allowing the liquid courage to filter through my body. It burned my throat slightly but left a sweet aftertaste. I could feel Edward's eyes on me, so I looked up and smiled.

"Would you like to take this time and tell me how it is you 'know your limit'?" His expression was soft, but I could hear the tightness to his tone.

"Um, sure, sure. " I shrugged, the cold glass of my drink pressed in between my hands. I was turning it slowly; I wanted to choose my words wisely so that Edward didn't freak.

"When I moved back with Renee I was pretty out of it for several months, as you know," I smiled at him thinking of our emails. _I missed those emails_; I thought and had an idea to send him one later. "Anyway, once I showed some signs of normalcy she urged me to try and make friends. She practically forced me to go to Friday night parties. I went because it made her happy." I smiled again thinking of Renee, I needed to call her, I missed her too.

"So one of the ways I was able to let loose was to drink. I never got out of control, I can't stand that feeling, but I did learn my limits."

Edward was staring at my drink with a thoughtful look on his face. "Okay," he sighed breathing in and then looked up with a soft smile. I was a little shocked, I was prepared for the wrath of concerned Edward, but he seemed to be fine.

"Okay, really?"

"Yes," he chuckled, "I trust you to know what you're doing."

Setting my glass on the table, I leaned over and kissed him gently. "Thank you."

Jiminy, however, was giving me the third degree, trying to convince me that if we were bringing up the past, it would be the perfect time to divulge my sexual history. I tried to shake my conscience off, how in the hell do you just bring something like that up when it hadn't been asked? 'Oh and by the way, I also fucked a few people at those parties'… well two people, but still, I couldn't figure out how to transition into something of that nature.

"Bella?" Edward's voice roused me from my inner argument. "Is there something else you want to tell me?"

Damn, he could read me like a book, it's truly a good thing he was unable to read my mind because I would be completely screwed.

"Um, no, I just …" I trailed as Alice twirled her way back to the table, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett in tow. 'Later' I mouthed and he acquiesced, nodding.

"Bella," Alice sang over the music. "You _have _to come dance with us!"

I looked at Edward, panicked, as he stood and I shook my head slightly beginning to say no. He took my hand and pulled me up from my seat, leaning in and whispering, "You'll do fine baby."

He cooed the word 'baby' and I shivered again; I was sure he knew what that did to me. He started to lead me away, so I threw the rest of my drink back quickly, slamming the glass on the table. The warmth spread through my limbs immediately loosening them.

My heart was racing and the songs changed from what seemed like a frantic mess of off mixed tempo beats to a strong steady beat. Edward led me through the crowded dance floor and stopped, turning abruptly to face me. The others had already been lost to the music, twirling and whirling around us, I shrank into Edward's side. There was no way I could do what they were doing.

"It takes the right partner," Edward whispered again in my ear, and I looked up at him wearily. Well, it was time to prove him wrong. _I bet he wasn't use to being wrong_, Jiminy snickered from her comfy vantage point. _Why don't you pop some fucking popcorn_, I thought, irritated.

"Do you hear the beat?" Edward asked as he stepped into me, raising our hands. My right was in his left and he held our arms up high. I squared my shoulders the way it looked like they did on tv, and he rested my left hand at his hip. "Just close your eyes," he spoke softly.

I obeyed and allowed my other senses to take over. I could feel Edward's hand perfectly still, cradling my own. Chills ran through me has his icy right palm pressed lightly into my bare lower back; the sensation immediately replaced by buzzing and warmth – ice licked into flames.

Our bodies drew together and the effect his touch had on me rivaled a thousand rum and cokes, as my limbs melted into him. I could feel the bass of the music rattling my bones, vibrating my whole body. Edward began counting softly in my ear; rhythm by numbers.

He took a quick step into me with his right leg, and my left consequentially moved with his. He stepped back into himself and I moved, wanting to keep our full connection. Edward stepped back with the same leg, and I stepped forward. It was quick brisk moves and I was surprised my body seemed to move automatically – as if we were threaded together.

Slowly as I got the repetition of the pattern down, Edward turned us in a square. He had stopped counting, and I was fully feeling the rhythm of the music. With our bodies connected in that way, pressed together, I could feel his muscles moving sinuously against mine. All my inhibitions about failing were gone. I began to swing my hips with our steps, allowing my body to bow away from his only slightly, just to be snapped back into him. A huge smile lightened my face. I was relieved that I hadn't fallen on my face, but more over, I was elated that it was really fun as well. The feel of Edward moving against me, in complete control, was otherworldly; I would let him lead me anywhere.

My eyes opened to find Edward beaming down at me. I couldn't help the laugh that erupted from me of complete joy.

"You're doing wonderfully," he had to shout slightly over the music.

"It takes the right partner," I repeated his words from earlier and did my best impression of Edward's crooked smile. He threw his head back in genuine laughter, and I joined in.

A few songs later Edward had me twirling around him, and I was giggling like a five year old. I wasn't able to do any fancy improve moves like Alice or Rose, but the free feeling was amazing. Edward never let me go. Just as he promised, some part of him always had a hold on me and it was more than comforting.

Slightly out of breath, I kissed Edward's cheek and requested a break. The six of us parked at our table and the waitress came by. None of them ordered anything, which didn't surprise me; they were having a good enough time without the need of uninhibitors. I asked for a glass of water and the waitress nodded with a smile and left.

"Bella, you were doing great out there!" Alice cheered as she bounced in her seat.

I smiled back at her, unable to keep my excitement at bay, adrenaline still pumped through me from the high of the fast paced dancing. "Thanks!"

Edward was tracing his thumb lightly over the notches of my spine slowly and it felt like all of the energy was being sucked form my body. I suddenly had the urge to crawl under the table and go to sleep – that was probably the quick shot of alcohol talking.

Emmett was giving Jasper a hard time about some move he messed up and everyone was laughing a long. I had absolutely no clue what they were talking about, and I was being terribly distracted as it were.

All of the sudden it was like a scene from a movie; Alice's face changed from light and laughing to a complete blank slate in a flash. Everyone stopped immediately and stared at her. The atmosphere grew thicker instantly. The club's music was drowned out by the pulsing of my veins in my ears. Something about the look on her face made me completely nervous, but I hadn't the slightest idea why.

"Edward, what- ," I began to ask but he held a hand up, cutting me off, still staring at Alice. He had a similar glazed over look, which worried me further. I glanced around to see what they could have been looking at, only to find our surroundings unchanged. Then just as suddenly as she had transformed, Alice snapped out of it and smiled like nothing had just happened.

I looked to Edward for answers, but he had the same fake smile plastered to his face. He let out a small laugh that sounded almost nervous.

"Alice, what did you…" Rose began but trailed off at Edward's glare. Alice looked around at everyone's face, but her eyes kept jutting back to me, then she just shrugged. I sighed, clearly there was something they needed to talk about, but I was in their way. As curious as I was to find out what it was I decided to remove myself and hoped Edward would fill me in later.

I stood and stretched slightly, trying to look nonchalant. "I'm gonna go to the ladies room."

"Oh, I'll go with you," Alice began to get up, but I held my hands out, already beginning to walk away.

"No, that's alright Alice, I'm a big girl I'll find it, and I know you don't need to go. I'll be fine." I shrugged and turned to leave. The bathrooms were right around the corner, through a set of double doors. As I passed through a tall handsome man with sandy blonde hair held the door for me. I smiled and nodded a thank you. He flashed me what I think was suppose to be an alluring smile, it just made me anxious … and want to puke.

I took my time in the bathroom, relieving my body of its fluids and then washing my hands while singing the ABC's in my head. Yeah, I never did that, but I didn't want to interrupt whatever it was they needed to talk about. I did a quick hair and makeup check in the mirror and was surprised everything still looked as fresh as three hours ago.

Pulling the bathroom door opened I stepped into the darkened hallway. The air was much colder in there, and goose bumps erupted along my arms. One florescent bulb hung lit at the opposite end of the hallway, catching my attention as it blinked and buzzed loudly. I turned to go back into the club, but all I could see was red as I was pushed roughly against the wall.

"Where ya going sweetheart?" The voice was whiney and menacing all at the same time. It took a second for my vision to focus as the sandy blonde hair from earlier took form. It was pulled back loosely into a ponytail at the nape of his neck. I swallowed against his hand that was stretched over my throat, pushing me harder into the wall.

The red I saw suddenly made sense as I focused on his eyes. They were blood red, and I gasped. _No, it couldn't be! _I thought and my mind tried to grasp hold of my situation. _A vampire._

He was most definitely not like the Cullen's though; he looked wild and angry.

"She'll do perfect," he spoke, and my stomach rolled at his words. I realized he was speaking to someone who was standing next to me, but the way he was holding my head I couldn't turn to look at them; the hallway was too dark for my peripheral vision to work well. All I could make out was a shadowy figure, not much bigger than me.

His thumb dug into the skin just under my chin, and my brain went into auto pilot. I used everything Charlie had ever taught me about confronting an attacker. I didn't know what the fuck good it was going to do against a vampire, but I had to do something, and I couldn't scream effectively with the way his palm was crushing into my vocal chords.

_Assess the attacker_, I heard Jiminy instruct, and I immediately calculated everything I could see about him, trying to pin point a weakness. Then I saw it, it was faint, but I knew it was there. A slight blush rose under his skin at his neck, no doubt from being worked up. My eyes zeroed in on the slight beads of sweat that had formed along his hairline and as he opened his mouth as if he was going to bite, there were fangs. _Fangs! Real vampires don't have fangs!_ Jiminy screamed at me and I launched into the defensive moves Charlie had taught me.

As I brought my right foot down heavily on top his foot, stomping with all of my might, I momentarily wished for the heels Alice had tried to get me to wear. He let go, bending to grab his foot as he yelled out in pain. I quickly stepped to his side using my leverage to shove him, with all my might, head first into the wall.

His skull made a loud crack noise against the tile wall. I turned to run, remembering his accomplice. As I reached the door to the club I heard her speaking to the man that was crumpled to the ground.

"Holy shit, Steve! Dude, are you okay!"

I didn't stay to find out, I didn't give a shit. Some asshole had just tried to pass himself off as a vampire, and adrenaline was raging through my body. I was shaking and gasping for air as I pushed through the thick crowd to where Edward sat.

"Bella!" Edward looked terrified as he jumped up from his seat. "Are you all right, what's wrong?"

I smashed against him, burying my face in his chest. I couldn't help the tears that ran down my cheeks as I sobbed quietly into him, the weight of what just happened hitting me.

Without a word I was being escorted out of the club, five vampires as my protection and my nerves calmed considerably. _Let's see if that fake asshole would like to mess with some real fucking vampires_, I thought darkly.

Once outside, the crisp air helped me to relax more, and I was able to relay to them what had happened. Edward turned without saying anything, Emmett and Jasper went to follow him, they were headed back into the club. I had expected Edward to be seething, what was scarier was seeing him completely calm - eyes black. Calm rage was much more dangerous than furious rage in my book.

"Edward, wait, no!" I called after him. He stopped but didn't turn. I went to his side and pulled his chin down so his eyes would meet my gaze.

"It's not worth it, and I am fine." I smiled weakly at him. As much as I would love to see that bastard punished, I knew Edward may go too far and then in turn be angry with himself. I didn't want that.

Edward's shoulders dropped. He sighed, cupping my face with his hand.

"Besides," I said as we turned back to the Jeep. Emmett groaned; I could hear the protests under his breath. He apparently really want to 'pummel the fucker', in his words. "I think I may have given the poor guy a concussion," I finished eliciting a laugh from everyone but Edward. My body was completely drained of all energy, and I slumped into him as we walked.

The others loaded into the car while Edward paused and looked down at me. He seemed to be searching my face for something. "Bella, love, are you sure you are okay?"

"Yes, I am fine," I said sleepily.

"Let's get you home then," he spoke against my cheek and then kissed me softly.

I fell asleep quickly, despite the bumpy ride. I hadn't even realized we were out of the car until Edward was tucking me into my bed.

I stretched and smiled lazily at him. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," he replied simply. "Go back to sleep Bella, I will be back tomorrow love."

The sheer terror that strangled my lungs at his words, threw me for a complete loop.

"What!" I choked, shakily. "You're leaving?" My hands were like a vise around his arm, I had no clue where that feeling of fear had come from.

"Yes, Bella, I have to go attend to some family business, but I assure you I will be back in the morning." His voice was soft, but it did nothing to quell the feeling of panic. I began to sob uncontrollably; even I was shocked by the severity of my emotions.

"Please don't go, don't leave me alone, I can't be alone, I'm scared!" I was rambling and spouting every thought that came to mind at him.

"Sweetheart," I went rigid at his word choice. 'Sweetheart', that's what the moutherfucker who attacked me had called me. My sobs became heavier, as I collapsed against him.

"Don't call me that,_ he_ called me that." Part of my subconscious, and I don't even know what part, was telling me to snap out of it - that it was ridiculous. While I was attacked, I had come out virtually unscathed. There should have been no reason for me to act so violently to being left alone.

"Bella, are you afraid because of what happened at the club?"

I shook my head, "Yes, and I know this is ridiculous, I just feel so scared," I barely whispered.

"My God, you're shivering," he drew his arms tighter around me. I attempted to calm myself. "It pains me to see you like this."

"I'm sorry," I replied through shuddered breaths. "I don't know why I am reacting this way."

Edward smoothed my hair away from my face and kissed the top of my head. "It's because monsters are real."

I pulled away and looked up at him, confused.

"Bella, you just only recently found out my true nature, and since then you've only known what we are. Tonight you were faced for the first time with the possibility of what you now know for a fact is out there. You're finally feeling the fear you should have felt from the beginning, as soon as you found out I was a vampire."

I shook my head vehemently, "No, that man was evil, vampire or not, and you are in no way like him."

"Maybe not, but the fact still remains that there are real life vampires with my strengths and abilities, and you got a glimpse of what that could be like tonight."

What he was saying filtered through my brain. It did make sense, but I still felt no fear towards Edward or his family. I knew they wouldn't hurt me.

"This is why I didn't want you near my world. The likelihood that we will run into real vampires like that is very high Bella, and that scares me more then you know."

"Edward, what was that guy? Why was he acting like a vampire? He even had red eyes." I was calm, and I rested my head back into Edward.

"I have heard of a cult of types, they are humans who don't really know for sure that vampires are real, but believe they are and want to be vampires themselves. Some do things like have fangs put into their mouths, wear contacts to make their eyes black or red, and actually drink blood. If that man was planning to try and drink your blood than that is the most extreme I have ever heard of. Most of those types stick to donated blood, or the blood of animals. He was either entirely deluded and would have tried to bite you, or he was just trying to scare you and maybe harm you or sexually abuse you." His voice was very clinical. I knew it must have been hard for him to think about, let alone dissect the man's intentions.

"I should have been there," he continued. "I should never have sent you back there alone." He was admonishing himself. I couldn't have that.

"Edward, there was no way you could have know."

"Are you better now?" He asked softly.

"Yes, and no. Are you still leaving?"

"I have to."

"Yes I feel better, but I still feel very scared. I just can't shake the feeling. If you must go than can I come with you?"

He breathed heavily, "Bella, I don't know if that's the best idea…"

I began to feel irritated as I realized it had something to do with what happened with Alice at the club. "What is it Edward, does this have to do with Alice? What was with her at the club anyway?"

"Yes," he sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "She saw something…."

My eyes grew wide as I realized what he was saying. "She was having a vision?"

"Yes."

"And it had to do with me, that's why she didn't want to say something in front of me," I said as a fact, not a question.

"No, not really, I just didn't think you should have to worry about it." He shrugged, and my eyes pricked with angry tears.

"So, you are deciding what I should hear now?"

"Bella, it's not like that."

"Well, what is it than!" I was growing more and more irritated.

"It doesn't really have anything to do with you; we're not even sure what it is about," he was keeping his tone even, but I could hear the underlying annoyance at my persistence.

"Edward, why can't you just tell me?"

He stood abruptly, causing me to jump. "Get changed," he ordered.

I stood, stiffening my shoulders like a petulant child and stomped over to my suitcase. "Yes Sir," I mumbled grabbing my jeans, a bra, and the first sweater I touched. I didn't even blink as I peeled my jeans of, staring straight at Edward. I pulled my shirt quickly over my head, and Edward's eyes instantly darkened. Still holding his gaze I threw on my bra and sweater then quickly pulled my jeans over my hips.

"Ready," I said. "Now would you please tell me where we are going?"

Edward shocked me by grabbing my waist forcefully, thrusting me against him as his mouth captured mine.

My brain was sparks of fireworks and flares shooting off, and then black as he pulled away too quickly.

"We're going to my house," he said with a tight smile, lust still in his eyes.

He turned to lead me down the stairs, and as we stepped out into the cool moist air of the night he added, "We've got company coming."

**

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**

**A/N: hmmmm… wonder who it could be… Thoughts? Guesses? If you get it right I might give you something special … like a spoiler. As always, review – I love to know what you think!**

**Okay, my rec's for this update:**

_**Grounds for Inspiration**_** by **_**Meliebot**_

**She has only just started posting this story and it's only 4 chapters in, but I am already dying to unravel her Bella/Edward relationship. It is very eloquently written as the author does a great job painting a picture with her imagery. **

**I know its a little evil to recommend a fic that only has four chapters… but I think it's worth the read, so be sure to review for her and show her some love. If you want a completed story, **_**IvoryAdulation**_** has posted the last chapter and the epi for **_**Fear is the Mind Killer**_**. Read it. Review it. Love it like I know you will.**

_**La canzone della Bella**__**cigna **_**by **_**philadelphic**_

**This one just caught my attention yesterday, but I could not stop reading. It has a surprising twist early on that I personally thought was awesome. Give it a read and review!**

**Alright lovelies, till next time. xoxo Buff**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: KatBug86 (a.k.a. Wolfgrl04) did the beta magic. [hearts]**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all of the respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 14

BPOV

"So she was your girlfriend?" I asked ashamed that I sounded so whiney.

"No, not girlfriend… we just, I don't know Bella." Edward's face was pained as he attempted to explain.

The ride from my house had been completely silent, thick with tension. I didn't know what to say to him. I had been stubborn and confident in my room, but began to feel guilty. Once again, I pushed him to do something he didn't want to do for my own selfish reasons.

Once we arrived at his house we were greeted by a concerned Esme and Carlisle. I couldn't help but feel like an intruder as they all passed worried and knowing glances to one another. Each of them looked to Edward for their cue, wondering if they could talk about whoever was coming. Without speaking he escorted me to his room and instructed me to stay put.

Edward wore a stern expression as he informed me that there was another family of vampires coming. Alice had seen them in a vision when we were in the club. He promised they posed no threat, that they held the same ideology as the Cullen's, but there seemed to be something he was not telling me. When I prodded more, I was finally able to get him to tell me that he had been involved with one of them.

The moment he had said the word 'involved' my insides clinched into a million knots. Briefly, I thought I would need to throw up. Jiminy chastised me, reminding me; _it was before you, and it's not like you didn't date – pull it together!_

"Bella," Edward spoke softly as he stepped closer, rousing me from my mulling. "It was a long time ago, and it was nothing. Tanya thought we were more, but I never had feelings for her in that way. I only want you to stay up here until we speak with them, explain why it is you know about us and that you are trustworthy. After that you can join us."

"And then I can meet her, err, them?" I asked sheepishly.

"Yes, Bella, you can meet them. I actually think that they will love you." He smiled warmly, reaching a long arm around my waist and hugging me into his side.

That word, _love_, sparked a question in my brain and before I could filter it properly, the thought fell from my lips. "Did she love you?"

It was so slight that I almost didn't catch it, but it was there. Edward's muscles tensed before he relaxed them quickly, breathing in. "I suppose she did," he kept his voice even, indifferent.

"But you didn't love her?" The walls of my lungs were strangled around each other as all of the air left my chest with those words. I imagined a twisted, deflated, balloon pulled tight and straining. My heart stopped beating as I prepared for his answer. Jiminy even went a little crazy, pacing back and forth spouting of about how, _there's no way he loved her… he said it wasn't like that … he said it was __**nothing**__._

Just as I thought my heart and lungs would burst from the anticipation, Edward leaned his face into mine, cupping both sides in his hands.

"Bella, I have told you, you are the only person I have ever loved. My heart was a dead thing before you - I didn't know the meaning of love until you breathed life into me anew."

I was dizzy, drunk on Edward's sweet smell that infiltrated all my senses. His eyes penetrated my own and I couldn't help the giggle that erupted from my chest. _Anew? Who still talked like that?_

Edward. Edward still talked like that, and I swooned.

"It's only ever been you … I've only ever _wanted_ you_ b a b y_," he drug out the word and smiled _his_ smile. My knees buckled.

Edward laughed heartily at my expense as he caught me around the waist, pulling us easily to the floor. _Damn Cullen_, I thought lovingly.

He had effectively made me forget my line of questioning. I struggled to remember where I was going with my inquisition, and then he began kissing me. All hopes were lost.

xxXXxx

It had been hours, I was sure of it. As I paced back and forth I checked my imaginary watch again, as if it were going to supply me with any information. Edward had left me to my own devices not long before the Denali's arrived.

Giving up on pacing and book in hand, I cozied myself into the middle of his bed; which was ridiculously large for a vampire who didn't sleep. It hadn't escaped my notice that it was a new addition to the room. There was no way I was going to be able to focus on…, what was I even reading? I flipped the book I had pulled from Edward's bookshelf closed and examined the cover. _The Penguin Dictionary of Curious and Interesting Numbers_; I didn't even realize penguins used dictionaries.

I listened intently as my fingers tapped rhythmically against the hardcover of the book, and I chewed on the inside of my mouth. If it were any normal group of people gathering downstairs, I would have been able to hear soft conversation. From my ostersized vantage point, I would have heard the occasional cough, or sneeze - the scraping of a chair across the hardwood floor as they sat down at the dining room table. I heard nothing. It was eerily silent, and if I didn't know better, I would have assumed they had all left.

The door swinging open, although gentle enough, made me jump. I had been in such concentration that the abrupt action startled me. Edward stood leaning against the frame; arms crossed and hair in its normal disheveled sexy state. His eyes were warm in their own right, as he appraised me nestled into his bed. An unusual expression flashed across his face, but it was gone before I could catch it fully.

"What's wrong?" He asked, concern twisting his features.

It was then I noticed I was gripping the comforter in between my fingers as if I was on a roller coaster, about to take the big drop. My heart was racing so I breathed deeply to calm myself.

Shaking my head, I chanced a weak smile. "Just anxious I guess."

Edward's understanding smile eased me slightly, and I forced my fingers to release the comforter. "So, am I allowed to come downstairs now, or am I still being held captive?"

I was rewarded with a heart stopping smile for my attempt to lighten the mood. Edward's eyes darkened infinitesimally, anyone else who didn't stare at him as much as I did may not have noticed. His body language changed as he stalked low toward the bed. The muscles deep in my stomach quivered at his 'I'm going to devour you' expression. _Yes please._

"Bella, as much as I _love_ having you safe in the confines of my room, and I would _love_ nothing more than to lock you in here and keep you all to myself, you are free to go now." He knelt on the bed in front of me, his voice dripping low and smooth like sweet honey. He ran a single slender finger along my chin. I took in a ragged breath staring deeper into his eyes, getting lost in rich ocher.

_I'm not going anywhere. _

He leaned closer, drinking in my scent like it were the only thing keeping him alive. The color of his dark orbs disappeared until I was staring at the cut of his jaw. Shivering at his cold nose that pressed into the hollow bellow my ear, I was mesmerized by the muscles that wrapped around the bone of his chin, twisting up under his ear. _How was that so damn sexy?_

"I especially like you being held 'captive' in my bed Isabella," he whispered softly into my ear, and I moaned, my body's way of begging. "I am quite caught off guard with how intoxicating a sight it is."

His words curled around my body like tantalizing fingers. The moisture that pooled between my legs was torrent rapids, and my skin tingled. It was delicious. Frozen in a euphoric state of want, I could not move. My body and mind (yes Jiminy buzzed with anticipation as well) wanted nothing more than to lay back and let him take me.

Lips pressed coolly against my neck, as I focused on breathing.

_In, out_.

Slow steady breaths, my eyes cast down, and I watched my chest rise and fall in time. Edwards's tongue swirled against my flesh, tracing up until the soft tip of my ear was captured in between his lips. I whimpered my mouth hanging slack.

_In, out._

My eyes shifted closed, rolling into the back of my head. Edwards's right hand ghosted along my arm, like a million butterflies kissing my skin. His mouth moved languidly against my neck and along my jaw. My pulse pounded with a whoosh in my ears as blood soared through my veins. Basic brain functions shut down one by one so that my feeble mind could concentrate on the only thing keeping me conscious.

_In, out._

His weight shifted, moving the bed, and I was being laid back against the soft pillows. Eyes still closed, I maintained my frozen state, allowing Edward to lead. His kisses were becoming faster, needier. I could feel his body lying barely atop my own. Mine ached for pressure, for more. With a burst of white light, shooting through my darkened vision, Edward's lips claimed mine. All I could do was move along with him as we danced with our tongues. The taste of him against my tongue elicited another moan, this time deep inside my chest. I felt light and airy, as if I could float away, only Edward was holding me there.

_In, out._

His hands roamed my body; mine lay softly against his chest. My fingers were the only willing part of me to dare seek more contact, as they laced through the buttons of his shirt. Edward was setting the pace; he was in control – complete control. I wanted that; I wanted him to be the aggressor, I wanted to be his.

_In, out. Make me yours._

"Mine. Bella. You. Are. Mine," his voice was a dark rumble from his chest as I realized I had said my thoughts aloud.

Finding my voice brought me from my trance. I was able to think again. _Holy shit. _

Edward was now grinding lightly into my pelvis; I hadn't even noticed that he had settled between my legs. I cried out, and gasped lightly. My body was flames, a raging wild fire burning through my skin. The pressure and friction was almost perfect, and I pushed my hips into him looking for more. Edward grunted and ground into me a little harder.

"God, oh, fuck, Edward," I huffed through gritted teeth. His lips were everywhere; his right hand found purchase under my shirt as he palmed my breast. His left hand flitted to my jeans and popped the button open, hooking his fingers into the top of the denim and pulling them down my hips slowly. I struggled with my mantra.

_In, out._

I was panting. A forgotten thought thudded dully at the back of my head, and I struggled to ignore it. _Tongues, fingers, hair, jaw,_ were all I wanted to think about. Suddenly, Jiminy jumped up from her relaxed lounge, cheeks flushed heaving for breaths_. Not now!_ She hissed at me. _They are waiting for you downstairs._

_Oh that. Shit._

I laughed out loud, causing Edward to stop above me, pulling back with a questioning stare. My laughter erupted again, as I shook my head at his confused, wounded expression. It would figure that Edward would choose such an inopportune time to follow his baser instincts.

He sighed into my hair, kissing me lightly. "Bella, love, whatever are you laughing at? You know … that's not a very good self esteem booster."

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and smiled in apology. "It's just that of course you would choose now to not be so virtuous." I giggled again, slightly high on the rush of hormones. The dark need in his eyes lightened with awareness.

Narrowing my eyes and shifting them from left to right I whispered conspiratorially to him. "Your whole family plus visitors are downstairs waiting for us."

His forehead dropped to my shoulder, as he groaned into the fabric of my shirt. "Shit."

A million thoughts rumbled around in my head as soon as Edward's body was no longer making contact with mine. I went into his in suite bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I gawked at the image reflected back at me. There was no way I could go downstairs at the moment. My face was flushed; my hair a tangled mess that rivaled Medusa's locks. I tried desperately to pull my fingers through it, only to keep catching them on snarled tresses bound together, unrelenting. In addition to the fact that I could stand a change of underwear, _damn it,_ there was no way they wouldn't smell me in my current condition. That realization made my cheeks bright crimson, and I palmed my forehead.

"Edward," I moaned weakly.

He appeared behind me, concern mixed with the tinge of lust that still remained in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I just … I can't go down there like this." I motioned my hands along my body and around my face to illustrate. He chuckled lightly and ran his fingers through my hair with ease. It calmed immediately, as if he were some miraculous lion tamer – able control the wildest of beasts.

"Bella, one thing that we have had to learn as a house full of vampires with a mind reader, a physic, and someone who can detect lust, anger - any emotion rolling of each of us, is discretion. Even if anyone had any inkling of our activities, they would not say anything." He finished with my hair and kissed my temple, I relaxed into him. "Besides, if anyone did, I could more then return the favor of embarrassment – which I don't think they are willing to chance." He raised his eyebrows with a deviant smile. I could only imagine the deep dark thoughts he had been privy to. Once again, I was more than thankful that he could not read my mind.

Edward was right, when we made our grand entrance to join the others in the dining room, there were no knowing glances, or snickering, or pointing and laughing. Esme smiled warmly and stood to greet us, followed by Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose. It confused me at first because they were greeting me as if I had just come in. Then when I realized they had all come to stand beside me so they could introduced me to the other vampires, I was floored. They were showing their support; by standing with me it was a silent declarationthat I was one of them _– part of the family._

Two unfamiliar vampires stood from their spots at the table. My heart sank when I took in how stunning they both were. Despite what Edward told me, I couldn't help the jealous pangs that attacked my insides. Both were tall and sculpted as if by Michelangelo himself; their proportions perfect, Heidi Klum would have been jealous. One had straight blonde hair, bright yellow like the golden rays of sunrise as they broke free from the horizon. The other was strawberry blonde, like the setting sun in yellows and reds; which fell in perfect ringlets around her shoulders. Sunrise and sunset captured to perfection framing the faces of yet more perfection, it was devastating.

"Hello, you must be Bella," Sunrise spoke and smiled warmly at me. "I am Kate, and this is my sister, Tanya." Sunset stood quietly, and only for a brief moment did she seem to be assessing me before her expression changed to a passive, pleased one.

I tried to keep my eyes from narrowing in Tanya's direction as I swallowed against my suddenly parched throat. She nodded politely, and I stood completely daft, wringing my hands together. The word inadequate had nothing on the way I felt in comparison to Tanya. How could Edward possibly prefer me over her? Surely he must have forgotten how beautifully perfect she was. My stomach fell to my feet as I decided he would most certainly recognize his mistake with us standing in the same room.

I felt like the uncoordinated kid who knew, despite standing hopefully with the group, she would not get picked for either team. The inevitability that I would be cast to the bench as a spectator was more than likely. Then again, I had always been that kid.

"Bella, you don't have to be afraid, they wish you no harm," Edward whispered into my ear, reminding me it was my turn to supply the pleasantries. Jiminy finally sifted through the self pity that threatened to drown her and glared at me to snap out of it.

I formed a smile, which I could only hope did not come across as a grimace and extended my hand to Sunrise first. "Kate, very nice to meet you."

Turning to Tanya I was completely caught off guard when instead of taking my hand she wrapped her perfect arms around me and pulled me into an embrace. "Bella, thank you for making Edward happy, he deserves it after all this time."

I mentally scanned her words for any sense of sarcasm or ill will, but found nothing. When I pulled away I was met with a truly thankful expression. Tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, I ducked my chin and smiled in return, cheeks pink. "You're welcome."

When I turned back to Edward he was beaming, putting both sunrise and sunset to shame. He looked like a brightly shinning mid-day sun, he was glowing.

They had been kind enough to wait for me before Tanya and Kate explained why they had come to visit without warning. Everyone settled in around the large wooden table, and I traced the grain with my fingers waiting for Kate to give the details.

Carlisle spoke first, "Kate, you say you came here with news?"

She nodded with a careful smile. "Yes. Eleazar was out hunting when he ran into a group of vampires this morning."

"Is everything alright?" Esme interrupted, and I saw Edward shake his head along with Kate and Tanya. It occurred to me that he already knew exactly why they were there. I searched his face for signs of something; all I could tell was that his expression was tense. I had seen the same creases crinkle the edge of his eyes when he tried to warn me to stay away from him.

"Eleazar and everyone else are fine, we came as a precaution only," Tanya supplied, mostly for Esme, as she relaxed somewhat after the comment.

Carlisle motioned for Kate to continue and she did. "Eleazar said that at first he thought them friendly, although they did not share our lifestyle. He said their size was odd for nomad vampires."

"How many were there?" Jasper asked, as he stared at Kate like he was trying to solve a difficult problem, or form a strategy.

Edward's eyes grew wide just before she responded.

"There were at least six of them. Eleazar also said that a few of them possessed extra talents. The leader himself was a very strong tracker." Kate glanced around as if making sure everyone was keeping up, most likely for my benefit.

"That is a rather large number for nomad vampires," Carlisle offered. I began to make a mental list of questions to ask Edward later. _What was the difference between 'nomad' vampires and their families? Why was it unusual to have so many?_

"Yes, well that was one of the things that led to Eleazar's uncomfortable feeling," Kate answered.

"Did they threaten your family?" Emmett asked, fists bawled into tight knots. I shivered at his expression, he looked angry at the prospect; I had never seen him like that.

"No," Kate shook her head. "All seemed pretty normal until the leader found out our diet choice, and the size of our family. He seemed thrown that there was such a large group, outside of his own; he asked if there were any others like us. Eleazar said he was getting an uneasy feeling from the leader and was trying to give as little information as possible. However, Irina was with him and somewhat enamored by one of the other vampires, so she volunteered the information that your family also practiced our way of life." She paused again, sighing as if sorry to continue. Edward stiffened next to me and grasped my hand under the table tightly, whatever she was thinking - he didn't like it.

"Eleazar said the leader's demeanor changed when he discovered there were eight of you; he said he seemed almost angry. Eleazar came home right away, and when we heard that they knew of you, the first thing we thought of was Bella." Kate motioned to me with a sad glance.

I barely heard Esme's soft gasp as Alice's arm wrapped reassuringly across my shoulders. My mouth fell open in shock. _They knew about me… they thought of me first?_

"We volunteered to come right away to warn you, but Eleazar wanted to stay in town as long as the vampires were going to be there. He was worried for Carmen and Irina, especially since Irina seemed to like one of them. His words were that the leader seemed unstable at best."

I gazed around trying to decipher the looks on Carlisle and Edward's faces. I wasn't quite sure what could be so bad about the situation, but then again, there was a lot I had yet to understand about their world.

Edward looked tense, as did Carlisle and Jasper. Rose looked slightly indifferent, sparing me a few worried glances. Alice rubbed soothing circles against my shoulder.

"If they come this way with poor intentions we'll be ready for them," Emmett stated plainly, looking a little excited by the idea. My guess was he was thrilled with the prospect of a good fight.

My stomach churned disgustingly at the thought of the Cullen's fighting another group of vampires. Could _they be seriously hurt? Killed?_ It was serious enough for Kate and Tanya to come all the way here in person. I wasn't even sure if vampires could die, I knew the whole stake through the heart was just a myth, but I had never asked Edward if there were other ways.

The blood left my head as I thought of the possibility of Edward getting hurt… or worse. I suddenly felt like I was in a vacuum. The loud roar in my ears made it impossible to follow the conversation any longer. I could see Esme's lips moving and Tanya respond with something. My hands were clammy and I felt positively sick. I stood, legs shaking, and my own voice sounded too loud over the roar, "If you'll excuse me."

I turned and fled, not even waiting to make sure anyone had heard me. My vision shifted like a kaleidoscope; it was like trying to walk through a fun house. The floor seemed uneven, causing me to brace myself on the banister in order to make it up the stairs.

Falling limply on the bed, my sight filled with the white of the comforter as my face burrowed into it. My fingers and toes prickled as I breathed shallow breaths.

"Bella, love, calm down." It took Edward several tries before I even registered that he had followed me to his room, and that I was sobbing. "Bella, talk to me please, what's wrong?"

I huffed and attempted to speak, "Can… can you die?" Barely able to finish the question, a fresh round of tears choked me.

Edward sighed into my hair and kissed me reassuringly. "There are ways, but it's very difficult."

My sobs increased as I struggled for air. The thought of Edward gone – for good - felt like the sharpest knives through every organ in my body. Even though I had thought he was too good to be true, and would possibly leave me. Or that I had screwed things up and he might leave, it never hurt as much as the thought of him not existing anymore. Even when Jake had referred to killing Edward, I had only feared for Jacob then, not putting any stock or thought into his threat. The new reality of the possibility slammed into me ferociously. The crushing pain was damning, all consuming, and I lost all control over my emotions.

"Bella, please tell me why you are crying so, I am right here," his voice was pained as he stroked tear soaked hair away from my cheeks.

"I can't live in a world where you don't exist," I whispered through my weeping.

He rocked me gently, not speaking at first, leaning in occasionally to kiss away my endless tears. "Shhhh," he finally spoke. "Don't think of that now, love, shhhh."

He continued to rock me gently until my eyes were dry deserts, unable to shed anymore tears. My body lay limp in his arms, numb from feeling too much. Edward began to hum softly in my ear. Through my heavy falling lids I saw morning light peak in through the window just before darkness over took me, and I fell into a silent sleep.

xxXXxx

I awoke with a start to a pitched black room, searching wildly with my hands for Edward. "Edward?" My voice came out panicked, and then his cool arms pulled me against him.

"I'm right here Bella, how are you feeling?"

"I feel drained," I breathed deep, relieved. "How long did I sleep? What time is it? I thought I saw the sun coming up before I fell asleep."

"You slept for about sixteen hours, it's a little after ten pm."

I rubbed the heels of my palm into my eyes, stretching my legs at the same time. "I can't believe I slept that long," my voice sounded dead. I still felt numb. My emotional breakdown had taken a lot out of me, and I tried to make sense of it all.

"So, how does it happen?"

Edward shifted behind me, leaning forward to look at my face although I still could not see him through the thick veil of night. "What do you mean?"

"How can you die?" The resonating pain flourished, spreading through my body only a shadow of what I felt the previous night.

Edward pulled his fingers lightly through my hair in a soothing gesture. "To kill a vampire you have to dismember them and burn the body parts," his voice took on that clinical tone as he described the process.

"Will they come here?" I asked, my own voice taking on that long forgotten Robot Bella tone.

"I don't know. Alice hasn't seen anything yet. Tanya and Kate weren't able to say for sure where they were headed next, just that they seemed to be searching for something and carried ill intentions."

"Why did you tell me you had to explain to Kate and Tanya why I knew about your kind when they already knew about me?" I had wanted to ask the question last night as soon as Kate mentioned they thought of me.

"I only knew that Carlisle had mentioned something in passing to the Denali's about you. I wanted to be sure they were okay with everything before I threw you to the lion's den." For the first time since the overwhelming pain I felt previously, a sliver of happiness snaked through my stomach at Edward's protectiveness.

Raising an eyebrow I turned my head in the direction of his voice over my shoulder. "Lion's den? They seemed nice enough; I was surprised with Tanya's reaction to me."

"Yes, well, they were nice enough last night, but they can be vicious when they want to be. Luckily they seemed to approve, and yes, Tanya's reaction was slightly surprising. Although, I am not surprised that she only wants the best for me. She has always been like that, they are good people Bella." He hugged me around the waist, tucking me into him, his chin rested on my head. "And she was right; you are the best for me."

I leaned my head back into him and allowed the happiness to filter through me, shattering the numb armor that had tried to take root inside me. "So what's the plan?"

He sighed and his shoulders lifted in a light shrug. "We wait. Eleazar will tell us when they leave his town, and Alice will keep watching for any visions."

I hummed in response, snuggling in deeper to his chest.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you get so sad last night? I mean, I understand that you don't want anything to happen to me, but you were crying like, like I had died," his voice drifted. I knew he was treading lightly, as to not upset me again.

"Honestly? It felt like you had died." I shrugged my shoulders and picked at the sheets. "You seem so indestructible to me, and I had never really considered if you could die or not. Then when I saw the gleam in Emmett's eye at the prospect of a fight, it hit me. What if you could die? My brain went through a hundred different scenarios, and I kept imagining myself wandering, alone. The thought of you not existing, knowing that I could never again see you smile, or laugh if I wanted to…" My voice gave way to a whimper as a tear slid down my face.

"It was too much to think about. It was ten times more painful than the thought of you simply walking away from me. At least then I would know in the back of my mind that you were out there somewhere."

Edward held me tighter kissing my cheeks repeatedly. "I can understand the feeling exactly," he breathed between kisses.

After sometime of holding one another and letting the sadness in the atmosphere dissipate, I decided to take a shower. I took my time, letting the warm water wear away the tension in my muscles. I dressed quickly in the bathroom and threw my damp hair into a messy bun. When I left the bathroom I was surprised to find Edward not in his room. Faintly, I heard a light sound of a piano from downstairs. I followed the sad melody and found Edward at the piano.

The song he was playing was beautiful and I sat silently next to him on the bench. The song's melody changed into a more hopeful sound, filling the air with warm notes that wrapped around me. It faded out and I leaned my head on Edward's shoulder. "That was beautiful," I sighed. "Did you write it?"

"Yes, I've had some good inspiration lately." He smiled at me, and I gave him a soft pure kiss.

It was a calm and peaceful feeling, sitting with Edward in a place he used to express himself without words. But I couldn't quill the relentless feeling that it was the calm before the storm. Thoughts of rabid wild vampires busting through the Cullen's front door infiltrated my mind, and I tried to shake them off.

Edward's eyes were weary too, and I knew he was feeling the same.

"So, we just wait?" I asked, knowing full well he would understand what I meant.

He closed his eyes and nodded, kissing me softly again. "Yes, we wait."

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**A/N: Yay to all who guessed the Denali's correctly! Thoughts on this mysterious group of nomads?? Anyone think we're due for an EPOV?? Thanks for showing your support with your reviews! Please to be pressing the button and supplying me with more. ^_^ **

**I have some exciting news; *ahem* **_**Sweet Release**_** was nominated for the 'Love Conquers All - One Shot' category for the Indie TwiFic Awards. I was a complete giddy jumping fool when I found out. So, if you haven't read it, please do, and I'll let you know when voting begins. There are several other categories and some awesome works of fiction that have been nominated, including all three of **_**KatBug86's**_** stories **_**Torn**_**, **_**Fate**_** and **_**I Still Think So**_**. As well as **_**IvoryAdulation's **__**Fear is the Mind Killer**_**. So, check those out if you haven't already. For a complete list of nominees, and links to the stories, go to: **

**http://theindietwificawards(dot)com/ValidatedStoriesByCategories(dot)aspx**

**Sorry, no rec's this week, I was catching up on some stories that I've mentioned before and didn't have a whole lot of time to read as it was. I will look for something that will knock your socks off for next time though.**

**xoxo Buff**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Katbug86, despite RL drama, rocks my world and beta'd this mess as usual. [U R the best bb] Lame reason for my tardiness can be found in the A/N at the bottom. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 15

EPOV

If I were still human blood would have been boiling in my veins, flooding through my body and rushing to my head.

I would have been seeing red - I was livid.

As a vampire, I didn't have the same physical reactions to anger as humans did. There was no blood to course through my veins and speed my heart rate, my breathing did not accelerate or become uneven. If I wished to, I could appear completely calm on the outside. And yet in matters where Bella was concerned, I found it wholly impossible to control my rage at times.

Dull yellow light illuminated in a small circle around the lamp on my nightstand. My brain swirled with anger and irritation towards Bella's poor sense of self preservation. _How could she want to throw herself into such danger? Like it was nothing. _I was beginning to think she lacked the basic instinct all together. Thoughts of two days prior floated to the fore front of my conscious. Bella was completely unconcerned with the prospect of other vampires coming to town. She was more worried for my safety than her own.

My qualm with her judgment was why we currently stood immobilized, both unrelenting to the other, caught in a standoff.

Glaring at Bella's face, her wide brown eyes plead with me to give. My beat-less heart felt wrenched in a vice. "Absolutely not, Bella I cannot allow it."

Setting her shoulders defiantly, her eyes tightened into tiny slits. "Allow it? Sorry to tell you, but I wasn't exactly asking your permission," she snipped, chin jutting out in protest.

"Bella, that's not the point, the point is that you are my responsibility, and if anything were to happen to you… I just can't allow it."

She sighed, the tensed muscles around her eyes relaxing as she stepped into me, stroking my arm. "Edward, I know you worry about me ALL of the time. Whether it's fear of me getting into a car accident, slipping on a banana peel in my own kitchen, or being devoured by evil vampires, _anything_ and _everything_ scares the shit out of you where I'm concerned." She smiled lightly, her fingers moved to trace the contours of my face.

"As much as I love that about you, I also hate it sometimes, but I try my best to understand it. In turn, I would hope that you would try and understand that I am capable of making decisions. Sometimes, even smart ones." Bella's smile cracked wider, her right cheekbone lifting slightly higher than her left -_ gorgeous. _"You have to put some trust in me, and my judgment."

She was right, I knew she was, but that didn't mean I was prepared to give in for the current issue. "I know you are smart, and can think for yourself. I also know that there are some things you are naive to and couldn't possibly make an educated decision about," I kept my tone even, trying to push the anger out of my voice. It was obvious yelling and demanding were not going to get me anywhere; I had to try a different method. _This was good, a healthy debate_.

Bella squinted at me, all humor gone from her expression. She turned and flopped onto my bed with a loud huff. "Educate me then Mr. Cullen." Her arms pulled abruptly into a pout across her chest. The room filled with the soft _tap, tap, tap_ of her toe against the small throw rug beneath her feet.

Sinking down next to her on the bed I took her small hands in mine. I did not want it to be like that, I was in no way better than her, and I didn't want to put on airs as such. "Please understand there's not much out there that can harm us. Other than our own kind, werewolves are the one exception to the rule. They are our natural enemies." Rubbing soft circles into the warm web of skin between her thumb and index finger, I was transfixed by how soft the skin there was. _So soft, so delicate, so breakable._

"I know you see them as no problem, but I know they can be vicious creatures."

"Jacob would never hurt me," she quipped, interrupting me.

"Bella, I cannot speak for Jacob, as I do not know him. However, if I was being honest I would have to say that I am inclined to agree with you to a certain extent. His thoughts when we had our … run in, were nothing but protective towards you."

She flashed me a triumphant smile as if I had just solidified her side of the argument.

"That being said, it doesn't change the fact that werewolves are relatively juvenile and lack control of their emotions; especially young ones such as Jacob. He could very easily become so enraged that he phases right in front of you, and then there is an entire world of possibilities on how you could be harmed."

Bella's smile disappeared and her fair skin paled slightly. The soft even thrump of her heartbeat sped, and I knew there was something she was keeping from me.

"Bella, what is it? Did he phase around you before, beside the time I was there? I will kill him - that is entirely stupid and careless. This is exactly what I am talking about – "

"Edward," she cut off my rant, grabbing my arms to gain my full attention. "No, he didn't phase in front of me except the time you were there in my kitchen. But moments before you got there he almost had, I didn't know…" her voice faded as she let go of my arms, dropping her hands into her lap.

"He is one of my best friends," she offered weakly.

An unexplainable feeling dug into me with her words. A mixture of anger, irritation, and sadness; it was unexpected, and I couldn't place the emotion so I pushed the thoughts away. "I can understand that, and if it weren't for the treaty and if I were allowed to accompany you, I wouldn't give it a second thought."

Her eyes lightened, and the smile from earlier resurfaced. "So what if you _could_ be there?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "It's not possible, we are not allowed on the reservation."

Her smile expanded into that which resembled the Cheshire cat. "So, what if Jake came to my house, that's where the truck is anyway, and you could be there. Even though I'm not too thrilled about the fact that I apparently need a babysitter to spend time with my best friend," she grumbled the last part shooting me an irritated glance.

My dead heart sank with the weight of the mystery feeling. "I thought I was your best friend," I shrugged, sounding sad and mousey, like a true teenager. A word, the name of what I was feeling, floated in the back of my mind… _jealousy_. It landed with a soft thud in my subconscious and filtered through my body. I didn't want Bella to _want_ to see any other man; no matter him being a werewolf or not.

Bella laughed softly, and the sound was sweet and freeing as it tickled my ears. I smiled. "Edward, don't be ridiculous, you're my best friend on a whole other level." The deep chocolate of her eyes warmed, highlighted with flecks of red and gold. Her expression suddenly changed into a mischievous grin. She leaned forward, crouching in front of me, silky hair falling in wavy tendrils against her eyes. She looked wild, like a dark lion.

The sight sent a tornado of images to my head; Bella's exposed skin, the way it felt, the way it smelled… her taste. Pulling in a ragged breath my useless lungs were filled with her scent. She stalked forward, closing the few paces between us until her nose was at my ear.

The sensation sent shock waves streaming the length of my body. The warmness spread from the small patch of skin the tip of her nose nuzzled, through my limbs and core, straight to my hardened loins. Her lips touched next eliciting a shameful moan deep within my chest.

We were on my bed again. There was something about that which added to my excitement; I felt unabashedly territorial. Since two days ago, when I had almost monumentality screwed up, I made sure to keep us away from the same precarious situation, spending most of our evenings at Bella's home.

Tonight was different as we found ourselves at my house for no other reason than Bella said she was tired of sitting around her own. The discussion we had been having seemed innocent enough, I surely didn't expect for things to go in that direction. My brain floundered to hold onto my senses, and not give in completely to the aching need, which was a near constant in Bella's presence.

"Edward," her sweet breath caressed my flesh as she breathed my name sinfully. Delectable slow kisses were placed randomly along my neck. Just below my ear, along my adam's apple, the crook of my jaw, my chin. Opening her mouth slightly, she nipped lightly at my jowl as I sat paralyzed.

My eyes slid closed on their own accord and Bella's small hands pushed at my shoulders. Unthinking, my body leaned back at her silent request. Crouched above me, my hands held her hips, gently holding her to my side. My brain was clouded in lust, and I labored to remember why I wanted her to stop.

Her small fingers moved from my shoulders and traced the lines of my face, her lips following their path. Sighing heavily, I hummed in contentment. It felt as if I was being bathed with rose petals, soft and creamy.

"I love you Bella," the words fell out of my mouth lazily in earnest.

Her fingers moved, skipping across my skin and diving into my hair. Her kisses returned their attention back to my neck, this time moving down along my collarbone.

"I love you too, Edward," she whispered while she lovingly paid homage to my neckline.

My whole body was tingling with excitement, each cell begging - a glutton for more. Bella's soft malleable tongue swept sinuously into the dip of my collarbone; as a basic functional response, I was panting, eyes clenched tight, hands falling from her hips loosely to the bed. My senses were being overwhelmed, conscious thought lost in my muddled brain, I was only feeling. And I wanted it; I could not find the will to care of consequences or moral rightness.

Aside from the haughty breaths escaping me, the room was silent. I didn't dare speak, not that I would have even retained the ability, my brain was a blank slate. Taking advantage of my passive state, Bella hitched her right leg over my body and floated above me, legs straddling my hips. She was completely self possessed – confident and calm. It amazed me that for such a small fragile human, she held the skill to completely incapacitate a vampire.

Her kisses ceased momentarily. I opened my eyes, searching for hers, my body mourning the loss of her lip's attention. I was met with rich mahogany orbs, looking back with such deep passion, want, lust, but above all love. All shadows of a question, any hesitancy left me immediately. All I could feel was my need for the beautiful creature before me.

Finding my hands, I wrapped my arms around her small waist and pulled her against me, kissing her passionately. She answered with full enthusiasm, her fingers pulling at the edge of my shirt. I pulled away, allowing her to slip the fabric over my head. We joined again, fingers in hair; mouths flushed together, bodies writhing against one another – seeking release.

A weight lifted from me as I shed the last of my resolve and just gave in. My fingers grasped the hem of her shirt, ripping it open from the front, an eagerness overcoming me. Bella giggled against my mouth, and I broke our kiss to trail my lips down the milky skin that covered her heart. Her breasts swelled against the material of her bra; her chest pushing and pulling against heavy breaths.

"You are so amazing," I mumbled against her skin.

My lips devoured what they touched, roaming freely. She tasted heavenly, the sweetness of her skin a fine delicacy-_ only one in the world_. Rolling our bodies, swiftly, I pressed into her and she groaned loudly, pushing her hips into my stomach.

Tucking an index finger under the fabric of her bra, I pulled it away from her skin. Placing it in between my razor sharp teeth, pulling, I easily sliced through the thin material. Her breasts fell free from their bondage, and I covered a pink hardened nipple with my lips immediately, sucking it into my mouth. Bella cried out in surprise, bringing an impish grin to my face.

She wiggled beneath me, her center pressed against my stomach as I afforded my attention to her breasts. I could feel her wetness through her jeans against my bare skin. Inhaling, I smelled her arousal, only fueling my own. My hands covered her breasts as I trailed my mouth down the goose pimpled flesh covering her stomach.

"I want you Bella, I want all of you… forever," words spilled from me seeping straight from my subconscious.

Twirling my tongue around her navel, I palmed the soft mound of flesh in my hands, pinching her nipples. She was panting, her heart fluttering madly against my hand. "Edward," she groaned darkly.

"Yes, love?" I responded with a thick voice, moving my right hand down to unbutton her jeans. _Fuck_, she smelled so good… so ready. A thrill jolted though me as I realized I was just as ready, there would be no regrets.

Her fingers pulled at the roots of my hair, my lips moved along the edge of her pink lace panties. "Edward," she spoke again, this time her voice more even.

It didn't deter me as I dipped my tongue below the line of the lace, feeling her supple skin meet light curly hairs. "Edward!" She huffed out shrilly, pulling with all her might on my hair.

My head shot up to meet her wild concerned eyes, confusion slammed against me. "I'm sorry, I thought you… I thought you wanted…" I couldn't form the right explanation. Giving up, I moved to her side, pulling her into me. "I'm sorry love; I didn't realize you were trying to stop me."

Besieged, my brain strained to understand where I had gotten it wrong, how I had misconstrued her intentions.

"No, Edward, I'm sorry… I was just, what you said got me thinking," her voice was hushed, and I looked at her heated face, she was embarrassed.

Brows pulling tightly together, I searched my mind for what I could have said. "I don't know what you mean."

"You said, forever, and it just made me start wondering what that means for us." She shrugged into the crook of my arm.

I smiled down at her nervous expression, dragging my index finger along her bare shoulder. "It means exactly that, I want you forever Bella. I thought I've made that quite clear."

"Yes, I know what you mean by that," she spoke, pulling away slightly. I pulled my comforter around her shoulders, and she smiled lightly, covering herself. "I was speaking more to the practicality of it. What will it mean for us as I get older? I mean I'm already technically two years older than you, and in most states could go to jail for what we were just about to do." She lifted an eyebrow at me, her grin creeping to one side of her mouth in jest.

I returned her smile, but inside I was terrified of what she was implying. I was not sure what to tell her, and I didn't know if I was ready to consider our options. "Bella, I know what you are saying, but we have time to think about those things."

Before I could continue, there was a soft knock at my door. I could hear Alice's thoughts behind the thin wood. _Hey, big brother thought you could use a distraction. _Turning to Bella, I kissed her temple. "Be right back, love."

Opening my door just wide enough to slip through, I pulled it closed with a light click of the latch. _I saw Bella talking to you about the future, and you ended up freaking out on her_, she thought, an annoyed expression on her face.

A deep frown creasing my brow, I spoke swiftly under my breath so only she could hear. "Alice, I wasn't freaking out on her, and we'd barely just begun our conversation. Furthermore, since when do you police my conversations? I would appreciate it if you would mind your own business, unless it's of vital importance."

Rolling her eyes, arms crossed loosely across her chest, Alice sighed impatiently. "You know I don't normally police your conversations, but I just thought I would save you some grief with this one and warn you. She's not talking about what you think she's talking about. So let the girl talk, _actually listen_ to her before you come up with wild assumptions that throw you into a tailspin overreaction," she finished in a hissing whisper.

Curiosity of what Alice meant exactly overrode my irritation with her meddling. "What do you mean Alice?"

Shrugging, her posture relaxed. She grinned at me sheepishly. "Just do what I said, talk to her – but listen." Turning, she ghosted down the hallway.

When I returned to my room, the picture I saw took my breath away. Bella sat in the middle of my bed, covers bunched around her, wearing my shirt. Her jeans lay folded over my dresser. She looked stunning. Her cheeks warmed delicately at the sight of my entrance. She pulled her fingers through her hair, eyes moving anxiously around the room.

"Hey sorry – Alice," I offered, hoping that would be enough of a reason for my short departure. Moving to the bed I sat down next to her, the mattress bending beneath me and tilting her body towards mine.

Fortunately, she seemed too preoccupied in her own thoughts to question what the interruption had been for. Taking her hands in mine, I searched her face. "Bella, what is it?"

Gnawing on the inside of her mouth, her gaze flitted around me. "Um, well, it's just that… I don't really have a whole lot of time-…"

"What?" I cut her off abruptly, startling her, and Alice's words echoed in my head. _Listen to her._ Pinching the bridge of my nose in between my fingers I breathed heavily. "Sorry Bella, go ahead."

She closed her eyes, mustering up the courage to get whatever it was off her chest. "Edward, all joking aside, I have been thinking about our future not as much about my aging, but more my immediate plans. I'm supposed to go to college in Jacksonville in the fall."

I nodded, wondering where she was going with her line of thinking. The idea of her traveling so far away to attend school was nearly incapacitating. I would endure whatever I needed to for her though; even if that meant moving there with her and living in the shadows of night, I would do it.

The moon rose high in the sky illuminating the room, mixing with the small yellow circle of lamp light, and casting ominous shadows against the wall. Bella swallowed hard, continuing. "I don't want to be that far from you," she spoke softly as if reading my thoughts. "And I don't expect you to move there and never be able to go outside. So I made some calls, and I got myself enrolled at the University of Alaska in Anchorage." She flinched as she finished, expecting me to be upset for some reason.

"Bella," I could not conceal the happiness in my voice. I was ecstatic that she had even thought such a thing through, that she was considering me in her real life future plans. Part of what we have had so far, had seemed a dream of sorts. It occurred to me more than once that at some point she was going to have to go back to her real life; but to hear that she had shifted her plans – for me. My nonexistent heart swelled inside my granite chest. "That is a wonderful idea!"

She peeked at me, hesitance still on her face. "Really? Then you'll come with me?"

I couldn't help myself; I leaned in and kissed her face a thousand times, in between kisses mumbling, "Yes, yes, I love you, yes."

Bella giggled the sound coming from her belly. I hugged my body around her, laying us back on the pillows. "I'm so relieved. I thought that you would be angry that I changed my plans just for you. But I can't imagine not being with you and, well I guess I was being selfish."

Burying my nose in her hair, I inhaled greedily. "No Bella, I am not upset. However, I believe it is me who is being selfish; but in this case I am more than willing to be completely, unadulteratedly selfish beyond imagination."

"That's pretty selfish," she quipped with a chuckle. Snuggling into my embrace, I swept hair off her forehead and continued to run my fingers along her scalp; momentarily pulling away to turn off the lamp beside me. She purred her body relaxing against me.

"Bella?"

"Yes, love?" Her words imitated mine. A flutter of pure happiness spun inside me. _She is so cute._

"Thank you." I replied simply.

Her chin tilted into the air as she turned her face towards my voice. "For what?"

"For making me so happy. For choosing me. For your love." I had never spoken truer words, for she had chosen me despite my many failures and inadequacies. Once more, she loved me, which was still beyond my comprehension, but I wasn't above acknowledging the miracle.

Kissing my cheek lightly, her lips turned up in a dazzling smile. "You're welcome, Edward."

Through the thickness of night, I stared into her dark eyes. Even though I knew she could not see mine through the veil of darkness, I felt like she was doing the same. "I love you," she whispered, her hand skimming my arm lightly.

"I love you too, Isabella."

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?" I smiled with my words.

Her fingers ran smoothly under my eyes. "You should hunt tonight, you look hungry, and we have a busy day tomorrow."

My eyebrows knit together. "What are we doing?"

Her breathing was becoming shallow, and I could tell she was drifting off to sleep. "Hmm? Oh, we're meeting Jacob at my house. I want you to be well fed, so you're not cranky."

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**A/N: *Sigh, Bella – Bella – Bella. Edward was tots about to give it up to you. Awesome moment to start considering the future. HB would, in fact, murder you right now if she could - impeccable timing, B. **

**Huh? Oh, my excuse…? Oh, yeah, well I did say it would be lame right? Okay, um, I'm stupid? I was knee deep in a short story I'm writing for the Awkward contest, which ended up being close to 20k words, and it completely sucked all the creative juices out of my brain. So there it is in all it's lame glory. Sorry. *pouts* On a happier note, I'm going to try try try to get chapter 16 out by Wed. per usual. And my contest entry should be posted soon, so don't fret – there will be things to read.**

**Some quick rec's for this week:**

**The University of Edward Masen by ****SebastienRobichaud**

**This is another one that a lot of ppl have heard of. It's been on my list for quite some time, but I've just gotten around to starting it. I am enjoying it thus far, give it a try if you haven't. Read / review!!**

**Seducing Miss Swan by DQRC**

**This story made me cry, it is **_**full**_** of angst. It's an AU where Edward never came back after the beginning of NM. Bella is a 27 year old HS teacher and Edward is her student. I couldn't imagine having the person I loved so hard return to my life so many years later – unaged. It would be efffing torture. The situation she puts Bella in really got to me. So I highly recommend it. :D Give it a read and don't forget to (all together now) review!!**

**Alright, lovelies… until next time!!!**

**xoxo Buff**

**PS: I tweet often and I do it well, follow me if you'd like. http://twitter(dot)com/Buff_82**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Katbug86, my beta - my work horse (because I am a relentless tyrant, bitch… but I would never call you apple shaped bb). Without her this would be a jumbled mess of missing and untimely commas. Send her love, check out her three stories; **_**Torn**_**, **_**Fate**_** and **_**I Still Think So**_**. All three of which are nominated for the Indie TwiFic Awards. :) **

**So, let's find out what the fuck B was thinking, shall we…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight; all of its respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 16

BPOV

_10:14 p.m. Hey Jake, We need to talk. I was wondering if you'd come take a look at the truck tomorrow? -B_

_10:15 p.m. um, I know we do. Sure, sure, what time? -Jake_

_10:15 p.m. whenever works for you, I'm free all day. – B_

_10:16 p.m. how about 1? -Jake_

_10:16 p.m. sounds perfect, thank you SO much Jake. I know this is hard for you, but I miss you. –B_

_10:20 p.m. see ya tomorrow Bells. Miss you too. –Jake_

-

While Edward was out in the hallway talking to Alice I took the opportunity to text Jacob about the following day. To my surprise and relief, he had accepted graciously. Jake was such a good friend, I really did love him, and I didn't want to lose him.

Glancing around Edward's room I felt a chill and remembered my clothes had literally been ripped off of me. Instinctually pressing my thighs together at the memory of Edward unleashed, HB was supplying me with the gravest death stare. I'd never been worried about being stabbed with a shiv in my sleep by an emotion before, but Horny Bella's glare incited just that irrational fear within me for the briefest second. Meanwhile, Jiminy looked on approvingly, sticking her tongue out at poor wound up HB.

My fingers brushed over Edward's discarded t-shirt. I picked up the soft fabric pressing it against my nose and inhaled his sweet scent before sliding it over my head. _He was really gonna keep going_, I thought, suddenly feeling quite daft. _Stupid, stupid Bella. What the hell kind of timing was that to start waxing all philosophical about _forever _and the future!_ I mentally scolded myself; although it was hard to tell if it was coming from me or HB.

Slipping my jeans off, I hopped out of bed to place them on top of Edward's dresser. The air was a cold contrast to the warmth of his bed, and I dove quickly back into place, nestling down into the covers. Just as my legs began to warm, Edward emerged from the hallway. A million thoughts flurried through my mind of our conversation just moments ago. The question lingering in his expression told me he was thinking of the same thing.

I began to panic suddenly that he might not receive the news I had very well. Considering Edward's track record, he would most likely be angry that I had planned to rearrange my whole life for him. I grew increasingly nervous for his reaction.

Edward said something about Alice as he entered the room, but I couldn't focus on his words. I was struggling to figure out where to begin. The bed moved beside me. Edward sat, pulling my hands into his. My fingers began to tingle lightly at his touch. _That is why I can't be so far away… I can't live without that. Not now that I know what it's like._ My thoughts were reassuring to my motives. I felt fortified in my decision.

Edward's expression went from questioning to concerned when he detected my hesitance. "Bella, what is it?"

I thought of what he said before Alice had interrupted us, _'Bella, I know what you are saying, but we have time to think about those things.'_ I wasn't sure what exactly he was referring to; I only knew that my immediate future was something I needed to figure out as soon as possible. "Um, well, it's just that… I don't really have a whole lot of time-…"

"What?" He cut me off, a strange frightened and angry expression coloring his face. Abruptly, his demeanor calmed. Pinching his nose, he sighed, "Sorry Bella, go ahead."

Nerves strangled my resolve, and I closed my eyes, thinking over my words carefully. "Edward, all joking aside, I have been thinking about our future not as much about my aging, but more my immediate plans. I'm supposed to go to college in Jacksonville in the fall."

Edward's silence spurred me to peek out at him. He stared into space, face still, void of any emotion to guide me. After what seemed like ages, he nodded his head slightly. Closing my eyes again, I continued, diving headlong into my point. "I don't want to be that far from you, and I don't expect you to move there and never be able to go outside. So I made some calls, and I got myself enrolled at the University of Alaska in Anchorage," as I finished, my whole body flinched reflexively in anticipation of his anger.

"Bella that is a wonderful idea!"

Keeping one eye still closed, I looked at him through a wink, nose scrunched. "Really? Then you'll come with me?"

Surprising me, Edward bombarded me with kisses breathlessly repeating "Yes, yes, I love you, yes" over and over until I was giggling like an idiot. Pulling me into him, he positioned us onto the fluffy pillows at the top of the bed. My body melted into them, feeling exhaustion rush through me. I revealed to him why I was nervous, and he laughed, telling me he was more than willing to be selfish on that particular issue.

My body felt light, not realizing how tense I had become from my nerves. The room was bathed in darkness as Edward leaned away and switched off the bedside lamp. The mattress below me was soft and pulling me into a welcome sleep. Then Edward was speaking to me again. "Bella?"

"Yes, love?" I responded the words tickling my tongue; I liked the way it felt to say that. Smiling, I thought of how Edward said it so often, and understood why.

"Thank you," he supplied easily.

I turned my head over my shoulder so I could see his face, "For what?"

"For making me so happy. For choosing me. For your love," Edward's voice was rich and full of love as he spoke.

My heart swelled inside my chest, feeling almost painfully full. Happy tears pricked my eyes, and I breathed in contentment, a huge smile splitting my face in two. "You're welcome Edward," was all I could manage.

We stayed still for a long moment, Edward stared into my eyes as I stared into shadowy versions of his. "I love you," I whispered, the only thing that came close to communicating the all encompassing feeling that had taken over.

"I love you too, Isabella."

My smile began to burn my cheeks, and I let it drop slightly. Even in the shadows of the night, I could see the slight dimness to Edwards's eyes, the purplish shadows forming underneath. Although he had just fed the morning before, it only served as a reminder that being so close to me was not without its consequences. "Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

My lips twitched at his words. "You should hunt tonight, you look hungry, and we have a busy day tomorrow."

Confusion twisted his features. "What are we doing?"

Sleepiness taking over my higher brain functions, I turned back into my pillow my eyes fluttering closed and then open again. It took me a second to realize he had asked me a question, and I hadn't answered him. "Hmm? Oh, we're meeting Jacob at my house. I want you to be well fed, so you're not cranky."

Edward tried to stifle a moan, but I could feel the rumble in his chest. Heavy lids fell lazily over my eyes, and I could feel myself drifting off. _No, you can't sleep! Get back in there!_ HB screamed at me urgently. The cords low in my belly tightened at the tantalizing memory of Edward tearing my bra off of me, his lips against my skin. _MMMM, sooo good._

My muscles felt asleep already, but with great effort, I rolled my body toward Edward so we were facing one another. Lifting my hand, I lightly felt the shape of his face with my fingers, tracing the rise and fall of his features. "Edward?" I murmured my voice thick with a tired lust.

"Yes?"

"Before, when we were… kissing, there was something different," I said as a statement more than a question.

"Perhaps, yes," his voice was soft, far away in thought.

"You just seemed like you weren't holding back." My lips found his skin as I spoke.

Edward inhaled, holding the breath for some time before answering. "No, Bella, I was not holding back."

I interrupted him before he could continue. "I liked that… a lot," I whispered, my lips grazing his ear. His arms tightened around me. I took the opportunity to slide in closer; our bodies pressing together. Edward's arousal poked into my stomach, and I hummed in enthusiasm.

Taking my time, I began to recreate the atmosphere of earlier in the evening. I had felt in total control, in complete shock and elation that he seemed to be relinquishing his walls. My lips found their path along his cold smooth jaw as I licked and nipped lightly.

Pushing myself up slightly on my knees, I half laid, half hung above him as my mouth converged with his. Our lips moved together like they always did, in perfect tandem, currents of electricity sparking and tangling between us.

_I would never tire of kissing this man_, I thought, a sigh passing between us_. I would die with my lips attached to his face if I could._ Jiminy huffed and glared at me, _you might do just that_.

My kisses became deeper, more frantic. My cool control was slipping, the want exceeding. I rose higher above him, moving to straddle him, and Edward's hand halted my leg as he slowed our kiss.

Pulling away, I met his eyes through the darkness between us. The sedated dullness gave way to sparkling dark ocher pools, alight with need. "Let go Edward," I whispered soothingly. I wasn't talking about my leg, and he understood. I was asking him to let go of his habitations; let it fall around us and allow his instincts to take charge. I wanted him to rip my shirt from me, to grab me with force and thrust into me without a second thought.

The dancing sparkles in his eyes stilled, and his lids drooped sadly over his beautiful tawny irises. "I cannot," he replied with sorrow but also determination.

In that moment I knew I could not decide for him. No matter what seduction I doled out or moments that passed where he freed his guard, ultimately he was the only one who could choose when it was right. I knew I would just have to put that trust in him and give him what he needed; time.

"Okay," I smiled sweetly, kissing him once more on his lips and then turning my body laying my back against his cool chest. My body buzzed from the ache of desire and took in deep even breaths. Curled into Edward's arms I felt more awake, and my mind drifted to thoughts of the previous morning.

I had awoken with Edward sitting at my side. His eyes were dark, the circles underneath pronounced. After some convincing that rabid vampires weren't going to attack me in my home, I finally got him to agree to go hunt. I knew that somewhere in the line of trees bordering my house one of the other Cullen's was perched in a tree top watching over me.

I wasn't stupid enough to think that Edward would have ever acquiesced to leaving me alone, especially with the potential threat of nomad vampires. I even considered the possibility that it could have been Kate or Tanya. They had promised the Cullen's they would stick around for a few days to help if need be.

While he was gone I was able to focus on some real life responsibilities I'd been putting off. I contacted a realtor to find out about putting my house on the market to rent while I was away at school.

It was an option Renee had brought to my attention a few days before. I called her to check in and she started immediately in on the inquisition. She was wondering how the house was coming, she asked about Edward, and then she was prodding me relentlessly about school. When she mentioned renting the house out, I was apprehensive at first. That would mean leaving Forks and possibly Edward if things didn't work out with University of Alaska.

I made the call anyway, and was thrilled when I realized it would be an excellent source of income for me while I was at school. I felt a little better once I made arrangements with the local realtor. She was very nice and apparently knew Charlie and me, I didn't remember her.

With nervous knots twisting my stomach, I moved onto the next item on my list - college. With my fingers crossed, I pulled up the University of Alaska's information and contacted their admittance office. Elation filled me as the secretary on the phone took my information and informed me sweetly that, yes there was still a spot being held if I wished to accept it.

The last thing I had been neglecting was my rental car. I'd had the car for over three weeks and finally called to have the company come and pick it up; which was what spurred my realization that I needed a vehicle. The large red Chevy sat looming ominously at me in the yard since I'd arrived. With the sudden necessity, she didn't look so foreboding, more like a familiar old friend.

My only hurdle was getting Jake to come and take a look at it, making sure she would still run. When Edward had returned that afternoon from hunting I had attempted to broach the subject, only prodding lightly as we sat at my kitchen table. I was eating lunch when I mentioned the rental car had been returned and that I was thinking about calling Jake to look at the truck. Edward didn't even entertain my words, he brushed over them remarking, "You don't need a car. I can drive you where you need to go."

Jiminy scowled, shooting daggers at him in that cave man-esque moment. _Yeah, because you don't need to be self sufficient at all. Why don't you ask him to pre chew your food for you as well_, she sneered. I choked on a leaf of lettuce from my salad at the thought, biting back laughter. Edward merely looked at me like I was crazy, but let it drop. Thank God, because I did not feel like trying to explain the inner workings of my brain to him.

I let the conversation drop, knowing full well I would address it again. Which is exactly what I did earlier in the evening, only this time I didn't back down. I refused to let him believe he could make all my decisions when it came to my "safety". I understood his concern, but the overbearing shit had to go, and I was proud of how I handled the situation - in the end, getting my way. I smirked a little, turning my head toward my pillow so Edward wouldn't see.

Muscles finally loose, my body had unwound itself once again from the edge. _That may very well be the death of me, _I thought, sleep once again pushing against my conscience. _Death by lack of sex,_ I bit back a tired laugh, eyes closing heavily. Moments later I drifted away into a dreamless sleep.

xxXXxx

"Bella? Bella?"

Edward's smooth voice reverberated off my eardrums and tickled the inside of my ear, pulling me from my dead sleep.

"What?" I whined, irrationally irritated that he was waking me from my delicious slumber.

"Bella, love, wake up. You're phone keeps buzzing, and it's nearly 9:00."

Groaning, I rolled onto my back, pushing the pillow that had somehow ended up on top of my head off. Sunlight assaulted my eyes, burning them, and I hissed. _Stupid fucking sun. _Even though muddled from the thick cloud cover, the slight brightness was an unwelcome intruder into the soft darkness that had lulled me all night.

Pushing my arm into the air, eyes clenched shut, I swirled my hand in a circle. "Phone, please," I grunted.

The hard plastic slid into my palm, and I closed my fingers around it. Peeping through one eye, I winced, allowing the light to blind me until my pupils adjusted. The screen lit again, buzzing in between my fingers. "Shit, what the hell?"

Rolling my thumb over the track ball, I saw there were five text messages and one missed call - all from Jake. "Damn it," I muttered, assuming he was cancelling on me. I pushed myself up onto my elbow, scrolling to the first text message.

_8:02 a.m. Hey Bells, just wanted to see if we could switch times, let me know. – Jake_

I scrolled to the next…

_8:15 a.m. Hey, I just need to know if I can come by at 10 instead of 1. -Jake _

_8:25 a.m. Bella, if you're awake please let me know if it's fine. I have to tell Sam if I can patrol later. –Jake_

One missed call from him at 8:30.

_8:32 a.m. Bella I told Sam I'd patrol. If you can't do it at 10 I can't help you today -Jake_

The last text was from seconds ago, and I felt a pang of guilt as I read his words.

_8:46 a.m. Bells, I'm worried about you, are you safe? It's not like you to not answer your phone. Call me. –Jake_

Quickly selecting his name I hit send and lifted the phone to my ear. It rang once before Jake answered. I could hear him fumble with the phone, almost dropping it. "Bella? Are you ok, where are you?"

Biting my bottom lip to hold back a grin at Jacob's ridiculous over reaction, I diverted my eyes from Edward who was watching intently. "Hey Jake, I'm fine really. I was just sleeping, can't a girl sleep in, geez," I kept my tone light; trying to assure him everything was fine.

"NO. Not you Bella. How many times have you told me you have a hard time sleeping, and you've always been a morning person anyway," his tone was in contrast to my own, sounding almost accusatory.

Rolling my eyes, I let out a heavy sigh. "Well, I was, and I'm fine, thanks. Ten is fine. I'll meet you at my house."

There was a long pause before Jacob breathed heavily into the receiver. "Alright, Bells. See you then."

"Bye Jake, and thanks again for doing this, I owe you one."

"Yeah, sure, sure," he replied dismissively before hanging up.

In an effort to avoid the inquisition, I jumped out of bed, catching my toe on the sheets that had tangled around my foot and tripped forward. Edward had me in his arms before I could crack my head into the side of his dresser. I smiled warmly, kissing his cheek. "Good morning."

He grinned back, most likely holding back a rub about my clumsiness.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower, and we have to meet Jake at my house at 10."

His smile fell immediately. "Yes, I gathered that," he spoke through gritted teeth.

Slipping from his embrace, I skipped towards the bathroom. "You don't have to come!" I sang over my shoulder, closing the door quickly behind me.

Stepping away from the door just in time, it swung open with force. I jumped with a shriek and spun to see Edward standing there glaring at me. _Drama queen._ Narrowing my eyes at him, HB grinned wickedly enticing me to invite him in if he'd like.

Looking down at my toes and away from Edward's angry glare, I wiggled them; my fingers moving to the hem of Edward's large shirt that hung from my body. "Edward," my voice traveled through the air smooth and alluring. "If you'd like to join me that's fine."

I slipped the thin cotton shirt over my head swiftly, letting it drop to the floor as my gaze traveled back up to meet his. Edward's face transformed in an instant from angry to hungry. His eyes falling to my bare chest and then jerking quickly back to my face. He must have gone hunting as I asked because his eyes were brightly burning amber. His tongue moved sinfully over his full lips as he watched me speak.

"But I must warn you, I'm going to be naked." Hooking my fingers under the lace of my panties I slid them over my hips, letting them pool to the floor along with his shirt. "And wet."

Edward's mouth fell open, his eyes darkening dangerously. With speed faster than my human eyes could register, he was gone from the bathroom - door closed behind him. I couldn't help the waves of laughter that washed over me. Doubling over, I fell to the floor, clutching my stomach. _That was so worth it_, I thought. I would take the burning between my legs to see Edward surprised like that any day.

My shower was quick, and Edward made no mention of the situation in the bathroom as we drove back to my house. I watched the trees whiz by in a dark smear of green causing my stomach to turn slightly. "You drive too fast," I muttered, looking away from the window.

He grinned down at me, a mischievous gleam in his eye, and I could have sworn he sped up. _Pay back's a bitch_, I thought idly, trying to keep my gaze away from the blur of colors that was the outside world. _I guess I deserve it._

Making it to my house faster than it ever seemed we had before, we had about ten minutes before Jake was due to arrive. I thought it best to take that time and lay some ground rules for Edward. _You wanna babysit, well then there are going to be boundaries_, I thought dryly.

We sat at the kitchen table, and I took Edward's hands in mine, gaining his full attention. "Edward, listen, I know this is going to be hard for you. But I would appreciate it if you would please be on your best behavior."

His expression was passive, like what I was saying meant little either way, and the thought occurred to me. _If he thinks something is threatening to me, it doesn't matter what I say, he'll deal with it how he wants. That's bullshit._ The idea more than irritated me, and I found myself glaring at him.

"Edward, suppose when we had our original conversation, when you put your foot down I just looked at you and acted like 'fine' I'd go with it. But then the next day I had gone to LaPush against your wishes, how would that have made you feel?"

His indifferent expression faltered to anger and then set into a determined look. "You would have never just slipped away to LaPush. I would have known and stopped you before you got the chance." His words were factual and I knew it, but it didn't stop the rage that bubbled inside me. _What an arrogant, son of a bitch! It's not always going to be that simple! He can't always get his way. _Both Jiminy and HB screamed at me.

Taking in a calming breath I kept my teeth clenched as I spoke. "Well, let's say for argument's sake I did happen to _get away_, how would that make you feel?" I spoke the last few words slowly, as if talking to a child. _Get my point asshole_.

Rolling his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't even seem to care to entertain the idea. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it between mine, imploring him to look at me. "Please, Edward, I'm trying to get you to understand my point of view!"

He sighed in resignation, thinking for a moment before he answered. "I would feel very hurt, like you had been dishonest with me in trying to appease me. I would also be terrified for your safety. The lack of care for my concern for you would also be disheartening."

I smiled, rubbing my fingers lightly over his hand. "That's how I feel when I ask you something like, please be on your best behavior, and you just stare at me like it should 'appease' me. When I know full well that you have no intentions of doing anything other than what you see fit when it comes to my safety."

Edward opened his mouth as if to speak, only to close it again. His eyes fell away from me, squinting at the kitchen table. "I see what you're saying, but I don't know if it's the same thing. I can't promise to _not_ do whatever I need to in order to keep you safe."

"I understand that, but I have also asked you to trust my judgment. Please Edward. I want you to stay in here, Jacob and I will be outside."

He looked up at me in protest, but I held my hand into the air. "It's not as if you won't be able to hear everything we say, and I know you'll be able to read his mind."

He shook his head, shoulders slumping in resignation. "Okay, Bella, I'll do it for you."

I jumped up, plopping myself into his lap, kissing his face repeatedly. "Thank you."

xxXXxx

Two hours later, I walked into the kitchen to grab some sodas for Jake and me. Edward was sitting at the kitchen table where I had left him with his head buried between his legs. I went to his side quickly, rubbing his back. He lifted his head, eyes pained, as he rested his face into my stomach. "Edward? What's wrong?"

"I'm just trying my hardest to not go out there and beat the shit out of him, that's all."

I had to stifle back a laugh that filtered through with relief. "Edward, it's not that bad, he hasn't done anything…"

"It's nothing he's done or said per say," he interrupted. "It's his thoughts. He likes you Bella, he has for a long time, and he still wants you," Edward spit the words from his mouth as if they were the most offensive foul things ever to be spoken.

I chuckled, kissing his hair. "Edward, don't be ridiculous, Jake is like a little brother to me."

"Not the way he sees it," he mumbled into my purple knit shirt.

"Relax please, he's gotten the truck started now, and he'll probably have to go get some parts for the radiator before he can do anymore. We're almost done."

I lifted his chin to bring his gaze to mine and smiled. "You are doing great b a b y," I cooed in encouragement. His lips twitched upward at my ridiculous attempt to say the word the way he could. "Thank you," I finished, kissing him soundly on the mouth and spinning toward the front door to go back outside.

If I were being completely honest with myself, I couldn't say that Edward's words hadn't shaken me slightly. I'd always gotten that kind of vibe from Jake, but allowed myself to chalk it up to his natural goofy boyish charm. To hear Edward tell me Jake wanted more made my nerves quiver slightly.

As I flopped down the front steps, soda bottles in hand, what I saw made me pause. Jake's back was to me as he bent over the hood of my truck. His absurd height made it easy for him to clear the front of the mammoth beast.

Although the day was, yet again, chilly for a mid August afternoon, Jake had pulled his shirt off and tucked it into one of the belt loops of his jeans that hung low on his hips. Grease smeared in clear handprints across his backside, making me adjust my gaze when I realized where I was looking. My eyes fell upon his bare back, muscles rippled underneath his golden russet skin. It looked warm and inviting, reminding me of the calming desert sands of Phoenix. As he moved under the hood, his elbow occasionally shot into the air as he wrenched down on a testy bolt, grunting as he did so. I couldn't help but notice the muscles in his bicep every time it came into view, straining against his bone.

Just as I realized I was ogling my 'little brother', he stood and turned toward me with a warm smile. I couldn't help but smile back, Jake always made me feel happy. I held out the soda in my right hand and took a few steps closer. Wiping sweat from his brow he nodded in thanks, cracking the top of the drink and guzzling it right away.

As his head tilted back, my eyes once again traveled, this time to his exposed stomach. His abs cut into his flesh, bulging out and falling into well defined crevices. _You sure are beautiful_, I thought before I pushed it away quickly. I decided the main culprit to my wandering eye was HB, and I shoved her into the recesses of my mind. _God, I really needed to get laid_.

"So Bells, looks like she'll live," he said with a contagious grin, capping his half finished soda.

I chuckled, looking over the large red truck as Jake leaned against it. There were more visible patches of rust than there used to be, but hearing the sound of her roaring to life earlier had sent chills down my spine. It took me right back to two years ago which seemed more like a dream than anything else.

"Yeah I can't believe it," I sighed into a smile. Twisting the cap off my soda, I took a long pull from the bottle and let the fizzy sweet syrup flow down my throat.

"So, Bella, I know we didn't leave things in the best way before and I…"

"Jake, it's ok; I know you were really worked up. I don't fault you for what you said, just like I told Edward,"

Jacob visibly cringed when I said his name, but I continued, "I can understand your concern for me and I appreciate it. What's most important for me is to still have you in my life." I pulled in a stifled breath, emotion suddenly overwhelming me. "I can't imagine what Charlie would think if I just discarded you and Billy like you didn't matter. He would be so disappointed."

My vision filled with tears, and I felt rather than saw Jacobs's arms pull me into a tight embrace. It felt so good, familiar. I was overflowing with appreciation towards Jake and his never ending kindness. Tears flooded down my face, and I hiccupped apologies through huffed breaths, "Sorry, Jake, it just still hurts so much."

"I know Bella, I know," he whispered in my ear, stroking damp tendrils of hair away from my face. "We all miss him, he was a great man."

Suddenly, in those familiar arms, I felt the need to bear my soul. Words poured out of me like water from a pitcher. It was easy – effortless. "It was so hard when I got here. I felt so plagued by this heavy sadness that I had been carrying around for so long. And then being here, confronted by nothing but things I had been running from, it was almost too much."

I was bawling, struggling for breaths through the words that came feverishly. Jake's hand rubbed wide circles against my back as I clung to him. A slight whimper escaped his lips, and I knew he was mourning too.

"Then Edward was here and the pain was held at bay, it was easier to think. I could talk to my Dad, look at things in his house, remember him, and it didn't hurt so much. It was easier to forget the ache with the distraction. But moments like this I remember that it's still there, just as fresh and just as raw."

Balling my fists against his back, I pounded them into his shoulder blades without thinking as I ground my teeth together and spoke angrily, "When will it stop, the pain hurts so much, and it's never going to go away. Not even distractions have worked; it still lurks there haunting me." By the time I was finished I found myself shouting into Jake's shoulder.

Soft hushes and reassurances were played over and over again on his lips while he allowed me to break down, falling into him, as he absorbed it all. I was bled dry; there was no more for me to say. My wails became a soft cry as my labored breathing slowed. "Sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me." I stepped out of his embrace, whipping my face on my sleeve.

Jacob took my hand in his, and I looked into his eyes which were rimmed red. "It's okay Bella; you had to get it off your chest." He smiled, nudging his elbow into my ribs. "Hey, you know I'm always here for you if you need to talk."

"I know Jake, thanks." I smiled weakly at him. Then feeling embarrassed, my gaze shot to the ground, watching my shoes scuff across the loose rock of the gravel driveway.

A loud metal clank pulled my attention back to my truck. Jake was closing the hood and packing up his tools. "Listen," he spoke as he tossed his shirt back over his head. "I have to get going, I'm suppose to go on patrol. Sam's got us running extra shifts since those vampires are expected to come this way."

My eyes widened. "You know about that?"

He shook his head, closing up his tool box, and then taking a few steps toward me. "Carlisle met with Sam yesterday, and he told us about them." Jacob seemed to be contemplating something as I nodded in understanding.

"He's a good man."

"What?" I responded, unsure of whom he was speaking of.

"Carlisle, he is a really good man, he really cares about people. I trust him." The words seemed to be hard for Jacob to say. I suspected it had something to do with his wolfy pride.

I grinned at him, kicking a rock in his direction. "They are _all_ good, they all care. I trust anyone of them with my life," I replied.

Jake frowned a little, but said nothing more on the subject. "Alright Bells, well I will order the parts for the radiator, and they should be available in a few days." He started walking towards his car as he spoke. I followed slowly, swinging my arms loosely at my sides.

"Okay Jake, thanks again, it really means a lot that you came by. And not just because it was a huge help." I smiled and he smirked at me, leaning down and squeezing me into a quick hug.

"Later Bells," he winked and then was in his car pulling down my driveway. I stood and waved as his small VW Rabbit puttered away.

I filled my lungs with oxygen until they burned, and then let out the breath slowly, turning to meander lazily back up to the house. My mind was on other things, so I was completely unprepared for what awaited me in my kitchen.

I froze in the door way, spotting Edward laying completely still, stretched out along the linoleum floor. "Edward?"

He did not shift, or flinch; he made no move or indication that he had heard me enter. I walked over to his form slowly. My heart pinched in pain at the sight of his face. He was panting, hair shaped wildly about his head as if he had been trying to pull it out from the roots. He was gasping for breath like a fish out of water.

I dropped to my knees, my hands flying to his chest. "Edward! What's wrong?" He flinched away from my touch, curling into a ball, his back to me. I watched unsure of what to do as his back rose and fell with heavy breaths. I had never seen him like that and panic overtook me as I worried that there was something seriously wrong.

With shaking hands, I fumbled in my pockets for my cell phone. "I'm calling Alice," I mumbled as a gust of air whirled around me and Edward was suddenly sitting, facing me, his hand clamped around my wrists.

"Is that all I am to you?" His voice was impossibly pained, and as I stared into his tortured eyes I realized all his gasping for breaths and shudders were his way of crying. My heart beat two times in rapid succession and then skipped a beat completely. Pain burnt through me, taking all air from my lungs.

"Edward," I breathed, barely able to speak. "What do you mean?"

"A distraction? Am. I. Only. A. _Distraction_. For. You?" He sounded wounded as he spat every word at me pointedly. I flinched at each one.

"No," I cried, terror filling me again. I reached out for him, and his hands released my wrists as he moved away from my touch again. My arms fell limply to my lap. I stared into nothingness, dazed and stunned. He had heard everything, and he misunderstood.

"I have asked you so many times Isabella, SO MANY TIMES." He stood and began to pace, his body seemed to quiver. "I have asked you to talk to me, to tell me about your father and your pain. You never do! Most of the time you opt for me to just hold you, as a _distraction_ I warrant!"

I stood, dumbly, fumbling backwards against the chair. Edward made no move to stabilize me; he merely paced back and forth, pulling wildly at his hair. I hurt him. My admissions to Jacob and freeness to speak cut him deeply. _Fix this,_ Jiminy seethed at me, catching me off guard, propelling me into action.

Grabbing Edward by the arms I stilled him; he did not fight or pull away, only stared at me with the saddest eyes imaginable. "Why would you let me believe…" his voice faded and shoulders slumped into his body.

"Edward, you misunderstood me. Please listen to me," I begged, a fresh round of tears welling up, blurring my vision.

"I didn't mean it was you being the distraction. I just meant a new thing in my life, something other than dwelling on the depression I have been wallowing in for the past two years."

He didn't look at me, his posture stayed unchanging.

"Edward, look at me please," I pled.

His gaze moved slowly, settling on my right cheek. He didn't want to look me in the eye. I cupped his face and pulled him closer to me. "I am so sorry if that hurt you. You are right, I haven't talked much about my Dad and that's because when I'm with you it's different. Just being around you soothes me. It takes away the pain, even when it has tried to rear its ugly head. Just looking at you or touching you, it all fades into the background and all that's left is you." Tears fell in fat drops from my eyes, but I would not break down, he needed to know exactly how I felt.

"It's different with Jake, he reminds me of being with my father. Little things, they hit me hard, and I can't just be comforted by looking at him. The reason why I told him all that was because I needed to get it out of me, the only way to release it was to say it. I'm sorry if that hurt you. I would take it all back and bottle that hurt inside my body for a thousand years if it would stop me from hurting you."

His gaze lurched to mine, a look of horror twisting his features. "No, Bella, I don't want you to hurt." With that he wrapped his arms around me tightly. I pressed against him whimpering in relief.

"Oh, Edward, I am so sorry. I wasn't thinking, I didn't know telling Jake those things would hurt you so much." His body relaxed against mine and I sighed as his cool lips pressed against my hair.

"I know love, I'm sorry for frightening you. I just shut down when I thought… Well, I don't know how I could have thought that. Jealousy I guess." He chuckled softly into my hair. I smiled at the sound.

Pulling back slightly, I quirked an eyebrow at him in jest. "Jealous huh?"

He grinned. "Yes, that mongrel had his filthy paws all over you. And then I had to listen to his thoughts about your body when he was holding you."

"What!" I pulled away quickly. "When I was crying!"

His smile did not falter, where I would have expected anger he found humor. "_Bells_, you are very beautiful," he spoke softly stepping back into me, wrapping his long arms around my waist. "You can't fault the poor male brain for thinking things when you are so close, no matter the circumstances."

I frowned into his chest; I still thought it was weird. Suddenly, Edward was sniffing me furiously, in my hair, behind my ears, along my neck. It made me feel insanely ticklish. I couldn't stop the giggling - my irritation forgotten.

"But you smell disgusting. His scent is all over you." The room shifted abruptly, my legs swept from underneath of me, and I was in Edwards arms like I weighed no more than a paper doll. I yelped in surprise as he dashed around the corner and up the stairs. "I'll just have to take care of that."

Pushing my bedroom door open, Edward dropped me onto the bed, pinning my body beneath his. "Firstly, we need to get rid of these clothes."

His words sent a thrill shivering down my spine.

I lay in shock below him. _Was he serious?_

In response to my silent question he quickly peeled the sweater from my body, his nose trailed along my exposed skin. "Mmmm, that's not as bad."

Before I could respond he had unzipped my jeans and was pulling them down my legs. HB was jumping up and down in excitement, I was staring – dumbfounded.

Sniffing lightly at the skin along my legs, he moved slowly back up my body, stopping to plant a soft kiss in the center of my black cotton underwear. My flesh was teaming with energy, quaking under his touch. My panties were already soaked, and he hadn't even touched his glorious lips to me yet.

Watching me carefully with lust filled eyes, Edward skated his fingertips across my stomach, swirling them around my navel. I shuddered and cried out softly.

_What this man does to my body._

The atmosphere was different, although Edwards's eyes were dark and wanting, he was not needy. He was the one in control, taking the lead. I was secretly thrilled at the prospect.

"I'll lie still, and you do whatever you want to me, I'll do anything you say," the thoughts I meant to keep in my head tumbled from my mouth, but I didn't care. Edward's reaction made it all worth it, excitement flashing in his eyes, his brow fixed and determined.

"You smell better already," he whispered, placing his nose at the crook of my neck and inhaling. Lifting me from the bed, he popped the clasp of my bra open in one swift motion. I gasped as it fell between us, cold air caressing my flesh. "Now, let's see about cleaning off your skin."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion until his tongue collided with my neck in one long sinuous lick. He repeated the motion over and over again, bathing me with his tongue. I was panting, pressing my legs together, but trying desperately to lie as still as I could.

Edward's hands roamed freely as his tongue cleaned my skin. My fingers felt numb from tingling, and I moved them shakily into his hair grasping and pulling as he sucked a nipple into his mouth. I squirmed beneath him, moaning low and uncontrolled.

The sensation of my nipple in his mouth being pulled and sucked on sent a fiery explosion between my legs and the coils there tightened rigidly. I could feel the rise as my body climbed, quickening. My pants were coming faster. "Edward… _shit_…feels…good"

He didn't slow; he was relentlessly attacking my left breast. Writhing underneath him, his body hung loosely above mine, and I whimpered when his lips suddenly released my breast. Just as quickly he captured my right breast in his mouth, sucking and pulling. A fresh wave of that fiery sensation shot through me pushing wildly over the edge. 'Fuck, Edward, ahh!" I came down slowly, the muscles low in my stomach clenching around empty space.

Edward moved above my face. I stared at him, spent, unbelieving to what had just happened. _He hadn't even kissed me…holy shit._ My cheeks flushed with slight embarrassment, but the smile on Edward's face was priceless.

"Wow," I finally breathed.

"Yeah, that was…" Edward trailed and began to kiss the flesh that wrapped around my jaw. Pulling back, he gazed at me, his orbs shone deep and meaningful. "I love you, and you smell much better now."

I laughed into his shoulder as he dropped his body into mine lightly, groaning against me. I gasped, again surprised at him. "I want you so badly Isabella," he ground out into my hair, face hidden.

The sound in his voice, the animalistic need, sent a furious wave of desire through me. I was tingling all over; from the prickling in my scalp to my buzzing in my fingertips and toes.

"Take me," I whispered, pushing my hips into his arousal.

Where I would have expected his body to stiffen and Edward to retreat into himself, denying himself once again - he did not. Instead, he pushed his hips back into me, grunting against my skin, sending another thrill through me.

His lips devoured mine, and I sighed into him. It felt so good, overwhelming my brain. My body was one gigantic humming sensation. My fingers grasped at Edward's clothes, pulling them off of him as quickly as my clumsy hands could manage.

The room seemed to get lighter, all air was vacuumed out and sound ceased to exist. Edward was completely naked above me, pulling my panties slowly down my legs. I held my breath, my head spinning with excitement. Reeling inside, I couldn't believe he had let go, he was giving into what he desired most.

My fingers moved along his torso, drinking in the feel of his cool flesh. "God, I love you," I spoke, my voice seeming too loud in the small intimate space between us.

His cold hands parted my legs. Edward settled himself in between them, his erection lightly pressed against my entrance. I whimpered again, pushing upward, wanting him inside of me.

"I love you too Bella, all of you, always and forever. You are all there is for me."

With his words his slid lithely inside of me, and I cried out. The feel of him filling me, pushing into me, was overwhelming. We fit perfectly together; I wanted to stay like that till the end of time.

"_Shit_," he gritted through clenched teeth. "Bella, you feel so warm. You feel amazing," he moaned against me.

I beamed a ridiculous smile at him. His lips pressed light kisses up toward my mouth as he pulled out slowly, his arousal lying just inside me. I writhed frantically, growling, my body wanting more, and then I saw Edward's face.

His golden orbs burned into me. I stilled beneath him, staring back. Our gazes locked, as our souls intertwined along with our bodies. Edward slid back inside me gradually, his eyes never leaving mine.

I was full, emotionally, figuratively, and physically - mind, body, and soul.

Slowly, he built a rhythm pushing in and pulling out. The friction building was divine. Breaking his intense gaze, Edward's mouth crashed into mine. I panted against his lips. His tongue swirled mine, sending extra shots of fire to my core and I moaned.

"You are perfect," I breathed. "You are all I need."

We moved together as our bodies worked against each other to create the perfect symphony. Edward growled against me, and then I heard a ripping noise but was too wrapped up in the sensations to know or care what was happening.

We began to move faster, building, climbing together; our breaths matching, kisses struggling to pull each other closer. I was on the edge, the friction mounting, proving to be too much. "I'm so close Edward. God, I love you."

He spoke against my lips as he reverently placed soft kisses against the swollen flesh. "I love you too Bella. _My, Bella_."

His sweet breath fanned across my face with his declaration, sending me spiraling down. I screamed out his name, panting and writhing. My muscles pulsed around him until he relinquished, falling with me. Calling out my name in response, I could feel his juices filling me.

We lay together, unmoving for what seemed like hours, until finally Edward slipped out of me and rolled us to lie side by side. My body immediately mourned the loss of the fullness it felt with him tucked into me.

I stifled a yawn. Edward beamed back at me, softly pushing wayward hairs out of my eyes. "That was amazing," he cooed, contentment filling his features. He looked so beautiful, he was so happy and peaceful, and it made me want to cry.

"Yes, it was, very much so. I should invite Jake over more often," I chanced a joke, peeking at him sheepishly.

Edward's mouth dropped open as he gawked momentarily before chuckling and nodding his head. "Ha, ha very funny."

_Wow, you should get laid more often, it affords you a sense of humor Mr. Cullen_, I thought, but dared not say it.

Despite the mid day sun filtering warmly through the window, I yawned again, my eyelids falling closed. I was suddenly exhausted. Edward laughed lightly again, rubbing his fingers over my back. "Sleep now love, take a nap, I'll wake you in a little while."

"Okay," I mumbled. "Can you just hand me a shirt so I don't get cold?"

Edward reached to the floor and handed me the sweater he had been wearing. I sat up to pull it over my head when something white fluttered in front of my face, tickling my nose.

Looking myself over, I began picking the offending objects off of me. "Um, Edward, why am I covered in feathers?"

* * *

A/N: Does anyone else need to be held right now? Are you weeping tears of joy that they FINALLY did it?? I hope it was everything you dreamed it would be. Now I'm going to go sleep for a few days… this chapter took a lot out of me. I know it was long, sorry for that, but I wanted to hit a few key points, and couldn't break it up. No rec's this time, sorry! I'll have some next week. I'd love to know your thoughts, as always. So, please press the little button and REVIEW!!

xoxo Buff


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Katbug86 beta'd this **_**m e s s**_** . Dear Katbug86, sorry I can't spell minuet… I mean minute bb. I fail. You rock.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all of the respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

* * *

Chapter 17

BPOV

The cool tiles of the bathroom floor made me shiver, causing me to clutch the towel tighter around my body. Flicking the switch on the wall, the small space was bathed in muted yellow light, and the exhaust fan hummed to life.

I peeled the towel up at my thigh to survey the damage along the plains of my hipbones. On each hip four small purplish circles were blooming against my skin. For a girl who bruised when you looked at her the wrong way that wasn't so bad. I glanced up, my reflection catching my attention. In front of me I saw a happy girl with a ridiculous grin stretch across her face.

It was someone I hadn't seen in over two years. I ran my fingers along the soft thin flesh underneath my lashes. The dark shadows were gone, the perpetual sadness missing from my brown eyes. Pulling in a heavy breath, I leaned away from my reflection, the blissful smile pushing my cheeks up almost painfully.

I felt Edward's presence hanging in the doorway. "Hey," I greeted him ardently, turning to face him.

"Hello love," his tone was tentative; a careful smile curled his lips only slightly. Lines of tension pulled at the corners of his eyes, worry apparent as they darted along my form.

Stepping into him, he wrapped his bare arms around me. I sighed against him, breathing in his sweet scent. "I'm fine Edward."

His arms tightened around me. Leaning my head back I looked into his deep eyes, full of devotion. "I'm more than fine actually," I promised.

His mouth twitched to one side, and the worry relaxed from his features. Leaning in he placed a gentle lavish kiss along my lips, pulling away slowly.

"Shower with me," I whispered into his pliable mouth.

Edward sucked in a sharp breath, his arms tensing slightly, but did not answer me. Taking a step backwards, he walked with me, keeping me safe within his arms. "It's just a shower," I crooned softly, letting the towel wrapped around me fall to the floor.

He closed his eyes, barely nodding. Reaching behind me, I turned the faucet on. The water rained down, clapping against the porcelain tub. My fingers found the band of his underwear and quickly pulled them from his hips.

Eyes still closed, but refusing to let go, Edward stepped with me into the tub. Warm water cascaded over my head flowing down my skin, working its way like reedy fingers between Edward and me as my flesh pressed against his hard chest.

It felt amazing to have his strong arms wrapped around me under the warm comforting stream. Not needing anymore than for him to just hold me, I ran my nose along his collarbone, humming in contentment.

Slowly, Edward's arms loosened, and he began running his hands along my back. I reached behind him and grabbed my body wash. He took it, doling out a generous amount in the palm of his hand. Working up a foamy lather against my body, he took great care to wash me thoroughly.

His wide hands moved smoothly on my soapy skin, gliding with ease over the peeks of my breasts. My eyes drew closed, that delectable warm tingling forming in the pit of my stomach. Turning me so that my back was to him, Edward massaged the muscles that wrapped around my shoulder blades.

My body felt drunk, loose, and relaxed. My head lulled back against his chest, a contented sigh stealing from my lips.

"I could wash your body forever Isabella," Edward cooed into my ear, drawing a sharp fission down my spine.

I hummed in response, my muscles too loose to form words.

His cool fingers dipped below my hair, cupping the bulk of it at the base of my neck, and sweeping it over my left shoulder. Water pulsed down around us, making Edwards's chest against my back feel almost tepid.

His mouth caressed my shoulder traveling to the tip of my collarbone and then sinfully back along my neck. "This body is a true work of art, magnum opus," he whispered into my ear, hands wandering my various hills and valleys. "What you brandish is that which causes poets to write sonnets, painters to paint masterpieces, builders to build the Sistine Chapel - a muse, in the purest form of the word. You are awe inspiring… a miraculous creature."

Edward continued bathing my neck with kisses as he spoke, his voice low – a smooth sinful honey. "Do you know the power you wield in each little curve of your body?"

He drew his long index finger along my hip slowly, following where it bowed up into my waist, waiting a moment.

I could not answer. My body was his, leaning all of my weight into him as he hypnotized me with words.

"Enough to bring a deadly vampire to his knees," he murmured into my ear so low I could barely hear him, his breath dancing along my earlobe, tickling the skin. The shiver it elicited from me wracked my body harshly, and I gasped.

My shallow breathing turned into pants, blood singing through my veins at lightning speed. The delicious springs deep inside me coiled tightly, ready to bound loose at any moment.

Edward's hands grazed my nipples lightly before he palmed my breasts, squeezing and rolling them in his hands. "I want to worship this body until the universe is swallowed into oblivion."

I moaned loudly at his words, eyes clenched shut. My head dipped back further as my body rose up on the brink of climax. Edward's mouth enveloped mine, his hands ravaging my breasts, his words echoing seductively in my head.

The moment his cool tongue slid against mine the coils exploded within me. Screaming out in surprise, I writhed against him, my body shuddering through my orgasm. I cried out his name as the waves of euphoria seemed relentless, slamming into my body over and over, in time with his hands kneading against my flesh.

Body on fire, my knees weak, I turned in Edward's arms, softly placing tiny kisses along his chest, and drinking in beads of water from his skin. His fingers massaged through my scalp, soap foaming between them as he washed my hair.

Lacking the energy to stand, I allowed my body weight to slump against his solid form; Edward's erection pushed up in between us, ample and wanton. He finished quickly with my hair, the suds tickling my toes as they swept to the drain. The water began to cool, chilling my still smoldering skin.

I gazed into Edward's eyes. No words were exchanged. Lacing my arms around his neck I pulled my upper body aloft, bringing my right leg to slide around his hip. Edward's eyes were ocher storm clouds, thick with desire.

Clutching my bottom he lifted me fully into his arms, my left leg wrapping around his other hip. In one swift motion he was inside me. He closed his eyes in concentration, jaw tight.

"Just stand perfectly still," I instructed, speaking for the first time since entering the shower.

His whole body stiffened as he obeyed. It felt as if I was wrapped around a statue, cool and unyielding.

Slowly, I rose away from him and then dropped back down – my body pulling him inside eagerly.

Creating a steady rhythm, I worked against his unmoving form. The only signs of life were his barely audible grunts and moans, and the slight twitches in his facial muscles.

Thankfully, Edward had no problem supporting my full body weight, or I wouldn't have been able to keep my pace.

Lowering my mouth to his jaw, I spoke, my voice trickling out warmly - silky against his ear. "I don't need to tell you what a masterpiece your body is. You would only diminish it as an evil deception to your prey. But do you know the power _you_ wield?"

"Uggh," Edward's lips parted only slightly, emitting a low rumbled growl from his chest as I used his words against him.

My heart rate accelerated at the noise, my body quickening around him. I was barreling towards my apex, and I knew it was only a matter of minutes.

"Do you hear my heart? It speeds just at your gaze upon me. The simple brush of your fingers along my skin makes my blood boil and charge through my veins."

He groaned again, moving finally, but only his head as it fell to my shoulder. I picked up my rhythm slightly, the friction building – burning us from the inside out.

"I want your hands on me always, I never want you to let go. You make me feel alive," my voice turned shrill, my smooth words becoming keening moans into his ear. All of my muscles tensed together.

"The power you hold over me is _everything_.

My heart – it beats for you.

My mind – I think of only you.

My body – _it was made for you_.

And my soul – it is inside of you.

Every part, every cell, every thought. - You. Own. Me."

With my declaration, I cried into him as my internal walls clamped down, pulsing violently. Edward yelled out as his orgasm slammed into him, and jointly in time we rode out the waves of our consuming passion.

Breathing heavily together, the shower rained freezing cold water hard against my shoulders. I shuddered at the opposing temperatures as my insides flamed.

Sliding me from his hips Edward opened his eyes, lovingly gazing at my face. I shivered again. He reached around me halting the stinging cold water. "You are right, your body was made for me," his tone was stoic, warm, and almost giddy all at the same time.

I suspected, if he felt anything like I did, that he had yet to experience that kind of euphoria in all of his one hundred and eleven years. It was slightly overwhelming to say the least.

"See? Just a simple shower," I spoke breathlessly, laughing into him. My legs were jell-o, and I made no move to step over the lip of the tub.

Understanding my predicament, Edward cradled me in his arms bridal style, placing my feet against the soft bathroom rug only long enough to wrap me in a towel. Once again in his arms, he carried me from the bathroom. As soon as the door opened, the steam from the small room billowed into the hallway, mixing with the dry air and dissipating immediately.

Gingerly, he set me on the side of the bed and retrieved his clothes from the floor. We got dressed in silence, Edward assisting me when I needed it. My muscles seemed to have checked out, and I felt boneless and rubbery.

Once again in the bathroom, I leaned against the counter for support as I ran a brush quickly through my damp hair. I sighed heavily, reminiscing in the glorious memories of the night before, and the subsequent shower not minutes ago. Once Edward let go, he seemed insatiable. HB and I smiled passionately at the memory of free Edward, both hoping that would never change.

I could feel his eyes on me again. Turning to him, I quirked an eyebrow, thinking of just an hour before how he'd stood exactly the same. Only then, concern and anxiety riddled his features.

Edward looked more relaxed then I had ever seen him as he leaned casually against the door frame. His hair tousled perfectly, already dry as threads of copper glinted under the bathroom light. A contented smile turned his mouth upward at the side, eyes golden and beaming at me.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" His tone was playful and light.

"Um, I was actually thinking about getting Charlie's room done finally."

He looked surprised, but attempted to hide it. That was the one room in the house I had tried to tackle several times, but failed miserably each time. Every time it seemed like I found that one thing that was just too much to bear, and I'd have to abandon my efforts.

xxXXxx

I had only been in Charlie's room a total of fifteen minutes, but I could already feel my relaxed state waning. Tenseness crept into my muscles as I opened his sock drawer and pulled out each neatly rolled tube.

I took long deep breaths, reminding myself that they were only things. Edward hovered behind me, obliging any requests for a new box or packing paper. The worry returned to his handsome face, but I knew he was just concerned for how I was holding up.

Cleaning out Charlie's dresser, in all, was not as bad as I had thought it would be. There wasn't much in the way of clothes as it were, so I boxed them all up and marked it for Goodwill. I decided to save only a smaller pair of police sweats that must have been twenty years old. Snuggling them to my chest, I imagined Charlie lounging on a Sunday morning in them.

Glancing at Edward, I read the tightness along his jaw, and knew he wished I would divulge what I was thinking. Remembering how much it hurt him that I had spoken so freely to Jake, I suddenly wanted nothing more than to tell him everything that was going through my head.

"It's a weird mix of emotions," I spoke, staring off into space.

Edward's head perked up, he moved closer to my side where I sat legs crossed on the floor. He placed an arm around me and tucked his chin into the crook of my neck.

"The memories of Charlie make me happy. To think of him in a good place, makes me happy. But it's so sad to see these _things_. Left behind and unused, stuff Charlie needed every day of his life." Taking in a quick breath to hold back any tears that threatened to drown my cheeks, I stiffened my shoulders and continued.

"He's been gone for two years… I mean, that's a while. So by now it's not like I expect to see him walk around the corner and come waltzing in here. But in some way, seeing his things, packing them away, it makes it feel _so final_. That is hard. Maybe some small part of my brain _does_ expect him to pop his head through the door and yell at me to get out of his room," I chuckled slightly, wiping away a single tear that had escaped.

"I don't know - that's the only reason I can think why it would be so difficult to pack this stuff up. I mean, that's all it is… _stuff_. How can stupid material objects make my heart burn _so fucking much_?" I was losing my composure, tears spilling over. My voice rose, shaky and angry.

Edward didn't speak; he only listened and absorbed my ramblings as he rubbed his hand along my arm soothingly.

Anger boiled inside of me. I was furious at the sadness that would not leave me be, incensed that such small trivial things could make my wound bleed so deeply.

I stood abruptly, catching Edward off guard, and he tumbled back out of my way. Stomping over, I threw open Charlie's closet and glared inside.

The closet was the one place I was absolutely terrified to look. That is the place people stored special things, things just for themselves, not for others to see - things of significance.

Along with regular clothes, I knew I was bound to find a box of keepsakes from my parent's time together – when they were in love.

Perhaps some silly love letters or a mixed tape, those were the things I knew would break me, and I wasn't ready.

_You have to be_, Jiminy spoke inside my head, evenly – resolved. Pushing me to do what I needed to. She was right, and I'd had enough. I couldn't let the grief control me any longer.

Enraged, I pushed my arms into the closet and pulled out armfuls of neatly hung clothes – thrusting them to the bed.

I emptied the closet in seconds. Lunging back in to grab the last item from the far back corner, I froze in horror. There, hanging in a rumpled old plastic bag, was a powder blue tux. Taking the bag in shaking hands I sunk to the floor of the closet, the plastic crinkling loudly in my arms.

Burying my face in the stale chemical smell, I let go. My chest heaved under me, sobs shook my body violently. "Daddy," I mumbled through my raucous cries over and over.

"Isabella?" Edward's pained voice was in my ear as his long arms encased me. "What is it love? What can I do?"

I sniffled, shuddering with uneven breaths, and shook my head. "Nothing, it's just… this was my Dad's tux when they got married," my voice faded to a whisper that I wasn't even sure Edward was able to hear.

Lifting me from the floor, Edward carried me out of the closet. I clung to the powder blue tux wrapped in plastic like my life depended on it. He set me on the floor at the foot of the bed in a huddled mess and knelt down beside me, working to pry my hands from the suit.

"No, Edward, please," I plead, but even I was unsure of what I was begging for.

He let go of my hands and pulled me easily into his lap, kissing my hair. "Bella, I know it hurts. I know the pain seems permanent, and that makes you angry. I can't promise you that it will someday go away, but I can promise you it will get easier. Just look at what you have accomplished here in these last few weeks. Tell me you would have been able to do all of this a few months ago."

I shook my head, my sobs ebbing into thick wet breaths.

"You couldn't have," Edward answered for me. "You are one of the strongest people I have ever met in my entire life. I am amazed by you every day, and I know Charlie is out there watching you, and he too is so proud." He kissed my cheek and then leaned his forehead against my temple.

"But Bella, I don't think he would want to see you huddled on the floor clutching to his suit like this. He would want you to be happy, to be living your life."

Edward's words hummed in my ears as my body finally settled. I released the suit, and he pulled it from my arms.

"It's just a tux," I said hoarsely, staring at the polyester material through the dull plastic. "Can you put it with the other clothes?" I asked weakly, turning my face away.

Edward nodded, sliding me off his lap and stood. As he did the tux came back into view for a split second. "Wait!" I cried, my voice catching in my throat.

Edward spun around, confusion knitting his brow.

"The pocket," I said, pointing my finger towards the right front lapel pocket.

Edward unzipped the garment bag and stuck his finger into the pocket. Slowly, he pulled out a dried rose, baby's breath frail and hugging to it. He handed in to me gently, careful not to break off any of the petals.

I stared at the tiny flower in the palm of my hand, gingerly fingering the cracking petals. Lifting in to my nose I inhaled. Amazingly, the rose still held a light fragrance. The flowery perfume filled my nostrils, pulling my lips into a smile.

"This was his boutonniere," I ventured, glancing up at Edward who had placed the tux in a box with the rest of the clothes.

He turned and smiled at me, strength and love in his warm eyes. _My lighthouse_, I thought, a surge of spirit filling me.

Standing, I stepped to his side, placing a gentle kiss on his soft lips. "Thank you," I breathed.

"I'll always be here for you Bella, always," he replied, and I could see the honesty in his features.

Quietly, we set about packing the rest of the clothes I had strewn across the bed into the remaining boxes. As I taped up the last box of clothes, Edward hooked a cool finger under my chin, tilting my face up towards his. "And thank you, Bella, for letting me in."

He kissed me passionately before I could answer, his lips claiming mine. The stress of the day melted into our kiss. I sighed against his lips as he released me.

An hour and a half later, Charlie's room was completely packed. There were a few small shoe boxes in the top of Charlie's closet that I asked Edward to go through. I didn't want another freak out, and I trusted him to point out anything I might want to keep.

Standing triumphantly in the doorway, I glanced around the empty space. I was, in truth, proud of my accomplishment, but I knew I had Edward to thank. He had kept me grounded, and I didn't know if I would ever be able to repay him. I doubted he even realized all he had done for me.

xxXXxx

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Edward asked for the hundredth time in the last five minutes.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Yes, babe, I will be fine. You go, have fun. You haven't been hunting with Emmett in weeks; I know he's excited about it."

He eyed me for a second and then relaxed into my side. We were snuggled into one another, leaning against the headboard of my bed. Emmett had called a little while ago asking Edward if he wanted to join him hunting, saying there were some huge bears spotted not too far north. He was due to arrive any minute. Edward tried to argue that he didn't need to go, but I wanted him to get back to his normal life.

As much as I loved his company, he couldn't be babysitting me all the time. I also thought he needed to have some guy time. I didn't want us to turn into one of those couples who become recluses, never hanging out with their friends anymore.

"What are you going to do?" He asked his tone pouty. I smiled at him, _too cute for words_.

"I don't know," I spoke through a yawn and then stretched for good measure. "Probably just read a little and then go to bed. I have a required reading list for my English lit course at UAAthat I thought I'd get a jump on." I shrugged, fiddling with the hem of my comforter.

Before Edward could respond there was a loud tap at my window that made me jump out of my skin. Edward rolled his eyes and mouthed 'Emmett'.

Edward was to the window quickly, sliding it open as Emmett's massive frame tromped through.

"Jesus Emmett, you could have used the front door you know?" I hissed at him.

Emmett spun around, giving me his patented goofy grin. I couldn't help but smile back. He was such a loveable jackass.

"Sorry Bell," he replied, shrugging. "So, you ready to go? Jasper said these bears are massive!" As he spoke he began bouncing back and forth on his feet, throwing fake punches like he was shadow boxing into Edward's rib cage.

Emmett reminded me of a ten year old, getting ready to go to an arcade. He was very animated, and by the way Edward's face lit up at Emmett's enthusiasm I knew Edward was a little more excited than he was letting on.

I stood and skipped to Edwards's side, locking my arms around his waist in as hard a hug as I could muster against his dense frame. He leaned into me, nuzzling his nose in my hair. I tipped onto my toes kissing him squarely on the mouth. "You boys have a good time, be safe, and no playing with your food," I chastised playfully swatting Edward on the ass as they turned to leave.

Just before he slid through the window, Edward swiveled, an ear to ear smile cracking his face wide. "Love you."

"Love you too," I replied.

"Bye _b a b y_," he crooned his voice immediately dripping with sex, cocky grin in full force, and then he was gone.

I groaned, my legs pressing together instinctively. "Jerk," I mumbled, through my inane smile.

xxXXxx

Settling into my bed, comfy jammies on and _Madame Bovary_ in hand, I prepare for a relaxing evening alone. Although I knew I could probably stick my head out my window and call for Alice, as I was sure she was watching out for me in the woods. I rolled my eyes, _whatever_.

I read and re-read the opening passage of my book five times before I realized I had no clue what I even read. My head was in other places, I couldn't concentrate on the book. _Edward_, I thought with a sigh. I missed him.

_You're ridiculous_, Jiminy laughed at me.

Ignoring my bitchy inner self, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through to my emails. A thought I had earlier when we were finishing up Charlie's room inspired me. Opening up a new message, I was giddy at the idea to write Edward.

_Dearest EM109,_

_Hello precious friend. It has been a while. _

_I know much has transpired since our last correspondence. However, you have been such an important part of me these past few years I thought it pertinent for us to continue as we have._

_I am full. All of me, love abounds through me like freed doves from a cage._

_My heart is a blazing sun, no longer eclipsed by the shadow of a grievous moon._

_Inside of me are memories, adorations for a man who I was blessed to know in my life. _

_It will always be sad that he can no longer share in the present with me, but I shall always have the past. That cannot be taken away._

_I have found solace in the most unlikely of places – what I thought of for so long as my own personal hell._

_There was a secret treasure hidden there – a key to my happiness. _

_To my key, my lighthouse, my friend beyond friends, I love you._

_Thank you._

_With all of my heart and soul,_

_Eclipsedheart17_

I looked over the message and sent it. Chewing on the side of my mouth and tapping my fingers against the keypad, I hoped he would respond quickly. My eyes slid lazily to the front window. A black night sky peered back at me, shrouding the trees in darkness. My mind began wandering to images of Edward and Emmett on a mountain somewhere in the thick cover of night, crouching behind overgrowth, jumping from tress, hunting their prey.

My phoned beeped twice alerting me to a new email, and I giggled loudly. Jiminy rolled her eyes at me. I scrolled quickly to open the new message. It was indeed from EM109.

_Dearest Eclipsedheart17,_

_Continuing as we have brings me such joy. I have always and will always look forward to these emails._

_Where you have found solace, I have found it tenfold._

_In an otherwise dark and desolate world, I have unearthed what I always presumed the impossible – light._

_You are full, and I am warm. The light covers my skin awakening each cell._

_I am elated that you have your memories. They are an important part of who you are, I only wish I had known him better. _

_If I could converse with your memories, I would desire to tell him how amazing you are - what an incredible job he did._

_You speak of treasures, but I can only attest to the bounty I have happened upon. _

_Harbored within you is my heart – it beats for you. _

_So with the inability to think of any other words that encapsulate what that means to me I offer your two words in return. Only, they seem a feeble attempt on my part._

_Thank you. _

_With every single second that I have been alive on this earth my clock was ticking towards you. Time ceases to be now. I love you, forever… and ever… and ever._

_I live for you. Nothing more._

_A lighthouse does not exist without an ocean to lap at its feet. You are my vast ocean, your waves lulling into me, giving me purpose._

_Humbly yours,_

… _and ever…_

_EM109_

Closing my eyes, a single fat tear traveled slowly down my cheek. His words were always so meaningful, but somehow, knowing the face and the person behind them made it that much more touching. I had a new level of appreciation for our past correspondence and decided I needed to print hard copies to save.

That idea brought the vision of Charlie's rose to mind. Petals cracking and ready to fall apart at the slightest touch, but it was still the most beautiful rose I had ever seen. I glanced over to my dresser where it sat perched on top.

Putting my phone away, I grabbed my book from next to me. I was getting myself all worked up, and needed to get my mind off of Charlie.

Three chapters in my eye lids were drooping, and I was struggling to remember the last sentence I had just read. Closing the book, I stretched and reached to turn my bedside lamp off. As I did, my phone started playing 'Low Rider', and I jumped before laughing hysterically. I had forgotten I turned the ringtones back on.

I grabbed my phone, pressing the green button. "Hey Jake, what's up?"

"Hey Bells! Not much, how are you?"

"I'm doing well, finished packing up Charlie's room toady," I replied, voice full of pride.

"You did? That's great. So you're pretty much done with the house then?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I have a few things to take to storage, but other than that I'm done. I've already painted, and Edward's done some repairs for me. He's been a huge help."

"Yeah," Jacob grumbled, his tone changing dramatically. "So, than I guess you'll be heading back to Jacksonville soon?"

"Um, no. I'm going to stay here through the end of the summer." I suddenly felt sheepish. I wasn't really in the mood to let Jake in on my plans for the coming year. I had a feeling he would be a little too opinionated about them.

"Oh," he said with a disappointed sigh.

"What? You want to get rid of me already?" I asked playfully, hoping to change the dynamic of the conversation.

Jacob chuckled into the receiver. I could envision him rubbing his large hand across the back of his neck shyly. "Naw Bells, if it were up to me you'd never leave," he supplied, his tone returning to the lighter nature of when he first called.

"So what's up Jake?"

"Huh? Oh, I was just calling to tell you that the parts for the radiator will be in tomorrow, but I can't come by till Saturday. Sam's got us running all sorts of crazy shifts now."

"I know. How is that going? Are you getting any sleep?"

"Ha. Yeah. Sure, sure, here and there. Times like these are when patrolling is essential though, so I don't mind," his voice sounded authoritative. It was obvious he took his responsibilities very seriously.

"Hey Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you really think those vampires will even come this way?"

"They could, there's always the possibility. That's why we exist. I'm actually thankful for your bloodsu-, um for the Cullen's this time around though. It was awesome of Carlisle to keep us in the loop."

"They don't want to see anyone get hurt," my voice was far away. I was preoccupied with the serious possibility of crazy vampires roaming through the streets of Forks. For the first time, I started to think of other people outside of my bubble. _What about Angela, and shit, even Jessica and Mike Newton? _I worried, my stomach turning at the thought of one of them being harmed.

"Bells? You there?"

"Yeah, sorry. Well, um, Saturday's fine Jake. Thanks a lot, again … for everything."

"Yeah, no problem. Later Bells."

I hung up the phone, a new feeling of dread looming in the back of my mind. Suddenly I missed Edward very much. If he were there I would have just laid my head on his shoulder and felt immediately better – safe.

_My, haven't we become dependent,_ Jiminy sneered at me.

I couldn't even entertain the idea. _Yeah, so what - I had someone who could make me feel safe. Forgive me for wanting that._

I groaned, switching the lamp off and flopping down on my pillows, covering my head with the comforter. _Great, now I'm arguing with my inner monologue, I_ thought_. Fuck, I need some sleep._

xxXXxx

The air around me was dry, much drier than any place I had been in years. The light in front of me was blinding. I squinted against it, stumbling as I moved forward. Finally, the intense light slid behind a mountain in the distance, and I could make out my surroundings.

Red. As far as the eye could see, that was all there was. Red desert sands climbed into mountains and dipped into canyons. My feet sunk into the sand, tiny grains catching between my toes. I glanced down, and it occurred to me I wasn't wearing any shoes.

I had on jeans and a long sleeve, maroon knit top. What I was wearing was far too warm for the desert. I should have been burning up. Instead, I pulled my arms around my body as I shivered against the cold chill in the air.

A flash of russet fur that almost blended into the red sand moved quickly in my peripheral. "Jake?" I called out, turning to where I had seen the shape. There was nothing.

I moved in a complete circle, each time thinking I saw Jacob in wolf form out of the corner of my eye. Frustrated, I brought my fists up to my eyes and rubbed them furiously. "Jake!" I shouted, clenching my eyes shut tight.

The world swirled around me suddenly. Deep red and soft sand blurred as dark greens and spongy moss infested the ground and sky. The colors smeared together at first and then suddenly stopped. The vast horizon before me was gone, and I was surrounded by familiar towering trees.

Once again, I saw a flash of a tail. I took off, running as fast as I could, pushing my legs against the malleable ground. I fell constantly, every few steps my foot would catch on a root, and I'd hit the ground hard.

I began to see more flashes of Jacob, weaving in and out of the trees. I saw him as a wolf as he dashed behind a tree, and I fell to my knees. Jumping up I caught another glimpse of him but as a human. Again, I fell, and he disappeared behind a thick conifer.

Jacob appeared and disappeared several more times, each time alternating human and wolf form. Panic seized my insides as I began to worry that I would never catch him. "Jake!" I bellowed, falling to my knees once more.

Pulling myself up on a decaying stump, I stopped short when I saw Jacob's bare back to me. Inches away, he stood, shoulders heaving. I could see steam billowing around his head where his hot breath met with cold air.

"Jake?" I whispered, suddenly terrified.

I grabbed his shoulder, and he turned his body slowly. The first thing I saw were his eyes, they were blood red. I gasped, my heart rate accelerating, pounding out of my chest. "Jacob, no," I murmured, dropping my hand from his arm.

His mouth was dripping with blood; it drooled out and fell off his chin. I gagged, grabbing my stomach and taking a step back. As I did, I noticed he was holding something in his arms. I looked down in horror realizing it was a body. He dropped it to the ground, its lifeless remains made a sickening thud as it hit.

I couldn't pull my gaze from the form that lay wilted against the lush green forest floor. "Why?" I squeaked out with a choked sob.

Jacob bent down over the body, speaking softly. "I had to, I had to save her."

His words made no sense, I stood frozen as his hand pushed her shoulders back, flattening them to the earth. Her long hair fell from her face.

_Me._

I looked on, petrified, at my stark white face - drained of blood. Brown eyes dull and vacant, staring to the sky, void of life. A morbid wound ripped open at my neck.

I was dead. Jacob had killed me.

I fell out of bed, grasping my chest as I struggled for air. I was covered in sweat. With quaking arms, I pulled myself back up on the mattress and glanced at my alarm clock. The bright green numbers read 2:38 A.M. Edward was still out hunting.

I was more than stunned from my dream, it seemed so real. I shuddered into my covers at the memory of Jacob's eyes. They were so red, thick with blood, that I could almost see swirling around his irises. Then I thought of my face, cold and vacant.

My stomach turned at the memory of my lifeless body, and I lurched from my bed running to the bathroom. After throwing up all of my stomachs contents, my body still churned disgustingly, muscles clenching, but I could only dry heave.

I was trembling, and there was no way I could get back to sleep after that – nightmare.

It didn't escape my attention that the only night Edward was not with me as I fell asleep I ended up with horrible dreams. I hadn't had one bad dream since he began staying with me. I could only imagine what Jiminy would say to that, but she was strangely silent. Perhaps the dream was even too much for my subconscious.

Turning on as many lights as I could, I sat up in my bed, grabbing my book. In attempts to calm my nerves, I let my mind get lost in the 19th century while I waited for Edward to return.

**

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****A/N: Please press the little button and review. ^_^ Thanks so much to all of you who have reviewed, favorited, and story alerted EH. It gives me such a thrill to know people are enjoying this. I'm going to take a moment to be a h00r and pimp myself out a bit. Indie Twific Awards are in the voting stages now, and my one shot **_**Sweet Release**_** has been nominated for the 'Love Conquers All' category. Give it a read and vote for it if you think it's worthy (you can find it on my profile).**

**Link to voting: http://theindietwificawards(dot)com/vote(dot)aspx**

**My rec for this week:**

_**Training the Cullen**_** by **_**IvoryAdulation**_

**If you read **_**Fear is the Mind Killer**_** like I have suggested, then you k now this chick is awesome at story telling. This story is no exception. The first chapter alone was so full of hot and fun times it's worth reading. It just makes it all the better that the story itself is marvelous. Edward is a famous movie star doing research for an upcoming movie role as a forensic scientist. He ends up training under Bella who is, well in Edward's words, Satan. Bella has her reasons and unraveling the layers IA has created is a wonderful ride. I have loved this story and she updates often, so give it a read& ****re v i ew!! **

**Alright, my dears… till next time.**

**xoxo Buff**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Katbug86 [the bestest beta ever to grace the earth] unscrambled my scrambly mess. Athank you. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all of the respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 18

BPOV

Nightmares, for so long, were a part of my life. For two years I had them nightly. They'd become routine, not to say they had no effect on me - quite the opposite. But that dream had rocked me to my very core. More than any other I'd ever experienced.

Of course Jiminy chastised me, saying it was because Edward wasn't there. _You've become dependent on another person, and you remember what happens when you allow yourself that privilege. When he's gone it'll crush you._ Jiminy tried to reason with me as I snuggled into Edward's side, my body finally able to relax since he'd returned.

I knew my subconscious had a point, but I also felt like she was overly protective. It was, however, the first nightmare I'd had since Edward began staying with me. _What will happen when you're too old for him and he leaves you? Will you suffer nightmares for the rest of your lonely life?_ Jiminy's thoughts cut through me, and I tried to hide my sharp intake of breath against the pain.

"What's wrong love?" Edward's voice floated gently around me through the dark room.

I hadn't told him about my dream for a few reasons: firstly, because I didn't wish to rehash the images. Jakes blood red eyes flashed behind my closed lids and my stomach twisted. For a brief second I thought I might have to run to the bathroom again. _What is wrong with me?_

Secondly, I knew he would only worry, and the fact that the dream was about Jacob would not escape his attention. I was afraid he might have been jealous to be perfectly honest.

Edward's arms tightened around me. "Bella? What is it?"

"Um, I just talked to Jake on the phone earlier, and it kind of hit me. If those vampires come into town they could kill anyone. I just got a little freaked out about it I guess, I hadn't thought of it before." That wasn't a complete lie. I had been concerned when the idea struck me that someone I knew could be hurt.

"Why did you talk to Jake?" Edward's tone was normal, but tight. I could tell he was attempting to mask his irritation. _Of course that's the part that he picks out._ I couldn't help but smile at his possessiveness over me, I couldn't tell you why - but I loved it_._

Snuggling my head further into the pillow, I pulled in a slow half yawn. My eyes hung heavily, sleep trying to claim me. "He just called to say he'd come by on Saturday to finish up with the truck," my words were slow and ran together, like the rain drops that drizzled sluggishly against my window.

"Sleep my Bella," he whispered into my ear. I obeyed, falling into a blissful dreamless slumber.

xxXXxx

Friday passed by quickly. I kept myself busy with readying the house to be rented and working on my plans for school. Edward had taken it upon himself to setup our living arrangements in Anchorage, which had annoyed me at first. But when I tried to look into getting a dorm just to spite him, I found out quickly that would not be an easy feat so late in the summer.

Acquiescing, I thanked him for securing us a house close to campus, and he seemed pleased - excited even.

"This will be my first college experience without another member of my family," he said out of nowhere while I sat at my old desk, attempting to finalize my course schedule.

I smiled at him, a secret thrill running through me that I was going to be a part of another first for Edward. As long as he'd been on the earth, it seemed to me there wouldn't be many of those left. I already had the unbelievable pleasure of being his first lover; which caused HB to do back flips, and my heart to soar radiantly. No other woman had explored the planes of that territory – it was mine and mine twisted her hands together greedily, hunched forward. _Mine… my precious._

"How will you survive?" I razzed him playfully. "Without Alice there to dress you, Jasper there to keep you centered, Emmett there to challenge you, and Rose there to keep you on your toes?"

His grin faded slightly as comprehension passed briefly behind his eyes. "I will miss them," he spoke softly, his eyes falling to the floor.

Feeling badly for making him sad, I opened my mouth to pull my foot out, and then apologize, but was stopped when Edward looked up again – beaming.

He stalked toward me slowly. The muscles deep in my stomach clenched, remembering his touch. "Well, I guess you'll just have to be there to keep me… how did you put it? Centered…"

I nodded, his proximity growing closer, the vibration between us surging. "Challenged…" his lips stretched wider into a boyish grin, and I loved him even more – if that were possible.

"And on my toes."

Easily pulling me from my seat, Edward's arms wrapped around me in a protective vise; his nose dove into the crook of my neck, inhaling greedily. "Something tells me you can do all of those things."

"What about dressing you?" I murmured, my eyelids falling closed as his nose was replaced with gentle sinuous kisses.

"No offense," he spoke between each osculation, "but I think I can take care of that."

I attempted to pull away, smacking at his hard chest lightly. "Hey!"

He pulled me tighter against him, his lips pressing into my neck. The skin there vibrated with his cool velvety laughter.

xxXXxx

The following morning, I awoke bright and early, deciding to treat myself to a rare hot breakfast. The first light of day warmed the kitchen floor in squares, outlined from the window panes. While I waited for the skillet to heat, I stepped from square to square, trying not to land on the cold lines in between. It was something I could remember doing as a child, and I couldn't resist the urge to do it once more. I wondered idly if the house Edward obtained in Anchorage even had a kitchen window.

"You look like you're in a good mood this morning," Edward's voice startled me. My toe caught on my heel mid hop, and I stumble forward. He barely caught me before my hands - which I had outstretched to brace for impact - could land on the hot skillet perched atop the stove.

"Thanks," I breathed, eyeing how close I'd come to third degree burns.

Edward righted me, his expression weary as he watched me pull items from the fridge. I regarded his gorgeous face as he eyed me. He'd said that he and Emmett had really made out on their excursion, and his eyes were a tawny golden shade – my favorite. "Bella," he sighed, running his hands quickly through his mane. "You have to be more careful. I can't always be there to catch you."

I froze, panic seizing my insides. _See, I told you!_ Jiminy spat at me. _What was he saying? Was he leaving? _A million thoughts inundated my brain. My head overflowing with ridiculous ideas of his meaning, but none of them told me to speak – or move.

I became aware that I was standing in the middle of the kitchen, palming a tub of butter like my life depended on it when I felt Edward step up behind me, softly placing his hand on my shoulder. My eyes were glued to the small cracks between the tiles of the kitchen floor. I squinted at the inconsistent spacing - places where the linoleum had chipped or worn away more than others.

"Bella, why does that worry you?"

He may not have been able to read my mind, but Edward had become annoyingly good at reading my face… and my body, but that was not quite as annoying. "I … I just… what do you mean?" I lifted my chin, forcing my face towards his, my eyes slowly followed.

"Why does my not always being there bother you?"

I shook my head, pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth. "No – what do you _mean_ you won't always be there?" My voice rose in a slight panic as I allowed those words to cross my tongue.

Edward frowned, thinking over what he had said. "I don't like it, the thought of not always being right at your side – to keep you safe." He gazed at me intently, turning me to face him. His brow line softened as he cupped my face, his thumb running across my cheekbone.

"You are so fragile Isabella. Sometimes I don't think you understand how much. However, if we are going to be going to school, away from my family, there will be times when I cannot be there." The worried crease between his brows reappeared.

I relaxed substantially at his explanation, glaring inwardly at Jiminy. _You're supposed to be my voice of reason – you couldn't stop me from jumping on the crazy train to the land of assumption! _She eyed me passively, chewing on a nail as she shrugged. "So you mean when you go hunting?"

"Yes, and we most likely won't have all of the same classes, my pull only goes so far," he supplied me with a sheepish grin, and I rolled my eyes at his "connections".

"That's fine Edward, I understand that. I just thought…" I cut myself off mid sentence, not wanting to vocalize my concerns that he will one day snap out of whatever spell he's under, and realize I'm not worth it. "I don't know what I thought, I guess I'm just selfish and always want you around." I smiled at him convincingly and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Bella, I think we've already established that, out of the two of us, I am a far more selfish creature than you."

Tipping onto my toes, I kissed his nose. "Whatever you say babe."

Edward pressed his mouth eagerly against mine, and I held back a face splitting grin. I had discovered (but not yet told him I knew) that he really enjoyed it when I called him 'babe'. I was dying to ask him why that was. It was nowhere near as sexy as when he crooned _b a b y_ to me, or Bella, or Isabella … or just spoke in general. However, I was the Chief of Police's daughter, and I knew knowledge was power. What he didn't know I was aware of couldn't hurt him, but it could help me… especially when it came to getting what I wanted.

Just as he tipped my head back to deepen the kiss, and a slow moan escaped from deep within my throat, there was a loud knock at the front door. I jumped with a soft yelp, pulling away from Edward. He growled, and I glanced at him questioningly.

"The _Mutt_," he sneered.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, you be nice, or I'll call Alice and have her drag you out of here." Folding my arms across my chest exaggeratedly, I tried to mock myself and keep the mood light, but Edward got the message – I was serious. "Please," I mouthed, and his scowl melted away.

Leaning in he kissed me softly and stepped behind me so that I had a clear path. Placing the tub of butter on the counter I skipped quickly to the door. Jake towered over me, grinning down like a kid as I pulled the door open.

"Hey," I smiled brightly back at him, a shiver running down my spine as I peered up into his dark eyes; deep brown – almost black pools of ink, not red.

"Hey Bells! I got the stuff," he supplied, holding a box into the air like a trophy.

"Great, do you need anything to get started?"

"Nope, just wanted to let you know I was here."

"Okay, well, I was just about to make some breakfast, and then I can join you." At the mention of breakfast Jacob licked his lips, and I swear I could see him salivating.

Cocking an eyebrow I smiled happily. "Jake, have you eaten?"

His eyes darted to the ground, watching his feet shuffle clumsily against the damp concrete stoop. "Um, I had a bagel, I'm fine."

Shaking my head I laughed at his shyness. "Jake, I'm feeding you. Are bacon and eggs okay?"

Lifting his gaze to mine, his face lit up. "That sounds great Bells, you are the best cook. I'm just going to get started." Before I could respond, he spun on his heel, and bounded in one leap down the front steps.

Giving Jake a little more time, I decided to bake cinnamon rolls from scratch to go with the bacon and eggs. Edward sat in the kitchen watching me while I cooked. Thankfully, his demeanor seemed easier than it had the last time Jake was over, so I carried on a light conversation with him, hoping things would go smoothly between them.

After the cinnamon rolls were done baking, I iced them and made up some quick scrambled eggs. I was plating the food when Jacob lumbered into the kitchen, hands grimy, and shirtless.

My eyes widened slightly as they fell on the muscular definition in his stomach. "Um, Jake, you should go upstairs and wash your hands," I said turning away from him, my cheeks flushed. _Shit, that's all I need Edward to see._

"Okay, _mom_," Jake mumbled before turning and sulking up the stairs.

I stood facing the sink, waiting for the blood to recede from my cheeks when Edward cleared his throat behind me. Turning to him I smiled, attempting to hide my embarrassment. He was looking at me with a completely blank stare.

For the first time, I noticed he was holding a newspaper. He ruffled the pages, supplying my with a lingering look before going back to whatever he had been reading. I had no clue what to say. _Sorry, the pretty muscles distracted me, but it's only Jake._ Somehow I don't think he'd go for that excuse. I decided to let it drop, and it appeared he was doing the same.

Jake strolled back into the kitchen, thankfully fully clothed. He plopped down in a chair across from Edward as I brought the plates to the table. Sitting down, I gestured to his plate. "Eat up." I smiled as he dug in, devouring his food like he hadn't eaten in months.

"So, lee-, um Edward. You read about those attacks in Mount Rainier?" Jake voice was muffled as he inhaled his food.

Edward's fingers tensed slightly around the newspaper, it crunched lightly. "Yes, that's what I was looking over in the paper," Edward replied, but did not look up.

Nervously, my eyes darted back and forth between the two men. Jacob seemed relaxed and mostly concerned with his food. Edward seemed on pins and needles, but I had a feeling I was ultra sensitive to his every little movement.

"What kinds of attacks?" I asked weakly, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Oh, they say that they are animal attacks. But we think that it's the bloodsuckers moving this way." Jacob spoke candidly as he popped the last piece of his cinnamon roll into his mouth.

Finally Edward looked up from the paper and directly at Jacob, maintaining the same blank stare he had supplied me. "I was thinking the same thing. The attacks are more in line with that of a vampire."

I was shocked at his easy tone, and that he made no remark about Jacob's dig. "So what does that mean?" I asked, still volleying my glances back and forth between them.

Jacob shrugged and Edward's golden eyes moved to me. He smiled lightly, only tipping the corner of his mouth up a hair. "Most likely that they will be here in the next day or so. I will have to speak with Alice to find out if she knows anymore."

My stomach dropped to my feet. Suddenly I was no longer hungry, and the piece of bacon I held plopped back onto my plate unceremoniously.

"You gonna eat that?" Jake asked. If he had a tail in his human form he would have most definitely been wagging it at that moment.

"Go ahead," I responded, pushing my half empty plate to him.

"Edward," Jacob addressed Edward properly, drawing his attention immediately.

"We would really be grateful for any, er, information Alice comes across. Carlisle has been awesome in letting us know what's going on, and we really appreciate it." Jake looked slightly uncomfortable. He pushed the eggs around on his plate, unable to make eye contact as he spoke.

Edward's mask of blank indifference faltered as he smiled kindly at Jacob. "Absolutely. Carlisle was right for wishing to keep you all informed. I am happy that he thought of it."

"Maybe we can meet like we did before," Jacob offered, relaxing slightly.

"Yes, we can meet in the same place at the border we did last time," Edward nodded, folding the newspaper, and placed it on top the table.

"Cool, how 'bout midnight?" Jacob asked, shoving the last remaining eggs into his mouth.

"That would be fine."

Jacob's chair scrapped loudly against the floor as he pushed away from the table. Sticking his stomach out, and rubbing his belly. "Well, Bells that was delicious."

I couldn't help but giggle, he sounded just like Charlie, which I assumed was what he was going for. That thought cut my laughter short. "Thanks Jake."

Standing, Jacob turned toward the door, waving his hand in the air while he strode out of the kitchen. "No problem Bells, I'll just be a few more minutes then I should be done."

Twenty minutes later, Jake was giving his goodbyes, saying he had to get back to patrol. "Thanks again!" I called after him as he pulled his small Rabbit out of the driveway.

Like a giddy twelve year old, I turned quickly, skipping to my truck. I jumped in the cab and turned the key. She roared to life like new. I laid my head on the steering wheel and purred against the hard plastic. "Thanks girl," I said, all too sentimental over an old beat up truck.

"You talk to your truck?"

Edward's voice made me jump. Screaming and grabbing my chest where my heart slammed against it, I looked at him in shock. He was sitting in the passenger seat; I had no clue he had even come outside.

"Shit Edward, you can't do that to me. You're gonna give me a heart attack."

His gaze fell to my chest, brow furrowed heavily as he leaned in. He laid his ear against me, over top my heart; his right hand caressed my hair while his left perched lightly on my shoulder.

I sat still as he listened to my heart for a moment. It decelerated considerably, his touch soothing me. Slowly, he lifted his head to mine, expression solemn.

"What is it?" I asked of the worry apparent in his eyes.

"You have a strong heart," he replied, his voice amplifying the sorrow in his features.

The sweet smell of Edward tickled my nose. He was so close in such a small confined space. Overwhelming my senses, and I began to feel light headed. My fingers found his hair, weaving easily through the tousled strands. "Isn't that a good thing babe?"

His mouth twitched, the distress lifting from his eyes slightly. "Yes love. It just makes me sad to think that one day it won't be."

Edward's lips crashed against mine as he finished his thought. His sudden need and fervor distracted me from distressing over his comment. He kissed me deeply, passion pouring from him.

"So what do you want to do today?" I asked breathlessly between kisses.

Edward pulled back, grinning like an idiot, a devious glint in his eye. Before I even knew what was happening, my truck had been turn off - keys pulled from the ignition. The world blurred around me, air pulled from my lungs in a quick gush. I was somehow across Edward's shoulder, and then he was laying me easily onto my bed.

Blood rushed furiously to my head from the sudden and all too fast motion. "Whoa," I breathed, my chest heaving as I tried to pull in more oxygen. "I don't think I've ever seen you move that fast."

My skin was tingling, and the slow burning ache of need surged through my insides. The combination of Edward acting freely in his nature, the speed – a rush of adrenaline like a roller coaster ride, and that _fucking_ smile were overwhelming.

Edward hovered above me, our bodies inches apart. I was battling for control with HB who wanted me to scream _'fuck me'_ at the top of my lungs, but that just seemed unladylike. Besides the fact that Edward's heavy wanton stare had rendered me paralyzed, and I didn't think I could've spoken even if I wanted to.

"So what's her name?" He finally said his voice soft and lovely.

My eyebrows pulled together in confusion. "Who?"

Edward drew a light finger along my forehead, loosening the muscles as he leaned in and planted feather soft kisses after his finger. "Your truck love, what is her name?"

_What, was he serious?_ "Um, I don't… I never really had one. Lady in Red?" I giggled at my ridiculous answer.

Edward laughed above me, his nose skimming my hairline. His touch was amazing. Every little part of him drew something out of me. The energy between us was always something that took on a life of its own, but even just the feel of his skin against mine. It calmed and excited me all at the same time. My stomach burned with desire. If I could consume him whole I would have.

"Never stop touching me," I whispered without thinking.

"Never," he replied softly, slowly lowering his body against mine. His lips explored the planes of my face, falling down along my neck. "Say it," he ordered gently.

I was momentarily unsure as to what he wanted. "I love you?" It came out more a question, which I immediately regretted – it should never sound that way.

He hummed against my neck, sending a sharp fission through my body. "I love you too Bella, more than I ever thought possible, but that's but what I meant."

_Not what he meant? What the hell was he talking about – Oooohhh._ A giant smile curled across my lips as I realized what he was asking for. _Damn, he knew I knew._

Lifting my mouth to his ear, I let my breath out slowly against his skin. The warm air danced across his stone flesh, and I could have sworn he shivered. "Anything for you _babe_," I whispered low and seductive.

Edward groaned against me, pushing his hips into me. "God I love that … it drives me crazy," he growled a guttural sound.

The thrill sent pleasurable quivers through my stomach. Something about having that kind of power over him – just with my words - it made me feel invincible.

Gradually we undressed, peeling back our layers, only to submerge into each other. It was languid and peaceful. Our bodies molded together as one, pulling and pushing each other to their summit. I thought of my life before, the desolate future of loneliness, my inability to open up and feel with anyone. Edward made that so easy – it was effortless.

We fit together perfectly in every way imaginable. I found myself thanking whatever higher power was listening for my miracle, as my body wound tight around him. I saw colors like dulled fireworks, silky browns and gold's swirling into one another.

Our mouths melted together, breathing each other's air. I exploded around him, calling out his name. Edward followed close behind, gently holding my hips as he rocked into me on more time.

We lay uncovered and vulnerable to each other for some time. It was a good metaphor for our relationship. He had revealed himself and what he was to me, and I had opened my damaged heart to him. We were two broken souls, only complete with the other.

I could have stayed like that, in his arms all day, staring into his shining orbs. We were interrupted however, when Edward's phone rang. He sighed heavily, and I rolled off of his arm so he could get up.

"Yes Alice?" he answered.

"Yes, I was going to call you about that. Jacob wants us to meet with the pack this evening and discuss a plan of action."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he inhaled sharply through his nose. I rubbed his back, and he leaned into my touch, relaxing his hand from his face. "Well, Carlisle saw fit to keep them informed thus far. I don't see the harm in it."

"Yes, Alice I am aware of that, and I am sorry it is harder for you. It should be a short meeting. Okay, yes, I'll come now. See you soon."

He hung up and stood to get dressed. Scooting off the side of the bed, I bent to retrieve my own clothes from the floor. "They don't want to meet with Jake?" I asked, trying not to sound offended.

"No, not _they_. Alice gets frustrated because she can't see anything that happens when they are involved. She's on high alert now, so it bothers her that there are even a few moments of the future she won't be able to see."

I felt badly for Alice, I knew that must be tough to have a sixth sense you relied on taken from you. I realized then that must be what it's like for Edward around me.

"Well, what time do we have to be there?" I asked, pulling my jeans over my hips.

Edward spun on me, anger flashing behind his eyes before he quickly shifted his expression. "_We_ aren't going. Bella this is too potentially dangerous for you to be there."

"What?" I stomped my foot like a five year old. "How could it be any more dangerous than spending the night in a house full of vampires? "

"Bella, I don't wish to make you feel childish as if I am telling you what to do. But please understand from my point of view. Some of these werewolves are very young, and it is hard for them to control their anger. They have a natural aversion to us, so not matter how pleasant the intentions, they will be somewhat keyed up. It just has too much potential for danger." He tilted his chin down, buttoning his shirt quickly and then stepped toward me.

I still stood in my jeans and a bra, gaping at him. While he made perfect sense, I nevertheless couldn't help but feel discluded and somewhat annoyed.

Pulling me into a cold embrace, Edward tucked my head under his chin. "I just want you safe love. I can't imagine not having you in my life, please."

"Can I stay with Alice?" I grumbled. Edward's arms pulled tighter around me until it was slightly hard to breath.

"Yes, thank you Bella, thank you for doing this for me." Kissing my hair repeatedly he lifted me from the ground causing me to giggle.

I packed a small bag, and we left for the Cullen's home. Edward's Volvo moved smoothly over the ground. The late afternoon sun peaking through the clouds, and stretching its rays into the car. Little beams of light refracted from Edward's cheeks and bounced all over the interior of the car. I smiled up at him, mesmerized by all the tiny rainbows displayed before me.

"You're so pretty," I cooed, scratching behind his ear.

He laughed and shot me his dazzling full toothy smile. _Knees? What are those?_

I groaned as we pulled up in front of his home. It hit me that I had just signed on to a sleepover with Alice. "What is she planning to do to me?"

Edward chuckled, exiting the car and was to my door in a split second. He opened it and helped me out. "Right now she's picking out nail polish colors that match your eyes and skin tones."

"Shit," I grumbled, stalking slowly behind Edward as he pulled me along.

"You owe me," I hissed under my breath. "I think I'd rather chance it with the werewolves than a rabid Alice. You know she's going to torture me to keep her mind off the fact that she can't see what's going to happen?"

"It'll be fine love, I promise, she'll only torture you a bit." Turning his head so I could only see the side of his face, he shot me a crooked smirk. _Damn him._

We stood in the entry way, and Alice came trouncing gracefully down the steps. "Bella! I have so much for us to do!"

"Well Alice, I think Bella and I are going to hang out for a bit. We don't have to meet the pack until later." Edward pulled me to his side.

"Edward, Carlisle is waiting for you in his study. He wants to talk to you about everything." Alice waved her hand in the air. There was an air of annoyance to her tone, and I once again felt bad that she was out of sorts when the pack was involved. Suddenly, killing time with Alice didn't seem like the worst idea.

I glanced up at Edward who looked a little dejected at having to let me go. Jiminy wrung her hands together feeding me an evil idea. I smirked, unable to resist.

I tipped onto my toes kissing his cheek and leaning my lips to his ear. "It's alright _babe_, you go ahead." Pulling away from him, I winked, and then skipped up the steps with Alice, only glancing over my shoulder as I turned the corner.

Edward stood in the foyer mouth hanging wide. _Ha, now I won't be the only one who's uncomfortable and being tortured. _Jiminy and HB high fived, and I giggled to myself.

"What's so funny?" Alice cocked an eyebrow at me as she led me to her room.

"Oh nothing," I replied trying to stifle my laughter.

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**[hearts] Buff **


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Gasp, a day early. Yes. Don't get used to it tho. ;) Katbug86 beta'd for me. She is the best, show her stories some love. **_**Torn**_**, **_**Fate, **_**and **_**I Still Think S**_**o … you'll be happy you did. :) Alright, now on to the girly fun *rolls eyes***

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all of its respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 19

BPOV

"Alice, no, absolutely not," I spoke firmly and determined as I peered up at Alice perched at the end of Edward's bed. I was seated on the floor, flipping through Edward's iPod, trying to find some of his more obscure music; something that fit my mood.

A light breeze filtered through the open window. It was warmer than normal, so I thought I'd take advantage and utilize the tepid fresh air. Not to mention the fact that Alice's many 'makeover' items carried a strong chemical smell and could strangle a small cow in the confines of Edward's room. I was pretty sure the hair spray that she used on me could double as napalm.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you are no fun. This would look great on you."

"It's _blood_ red Alice. I never wear nail polish. I think it's a bit of a jump, don't you?" I replied, irritation seeping through my words.

Alice huffed, crossing her arms tightly across her chest. "Whatever Bella, I already told you this would look great with your alabaster skin, but do what you want. I know Edward would like it though… it's sexy." She shrugged looking away, as if suddenly completely disinterested in our argument.

_Edward? Sexy? Do it. _HB piped up out of nowhere. _Can it_, I thought, aggravated with the more insatiable part of my brain. Glancing out the blackened open window, my mind wandered to the woods where Edward and the rest of the Cullen's were meeting with the pack.

I could barely make out the soft gray outline of leaves on a tree branch that hung low in front of Edward's room. The dull rays of foggy moonlight flitted along the surface, barely making it visible. _I hope everything is going okay_, I thought for the millionth time.

Looking back at Alice I felt a pang of guilt. She was there with me instead of with her family, which was probably hard for her. Not to mention the fact that she had no clue what was going to happen.

"Fine," I sighed, throwing out my hand exaggeratedly. She squealed and plopped herself to the floor in front of me.

As Alice went to work on my nails, I plugged ear buds into Edward's iPod and put it on shuffle. The first few cords of Claire de Lune tinkled softly into my ears. I smiled, loving the fact that he had that song. I wondered idly if he could play it.

There was so much I didn't know about him. As strong a tie as I felt, I barely knew him, which was unnerving when I let my mind wander. We would be living together in a few short weeks. Everything had seemed so surreal thus far; I couldn't imagine day to day life with Edward.

It almost felt too good to be true. _It is_, Jiminy droned, rolling her eyes. Ignoring her, I tried to not think about it. Then I remembered something I had wanted to ask Alice.

"Alice?"

"Hmm?" she responded, concentrating on each perfect bright red stroke along my fingernails.

"How does your family feel about Edward and me?"

She paused looking up with a genuine smile that crinkled the corners of her sweet tawny eyes. "My family only wants Edward to be happy. You make him happy Bella."

I smiled back at her, pleased with her response; although I couldn't help feeling like there was a 'but' that she was leaving out.

Turning back to her ministrations, she continued, "Besides, it helps that you're kind of nice, and we kind of all love you too." Glancing back up quickly, she winked, pulling a brighter smile tight across my face.

"Thanks Alice."

Fully primped, hair in tight curls - looking the best my hair had ever looked - bright red "sexy" nails, and flannel pajamas.

_One of these things is not like the other things,_ I thought dryly as I caught my reflection in the mirror while I quickly brushed my teeth. I couldn't help but giggle when I realized that game would fit perfectly if you lined me up with all of the Cullens.

Alice had relieved me of my sleepover duties, and I was free to go to bed. Dropping down into Edward's ridiculously big king mattress, I snuggled into the middle, feeling quiet like a hobbit alone in the massive space.

_Alone, get use to it kid._

Jiminy.

I narrowed my eyes at the bookshelf on the far wall. _What the fuck is her problem?_ I was having a hard time understanding why my subconscious was so viciously trying to force a possible reality on me. I reasoned that it was most likely a left over defense mechanism from all the pain I endured when Charlie passed. But I was _happy_. Why couldn't I just let myself be happy?

The light breeze from earlier had turned cooler, the crisp night air biting at my nose. I jumped up quickly and shut the window. My bare feet padded against the hardwood floor, the sound disappearing when my toes touched the small throw rug in the middle of the room. I dove back into bed, noticing the clock read 1:46 am.

_Maybe I would have a better chance dealing with these sorted feelings if I talked to someone about it, _I considered, chewing on the inside of my lip. _It would be less crazy than arguing with myself_.

I glanced at the clock again, wondering what was taking them so long. My phone sat neatly next to the clock, and I decided my best course of action. I knew it would be impossible to explain my feelings to Edward in person, but EM109 had always been so understanding.

Tapping my fingers against the tiny keys I typed, erased, and retyped my email three times before I was satisfied.

_Dear EM109,_

_My heart is a chasm where you reside._

_Filling me, mending me, making me whole._

_My hands shake. You touch me and they are stilled. _

_My voice breaks. You smile, and I can sing. _

_My lungs stagger, struggle for air. You kiss me, and I can breathe._

_This world is so much bigger than I ever realized._

_Monsters and mythical creatures a threatening reality I never knew before._

_And, yet, the thing that scares me the most is losing you._

_How will I keep steady hands?_

_How will I find my voice?_

_How will I breathe?_

_If I don't have you._

_The dependency frightens me in its ease. It feels natural. Is that right?_

_My secret fear that I try desperately to ignore, is that you will realize._

_You will know I am not worth it._

_Loving you too much for my own good,_

_Eclipsedheart17_

Placing my phone under my pillow, I turned and nestled into the plush mattress, a tear escaping slowly down my cheek. I'd told him my fears, now I'd just have to wait and see what Edward thought about them. I closed my eyes, my body relaxing as sleep enveloped me.

xxXXxx

The soft chime of piano keys swirled lightly into the air. The song was pleasant, and I recognized it right away. Claire de Lune sounded muffled, but nearby.I rolled onto my back, rubbing sleep from my eyes. Slowly opening my lids I was met with the grey shroud of darkness. I was alone is Edward's bed, the soft music was playing from my phone.

_Funny, I don't remember changing my ring tone_, I thought groggily, reaching beneath my pillow to retrieve it.

The screen was brightly lit; I squinted at the words 'one new email' which flashed across it. Running the pad of my thumb over the toggle button I selected the email.

_Dearest Eclipsedheart17,_

_Did you know the light of the moon is a farce?_

_It is not real, only the reflection of a much greater light._

_You are my sun, and I am the moon, only able to glow with your presence._

_Your words burn me deep, as I am saddened you think that way._

_You don't see yourself very clearly._

_You have a bright soul, which emotes loudly from your deep cinnamon eyes._

_Your laugh is like a refreshing breath of air after being buried underground for years._

_Your smile, oh your smile Isabella. There aren't words for its beauty._

_I understand your fears._

_However, what you fail to consider is that I have been without you for over one hundred years._

_If I were to let you go, I would be a fool of the most offensive kind._

_I would be lost without you._

_A sail-less ship, cast out into the murky dark waters of hopelessness._

_You illuminate me._

_My Claire de Lune._

_I need you._

_Forever and always yours,_

_EM109_

Sucking in a shaky breath, I realized I was crying. I did not jump when two long cold arms enveloped me. Part of me had sensed his presence. I leaned into Edward's hard chest and sobbed. Jiminy sat quiet, contemplative.

_This man will not leave me,_ I thought. An affirmation of what I felt all along, but would not let myself fully acknowledge. "It's the same for you?" I pulled in through ragged breaths.

Edward's nose found my hair, and he placed soft loving kisses along my scalp. "Yes love, it's the same."

"You won't leave me?" I sniffed, pulling back to look him in the eyes.

They were fierce and glowing as he looked at me with absolution in his features. "Never."

"Oh Edward," I cried, crashing my lips against his. He kissed me back, passion, love, need, so many emotions filtered through our lips.

We embraced in that way for what seemed like years. Our lips lazily danced along one another. My eyes drew heavy again, and Edward curled me into his side, laying my head on the pillow. "Sleep love, it's very late."

"How did things go?" I mumbled, my words slurring together.

"Fine, we will talk in the morning." He kissed my temple, and I fell effortlessly into slumber.

xxXXxx

The following morning I awoke with a renewed sense about me. The cloud of doubt that had been lurking in my mind was lifted. Even Jiminy seemed pleased with Edward's response to my concerns. Stretching out, my muscles whined in protest, my joints popping. I was alone. Propping up onto my elbows I frowned, glancing around the room. It was 10:45 am.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed, rolling out of bed with a heavy thud. _How did I sleep so late?_ I thought, flustered. Stumbling into the bathroom, I quickly ran a brush through the snarled mess my hair had become. I brushed my teeth and then went to throw on some clothes.

Once downstairs I checked the living room for Edward._ Empty. _"Edward?" I called out.

"In here love!" I heard his muffled voice travel from the direction of the kitchen, and then I smelled the heavenly scent of French toast.

Skipping through the doorway, I couldn't help but smile brightly at the sight before me. Edward Cullen with a frilly apron wrapped around his waist, cook book open, and preparing me breakfast.

"Hey babe," I cooed, swaying from side to side like a five year old. He dropped the piece of bread he was holding with a loud splat into the egg mixture. A rush of wind blew my hair off my shoulders. Then I was suddenly being bent backwards in Edward's arms.

He kissed eagerly along my neck, placing one soft kiss at the apex of my v-neck cotton shirt. "Good morning _b a b y_," he retaliated, his voice thick.

I was panting. It was ridiculous the effect he had on me. "Not as ridiculous as how gorgeous you are," he quipped, and I realized I had said that aloud. My cheeks flushed, and I giggled.

A loud pop and crackle noise coming from the stove drew us from our moment. "Shit," Edward cursed under his breath, steadying me before he rushed back to the pan.

"Smells delicious," I said, plopping down onto a stool in front of him.

"I hope you like it," he smiled one of his mega watt smiles, and I was thankful I was sitting down.

I glanced around realizing we were still alone. "Where is everyone? And why did you let me sleep so late?"

Without looking up he brushed his hand in the air. "Alice and Jasper went hunting this morning; Carlisle had a shift at the hospital. Esme went furniture shopping in Port Angeles, and Rose and Emmett, well God knows what they went off to do, but I doubt they'll be back anytime soon." He flashed me a crooked smile. I shook my head at him.

"As far as letting you sleep in, I tried to wake you, but you seemed exhausted. So I let you be."

That was odd; I was normally a morning person. I had been tired lately, but just chalked it up to the whirlwind my life had become.

Edward laid a plate in front of me, and my mouth watered immediately. It smelled and looked delicious. French toast with fresh strawberries and some sort of jam he had made from the strawberries. "Wow Edward, this looks scrumptious."

He smiled wildly back at me, obviously proud. "Eat up." He gestured to the plate, as I dug in greedily.

"So, how did things go yesterday?" I spoke through a mouthful of the strawberry and sweet bread.

Edward sighed, running his fingers quickly through his hair. "It went as expected. It was tense, but I think overall we came to a good agreement, and they should actually be a great asset to us."

I smiled at him, happy that he was willing to admit that much. "Good. So what's the plan for today?"

"Well, I was thinking things have been so busy with your house and all; not to mention stress with all of what has been going on, so how about a lazy day of normalcy?"

I choked on the bite of French toast I had just popped into my mouth, laughing at his choice of words. "Is that even possible?" I laughed harder, and Edward chuckled along in good humor.

"Believe it or not, yes. I can be pretty boring," he shrugged, as he finished putting away the last of his ingredients.

I helped Edward clean my dishes and the pan he had used before we wandered into the living room to find an old movie to watch.

Three classics later, my eyes felt heavy, and I was ready for a nap. Edward had fed me a filling lunch of clam chowder and homemade bread, and was rubbing my head as Casablanca ended. I stretched and yawned, snuggling into his lap. "This has been nice," my voice was soft with sleep.

"Hm? Yes, this has been perfect," Edward crooned into my ear, kissing my jaw. _If this was day to day life with Edward then I could most definitely get used to it,_ I thought giddily, repressing a humongous grin.

"What do you want to do now?" I asked, fingering the hairs that curled into the back of Edward's neck.

"You," he whispered sinfully into my ear, my thighs immediately clenching together.

"Oh," I mouthed dumbly, my cheeks warming.

Shifting me off his lap, Edward leaned above me, slowly kissing his way down my neck. His hands wandered under the thin fabric of my shirt. I groaned, arching my back into him as he palmed my breast, sliding his hand under the satin of my bra.

His lips met mine, moving together until I felt light headed and remembered I needed to breathe. I pulled away for a second, gasping from air. Edward pushed his hips down in between my legs, a small growl escaping his throat.

That sound - that guttural sound, always undid me. The primal nature of Edward escaping made me feel more wanted than anything else, and I loved it.

"God Bella," he breathed through our lips meeting once again. "Will it ever be enough? Will I ever get enough of you?"

_God I hope not_, HB panted from the spot where she lounged.

A loud knock at the door was only noted by my subconscious as I continued to paw at Edward's clothes. He froze above me; I still barely took note, writhing against him. _Uh, B - someone's at the door_, Jiminy pointed away from herself, tapping her foot.

"Ugh," I groaned, dropping my hands to my sides limply. "What is it – "

"Shhhh," Edward hissed, cupping my mouth quickly.

He stood abruptly, an expression on his face I had never seen before. Fear? Anger? It was a mixture that I couldn't quiet place.

"Stay right here, and be very quiet," he ordered, not looking at me, his eyes locked on the entryway to the living room.

"Edward, what –"

I was cut off abruptly by Edward dropping to his knees in front of me, grabbing both of my hands in his. His eyes pleaded with me, the look there was unsettling.

"Bella, please, trust me, just stay here and be quiet. Promise me, you'll stay here, no matter what."

I was completely confused, but something in his eyes made me terrified, so I nodded softly.

Edward stood and left the room, his shoulders raised in a defensive posture. He reminded me of a blow fish, puffing himself up to look bigger. _What the fuck?_ I wracked my brain nervously. My body curled into the couch, knees drawn up into my chest.

I sat for some time, going over the gamut of possibilities. Then it hit me - the vampires. _Would they really come to the Cullen's house and just fucking knock on the door? _My brain whirled with concern and terror. My whole body shook as my foot tapped impatiently against the soft cushion of the couch.

Glancing at the huge grandfather clock in the corner of the room, I realized it had been a good fifteen minutes since Edward went to answer the door. I hadn't heard anything, no voices, no shuffling of movement.

It was too much to bear, without thinking, I rose from the couch. My legs moved me towards the entryway. As I turned the corner, I could see the door was open just a crack. A dull shadow of Edward's figure cast against the marble floor. I inwardly sighed, relieved that he seemed to be all right.

I could hear muffled voices as I drew closer. Jiminy was screaming at me to turn around and go back to the couch. _You promised!_ She seethed.

Something was propelling me toward the light that filtered in from the partially open door. My legs kept moving. My fingers grazed the cool brass handle. I pulled slowly, stepping to the side. There, in front of me, stood Edward, leaning commandingly against the door frame.

He only glanced briefly at me as I shrunk next to him. My eyes fell to whom he had been talking to. At the foot of the Cullen's steps was a tall man with sandy blonde hair. He was attractive, in the cold marble way that most vampires were, but there was something about the expression on his face that made him almost ugly.

When I caught a glimpse of his eyes as they shifted to me in fascination, I gasped. They were blood red, like Jacobs from my dream. I clutched my stomach as it churned. Edward stiffened beside me when the man smiled at me, which looked more like a sneer than anything else.

"Hello," he said in a sickly sweet voice.

In my peripheral I noticed there were two other large men hovering farther away, closer to the driveway, but I could not pull my gaze from the blonde man's menacing face.

Edward finally spoke, causing me to jump a little and my heart to accelerate. The blonde man's eyes lurched to me in that moment and I cringed at the strange glint in his ruby red eyes. "Like I was saying before, the rest of my family will be back this evening. If you would like to come back then I'm sure Carlisle would be more than willing to answer any of your questions. He is the patriarch of our _coven_, if that's what you wish to call it, and knows the most about us." Edward smiled tightly as he finished. I glanced up at him as his body moved minutely closer to me, but he was careful not to touch me.

"Well, if it is all the same to you, we would like to wait here. If that isn't a problem." The man looked at me fleetingly as he spoke. I finally pulled my gaze from him looking at the two men behind him. One was a tall black man with long dreaded hair, pulled back at the nape of his neck. He smiled warmly at me when he caught me looking. His face was not as threatening as the other man's, and I blushed slightly.

My eyes fell to the man standing next to him and my heart seized. I pulled in a sharp breath, my lungs struggling, as the air came in short wheezes. My heart was being strangled by pain as it hammered hard against my chest. "No," I barely gasped out.

I began to feel light headed, tears streaming down my cheeks. I choked out in agony as I looked at the man mere yards in front of me. "Charlie…"

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**A/N: Ok, I'm gonna go hide now. *Peeks head back in* Please press the review button! *Runs away, slamming door behind her***


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: First let me just say a HUGE thanks to anyone who takes the time to review, they truly do brighten my day. And to all of you who have alerted/fav'ed/ or even just read this mess – thank you, I love you ALL! **

**Katbug86 is my beta wizard, my friend. She is the Edward to my Bella, the PB to my J, the defined abs to my Jacob ... Should I go on? The Rob to my jawporn, the 3AM to my Lucky Charms, the Salvador to my Federico, the happy trail to my nose nuzzle - (i.e. we belong together) Thanks chica for your complete awesomeness.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 20

EPOV

Bella's hands wrapped around my neck as I slowly pressed my weight into her. I reveled in the feel of the length of our bodies touching. She was so warm all over, her heat radiated into me. My marble skin captured a shadow of the warmth, struggling to mimic it as it stole from her.

Being in that way with Bella, together as one, had proved to be more amazing than I'd ever anticipated; I was beyond proud and elated with myself that I had kept in control. Bella and I, for the first time, felt like a normal couple. The fact that I was able to just kiss her and tell her that I wanted her – and then act on it – there were no words for how happy it made me feel.

My lips moved along her neck as she struggled to catch her breath beneath me. Words came flooding out of my mouth, ramblings of my thoughts as my head filled of Bella. Her hands pulled at my clothes, and just as I was about to reclaim her soft lush lips, a loud knock at the door caused me to freeze.

I had been so wrapped up with Bella that I hadn't heard the footsteps on the porch or the murmured thoughts. I listened for a second to the strange voice outside the house.

_Knock, knock, I know you're in there… I can smell you._ It was a mental voice I had not heard before, and I was certain of who it was.

A million thoughts filled my brain at once. _Why had Alice not warned me that they would come now when I was alone? Why was she not flying through the door to help? Were the wolves involved? That would be the only logical explanation. Bella._

My eyes fell to the beautiful girl below me, cheeks warm and flushed pink, lips swollen. She was still pulling at my clothes, oblivious to my sudden tense demeanor. Before I could pull her attention to me she stopped, dropping her hands to her sides with a loud sigh. "Ugh, what is it…" she began to groan loudly.

I quickly dropped my hand to her mouth. "Shhhhh."

Standing, I decided the best course of action for my current situation. The man's thoughts didn't seem to be ill intended, just curious. _Perhaps I can speak with him and he will leave_, I hoped.

"Stay right here, and be very quiet," I stated, keeping my eyes glued to the entryway.

Bella shifted on the couch, sitting up as she began to speak. "Edward, what –"

I dropped down in front of her without giving it a second thought. Grasping her hands tightly, my eyes pled with her to understand. "Bella, please, trust me, just stay here and be quiet. Promise me, you'll stay here, no matter what."

Obviously unnerved by my reaction, the slight fear I saw in her eyes gave me hope that she would head my words. She nodded slowly. With a light squeeze to her fingers I released her hands and stood, turning towards the front door.

Steadying myself, I reached for the door handle, my fingers finding the harsh brass and swiftly turning. Mid day light poured over me and onto the floor as I pulled the large wooden door open. Stepping up to the threshold I was met by a tall vampire with long dirty blonde hair. His eyes were blood red, literally. He smiled a menacing smile that swept any hopes of an easy friendly interaction away, despite his calm thoughts.

"Hello," He spoke through his wretched grin. "My name is James, and you must be Edward, it's a pleasure to meet you." He tipped his head down slightly, tucking his chin into his neck in a bowing gesture.

I pushed the warning thoughts of how he knew who I was specifically out of my mind, Irina's name mingling with those questions. I resolved to play into his friendly façade, smiling back at him easily. "Hello James, nice to make your acquaintance. You are correct, I am Edward Cullen." Reaching out I offered my hand. He glanced down, seemingly caught off guard by the gesture. Quickly recovering, he smiled back, thrusting his hand into mine with an aggressive shake.

There was dirt embedded in his nails, and the smell of the deep woods rolled off of him, which told me he hadn't been in town long enough to find a place to clean up. "How can I help you?" I offered.

He began to speak, his tone permeating with false intentions. My attention was drawn to light murmuring thoughts coming from the tree line. I glanced over James' shoulder out of instinct, trying to hear the thoughts more clearly.

"…So I was curious naturally to …" James stopped mid sentence and sighed. "You can come out," he bellowed, glancing over his shoulder.

I looked at him questioningly. "Sorry my friend, you were the only vampire I could smell inside, and I didn't want you to feel threatened, so I asked my friends to wait in the woods." His lips twisted into the same unsavory grin from before. It was clear he was lying. His thoughts were trained towards a song I was unfamiliar with; he seemed to be concentrating hard on remembering the lyrics.

I simply nodded, my eyes turning back to the spot at the top of my driveway where two more vampires had emerged. One was tall with dark skin, and thick braided hair twisting down his back. His thoughts were of how James had manipulated Irina. He was angry, his eyes narrowing at James' back. The man's mind wandered, thinking of how he missed her, _I should have stayed in Alaska like Irina asked_, he thought sadly.

I turned my attention then to the shorter man. It took everything in me to control my facial features as I scanned him up and down, my eyes locking with his red irises. Charlie Swan stood before me, a hardened version of the man I once knew. His eyes narrowed at me infinitesimally. I knew he was aware of who I was, and was certain he had been the one to lead James there.

Anger bubbled inside me that he would do that - that he could be so shameful, and then I realized he mostly likely had no idea Bella was there. My heart felt heavy for Bella. _This will kill her_, I thought, moving smoothly toward the door and pulling it to behind me. I would at least protect her from seeing Charlie for the moment; she needed to be prepared first.

My thoughts of Bella were interrupted when the door met with a soft thud against James' bare foot. Not even attempting to hide my anger at his brazen act, I glared down at him puffing out my chest. "Is there something I can help you with?" I asked through clenched teeth, fully aware that if I attacked James I would have no chance against him and the two others.

James leaned his head towards the crack that had been left open between the door and the frame, breathing in deeply. "You hiding a snack in there? I thought you Cullens were vegetarians?" The careful polite control he had established was failing as his voice sneered Edward's last name.

The restraint over his thoughts was slipping as well, and I began to pick up snippets. James thought with deep distain about the vegetarian nature our family had adopted. Thinking how it was unnatural and disgusting.

_A waste_, he thought, _ a shame, for such a large coven to squander... I could do so much more with that many vampires..._ His thoughts were scattered and frantic. The word 'power' prominent in his mind.

_I want it_, James' mind seethed, the wild glint in his eyes and the corkscrew to his smile finally aligning with his thoughts. I was beginning to understand. James wanted a large coven that he had dominance over. He was the leader of his group, and he believed the more vampires he had under his 'rule' the more power he would have. He seemed obsessed with the idea; even thoughts of taking over the Volturri flitted through his ragging mental montage.

My brow sunk deep, my eyes narrowing into tiny slits. I was enraged that such a scumbag as James would even be referring to Bella in the slightest, let alone as a snack. A low growl escaped from my throat. It was enough to catch James' attention as he snapped his thoughts closed, stepping backward down the stairs.

Stepping forward, I struggled to keep my anger under control. James held his hands up, stopping at the bottom of the steps. The wiry smile pulled across his face tightened and he shrugged. "I meant no harm."

It was obvious that James wanted something from Edward, or his family, because he could have easily taken control of the situation with the two vampires he had at his disposal. Taking a step back, I leaned against the door frame, breathing deep, attempting to calm my rage.

"If you would like, you are more than welcome to come back when my father is home. He would be happy to answer any and all questions that you have," I attempted to keep my voice even as I spoke, pushing the anger deep down.

James opened his mouth as if to speak but closed it abruptly, his eyes moving to the space next to me. A familiar warm buzz ignited the air, static pricking at my skin. Knowing Bella was standing there, I glanced at her warily. I was petrified in fear, anger, and anguish; waiting for her to notice her father. Charlie's demeanor had changed. He seemed to stiffen in anger at Bella's appearance. Every single instinct in me said to grab her and run, run as fast as I could. But I could not; I was stuck, starring at James who was eyeing Bella with that smile.

"Hello," he said to her much in the same way he greeted me. Instinctively, I knew that James would love it if I ran, he would enjoy the chase. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. I also knew that if I showed too strong a tie to Bella that would pique his interest, which I did not want. So I made an effort to keep my distance from her. If he wanted to work under the false pretenses of friendliness, then he would have to acquiesce to my request that he leave and come back at another time.

I spoke smoothly and quickly. "Like I was saying before, the rest of my family will be back this evening. If you would like to come back then I'm sure Carlisle would be more than willing to answer any of your questions. He is the patriarch of our _coven_, if that's what you wish to call it, and knows the most about us."

James' eyes trained on me as I spoke, his head tilted to the side as if he were trying to understand my game. I saw his lips twitch through his smile and it fell minutely at the word "coven". He knew I had heard those thoughts and he wasn't happy about it.

"Well, if it is all the same to you, we would like to wait here. If that isn't a problem," he replied lithely, his voice all too sweet.

Behind him Charlie spoke so quickly and low that I barely caught his words. James seemed to ignore Charlie's request to leave, as he didn't he acknowledge him. I was sure Bella had not heard, or yet seen him. I peeked at her and she was looking over James, her eyes moving slowly to the taller black man. I looked back at James who was glancing between Bella and Charlie with an amused look on his face.

Then I heard it. Bella gasped, grabbing her chest "No," she whispered, taking a step forward as she spoke, holding her arms tight to her body. I lightly grabbed her elbow, holding her there. She stopped for a second, her shoulders heaving. "Charlie?"

Charlie growled low, angrily and, then spoke loudly, "James we need to go NOW or the deal's off." His words grabbed my full attention, and I narrowed in on his thoughts. He had also successfully garnished James' attention as James growled back at him, annoyed. _You motherfucker, don't you growl at me. _Charlie's thoughts were muffled, and I had to struggle to hear them all. It was like trying to listen to someone talk under water.

_You promised she would never be hurt. SO help me God, if you break that promise. And there IS another way, now that I know that…_

I was pulled from my concentration of Charlie's thoughts when Bella yanked her arm from my grip. "Bella, no!" I called as she stomped forward, headed blindly for her father. She was just inches from James as I grabbed her around the waist and yanked her back toward the door.

"LET ME GO!" She screamed shrilly against my shoulder, her arms flailing against me in anger. "Daddy!!" she screamed. She was hysterically crying, clawing at me, and kicking her feet into my legs as I held her tight. Loud snaps cracked against my skin as her nails broke along its hard surface.

"Now James!" Charlie bellowed and turned running into the forest.

James huffed, throwing me one last maniacal grin. "We'll be back," he exclaimed with a sickening wink as he turned and ran into the woods with the other vampire.

"Put me down you son of a bitch!" Bella shrieked at me, pounding her fists into my arm. "That was my father, I need him! Let me go!" My heart wrenched inside my chest as she yelled at me with such ferocity. I had to remind myself what she had just seen and push the hurt out of my mind. _She will be so broken now_, I thought, a shot of pain striking me in the pit of my stomach. _My poor Bella_.

I held her as tightly to me as possible without injuring her. "Shhhhhh, it's okay Bella, shhhhhh." I tried desperately to sooth her, but she continued to slam her arms and hands against me, screaming until her voice cracked and she couldn't scream anymore.

The smell of blood assaulted me suddenly. I pulled Bella's arms together, holding her wrists lightly. Blood caked to her knuckles, the red ran down against her cracked painted nails, the colors matching perfectly. Her hands were swollen, and I could already see bruises forming. I was sure she had broken at least one if not all of the bones in her hands.

I picked her whole body up, cradling it against me, and she gave in. Falling limp into my arms, she sobbed silently. I carried her into the house, laying her on the couch. After pulling out my phone and texting 911 to all of my family I wrapped my arms around Bella, pulling her into my lap and wept tearlessly along with her.

xxXXxx

Forty five minutes later, Esme, Rose, Emmett, and Carlisle were talking anxiously in the living room. I paced back and forth, glancing out the windows every few seconds. "Where the hell is Alice?" I growled, pulling at my hair. I knew that no wolves had been involved so I was livid that she had not warned me about James.

"Calm down son, she will be here. Right now I think you have some more important matters to attend to," Carlisle spoke softly, clapping his hand against my shoulder, and glancing toward the couch where Bella sat crumpled staring into space.

I sighed, walking over to her tiny form and dropped down next to her. I eyed the bandages wrapped around her hands. Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as I'd originally thought. Carlisle cleaned her up and assessed the damage as soon as he got in. The whole family, aside from Alice and Jasper, had responded to my text within minutes.

She had a sprained wrist and a broken pointer finger on her left hand. The rest of her bones seemed to be in tact¸ just deep bruises. She would most definitely be sore, but Carlisle had already given her some medication to dull the pain. I wished he had a magic pill that would take away the pain of having seen her father, as a vampire no less.

Bella had not spoken. Since she collapsed into me and wept until her tears ran dry, she hadn't uttered a word. I was beyond worried about her mental state. "Bella, love, how are you feeling?"

She didn't respond in the slightest. Maintaining her defeated dead posture, her eyes glued to a spot on the floor. My brows furrowed, I leaned in kissing her temple lightly. I could only imagine Bella two years ago, in much the same way when she was first dealing with the news of Charlie's passing. I thought back to when I first read her blog. She had seemed so sad, even in her writings; I could tell she was lost.

I could see her then, before my very eyes, slipping down the rabbit hole. I was losing her - she was retreating. I couldn't have that. A small fit of panic erupted in my stomach. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I did the first thing that came to mind.

_Dearest Eclipsedheart17,_

_Stay with me, please._

_With all the love I have to give,_

_EM109_

It said everything I needed it to say, and hopefully she would get the message. The soft notes of Claire de Lune sounded from her back pocket. For the first time since Carlisle and I had situated her on the couch, Bella shifted. She reached in her back pocket and pulled out her phone.

My mood lightened slightly with hopes that the email would at least garnish eye contact. Without lifting her eyes from the phantom spot on the floor, she turned her phone off and slid it back into her pocket, wincing slightly with the action. I slumped into my seat, defeated and feeling as lost as Bella looked. Doing the only thing I could, I took one of her small bandaged hands in mine and held it lightly.

The sun sank low in the sky, orange hues tingeing the walls around us. It had been hours since I sent the 911 text, and we had yet to hear from Alice and Jasper. I could hear in everyone's thoughts a mix of anger and concern. It was so unlike Alice to disappear with no word, and I couldn't imagine her and Jasper being so wrapped up in hunting that they wouldn't have received the text.

No one was voicing their concerns and it was driving me absolutely mad. "Perhaps we should go look for them?" I offered, finally breaking the silence. Carlisle looked and me wearily, but his thoughts agreed.

"Do you think something is wrong?" Esme asked, concern coloring her tone as she finally verbalized what she had been thinking.

"I don't know," Carlisle responded taking her hand and rubbing small circles into her palm.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and huffed as she stood. "I'm going to kick Alice's ass if she's off shopping somewhere."

I smiled up at her, knowing it was her roundabout way of relieving the tension. Although if that were true, I think we'd all take turns kicking Alice's ass. Sadly I doubted it was the case.

"What about Bella?" Emmett asked his voice surprisingly soft. I glanced down at her, she had not changed her position in over three hours, I wasn't even sure I'd seen her blink.

_Poor dear, she looks catatonic_, Carlisle thought over my shoulder. The thought rocked me, and just as I turned to him to ask if we should take her to the hospital, the front door burst opened.

We all jumped to our feet, ready for anything. Whoever it was, their thoughts were incoherent, rambling and shouting. I shook my head, trying to get the voice out of it as Jasper came lumbering around the corner.

Esme gasped, cupping her hand over her mouth.

"Jasper!" Carlisle called, running at vampire speed to his side. Jasper collapsed into Carlisle just as he reached him. He was soaking wet, wounds covering his body, deep black and blue bruises that were already healing. What looked like must have been deep cuts, closing slowly, as his skin returned to its normal state.

The sleeves to his shirt were ripped and shredded, exposing his arms. I had seen Jaspers scars many times before, but I shuddered at what I saw there. He had fresh crescent marks all over his arms. The silver curved lines catching the waning light of day and glinting against the warm glow.

He didn't speak but only looked at me pleadingly. Kneeling to his side I shook my head at him. He wanted me to relay whatever it was he was thinking. "Jasper, slow down… I can't… you're thinking too fast. Where is Alice?"

Out of all the things that were ravaging through his head, her name was repeated over and over, along with the fact that she was obviously missing. Jasper took in a deep breath, eyes wide with horror and anger as he finally spoke. "They took her… James has her."

**

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****A/N: Okay, so to answer some questions, yes Charlie is a vampire. Have I had this planned from the beginning? Absolutely. This is why I started writing the story in the first place. Another question I have gotten, and debated letting people stew over is the matter of a possible pregnancy. I've decided to just tell you, no I don't plan to have a bb Nessie in this story (collective sigh of relief – yes?) I only threw those little tid bits in there to throw ppl off any clues of Charlie as a vamp. (Good job to anyone who picked up on it!!) Keep 'um guessing, that's my theory… which I'm totes screwing by answering that q. out right, but I can't be cruel, so there ya go. One other thing I meant to mention at the end of the last chapter was Edward calling Bella his 'Claire de Lune'. I've seen it translated a few different ways, so for all intents and purposes of the poem - it means 'light of the moon'. **

**Okay, now I'm going to make an announcement about my weekly recs (which I have failed at recently.) Kat and I are still working diligently to get My Precious Fandom up and running, so in the mean time we will be doing weekly recs. SO, that means I'm not going to bother posting them on here every week, seems redundant. I will merely point you in the direction of our fabulous (not quiet functional) site. My rec this week is awwweeessooommmee. I love the story so… go check it out: www(dot)mypreciousfandom(dot)com .**

**And lastly, the Awkward contest closes today and the first round of voting is March 25, 2010 - March 31, 2010 , so if you haven't, please check out my short story entry **_**Love Me Awkward, Love Me True**_**. I'm a little fond of it… think you'll like it too. :)**

**Let me know what you think of the crazy turn this story is taking. And please press the little button below and leave me some constructive criticism… it's what I breathe. **

**Till next time loveys :) Buff**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Katbug86 did the beta thing. xoxo bb.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all of the respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 21

BPOV

When I was about seven my dad took me fishing, it was the first time he decided to attempt such an endeavor with just him and me. He took me to a small river not too far into the woods from our house; most likely foreseeing a day long fishing trip on a boat would be a bit much and opting for a closer location.

He wanted to take me, nonetheless, bond with me – show me himself in his environment. None of those things occurred to me at that age. I was just an awkward seven-year-old, with knobby scuffed up knees, teetering behind my dad as we made our way through the lush green forest.

I remember thinking how big my dad looked as we lumbered over decaying logs, moss weaving in and out of the bark, taking over the rough surface. He towered above me, and I wondered if he could touch the tops of the trees with his enormous height.

After all, he was my dad - he could do anything.

Once we made it to the tiny river, he perched himself on top a rock and readied his fishing pole, baiting it. I wrinkled my nose at the pink worm that he pulled from a small white plastic container. It writhed between his fingers, struggling to free itself. I had to look away when he pierced the hook through the slimy bait.

"Why does that even attract the fish?" I asked with a shudder, glancing back just in time to catch a glimpse of the worm dangling from the hook, speared through its middle.

Dad chuckled, patting me on the head as he stood to cast out his line. "It's what the fish eat Bells."

"They _eat_ worms? Ewwwwwww!" I stuck my tongue out, turning to watch as the invisible line splashed into the shallow river.

Feeling particularly brave I slipped my shoes off, pulling my socks off and stepping out into the river. Water rushed around my ankles, the sensation almost exhilarating. The large round rocks beneath my feet were smooth and soft. Taking a step, my toes met with spongy mud, and I dug them into the water logged earth, stirring the smell around me.

Reaching down slowly, I stuck my hand into the murky water. It was cool and refreshing. My fingers found the mud, and I pushed into it. Scrapping my nails against a rock, I curled my fingers around the hard stone. After only slight resistance, I managed to pull it from the river bed. It was covered in black sludge. Holding it gingerly back to the water, I let it break the river's surface. Water gushed around the rock, cleaning it. When I felt it was presentable, I righted myself and held it into the air like a shiny trophy. My dad beamed at me, in only the way that he could. I felt proud of myself, because he appeared proud of me. And that was Charlie, always proud no matter how trivial my accomplishments.

The afternoon went much like that. I would display my inconsequential finds and ask my ridiculous questions, and my dad would be more than happy to answer, never getting annoyed or bothered. If I closed my eyes I could still hear the sound of the water rushing over the rocks. I could smell the thickness to the air, the strong fragrance of dirt being disturbed by the river. I could hear the soft dunk of my father's bobber as he cast out another line. Moments like those, fading memories, were the kind I had always taken for granted.

As I sat on the Cullen's couch, those lost and trivial moments played through my head like a movie. Laced into the memories were new images of my father. Sharp chiseled features, hardened flawless skin – blood red eyes.

The moment my eyes focused on his face as he stood at the top of the Cullen's driveway, my reality was shattered.

He wasn't dead – he wasn't alive - but he wasn't gone.

Nothing made sense, save one thing - I wanted my dad. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hug him. I wanted to remind him of that fishing trip and tell him I'd never forgotten. I wanted to tell him I loved him, no matter what.

But I couldn't. Edward's arms had grabbed me by the waist and hoisted me away from my father. I was enraged. He, of all people, knew what Charlie meant to me. How dare Edward keep me from him when he was so close? I yelled and screamed, beat my limbs against Edward's hard marble flesh, but he only held me tighter.

I hated him in that moment.

So I wept, sobbing heavily and surrendering to Edward's brute strength over me. I had no concept of the situation that was occurring on the Cullen's front porch, nor did I care. Once I saw Charlie, he was all that mattered. My safety held no bearing on the matter, and it confused me how Edward didn't seem to understand that.

The rest of the Cullens came home, and I barely remember Carlisle checking my hands for some reason. My body was numb, the only sensation was my chest pulling tightly as I breathed slow steady breaths. The muscles in my face were lax, emotion missing all together. I'd been staring at the same spot on the floor for God knows how long. It had been hours at least, as the only thing that caught my attention was the moving shadows across the floor, until the sun hung low in the sky and the room harbored a sickly orange glow.

My vision was completely unfocused; I was unseeing and unaware of anyone around me. My phone buzzed in my back pocket. When I heard the light notes of Clair de Lune filter through the air I pulled it from my pocket, turning it off without even looking.

_I don't care what you have to say to me_. I thought bitterly, _you kept me from him_.

More time passed and then there was some commotion. But I sat, lost in my thoughts, only pulled from my stooper when I heard someone say James' name. _James means my father_; I thought lifting my head, attempting to focus my vision on the group of vampires huddled around Jasper. My eyes burned as I blinked back the haze.

"What do you mean James took Alice?" Carlisle spoke, his voice calm and even.

Edward growled, irritation evident in his hunched stance. He began to pace in front of Jasper, who I was able to focus on finally. My eyes widened at his condition, he looked utterly ripped to shreds. I watched, captivated, as one of the deeper wounds along his shoulder slowly closed on its own.

"But why didn't she just warn us!" Edward finally bellowed.

Jasper shook his head, defeated. Glancing around, I took in everyone else's confused expressions. Emmett groaned, "Out loud please, we can't all read minds."

"She didn't want to warn you because she said things would be worse if she had." Jasper's voice was vacant, shallow, and weak. The numbness waned as I felt a twinge of pain deep in my stomach, a sudden longing to go to him and wrap my arms around his neck. _He has lost someone too_.

"So she did have a vision about all of this?" Rosalie asked obvious anger behind her words.

Jasper shook his head slowly.

"Jasper, dear, why don't you just start from the beginning so we can all figure this out together?" Esme's soft sweet voice filled the air, calming the atmosphere. It was then I realized there had been an intense level of anxiety that must have been rolling off of Jasper and adding to everyone's angst.

I watched as Jasper took in a soothing breath and closed his eyes, an immediate wave of sedated tranquility filling me. "Sorry," he spoke, his voice less ragged. "Alice had a vision in the middle of the night." He glanced around at everyone's weary expressions, sighing before he continued.

"She said that if the nomad vampires came here and saw Bella that it would be very bad for all of us, that she couldn't see any good outcome from it. She couldn't see why exactly, but she could see that they were coming." Jasper's fists balled at his sides, his voice straining a bit as he went on.

"She said that she and I had to go and try to intercept the vampires, but we couldn't tell anyone or it wouldn't work. She told me the only way she saw everyone together in the future was if we did this alone. I agreed, trusting her judgment…" he trailed off for a second.

Jasper had everyone's rapt attention as they hung on his every word, trying to make sense of the situation. "We found them easily, just outside of the Quileute border. We weren't expecting there to be six of them though…" he trailed again, breathing deep.

Esme kneeled next to him, placing her hand on his shoulder. "It's alright Jasper," she tried to sooth him.

He shook his head, bringing his hand to his brow in exasperation. "He knew her."

Edward moved for the first time since Jasper began speaking. Standing, he shifted quickly back to my side, bracing his arm around my shoulder. Something Jasper was thinking must have caused him to do so. _Dad_, I thought, waiting with baited breath for Jasper to mention my father.

Edward's brow furrowed slightly, "I can't believe he knew about Alice," he said softly, mostly to himself. Four sets of eyes shifted to Edward and he shrugged motioning for Jasper to continue.

"Yes, he knew Alice. James said he had been looking for her for a long time. He didn't really explain, but Alice seemed to understand what he was talking about. All he said was that Alice had been stolen from him long ago. James asked her to join them. I laughed at him, knowing there was no way my Alice would join such a pungent, vial group."

My stomach sank at the thought of poor Alice, trying to head off danger for my sake, only to end up throwing herself to the lions in the process.

"She told him no, simply, and that seemed to anger James. He thrashed around, throwing trees against one another and then I saw her eyes frost over. I couldn't ask her what she had seen, but her expression terrified me. I was floored when she nodded her head and agreed to go with them."

Esme gasped, tightening her arm around Jasper. "She agreed to go?"

Jasper shook his head, his eyes falling to the floor. "She mumbled something to me about it being the only way she could see - that she had to," he spat the last part, anger bubbling to the surface.

I felt it too, my flesh crawling and my brow furrowing as I felt suddenly enraged.

"That son of a bitch just smiled at me, thanking me for my time. I lost it. Alice pled with me, begging me to leave, but I told her no – I wouldn't leave without her. James informed one of the women he was with, Victoria, to take Alice and most of the other vampires with her and leave."

Jasper's expression grew impossibly sadder, and once again, I felt my mood shift to match his demeanor. "I tried; I did the best I could. There were three of them, James, Laurent, and Charlie."

Air caught it my throat, my shoulders stiffening at the mention of my father.

"James had promised Alice he wouldn't kill me, but I didn't care if they did or not. I tried to tear them apart, screaming for Alice the whole time. I was able to get some good hits in, but it wasn't enough. They had ripped me up to the point that I couldn't focus, my vision blurred and all I could think of was her. Then they tore my arm off and threw it off of a cliff."

I blanched at Jasper, looking back and forth between his two arms, hanging intact from his body. "They threw me off next, and by the time I got my arm and was able to make my way back up the cliff they were gone. I tried to track them, to follow Victoria's path, but after searching for hours I realized I was going in circles. So I came back here. I need your help," he finished weakly, his eyes lifting to each of his family members – imploring.

"We will leave at once," Carlisle replied.

The Cullen's discussed strategy as Edward's fingers moved softly against my arm in a soothing manor. My irritation with him ebbing as the reality of the situation sunk in. _Poor Jasper- poor Alice_. I thought back through Jasper's story, stunned that my father would take part in such horrible actions. I needed to see him; I needed to ask him so many things. How? Why?

"What about Bella?" I heard Esme ask meekly, glancing at me. I made no action or acknowledgment. I had yet to admit I was aware of anything that was happening, keeping my facial expressions under control for the most part.

_What about Bella?_ I knew there was no way Edward would leave me there alone, but I didn't want to go with them either. I needed to be away from them, I had my own priorities. My mind went to the one person I knew could help me. "Jake can stay with me," I spoke my voice sounding dead even to my own ears.

Everyone turned quickly looking at me with concern, shock etched in their features. "Are you sure Bella?" Edward asked softly. I nodded, careful not to make eye contact.

Leaning in, he placed a gentle kiss on my temple. "Thank you Bella, I was worried you were going to want to go with us so you could see…" stopping himself from finishing Edward sighed, hugging me tight. "I was just worried," he concluded.

I went back to my non responsive state, my gaze drawing to the floor as the Cullen's planned their course of action.

I couldn't tell you when I fell asleep, but I drifted at some point. Hardly aware as I was shifted from Edward's cool arms into Jacobs heated embrace. I barely made out the hushed whispers of Edward when he spoke to him. "Thank you for doing this Jacob."

"No problem. Sam and the others are in the woods, they will help in any way they can," Jake responded evenly, his tone tense. After a brief pause he spoke again. "Hey Edward… he's really alive?"

"No. Not alive - a vampire, but yes, he was here." Edward's voice was right above my ear when he answered Jake. There was light pressure against my scalp as Edward placed a kiss there.

"I love you Bella," he whispered. "Be safe."

The light click of the front door closing drew me from my foggy sleep. I sat up, startling Jake. "Holy shit Bells. I thought you were out cold."

Standing, I immediately began pacing, a million thoughts whirling through my head. Without a word, I spun on my heel and dashed up the stairs to Edward's room. Jake followed close behind, calling out to me. "Bella, what the hell are you doing?"

I slammed the door in his face, the wood rattling against its frame. Wheeling around, I grabbed my bag from the floor. There were loud thuds against the locked door; Jake's voice was muffled slightly. "Bella, I really don't want to have to explain to Edward why I had to break his door!"

Quickly, I pulled my yoga pants off and shimmed my jeans up my hips. Grabbing a sweater, I pulled it over my head. Tying my hair back into a loose ponytail, I shoved my feet into my boots and yanked the bedroom door open before Jake broke it down.

He froze, his fist hanging in mid air, prepared to slam against the door once more. His eyes grew wide when he was met with my firm expression. "Bella, what the fuck?"

I pushed past him, flying down the stairs, my body on auto pilot. I had one destination I was concerned with, and since Edward wasn't there to stop me, nothing would. Reaching the front door, my hand stretched out, and I could almost feel the cold door handle under my fingers when Jake grabbed my arm, twirling me around abruptly. "Bella, will you please talk to me! What are you doing?"

"Going to find Charlie," I said evenly. I was oddly calm, everything seeming entirely clear to me.

Jake's eyes grew to wide saucers, "You're WHAT?"

Yanking my arm from his grasp, I straightened my sweater, standing up taller. "I am going to find my father," I spoke slowly, annunciating each syllable.

He shook his head furiously at me. "No Bella, it's too dangerous, you can't go."

"Jake, its Charlie – I _have_ to go."

He snickered, his lips curling into a sneer. "That's not Charlie, Bella, that's a blood sucking vampire and you can't even say that he's somewhat decent like the Cullen's."

Before I realized what I was doing, I drew my left arm back, and brought my hand across Jacobs face with a thunderous smack. Pain seared through my whole arm, but I ignored it. Angry tears filled my eyes. "How dare you Jacob. He is still my father."

His shocked expression softened. Bringing a tentative hand up he cupped my shoulder. "I know Bells, but it's just too dangerous."

Shaking my head at him, I let my gaze bore into his eyes. "He was always there for you Jake. He deserves at least this much," my voice was barely above a whisper. Jake shivered, my words hitting him hard. He closed his eyes, drawing in a long breath.

I filled my own lungs with air until the muscle fibers burned under the strain. Exhaling, I forced my tone to be steady, wanting to express my determination, because I had never spoken truer words than the ones I was about to speak. "I will go with or without you. I will find my father. The only question is - are you going to help me?"

Opening his eyes, I stared into the bottomless soulful pools, the deepest brown – warm, sincere, understanding – _my Jacob_.

"Okay," he whispered, dropping his gaze to his feet.

xxXXxx

The cool moist air stuck to my skin pulling a shiver through me. We were moving at a swift pace, Jake bounding over stumps, fallen branches cracking under his feet as he thudded to the ground. He would stop occasionally and examine a low lying branch or a spot in the earth that had been disturbed. I followed silently, doing my best to keep up.

We had been moving through the woods for over an hour, and Jake seemed to know where he was going. You could tell he was following a determined path. I put my full trust in him, he would find Charlie - I knew he could. _He has to_.

Jiminy had been incessant since we left the Cullen's house, my conscience pleading with me to turn back. I ignored that part of my brain, fixing my thoughts on what I would say to Charlie.

_Be Safe._

Edward's words filtered through my head unbidden, and a shot of guilt ripped through me. I had been so angry, placing undue blame on him. But once outside the walls of his home, the forest air seemed to clear my head. I knew he was only trying to protect me. He was putting me first, something even I had failed to do – my preservation unimportant once I saw my father. And I had treated him like he was the monster. I had been horrible to him, and now he was off to face down a volatile group of vampires, and God only knows what might happen. _Oh God_.

Tears filled my eyes as I pulled in a ragged breath, trying desperately to hold back the sobs. My toe hooked on a thick root twisting from the ground and I tripped, falling forward. Pain rocked through my body, steaming from my outstretched hands that had braced the impact.

Jake doubled back, running to my side. "Bella are you okay?"

A strangled sob finally escaped my throat, the pain traveling through me, coiling around my heart and pressing down. _Edward_. I may never see him again – he could be killed. The tears fell freely, and Jake wrapped his burning arms around me, engulfing my small frame.

"Bella? Are you hurt? Shhhhh," he soothed as he rocked me gently.

A light breeze caressed my cheeks, chilling the hot tears that streamed down my face. I nodded finally, bringing my hand up to wipe away the tears, and wincing as I tried to ignore the blazing pain in my left hand. "Yeah, I just – I was so mean to Edward, and now he's – and I don't…"

"Shh, I know Bells, its okay. He knows," Jacob interrupted. "It wasn't easy for you to see what you did earlier. It was a shock to your system. He gets that, don't worry." Running his pointer finger over my brow, he pushed a tear soaked strand of hair away from my face.

"Okay," I replied lamely, not wanting to argue or verbalize my fears that I may not see him again.

"Come on, let's get moving." He stood us both up, squeezing my shoulders before he released me.

I smiled weakly at him, "Thanks Jake – for everything. You are really the best kind of friend."

A grin crept across his face and he looked away suddenly, chuckling to himself. "You too Bells." He paused, turning back to me. "You know I would do anything for you right? Anything." His eyes were unwavering as they burned into me, and I nodded, mesmerized by his intensity.

Traveling through the woods for what seemed like hours, the darkness grew deeper. The only sounds besides our own foot falls were the light symphony of night mixing with the forest. Crickets played their song while the wind swayed along to the rhythm.

The knees of my jeans were caked with dirt from the many spills I had taken, but we forged on. I was beginning to feel discouraged. Despite the fact that Jacob never once waivered and always seemed to know where he was going – I had not seen any hints of the other vampires.

My body began to suffer fatigue, my lids falling heavy against my eyes. Jake stopped by a rather large pine tree, glancing back at my slow moving form. My legs were cumbersome; it was a struggle to pull them up from the ground and press forward.

"Why don't we stop here and rest for a minute?" He offered, sitting down, leaning his body into the base of the tree. Not even possessing the energy to nod my head in agreement, I merely plopped down beside him with an audible huff.

Laying my head on Jake's shoulder I sighed, closing my eyes briefly. I was reminded of our time spent together after Charlie – after I _thought _Charlie had passed. We would spend hours in the woods, much in the same way and Jacob would help me pass the time. "Tell me a story Jake." A yawn pushed its way from between my lips as I spoke.

He chuckled lightly, "Ok, what would you like to hear?"

"Mmm, tell me about when it happened … when you started changing," I mumbled.

I felt him shift, leaning his head into mine as he cleared his throat. "When I was little I use to go sit in the woods and just stare up at the sky. I would stretch out on a flat rock and watch through the heavy tree branches as the clouds moved above, finding their homes. The woods always seemed like a magical place to me, and sitting there, pretending to be a part of that was … nice. Now I spend more of my time here than anywhere else," he laughed humorlessly.

"I was so scared when … things started happening to me. I didn't know what to think, except that maybe I was going crazy. I mean I had Sam and the guys to explain things to me, but it still didn't stifle the complete isolation I felt. The realization that I would never be normal – have a normal life. I was so terrified and it was the first time in a long time I found myself wishing my mother were still alive so I could talk to her about it. She always had a knack for just making things better." He shrugged, and I opened my eyes, realizing tears were falling from them.

"I'm so sorry Jake, I wish I could have been here for you – I know that must have been so hard…" I stumbled over my words, unsure how to articulate my sorrow for him.

"It's not your fault Bella, you didn't know. And I wouldn't have been able to tell you… it would have been too dangerous." He paused for a moment in contemplation. "Anyway, so the first night I had a really high fever – like need to go to the hospital fever, my Dad just shook his head and told me to wait. I thought I was delirious, and then Sam showed up, talking about my changes and what to expect. It felt like one big nightmare that I –," Jake stopped, his body stiffening against mine.

"Jake what -," I closed my mouth abruptly when he held his hand out. Listening carefully, my ears filled with static. The air around me suddenly too loud, and then I heard it, a faint rustling noise.

Jacob stood slowly, and I mimicked his actions, my heart beating wildly against my chest. I told myself it was probably just a deer, or a rabbit, but I couldn't shake the feeling looming in the pit of my stomach. I squinted into the darkness that seemed too close, pushing in around me. I couldn't make anything out except for the silver outlines of pine needles hanging from the tree above us.

I wiped my hands against the tops of my jeans, my palms sweaty and shaking. Jake startled me when he let out a low rumbling growl. It was a sound that rivaled only that which I had heard from Edward. _There is something out there_, Jiminy whispered, setting all of my alerts on high.

A flash of red caught my attention as it blurred in front of me like a streak of lightning. My breaths were coming short and quick; I took a step back until I felt rough bark against my fingertips. Leaning my weight into the tree, I attempted to calm myself.

Everything happened in a split second. A gush of wind blew my hair back and Jake let out a rabid growl as he jumped into the air, his body phasing before his paws touched the ground. Shreds of fabric fluttered to the ground, landing at the feet of a woman who had appeared out of thin air. She stood several yards from me, Jacob in between us, his fur raised high on his back, a heavy menacing snarl ripping through him as he bared his teeth at the woman.

She looked at him with wide eyes, her fiery hair falling in tendrils, framing her unnaturally perfect face. Recovering her composure, her gaze rose to mine, and I was met with the same blood red I had seen in Charlie's eyes. Only her eyes were different, wicked like James'. Witnessing vampires like James and the woman before me solidified the fact in my mind that Edward and the Cullens did have souls, no matter what they believed. I could see the difference.

She grinned malevolently as our eyes met - the world slowing. "So you must be Bella," she cooed, her voice soft and high pitched, but grating against my ears. I flinched, fear seizing my body, encompassing me.

Stepping to her left, Jacob circled with her, every muscle in his body taught, ready to spring. My breathing had not relaxed, my heart slammed against my ribs as a million scenarios played through my head. _Why was she alone? Where was Charlie? Where was James? Alice? Had they already gotten to Edward and the others? Jake – he can't be hurt protecting me._

A second vampire stepped from behind the trees, into my line of sight, and I gasped. He was a young boy, no older than Jacob, tall and lean with bright blonde hair - his eyes the most vivid slow motion the atmosphere had taken on shifted as soon as my eyes met with the vile vampire before me speeding up considerably as the male stepped towards me.

Jake lunged for him, but the female jumped at the same time, grabbing Jake mid launch and thrusting him hard against a tree. His body making a deafening thud as it hit. The tree whined and snapped, falling to the ground as he leapt up from where he had landed.

"Grab her Riley," the female called out as she took a defensive stance towards Jacob.

The male, Riley, ghosted to my side, grabbing hold of my arms. I hissed in pain, as he lacked the gentle touch that Edward and the Cullens possessed. My bones protested against the pressure of his fingers. I cried out, feeling like my arm would break.

Riley made no motion to hurt me, just to hold me there. I watched in horror as Jake was repeatedly thrown to the ground, ripped around like a rag doll. The female was too fast for my eyes to keep up. She flitted about him as he snarled and gnashed his teeth at her. Catching hold of her arm one time, Jake ripped his head about, flinging her into the darkness of the night. Turning his head, he spit out a chunk of marbled flesh.

"Victoria?" Riley called when she didn't return right away.

She reappeared seconds later, springing onto Jacob's back and sinking her teeth into is thick hide. He howled in pain. I screamed out to him, "Jacob!" I sobbed, tears distorting my vision. My breathing was erratic, and I struggled against my captor, trying in vain to pull free. "Help!" I shrieked, praying another wolf would hear or one of the Cullen's. My heart sank when I realized they might all be dead.

Jake was slowing down, limping, his weight shifting off his hind leg. He was hurt. _No, no no!_ Thoughts ragged through my head, I had to do something. I was kicking and screaming against Riley, who growled at me, but I didn't care. "Help, please, somebody help!" I cried out as Victoria mounted Jacob's back once again and ripped at his flesh with her razor sharp teeth.

She laughed manically as he faltered, his legs giving out beneath him, his large form collapsing to the ground. I could barely make out his deep brown eyes through the haze of my tears. They were falling closed, his chest rising slowly with shallow barely-there breaths. He was scarcely hanging on; I could see it in his face. My body racked with silent sobs as I watched helplessly, mouthing _I'm sorry_.

Standing over him, Victoria shifted so her feet were on either side of his large head. Taking his jowl into her hands, she twisted his head half way before pausing and turning to smile at me. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, turning my head away just as I heard the sickening crack.

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**A/N: So… we're getting down to the wire here. I don't want to give any hard numbers (b/c, for example, this was supposed to be two chapters) but we're getting close to the end. Thank you to everyone who reviews this story. Thanks to all the peps that have alerted faved and read. I heart you all! (even the lurkers) Please press review - I'd love to know what you think of the progression of this story!**

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**Thanks Lovelies!**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Katbug86 fixes the mess, making this look pretty. Check out her fic **_**Fate**_** (she updated yay!) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all of the respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 22

EPOV

I never thought my fallow heart could feel so much. The day Carlisle took my life, and the last strain of blood pumped from its vessels, I thought that was the last time I would truly feel anything of that muscle.

Then there was Bella.

Flowing into my existence, swirling my world with vibrant colors and fresh smells, she pumped new life into my vacant heart. She was my world – my reason to exist – and it destroyed me to see her hurting. Watching her small hand pull the phone from her pocket, switching it off without even the slightest glance, was devastating. My dead heart caved inside my chest, and the new rejuvenation of my soul ripped away from me.

Bella was waning; she was fading right before my eyes. Panic riddled my nerves as I struggled to maintain composure. On top of that Alice was missing, James had taken her. Overwhelmed with my own thoughts, a raging squall inside my head, the added onslaught of irate and concerned thoughts for Alice from the rest of my family were almost too much to bear.

And then she spoke. Like a small match lit in the depths of a darkened cave, Bella's voice traveled above the rampant sounds incessant in my mind, allowing the pain against my heart to loosen faintly.

"Jake can stay with me," the sound was dull, a shadow of her normal tenor, but it was still her voice and it gave me hope. Perhaps she wasn't lost to despair.

I had never been happier to hear her say Jacob Black's name, but I was somewhat shocked. A large part of me had been terrified that she would want to come with us. I knew how stubborn she could be, and since she'd seen Charlie I thought that would only be worse. A small feeling of dread settled into the pit of my stomach as I realized that her offering to stay with Jake may have been a sign that she was giving up.

Not wanting to think that way, I smiled at her and pushed those thoughts from my mind. Her gaze was already trained back to the spot on the carpet, looking away from me. The room around us was vibrating with the soft murmurs of my family, discussing our course of action against James and his clan of vampires.

"I say we take them all out," Emmett's voice thundered through the conversation. Glancing back at Bella, I leaned in, taking the phone from her pocket, and placed a kiss against her hair. Breathing in her sweet smell, I felt the soft tendrils beneath my lips. She was warm, reminding me of our simple nights together, and I wished more than anything that I could just scope her small body into my arms and take her away from everything.

I couldn't though, my family needed me – Alice needed me. Even if they didn't, I knew I could never erase the memory of Charlie from her mind. That was something I could not save her from. Air caught in my throat when I pulled away, a light shuddering sob escaping as the pain tightened around my insides again. Standing, I stepped quietly past my family, excusing myself to go call Jacob.

"Hey Bells, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Jacob answered on the first ring.

"Jacob, its Edward," I replied, my words despondent.

"Edward? Where's Bella? Is she hurt? Did you -,"

"Jacob," I cut him off before he could say something that would incite me, I wasn't sure I could handle anymore anger in my system. "Bella is… okay, she's not harmed anyway. But we need your help."

"I'm listening," his voice was low; I could tell he was working to control his anger.

Sighing, I debated on where to begin, realizing Charlie had been important to Jacob's family and the news I had wouldn't be taken lightly. "We had a visit from the nomad vampires today, they left with no problems, but they intercepted two of my siblings and took my sister, Alice."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Jacob, its Bella… she's not doing too well mentally. It was pretty traumatic for her …"

"What did those bloodsuckers do to her?" He barked, no longer trying to hold back his anger.

I couldn't find it in myself to be cross at his tone, I knew what I was about to tell him would be blow enough, and I felt badly for him. "Charlie was with them."

The static through the phone was thick, silence hanging heavy in the air. "Jacob?"

"What did you say?" He finally spoke, his aggressive tenor gone completely. Instead I heard a sad 16 year old boy, trying to cope with the news he had just heard.

"I'm really sorry Jacob, I had no clue. I only found out this afternoon, but Charlie wasn't killed in a boating accident, it was this vampire – James, and Charlie's been with them ever since."

"Tell Bella I'll be there in five minutes," he whispered his voice shaky.

"Jake, we have to go look for Alice, it is tearing me apart inside to leave her – especially now – but I don't want her anywhere near James, do you mind…"

"Sure, sure, I'll be there in a few, and I can stay with her."

"Thank you Jacob, I owe you."

"Mhm," he hummed dully in response.

I pulled the phone from my ear to press the red end button when I heard Jacob speak again, "hey Edward … how bad is she?"

Exhaling heavily, I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling at the roots slightly in frustration. "I can't get her to talk. I think she's angry with me that I wouldn't let her go to Charlie when he was here."

"She wanted to go to him!" Jacob was stunned at the revelation.

"I don't think she cared that – all she saw was her father," I finished, trying to understand and relay it to him as best as I could.

"Yeah, I guess, poor Bells…" he trailed, huffing loudly into the receiver. "I'll see you in a few."

"Thank you Jacob, goodbye."

Returning to the living room, I sat in the spot on the couch next to Bella and tried to focus on what my family was saying. The air between Bella and me felt cold, distant, and it was distracting.

"What do you think Edward?" Esme's voice pulled my attention to them. I quickly read their concerned thoughts. They were talking about how to handle James.

Placing my arm lightly across Bella's shoulders, I endeavored to sooth her as well as myself. I yearned for our normal easy connection, but it felt broken. Sighing, I glanced back at Bella who hadn't reacted to my touch, and then to Esme who was waiting patiently.

"I think James is a loose cannon. He seemed nice enough, but his thoughts were malicious when he let them flow."

Carlisle cocked an eyebrow at me, tilting his head to the side slightly. The warm light from the fixture above his head reflected off his bright blonde hair, making it appear to glow. "What do you mean when he let his thoughts flow?"

Shaking my head, I brought my hand to my nose, pinching the bridge lightly. "He knew I could read minds, or at least it seemed that way. The other vampire who was with him, the darker skinned one had ill thoughts towards James and was thinking of how he manipulated Irina. I think she must have told him more than Kate and Tanya even knew."

Carlisle looked shocked for a moment before his expression fell and he nodded, sadness falling over his features. "Well then, we are truly blind. If they have Alice and they know you can read minds, they will no doubt be ready for us." He seemed to contemplate his words before taking a slow breath, making eye contact with each one of us. "We are at a disadvantage, and will have to be extra careful, as they know all of our tricks."

"They don't know about us," Jacob spoke from the entryway. We'd all heard him coming, but what caught me off guard was the conviction in his voice.

He stood in the doorway, looking more like a man than I had ever seen him; his presence was commanding. His arms crossed tightly across his chest as he eyed each of us with determination before his gaze fell on Bella's deflated form.

She was curled into my arm, her head lying heavy against my shoulder, her breathing even. I looked down and for the first time noticed she had fallen asleep. Taking in a deep breath I traced the sharp contours of her nose that flowed into the soft rise of her cheekbones.

She looked somewhat peaceful in her sleep and it was relieving to see, but then I realized it was because I couldn't see her eyes. I wasn't able to see the once unfathomable brown irises which had become hollow flat black pools of emptiness. Pain scorched through me again, she didn't deserve any of what had happened to her, and once again I felt helpless.

"Jacob, so glad you could come," Carlisle greeted him, moving to shake his hand. Jacob nodded keeping his eyes on Bella, but returning the handshake.

"I have told Sam everything; he and the rest of the pack are ready and waiting." Finally breaking his eyes away from Bella, he looked at Carlisle.

"Thank you Jacob, we are indebted to you and the rest of your brothers."

Jacob smiled tightly at Carlisle, "You are truly a good man Carlisle." He glanced back at Bella eyeing the bandages wrapped around her small wrists, thinking how grateful he was that we had been there for her when she saw Charlie.

Carlisle smiled in return, nodding, "I only did what I would have done for any one of my children."

Jasper was pacing in the doorway, struggling to keep calm. There were waves of panic and rage rolling off of him in one moment, and then the mood would snap back into him, replaced by calm waves that would radiate throughout the room.

I felt infinitely bad for him, he had lost his mate. By the tenor of his thoughts, he was close to snapping, and I didn't blame him.

Shifting Bella into my lap, her body was feather light against me. Hugging her tightly to me, I closed my eyes, breathing her in. It did not escape my attention that we were headed to a very dangerous situation. Shaking my head, I pushed the thoughts of never seeing Bella again out of my mind. That couldn't happen – it wouldn't – I would return to her, I had to.

The rest of my family filtered towards the door. _Come on man, let's go before Jasper explodes_, Emmett's thoughts rang out above the rest. Jacob stepped next to the couch. I stood, passing Bella over to him. She looked exceptionally small lying in his arms.

"Thank you for doing this Jacob." I said, unable to pull my gaze from Bella's soft features.

"No problem. Sam and the others are in the woods, they will help in any way they can," he responded, pausing briefly. "Hey Edward… he's really alive?"

Shaking my head I leaned into Bella. "No. Not alive - a vampire, but yes, he was here." I responded carefully before pressing my nose into her hair. "I love you Bella," I whispered, and then said the only thing I could in that moment. "Be safe."

My whole being screamed out as I pulled away, everything ached. I was leaving her behind and my body and soul could not reconcile the fact. Only my mind knew it was the right thing to do.

As I stepped out into the darkened night, the air was felt stagnant, unmoving. I could still smell James and Charlie, their scent hung lightly around the property. Glancing up at the sky, the cloud cover was thin, the moon pushing through briefly. Its dull rays grazed the exposed skin of my hands and face, drawing a light shimmer across its surface.

We set off on foot toward the Quileute boundary where Sam would be waiting along with the rest of the pack. My family's thoughts were all over the place - concern, anger, and sorrow – it was almost too much. I forced the muscles in my legs to move faster, the wind roaring in my ears, drowning the noise somewhat.

I was forever grateful that Jacob was able to be there for Bella when I could not, but part of me was submerged in jealousy. Especially since at that moment, it appeared she didn't even want me there for her.

_Slow down son, we're getting close_, Carlisle's thoughts were loud inside my head suddenly, and I slowed to a jog. I could smell the wolves up ahead and began to make out soft mumbled thoughts. They were all concerned for Bella. I silently reprimanded myself for ever thinking anything bad about their kind. They were good men – we were lucky to have their help, and I knew my family agreed as we approached the mammoth animals hovering at their border.

_Cullen,_ Sam greeted me in his thoughts. I nodded letting him know I'd heard him. I would have to serve as translator, so I spoke first. "I am sure Jacob filled you in about Charlie and the other vampires."

_Yes, he was uncertain of the total number though._ Sam stood tall, furry chest puffed out, his presence dominant over the other wolves - he was unquestionably the alpha.

"From what Jasper has seen there are six total, including a few newborns. They are the strongest of our kind because the blood is so fresh in their system. They will be the hardest to fight. But they are also the most unpredictable and distracted," I informed them.

_We will be there to help in any way we can, they are a danger to our tribe as well._

I nodded in thanks, "They won't be expecting to see you. I doubt James has even considered werewolves."

Carlisle stepped forward and spoke, "We think it might be best for your pack to hang back, so that we may keep the element of surprise. We'd like to try and solve this on our own. We don't want anyone getting injured, especially being as this is our family member. But we do appreciate any help that your pack is willing to supply."

_It is our business as well because they are a threat to our people, but we will hold back to keep the upper hand_.

I looked at Carlisle as he stepped back with the others, "He says that they are a threat to his people as well, but they will hold back to keep the upper hand."

Sam asked a few more questions, and with Jasper and Emmett's help we did some quick demonstrations on the best way to handle a newborn. We left the wolves, agreeing on a temporary reprieve of the boundary line, and knowing they would be close behind.

Sam pointed me in the direction they believed James to be traveling. Without a word I ran deeper into the trees, my family following close behind. The thick forest floor was littered with overgrowth and low lying brush, it slopped down, only to climb abruptly back toward the mountain in the distance.

We ran for some time, the night growing darker as clouds moved in and hovered low above the trees. Inhaling deeply as we ran, I could smell the rain that was coming, as well as faint traces of Alice. I began catching strong whiffs of her as we weaved in and out of trees, places where she had intentionally touched the bark or a leaf. Each time Jasper would let out a small whimper, followed by a low, menacing growl. His thoughts were incensed, he was boiling.

The same feelings bubbled deep within me, mirroring his emotions. In the shadow of the anger pumping through my desolate veins, hanging in the back of my subconscious, was the constant worry for Bella. I knew she was in the safest place possible, but I couldn't help the dread that lingered.

_Would we ever be the same? Would she be able to get through this? Would she want to become a vampire because Charlie was?_ Those thoughts flurried through my mind, churning as fast as my legs were moving.

Bella had yet to express any inkling of wanting to choose a life such as mine, but I wasn't a fool. I knew it would come up eventually. As her body decayed and changed she would undoubtedly consider the possibility. _But now, would it occur to her sooner?_ I was terrified of the answer, because I didn't know if I could give that to her.

_Could I really take the very soul that I loved with every fiber of my being? Could I steal from her all that made her who she was?_

_Alice_.

Jasper's roaring thoughts snapped me from my contemplation. He ripped past me with a sudden burst of speed. I pushed harder, struggling to keep up, nearly running into him when he stopped abruptly.

My eyes shot right to where he was staring.

James stood less than ten feet from us, smiling his craggy grin, his wild fiery orbs appraising Jasper with a tilt of his head.

_Hello Edward_, he thought, keeping his gaze locked on Jasper. I narrowed my eyes at him, holding back the urge to attack him right then and there.

_Let's try to talk this out first_, Carlisle reminded me, reading my body language.

Jasper was completely rigid, staring James down with a ferocious expression. Like the true coward that he was, James took a hesitant step back, but held in place his taunting smile.

"Where's Alice?" Jasper's tone was low, controlled.

"Nice to see you again Jasper," James replied, his voice oozing arrogance.

James' thoughts were of random things, the weather, the tress behind us, and the clothes we were wearing. He was being very careful with them, which made me weary.

"I am going to ask you one more time. Where. Is. Alice." I braced myself for James' response knowing Jasper was readying to spring at any moment.

"Laurent? Bree? You can bring her here, its fine," James called over his shoulder without taking his eyes off of us. _Let's get this over with_, he thought haphazardly, his expression shifting to slight annoyance.

My fists balled tightly at my sides. I wanted nothing more than to rip his slimy face from his body.

"James," Carlisle spoke, moving to stand alongside Jasper and me, and the rest of the family followed, everyone flanking to our sides.

He eyed Carlisle for a moment, unsure of what to make of him. "You must be the 'father'," he sneered, anger flashing behind his crimson eyes. James had the same reaction he had earlier in the day, his mind reeling with disgust and questions about our lifestyle and waste of 'talents'.

"If that's how you would like to think of it, then yes. I am the head of our family."

James winced infinitesimally at the word family.

Carlisle continued, his tone even, his body language relaxed, even though his thoughts were less then savory towards James_. You motherfucker – you take one of my children and you have the audacity to question who I am! I should let my sons rip you to fucking shreds!_ I'd barely ever heard Carlisle use that type of language before, it was startling.

"My son here tells me that you had some questions," he continued easily, belying his inner rage.

James' smile pulled taut against his lips as he tucked his chin into his chest, eyeing me with an unfathomable expression. "Yes, I do. Some about how you survive. But mostly I was curious as to the size of your cov- family."

James opened his mouth as if to continue but was cut off by a low rumble emitting from Jasper's throat. Looking past James, I could see Alice being pulled along by the tall black vampire – Laurent, I guessed, as the other vampire was a smaller young girl.

She must have been Bree. Her eyes met with mine – bright, glowing red irises – a newborn. She looked to be no older than 15, small and slender with short brown hair that fell just past her chin. _She is just a child._ The color of her hair reminded me of Bella, and the shadow of pain loomed heavier against my heart.

Alice appeared unharmed, although somewhat shaken. I squinted at her slightly, trying to draw her attention to me. Our eyes met and she smiled a small sad smile. She looked positively miniature with Laurent's massive hand wrapped around here thin arm. _I'm fine Edward; please don't let Jasper do anything rash_, she begged in her thoughts. I nodded slightly, my eyes shifting back to Jasper.

Suddenly, calming waves smoothed through me, James' eyes widen briefly at the obvious change in the atmosphere, and his ominous grin grew wider. Alice smiled at Jasper; he was trying to calm her, to reach out to her in whatever way he could.

Jasper's patience was diminishing, but he was trying to allow Carlisle to handle James the way he saw fit. I admired him in that moment; he was a greater man than me. If that were Bella in Laurent's hands, I wouldn't still be standing in the same spot.

Glancing around I noticed Charlie was not with them, nor was Victoria, and there should have been one more vampire. Fear seized me when I realized they could be going back to our house. _No… no, Bella. _Panic began to take over my emotions, and Jasper threw me a sideways glance. I mouthed Bella and shifted my eyes toward the three vampires in front of us. He merely nodded.

Carlisle, taking note of the exchange, spoke again, "James let's put our pretences aside shall we? We came for Alice, she is not a slave to you, and you have no claim over her."

James shook his head slowly, quirking an eyebrow at Carlisle. "That's where you're wrong. She is mine; she was stolen from me years ago." As he spoke he stepped over to where Alice was standing, pulling her from Laurent's hold.

Alice let out as small squeak when James pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly, staring straight at Jasper as he continued. "I had picked her for myself. I knew she was special." He paused, running his nose through Alice's hair, closing his eyes as if savoring the scent.

Jasper took a step forward, snarling a low growl, but Carlisle grabbed his shoulder.

Placing his grimy pointer finger against Alice's face, James traced along her jaw, all the while eyeing Jasper. He was clearly baiting him – but there was nothing any of us could do but let it play out.

"As I said, someone else got to her before I could, stealing her from me. So you see, Alice is in fact _mine_," the word leaked through James' teeth, laced heavily with contempt. Everything slammed into overdrive with that one word.

Jasper ripped his arm from Carlisle's grip, thrusting himself forward. I was right behind him, just in time to intercept Laurent from tackling Jasper. Emmett rushed up on the other side of James, just as Alice planted a heavy kick between his legs; he recoiled for a moment, letting her go. Emmett grabbed Alice, pulling her away from his grasp.

James looked up, reaching out to grab for Alice but was met with Jasper. I had never seen such intensity in Jasper's features. His irises were blazing golden fires, his mouth set in a grim line, and his brow indented deep into his lids. His hand shot out, grabbing James by the throat.

James registered the look in Jasper's eyes and horror flashed across his face. A hard crack echoed through the deathly silent woods as Jasper ripped James' limbs from his body. He emitted a howling yelp as Jasper sunk his teeth into his neck, pulling chunks of flesh from his body.

Emmett moved to my side, helping me to hold Laurent back, who wasn't putting up that much of a fight. _Serves him right_, he thought bitterly, halting his resistance all together.

Esme, Carlisle, and Rosalie were holding Bree back. She flailed against them, struggling to free herself.

"James!" she shouted out, panicked. Rosalie kicked her sharply against the back of her calf, causing her to drop to her knees and let out a high pitched screech at the same time.

_You got him?_ Emmet thought, and I nodded, pinning Laurent's arms behind his back.

Emmett rushed to Jasper's side, assisting him with dismembering James, whose cries died out with each piece of his body that thudded heavily to the ground.

Alice quickly gathered sticks and dry leaves to start a fire before the rain began. The embers grew quickly, licking against the wood and dry timber. I let go of Laurent, instructing him to stay put as I went to help them throw chucks of flesh into the fire. He was the one who had ultimately caused Bella years of pain, and I wanted to be somewhat apart of his demise.

Once we were finished, the black smoke billowing against the dark green of the forest trees, we rejoined Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie. Rosalie was standing next to Laurent, giving him a death stare. Carlisle was talking softly with Bree, telling her everything would be alright. Through reading her thoughts, I knew she was only a few weeks old and that she was terrified. James had promised to take care of her, told her she couldn't trust other vampires.

"Edward," Alice's voice carried through the snaps and pops of the fire roaring behind us. I looked over at her wearily, surprised to hear her actual voice and not her thoughts. We tended to communicate mostly in that way.

"Yes?"

She breathed in slowly, her eyes glazing over for a brief second. The images rushed through her head faster than I'd ever seen them. It was a blur to me; I couldn't make any one thing out. She gasped and looked at me, her eyes full of concern. "Alice, what the fuck was that?"

She only shook her head, "It's Bella – we have to go."

My eyes grew wide, venom induced adrenaline coursing through me. I was shaking from fear and anger, my body tense. Without another word I turned and ran into the woods, back toward the house. I didn't run for long before I heard Alice's thoughts close behind me. _She's not there_. Stopping abruptly, I spun to face Alice.

"What do you mean she's not there?" I bellowed. She recoiled from my tone, and I immediately felt guilty.

"I'm not quite certain, I can't see it all. I just know she made the decision to leave with Jacob before he ever got there. As soon as she told you she would stay with him she had already made up her mind."

I stared down at Alice in disbelief. Feeling as if I had just been slapped across the face, my mind was reeling. _Bella had deceived me?_ "She's going to find Charlie isn't she?" I whispered, barely able to speak.

Alice glanced down at her feet, her gaze pulling slowly back to mine, eyes full of sadness. "I'm sorry Edward, I'm not sure. I can't see when she's with him. But I can tell you that James instructed Victoria to go back and get Bella, but when Charlie found out that he did that he got into a fight with James and went off after her."

I nodded, moving past Alice and running back towards the rest of my family. Without stopping, I breathed in deep once I got close, catching Charlie's scent. It was weak, but I could smell it. I ran for only moments before the trail got stronger, and I could smell two other vampires as well.

My feet thundered against the soft earth, my legs moving my body forward faster and faster. One word played in my head over and over, _Bella_. I needed to get to her – I couldn't lose her.

The mere thought caused me to gasp from pain. I winced, grabbing my chest where it hurt, but never slowing. After some time, I could hear my family's thoughts, not far behind. Alice had filled them in.

Not far in the distance there were several more sets of feet slamming against the earth in time with mine. It was a softer thud against the ground - the wolves - they were running alongside my family.

_Edward_, Sam's thoughts were loud and clear just seconds later. _Jake is in trouble, they're not far from here. There are two vampires, he's with Bella; they've been attacked._

Then I heard it, Jacob's thoughts. My stomach sank to my feet at how weak they were. He was thinking only one thing, and I pushed my feet harder into the ground, willing to go faster as they registered.

_Sorry Bella._

Pulling in a sharp breath, I was rewarded with Bella's sweet smell. _They are so close_, I thought frantically.

There was a loud crack and a shrill scream and then Jake's thoughts went quiet.

I could make out Jacob, in wolf form, lying limply on the ground, his body unmoving, but I didn't see Bella. I could hear her though, she was whimpering lightly.

I neared closer, clearing trees from my view, and saw Victoria, with a large form wrapped around her back. Squinting as I ran, I saw that it was Charlie, ripping and clawing at Victoria who was missing a hand. She was the one who had screamed.

"Dad!" I heard Bella cry, and my heart soared at the sound of her voice.

We had almost reached the small clearing where they were when Victoria grabbed Charlie by the neck and flung him over her shoulders, slamming him into the ground. I reached the outskirts of the trees just in time to see. The world seemed to slow as my eyes fell on Bella's panicked face.

A young male vampire was holding to her tightly, keeping her in place. Her cheeks were stained with tears, her eyes bloodshot, and all the color was drained from her face.

She was terrified.

Twisting frantically in his arms, her eyes were wide, watching her father and Jacob. Slamming her head back in an attempt to free herself from the male, her head connected with the corner of his chin and the smell of her blood assaulted my senses immediately.

I gasped as the vampire's expression changed in a split second, into a crazed hunger. His eyes were a blaring blood red, he was also a newborn, and he had smelled blood. I lunged for them, Charlie jumping up and cutting me off. He grabbed the boy just as he brought his teeth to Bella's neck.

Charlie ripped Bella from his grasp, but the vampire pushed him back. I dove at him as he went for Bella once more, pinning him against a thick tree.

"Bella," Jake breathed, my head snapped in his direction. _He was alive?_

Bella rushed toward Jacob's broken body, crying out to him. Simultaneously, Victoria leapt at the wolf.

"Nooo!" Bella screamed, throwing her small body on top of Jacob's

My stomach lurched at the loud snapping pops of Bella's bones as Victoria landed on her back, her spine crumpling under the impact. Releasing the boy, Charlie grabbed him in my place, and I ghosted to where Bella had landed.

My knees fell to the ground at Jakes side, my hands reaching out to her. In that second, Victoria's head fell to Bella's neck, she screamed out, the shrill sound piercing my ears.

Seizing Victoria by the hair, I ripped her off of Bella and Jacob, but it was too late.

I was too late.

Blood poured from her neck - bright red, her lifeline, the essence of my Bella ran down her soft flesh -the color a stark contrast against her pallid skin.

The scent burned my throat, venom filling my mouth, but I didn't care. Pulling her to me, she cried out in pain, her screams grating at my very soul.

_No … Bella, not Bella, _my family's thoughts echoed my own as they reached the clearing, joining Emmett who was already pinning Victoria to the ground.

Our eyes finally met as she gasped for air, blood bubbling up in her throat, causing her to choke. "Edward?"

"Yes love, I'm here," I said breathlessly through tearless sobs, my heart wrenching against my chest. I could hear my family dealing with Victoria, but I couldn't bring myself to pull my gaze from the broken creature in my arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I just wanted to find my dad," she wept, her breathing slowing. "Gah! Edward," she screamed, her body wrenching back, her muscles contracting from the pain. "It hurts so badly, it burns," she whimpered.

Drawing her head into me, I closed my eyes, praying to a God I had not believed in for some time to help. The steady beat of her heart thrummed against my palm that was pressed into her back. I counted them, savoring each pulsing note as they slowed.

Each weakened beat stealing my reason to be.

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**A/N: *wipes tear* As ever, I would love to hear your thoughts. Press the nifty review button at the bottom and type away! I want to give a small shout out to a site that I love for its wit and the girl who blogs on it. Go now, don't walk run! http://www(dot)kstewisbetterthanu(dot)blogspot(dot)com **


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: KatBug86 deserves a fucking award for beta'ing this chapter. It was a difficult one for me for some reason. She is the best, and was fast at that! I love u bb!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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EPOV

Chapter 23

_ThumpThump..ThumpThump_

_Thump..Thump….Thump..Thump_

_Thump….Thump…….Thump….Thump_

_Thump……Thump……..….Thump…...Thump_

One hundred and eighty six beats - two minutes. That was how long I held Bella, tearlessly weeping into her hair before Carlisle reached my side. All the while, she writhed in my arms, her screeching cries coming in spurts against the pain.

"Shhh, love, I know, it'll be okay," I whispered, attempting to soothe her but feeling powerless.

"Edward, I'm s-sorry," she spoke weakly as I gazed into her unfocused eyes. "I love you more than anything. Don't… don't you ever forget that," she said as forcefully as she could, soft sobs bubbling up and taking over.

I could not speak, she was trying to say goodbye, but I could not.

"You brought me back," she continued. "You gave me what I thought I would never have again, you fi-fixed me," she winced at a shot of pain that wracked her body sharply.

Unable to take anymore, I crushed my lips to hers; the sweet tangy taste of her blood filtering into my mouth. It was heavenly - better than I could have ever imagined - but it hardly registered with me in that moment other than a fleeting realization of how far I'd come.

I needed that connection with her, and I needed to stop her parting words. She returned the kiss, but scarcely as her energy faded. Salty tears mixed with the taste of her blood, and I ran the pad of my thumbs under her eyes to wipe them from her skin.

Gently I pulled away, keeping the slightest contact as I spoke against her lips, "Bella, love, its okay. Carlisle is here, everything is going to be fine. I love you."

_Edward, she's loosing a lot of blood_, Carlisle thought. I glanced up to where he stood above me. My brow furrowing when I notice blood already smeared down his shirt. He glanced in the direction in front of me, and I realized it must have been Jacob's who had curled into Esme's side only feet from us, whimpering.

"Carlisle, I think her back is broken," I stated the obvious, my eyes pleading with him.

Carlisle nodded, bending down to run his hand over Bella's forehead. "She's getting a fever - for now - that happens sometimes," he declared, slipping into doctor mode, but his words confused me - _for now_?

"Bella, can you feel your legs?" He asked softly.

Bella shook her head no, a fresh round of tears springing to her eyes.

"Alright, dear, that's fine," taking in a smooth breath he turned to me. "Edward, let's lay her flat onto the ground so that I can assess her better."

I acquiesced, laying her softly to the ground. My arms felt empty as I pulled away, and I resisted the urge to rip my hair and scream at the sight of her broken body on the forest floor.

Carlisle began looking her over slowly, checking the bite on the left side of her neck, and moving her arms, asking what she could feel. Other than the burning, she seemed unable to feel anything from below the neck. _She definitely has a broken back, and from the looks of it would most likely be paralyzed. Nevertheless, she should be fine Edward, things are out of our hands now, _Carlisle thought solemnly.

I stood, turning away, unable to look at her or relay the news to her. "What do you mean?"

_The venom, from Victoria's bite, it is already spreading through her body. She has already begun to change, _he thought as he pretended to continue inspecting her limbs.

Biting my knuckles, I growled into my hand, rage filling me. _This is all my fault_, I thought sickened by myself. _This could not be. _Bella's piercing screams forced me to swivel around in her direction. She scrunched her face in agony from the fire that was no doubt coursing through her veins. Carlisle held her shoulders down, muttering reassurances to her.

Dropping to my knees, I grabbed her hand. "Carlisle, there has to be a way," I begged frantically.

"No, son, there isn't anything we can do. The cut is too deep - it can't be stopped," he paused, looking at me, his thoughts concealed. "But you could do one thing."

"What? Anything, I will do anything," as the words left my mouth his thoughts assaulted me, and I gasped.

_You can help her to make the change happen quickly._

"No, I… I can't, there has to be something else." I was reeling, a million different thoughts rolling through my mind. I was overwhelmed emotionally; I couldn't be a part of that, what if she didn't want to be like us?

Carlisle must have sensed my dilemma; he smiled gently, leaning his head in Bella's direction. "Ask her," he said simply.

Sighing, I glanced around for the first time, taking account of my surroundings. My brothers and Alice were lighting a fire and throwing Victoria's remains into the blaze. Her red hair blending in as it melted into the flames.

Charlie and Rosalie had taken care of the newborn vampire and were joining the others. I narrowed my eyes at Charlie who glanced toward us with an unfathomably pained expression.

Carlisle rose slowly, patting my shoulder with a stiff clap. "There isn't much time Edward. "

I scowled, fully aware I was taking my irritation out on him, but I couldn't help it.

"There's nothing else to be done son, tell her. I am going to see to Jacob again. Call me if you need me."

Shifting my body closer to Bella's side, I squeezed her hand in mine, her fingers slack in my embrace. Her eyes were closed, brows furrowed slightly.

"Bella?"

She did not respond, sending a pang of nerves scurrying through my system. Only the soft sound of her heartbeat calming me, it was light and slow - but still there.

"Isabella, love, open your eyes."

Slowly, her lids fluttered open and she searched for me. I smiled at her - my Bella. She was so beautiful, even in the shadow of death. Her soft features, snow-white skin kissed with rose, and doe brown eyes - windows to her unbounded soul. She was stunning.

Running my hand across her forehead, I pushed wayward hairs that stuck to her soft skin back. "Carlisle says that you have broken bones."

Inhaling sharply, she strained in anguish as if to illustrate my point. "Don't s-sugar coat it Edward. I know I'm dying."

Her words were like a sharp internal blow, I recoiled in pain. "No, Bella, I wouldn't let that happen."

"What di-did Carlisle mean there's nothing el-else that can be done?"

I shook my head, hesitant to speak the words aloud. "He said that you are already changing. That I could help make it quick."

Letting her lids droop closed, she didn't pause or hesitate before she muttered, "Do it."

My eyes widened at her nonchalance. "Bella, you don't know what you're asking me to do. I have never done this before, what if I can't stop?" My voice rose anxiously.

"You will," she spoke softly as she opened her eyes, stealing the useless breath from my lungs as I took in her expression - full of love and trust.

"I - I, I can't. I can't help take your soul!" I shouted, frustrated with my hesitation in the matter.

"So you'd rather I be in pain?" The words tumbled from her mouth barely in a whisper, hurt strangling her voice.

"No, no - I never want you to hurt in anyway," I finished weakly, dropping my eyes to our hands locked together in my lap.

"Edward, look at me."

I pulled my gaze up to her, looking into her deep chocolate orbs. She was so strong, not a shred of fear visible in those eyes.

"I have seen the ty-type of vampires you and your family are. You are good a-and kind hearted, more m-moral than most people I know. If you are soulless, then I could make the same argument for most humans. I am not afraid of losing my soul. J-just as you have one, mine will stay intact. Please Edward, do this and then we'll be … ugh!" Stopping abruptly, she cried out in agonized pain. I waited for a moment, stroking her head as she rode out the wave of intense torture.

"Together forever," she finished finally, panting. Her heart was straining to pump blood through her system. I could barely hear it.

"Edward, there isn't much time," Carlisle spoke, standing over my shoulder once again. I groaned, running my hands roughly through my hair.

_Do it Edward. _My head shot up in the direction of Jake's mental voice, shocking me as it stood out over the mumbled thoughts of the rest of my family. His were weak, but clear and concise.

_Help her._

His thought rocked me to the core, shaking the foundations of my ideals. Help Bella - not stealing her soul or damning her to eternal hell. She was happy with our family, she loved me and I loved her. _We could be happy forever together, she could really want this,_ I thought. I would be helping her.

Looking around to my family, they all supplied me with sympathetic looks as well as thoughts. Charlie still looked pained but contemplative. Like before, I was still having trouble hearing what was going through his mind, but then he nodded, as if in agreement.

Drawing in a sharp breath, I turned my attention back to Bella, who was looking at me, eyes full of sorrow. "Alright … this will be painful though. The whole transformation can last three days, but I'm hoping that I can make it quicker. We have never really discussed it, but the burning sensation can be quite agonizing. When you wake up you will be very thirsty. Just remember that we will all be here, we will help you through every second. Do you understand?"

She nodded, letting me know she understood, but did not speak. Her breathing was deathly shallow. I pressed my palm against her chest, feeling her lungs struggle to pull in air, her heart sputtering.

Leaning in, I kissed her gently against the cheek, and then bent to her ear to whisper, "There isn't much time, love. I need to do this now." Her head shook in acknowledgement, soft tendrils brushing against my skin. I breathed her in, filling my lungs to their capacity. Savoring the last of her sweet smell; thoughts of an ice cold, hardened Bella flittering through my head, but I pushed them away.

With a quick glance at Carlisle, I closed my eyes, steeling my nerves. Pulling Bella gently into my arms, she let out a small yelp with the movement. I cradled her gently, running my nose along her jaw, feeling her warmth. My lips fell to the right side of her neck, the skin clean and smooth - free of marks.

"I'm sorry I could not be better for you," I whispered, letting the words dance across her skin.

Opening my mouth, I pressed my teeth to her skin. They sliced through the velvety pliable flesh that sheathed her veins easily. Warm thick liquid filled my mouth immediately, and Bella cried out. Only waiting long enough for the venom to submerge into her system, I pulled away, licking the wound closed immediately.

Moving on, I repeated the action on her ankles and wrists. It was proving to be easier than I thought to resist drinking her blood - the need hardly noticeable. Finally, I bit deeply into Bella's chest, just above her heart. She screamed out, her shrill cry tormenting me. Again, I only waited long enough for the venom to enter her system and then closed the wound. I was hoping, being so close to her heart, it would help the process along that much quicker.

"I love you, Bella," I murmured against her once more before pulling away.

Her heart was all but a whisper, her eyes glazed. She was slipping away. Carlisle's hand came down heavily on my shoulder. "You did good son," he said aloud.

I couldn't nod. I could not speak or acknowledged him. I could only stare at the love of my life, cradled in my arms - broken and dying.

"Edward… son?" Carlisle spoke softly. "We should move her, get her home so she's as comfortable as possible."

Silently, I agreed, nodding my head slowly. My eyes clenched shut tightly as Bella let our yet another excruciating scream, her head slamming back into the ground. _How much of this could I really take?_

Lifting her up, I stood carefully, pulling pieces of grass and dirt from the long strands of hair draped over my arm. "Bella, we're going to move you, take you home, is that okay?"

She whimpered in response.

"Let's go," I said, looking up, but not focusing on anyone's face. We began the trek back to our house, everyone silent. Only part of me was aware that Charlie was following too. I couldn't think about that then, I needed to focus on Bella.

I found myself running at a slower pace than before, lost in thought. I wasn't even paying attention to anyone else's thoughts, they were only background noise. Holding Bella's body still in my arms, I was careful to hold her away from my own body so not to jostle her. The tall white building came into view and relief slithered through me. All I wanted was to get her as comfortable as possible and for the transformation to happen quickly.

Taking Bella right up to my room, I placed her easily on my bed, the memory of the day before flooding my mind. She and I together, laughing so carelessly, like a normal couple. I couldn't help the snide laughter that escaped me at that thought. How I had ever thought I could give Bella anything close to normal was beyond me.

I'd been utterly selfish, and she was the one to pay the price. Because I existed, the monstrous creature that I was, she had been pulled into that twisted world - and she was trapped forever. _She will never have the choice to be normal again_, I thought bitterly.

Perching myself next to her on the bed, I stroked her hair softly. She moaned weakly, turning her head into my touch. Bella's skin was sallow, paler than I had ever seen it as all of her blood drained toward her heart. She felt clammy, only getting colder as time went by. Carlisle had been right, the fever hadn't lasted long. I knew it wouldn't be long before her heart gave out all together.

"Bella, can you hear me?"

She groaned in response, her head lulling to the side as her eyes strained to open. My stomach fluttered as I was graced with her deep brown eyes. Her pupils were dilated, but I could still see the brim of chocolate encircling the black. I was elated at the sight, thankful that I was able to peer into them as I knew it would be the last time she held those eyes.

"Edward," she muttered, her voice frail.

"Yes love, I am here." I lay out alongside her, my body giant in comparison. My face level with hers, our eyes met, and I was stunned by the small smile that curled up the corners of her mouth.

"I … love… you…," she breathed, speaking obviously difficult for her.

I smiled back, running a finger along her jaw, the electricity still snapping between us despite her condition. Her eyes fell closed. "Isabella, my love - my life, I love you more than anything. Never forget that.

Her heart thumped dully once as she muttered, barely a breath caressing her lips. "Forever," she exhaled with that final word, her heart let out one last feeble beat and then stilled.

She was gone. The Bella that I knew had died. I pressed my face into her neck sobbing once again. Chocking on the air of my tearless cries, I heaved against my uncontrollable shudders.

Bella sat up suddenly, throwing me off balance, and I toppled off the bed, thudding hard to the floor. I blanched at her in shock. Her eyes were still closed, mouth hanging open. A blood curdling scream erupted from deep within her chest.

Standing swiftly, I placed my hands at her shoulders and attempted to push her back. She snarled in rage and writhed against my hands, screaming against the burning pain. She was already stronger, and I struggled to push her back. Eventually her cries died down and she fell back against the mattress. She was panting and whimpering. Feeling lost and unsure of what to do, I sat beside her, stroking her skin and praying she would sense that I was there with her.

I sat for some time, listening to Bella's cries, tormented by the fact that there was nothing I could do other than hold her small hand. The thick darkness of the room lifted as the moon lowered in the sky and morning crested the horizon. Beams of light sifted through the closed window, creating weak shadows against the floor.

Carlisle had come and gone, checking on Bella, telling me each time she was progressing slowly but surely. Entering the room once again, he supplied me with a sympathetic smile. "Edward, you are only going to drive yourself mad. What you did for her sped up the process, no doubt, however this could still go on for hours. Go - be with your family, I will sit with her."

I shook my head without question. "No, absolutely not. I have to be here for her."

"Son, do you remember what it was like at all? Changing? As hard as it is to go through, it's just as hard to witness. Obviously not physically hard, but it is mentally exhausting. Please, Edward, she will understand."

I glanced down at Bella, whose face was twisted in agony much in the same way it had been since her last breath fell from her lips. My stomach dropped at the sight, I was truly powerless and it was killing me. Perhaps Carlisle was right. I looked back to him a solemn, caring expression poised carefully on his face. He understood better than anyone else what it was like to go through changing a human. For once I decided to heed his advice and nodded gently.

Casting a fleeting glance in Bella's direction, I placed a soft kiss against her knuckles, noting the skin there didn't seem quite as breakable. Her flesh hardening as the transformation took hold. I stood and crossed the room, Carlisle taking my place at her side.

"I'll be back in a bit," I said, defeated. I felt a failure, and as I turned closing the door behind me, the feeling deepened. _I couldn't save Bella, and now I can't even stay by her side when she needs me most_, I thought disgusted with myself.

"She will be fine Edward," Alice chimed as I reached the bottom of the stairs.

Surprising myself, I whipped around on her, anger filling me instantly. "Is it Alice? Tell me, have you seen this? Did you know from the beginning that it was going to happen this way?" I seethed at her, completely aware my anger towards her was unfounded.

She stared back, wordlessly, her expression full of sorrow and remorse. "Why didn't you just warn us Alice! We could have stopped this! I could have saved her!" I was screaming at the top of my lungs, leaning toward Alice's small frame, rage engulfing me.

Jasper grabbed my shoulder, pulling me back and sending calming waves through me all in the same motion. _She doesn't deserve your anger Edward. _

Huffing in exasperation, I thrust my hands into my hair, pulling hard. "Why! Why did this happen!" I shouted to no one in particular before my legs gave out, and I collapsed to the ground. I cursed the empty sobs coming from within me - how I longed to cry real tears.

Alice and Jasper helped me from the floor, bringing me out to the living room where everyone awaited news of Bella. Alice hugged me gently, and I wrapped an arm around her weakly before letting my weight fall to the couch. Attempting to compose myself, I breathed in deeply, my eyes falling to each expectant face.

"She is fine, she's on the final stages," I said, my voice falling flat.

Looking around, I saw Jacob, still in wolf form, curled sleeping in the corner. Esme, no doubt, had covered him with a blanket. I wondered fleetingly why he hadn't phased back into his human form, but my musings were interrupted when someone cleared their throat.

Looking up, I was met with Charlie's gaze. He looked somewhat nervous, but the tenor of what I could hear from his thoughts were centered around concern for Bella.

"Edward, I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of my little girl," Charlie spoke finally. I growled at him, a low rumble rolling through my chest unconsciously. How dare he refer to her at all? He left her, broken and alone.

Lifting his hands as if in surrender, his deep red eyes pled with me, "I know, I owe you all an explanation. I was waiting for you to come down. I don't really want to have to retell my story a thousand times." His gaze dropped to the floor as her ran his hand across the back of his neck. I had to remind myself that he most likely didn't ask to be made a vampire - he was as much a victim as Bella.

"So why you going around with a scum bag like James?" Emmett asked, breaking the awkward silence.

Charlie looked at Emmett, a soft chuckle escaping his mouth. "Wasn't really my choice."

"So you were never in a boating accident?" I asked.

Charlie shook his head, a sad expression settling into his features. I could pick out flashes of images as he remembered that night. I saw James' cocky grin, Victoria's fiery mane, and the memory of excruciating pain. I flinched at that thought, my mind going right to Bella two flights above me, suffering.

"No, no boating accident. James and Victoria got me. They attacked me and instead of killing me, changed me. James was looking to broaden his group, and he claimed I was special."

Charlie had everyone's rapt attention. I was getting better at breaking through the murky cloud that seemed to hover over his thoughts, receiving chunks as he was about to say them.

"I tried in the beginning, I really did. Disgusted with what I had become. I couldn't stomach the idea of hurting another innocent human being just so I could survive. James tried to convince me there was no other way, and that I should go with him and his coven." Sighing, he ran his hand along his neck again.

The room was completely silent, allowing the cries from the third floor to reverberate through the room, causing a knot to form deep in my stomach. _Bella._

Charlie lifted his eyes to the ceiling before continuing hesitantly, "I refused, determined to find my own way." He shook his head, emitting another humorless chuckle.

"It never occurred to me to hunt animals. I tried starving myself, and then James found me again. This time he threatened to find my family if I didn't join their group. I asked him why he wanted me with them so badly, but he only said that he had a feeling I was special. I knew he would make good on his threat because he was a sadistic fucker, and - he is a tracker."

I frowned, annoyed, no wonder he was able to find Alice so easily. "How are you special?" I asked, wondering about his clouded thoughts and also wondering fleetingly if Bella would have some sort of similar power.

"I am a lie detector," he replied plainly.

I raised my eyebrows at him, I had never heard of that before.

"Awesome!" Emmett exclaimed like a five year old. "Am I lying now?"

Charlie furrowed his brow at him in amusement. "You didn't say anything."

"Oh," Emmett replied lamely. "Uh… I'm eighteen!" He exclaimed with equal fervor as before.

"You're lying," Charlie said flatly, eyeing Emmett for a moment longer before turning back to me.

I rolled my eyes at my brother, but couldn't help the smile that lifted the corner of my mouth.

"No shit Sherlock, you're a vampire!" Rosalie spoke as she whacked Emmett in the back of the head.

"Ow! Rosie, that hurt baby." She rolled her eyes at him, sighing exaggeratedly.

"James apparently knew I had a daughter, even knew her name," Charlie continued finally.

"He said he would find Bella, kill everyone she loved in front of her before killing her," he spat, clearly disgusted.

A fresh round of anger bubbled inside of me. That son of a bitch. I suddenly wished that he were still alive so I could destroy him all over again. I looked at Charlie with a renewed sense of respect. He had done it to save Bella, gone with James to keep her safe. He had done exactly what I would have done.

"So what did you do about killing people?" Jasper asked, his curiosity piqued.

"I started seeking out the bad guys, people who had murdered; the truly evil people. It was the closest thing I could keep to my humanity, dolling out justice. I tricked myself into thinking I was doing some good for society - like when I was a cop. Now," he paused, his voice full of sorrow, "Now that I know there is another way, I know it was just that - I was fooling myself - I shouldn't have been deciding anyone's fate."

My insides clenched tight at his words, we were more alike than he would ever know. I had done virtually the same thing, only I knew better.

"Son?" Carlisle's voice caused everyone to turn towards the entryway where he stood.

"It's getting close, she will be waking soon."

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**A/N: Alright, so Bella is not dead (like I would do that - I actually almost did earlier in the week, ask Kat, she wouldn't let me *pouts*) she is going all vampy tho. Press the magic button below and send me your thoughts!!**

**Till next week lovelies! -Buff**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: As ever, Katbug86 deserves a huge fucking box of Lucky Charms for being my on-call beta. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all respective characters belong to SMeyer.**

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Chapter 24

EPOV

The rational part of my brain was telling me Bella wasn't gone. She would wake from her transformation changed, but still fundamentally the same person. Yet my heart still felt pierced, like I'd lost something that could never be replaced. I stood there staring at Carlisle, unsure what to say for some time. I couldn't think straight, everyone else's thoughts clouding my mind. A million flurried concerns of my own tearing at my brain.

_Will she remember? Will she still want me? Will she be angry that I allowed this to happen to her?_

"Why don't I check on Jacob and then we'll go up together?" Carlisle offered finally. I nodded, my gaze falling to the floor.

"It'll be fine Edward, everything's going to work out," Alice said softly, laying her small hand on my arm in show of support.

I huffed, shaking my head. "Yeah, I know - you said that before," my voice was flat, dead - _like Bella, my Bella._

"Jacob, can you hear me?" Carlisle attempted to rouse him as he gently patted his shoulder. Jacob's large brown eyes squinted open slightly, his lids drooping in a sleepy haze. His long russet fur had been shaved bald in a small square patch next to his left ear where Carlisle had to administer medicine.

I was still astonished with what had transpired in the forest while I was busy attending to Bella. Apparently, Victoria had bitten Jacob, leaving a trace of venom in his system, which could be deadly to werewolves. Carlisle had thankfully gotten to him in enough time. I had seen flashes of the memory in Carlisle's mind earlier as we sat wordlessly watching over Bella.

He was going over and over in his head the adjustments he'd taken into consideration since Jacob was still in his wolf form - unable to change. He was clearly concerned that he might have missed something, being that his medical knowledge was limited to the human anatomy.

It was hard to watch the previous night unfold through Carlisle's memories. Watching it play back was like watching a horrific car accident over and over from different angles. To see myself grasping at Bella's limp body struck a thick chord of pain through me; she looked so fragile. It was a reminder of how badly I had failed her.

Another thing I hadn't noticed in my own preoccupied state were the wolves that lined the trees - ready to help if need be. Their eyes glowing through the dark of night ominously, their low growls audible in Carlisle's recollection.

From Carlisle's vantage point I could see Charlie watching us. As he and Rosalie pulled Riley apart, literally - limb from limb - he kept glancing over; fear and sorrow apparent, even through his blood red eyes. I saw a man who was losing a daughter - again.

In Carlisle's memories, everything was in vivid colors, magnified, not dulled the way you would expect. Bella's blood glowed brightly, illuminated by the flames licking against the remains of Victoria and Riley. I saw myself, the look of utter despair - I looked aimless and desolate - Bella's small frame engulfed by my shaking arms, her face pain stricken as she screamed out in agony. The image was haunting.

Carlisle's recall shifted away from the sights and sounds of his surroundings from that night, and back to how he had tended to Jacob; his memory flickering to when he had removed the venom. Being extra careful not to allow his teeth to come in contact with the open wound in Jacob's shoulder blade, Carlisle sucked the small amount of poison from his blood stream. Luckily, Victoria had gotten mostly fur when she bit him, so the amount in his system was miniscule.

As Carlisle thought of that act, saving Jacob in that way, I gained even more respect for him, if at all possible. He would stop at nothing to save someone - to do the right thing. The fact that he had pulled tainted blood from Jacob in that manner was amazing. Werewolves were our one true natural enemy, and Carlisle had gone above and beyond to save one. If there were anyone of our kind to still posses a soul it would be him.

_Stupid mutt_, Rosalie's thoughts grabbed my attention and my head snapped in her direction. I eyed her, frowning and quirking an eyebrow in question.

She shrugged, exhaling loudly and rolling her eyes. "He's laying on one of our nice pillows - geesh Edward, shoot me. Since when do you care about the dog anyway?"

I tensed my jaw, flexing the muscles while trying desperately to control my anger. As obnoxious as she could be, I didn't want to take any of my pent up frustration out on Rose. "Since he almost died saving Bella's life, that's when," I seethed through my teeth.

"Come on you two, now's not the time" Alice interjected, her body perched in Jasper's lap. They would no doubt be inseparable after what they had just been through.

"So Al," Emmett's loud voice tromped into the conversation. I looked over to where he was leaning against a wall, exhibiting one of the 'normal' human traits we had come accustomed to performing regularly. It was second nature to us, habit rather than necessity. Except his lumbering form looked intimidating pressed into the wall, appearing more awkward than normal. "You gonna tell us what the hell you were thinking anyhow little sis?"

Alice gave a sheepish smile before she nuzzled further into Jasper's lap. "I chose the paths I saw with the most positive outcomes. It's as simple as that _big brother_," she lowered her voice in an attempt to mock Emmett.

"What did that scum bag want with you anyway?" Rose questioned, somehow managing to still seem disinterested. Her thoughts said otherwise, however - she was livid over Alice's kidnapping.

Closing her eyes briefly, Alice quickly pushed the memories from her mind. She was still shaken up by the whole ordeal, James had touched a nerve with her and she didn't seem to want to recount things just yet. "Pretty much what he told you," she replied opening her eyes again.

"Its okay babe," Jasper said, relief falling over Alice's features as he rubbed soothing circles along her back. "You don't have to talk about it now."

She smiled in return, kissing him on the cheek lightly, "Thanks Jazz."

Watching them sent a pang of emotion jolting through me - jealousy and sadness. I wanted what they had; the ease of their love. Jasper wasn't a threat to Alice, he didn't cause her pain. I had been the complete opposite for Bella, bringing more pain into her life then I would have ever thought possible.

"You were injured very severely," Carlisle's words to Jacob pulled me from my musings. "I've given you some medication for the pain, and I'll have to continue adjusting the dosage, as I'm not entirely sure how much your system requires. So you just need to be honest with the pain levels and we will keep you as comfortable as we can."

_Why am I still a wolf? _Jacob's thoughts were weak, I almost didn't catch them.

"Carlisle, he'd like to know why he's still a wolf," I translated.

Sighing, he pulled out a small light and flashed it into Jacob's eyes before responding. "Your body is healing very rapidly from what I can tell, but right now you are too broken to phase. Your bones need to set before you should phase again."

"He wants to know how long," I relayed to Carlisle.

Glancing at me and then back to Jacob, Carlisle supplied him with a small reassuring smile. "I would say not for another few hours. I will reevaluate you in a little while. I have already spoken to Sam, he and the rest of the pack have gone home to notify your father. They will be back shortly. For now you should sleep."

Jacob's large head moved slowly up and then fell back down onto its place atop his mammoth paw. His eyes falling closed immediately; his thoughts wandered to Bella just before becoming murky as he drifted back asleep.

"Carlisle?" Esme called to him from the doorway and we all turned to see her standing with a weary expression.

"Yes dear?" He replied, standing his expression matching hers.

"Bree is asking for you."

My mouth fell open, in all of the events I had completely forgotten about Bree. _Carlisle had brought her here?_

Carlisle nodded, glancing at me as he walked past. I opened my mouth to speak, but Jacob's thoughts faltered me.

_Edward._

Pulling my gaze from Carlisle's retreating form as he mounted the stairs, I looked to where Jacob lay. His head was pressed into his paw, one eye barely slit open. If I didn't know any better I would have thought he was still sleeping.

_Edward._

Stepping lightly to his side I knelt down, for the first time seeing up-close the extent of his injuries. They were bad. His back legs were notably twisted in an unnatural way, the bones obviously broken in several places. The small patch of fur on his back had been shaved away as well from where Victoria had gotten him. All that was left from the bite was a small sutured line along his pink flesh.

"Yes Jacob?"

_Bella, how is Bella?_

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I shut my eyes tightly. "She is doing as well as expected," I answered.

_How much… how much longer?_

Slowly, my lids lifted and my gaze met with his one large brown eye. He looked mournful, even in his wolf form I could see the concerned creases rippling the skin under his eye. "Shouldn't be long now. Her -," I paused, swallowing unnecessarily. I didn't want to utter those words, but he deserved to know exactly what happened to Bella. "Her heart has stopped, so the venom is flooding her system now."

Jacob whimpered, a large fat tear welling in his eye and then falling with a light plop against the hardwood floor.

_I've been asleep for a long time. How long - how long has she been suffering? _

"She's been going through her transformation for about a day and a half," I spoke softly, feeling Jacob's pain through his thoughts. He was mourning her too. I did the only thing I could do in that moment. I said what I would have wanted to hear. "Jacob, we haven't lost her. She's still here."

_Thanks_, he thought, closing his eyes and turning his muzzle away from my gaze, effectively ending our conversation. I knew he harbored no true ill-will towards me. He had asked me to do it for God's sake. He was just angry, as was I, and he wasn't sure what to do with that anger.

I stood, turning, and headed for the foyer. I wanted to check on Bella, but first I wanted to find out what exactly Bree was doing there. I stopped at the second floor, as Carlisle was just exiting Jasper's room. He closed the door gently and turned, appraising me calmly. "Son, we should talk, let's go in my office.

I dipped my chin in acknowledgment and turned to follow him into the room. Plopping down in a large wing back leather chair facing his desk, I drew my hand up and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Why is she here?" My voice came out harsher than I had intended.

Carlisle slid easily into his chair behind his desk, eyeing me wearily before responding. "Edward, she is an innocent. She was plucked from her home, told that her world was nothing like what she thought it was, and if she didn't do as James asked then she would die. She was scared, son. Esme has spent a lot of time with her and she seems interested in our way of life. She claims she never liked killing humans."

I nodded, confirming the fact. I had read that in her thoughts the few nights prior. One of the many frantic things that swirled around in her head was that she didn't ask for any of what had been dealt to her, and she didn't even like it.

"Edward, I actually wanted to talk to you about Bella. How are you holding up?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I dropped my gaze to my lap. "As good as to be expected I suppose."

"You seem like there is something else though. Anything I may be able to help with?"

I thought it over for a minute. Carlisle was right, as always, I had so many concerns about Bella's change; I wasn't sure where to begin. "Well, what if she rejects us? What if her memory of us is pour and she wants nothing to do with us?"

He smiled softly, his head tilting to the side in consideration. "Edward, I have witnessed every one of your changes, with the exception of Alice and Jasper. Each time you were all scared and unsure, but you were all fundamentally good people and open to our style of life. I would bet that Bella will be as well," he paused, taking a breath, his eyes drawing to a stack of papers on his desk.

"I also wonder… Bella has already accepted us. She has known our ways for weeks now and showed no objection to us. She should, in theory, remember that. It gives me confidence that she will be less afraid when she wakes. I have high hopes for her Edward," he finished with a warm smile.

I felt his hope and it spurred a new feeling inside me. What he said made sense, and I prayed that it would be true. "Thanks, Carlisle," I said with an honest smile.

Carlisle glanced at his watch, "Well, shall we go check on her then?"

"Yes," I replied. Carlisle and I stood simultaneously and made our way to my bedroom. He supplied me with a reassuring clap on the back as we ascended the stairs to the third floor.

We stopped short in the doorway to my room. There, standing in front of the window, silhouetted by the mid day light, Bella stood. The rays caressed her skin, outlining her figure in a golden hue. The long, white nightgown Alice had dressed her in flowed loosely to the floor, glowing a bright yellow against the light.

Prismatic beams bounced off of her skin, reflecting along the walls. She was staring down at her arm, seemingly mesmerized by the sight. I recalled the first time I had seen my own skin in the daylight; I was much the same way - mesmerized, but I had been more appalled by the sight. Bella had always said my skin was beautiful in the light. I wondered what thoughts were running through her mind in that moment. Was she disgusted by herself? Or did she still think it was beautiful?

"Bella," I breathed without thinking. Her head snapped up as she swiveled away from the window to face us.

I gasped audibly at her. I wasn't prepared for the change I would see. Her skin, a hardened version of the flawless porcelain it was in her human life, looked to almost glow. Her deep mahogany hair fell in tendrils, waving loosely down her back and shoulders, falling gently at her hips. It looked softer, silky - perfect. My fingers twitched at my sides, itching to touch, my body already being drawn to her in the smallest of ways.

Our eyes finally met, and I couldn't help but look away hastily. They weren't Bella, they were blood red and vicious looking. Despite the color, it was her expression that horrified me more than anything. She looked absolutely lost and bewildered - terrified.

Forcing myself to look back, I took a step forward and spoke again, trying to keep my voice from shaking as I did so. "Bella, love, it's okay…"

Hissing loudly, her stance changed. She crouched into a defensive posture, her muscles tensing as if ready to attack.

_Easy Edward, she seems scared_, Carlisle thought wearily. He was disappointed, having hoped for a different reaction from Bella, and was saddened by her apparent unawareness of who we were.

I took another cautious step towards her, but before I could take another, Bella turned lightning fast and leapt through the closed window - glass shattering to the floor. I was out the window and on her before I could think my actions through. Catching her just outside of the house, I grabbed her by the wrist, spinning her to face me. She hissed at me again, looking more like a caged animal than anything else, absolutely no recognition of me showing in her expression.

A low growl snarled through her clenched teeth. With ease, she yanked her hand loose of my grasp, lifting me by the neck as soon as she was freed. With all of her might, she launched me into the air. My body slammed hard against a tree with a splintering crack.

Jumping to my feet, I was halted by Carlisle's hands on my shoulder. _Be careful son, she is strong._

Looking back to where she had just been standing, I saw she was gone. My legs set into motion on their own accord. I was able to pick up her scent quickly, part of my brain noting that she smelled better to me then she ever had before. Not one ounce of bloodlust or venom drawn by that attraction. My brain tilted slightly, dizzied by the revelation. My lure to her was even stronger then before - _could that even be?_

Despite being able to follow her trail, she was still nowhere to be seen. My thoughts were inundated with concern - both for Bella and anyone who happened upon her. She was confused, feral. I needed to find her before she did something she would regret for the rest of her existence. Just then, Alice caught up with me.

_Edward, wait._

I stopped, reluctantly, and waited for Alice to make it to my side. "Where is she?"

"She's at your meadow, I don't know why, but she stops there."

Shock scorched through my system. _My meadow? _It was a place I used to go often, before Bella. The one place I could be alone - free of anyone else's thoughts. I had considered taking Bella, but then the threat of James' clan happened, and I pushed it to the back of my mind. _How could she know that place?_

"Edward, go," Alice commanded firmly, snapping me out of it.

I nodded, giving her an appreciative smile. Inspiration hit me as I ran through the trees, wind whirling around me. I retrieved my phone from my back pocket, quickly typing a message to Bella, and hoping she would know enough to check it - praying it would spark something inside her.

My legs pushed harder into the earth as I ran deeper into the woods, towards the place that had always been my safe haven.

**

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****A/N: So I apologize for the day late-edness, and for the shortness of this chapter. It was originally suppose to be part of the last chapter, but I thought it worked better this way. Next chapter: bpov. (finally I know.) Thanks for all of you wonderful beauties (guys and gals… what? guys can be beautiful too, my God look at **_**Rob**_**.) who read this fic. I am so happy that ppl are enjoying this. I am somewhat attached and sad its coming to a close. Please press the button and review!!**

**Till next week!! -Buff**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: As always, a big thanks to Katbug86 for her stellar beta work, ily.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all the respective****characters****belong to Smeyer**_**.**_

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Chapter 25

BPOV

My mind was blazing - thoughts swirling through at a torrid pace. A raging forest fire coursed through my brain fibers, burning to cinder all my good memories and happy times; because in front of me - before my very eyes - it was all ending.

Jake lay flattened to the ground whimpering in pain. Charlie had appeared out of nowhere, attacking Victoria with a rabid ferocity. Until then I had been held captive, feeling utterly hopeless, watching Jake fight for his life - fight for me.

With the sight of Charlie, my heart swelled inside my chest, filling me with new hope - new possibilities, and I began to wriggle against the vampire who was holding me. I had to try; I couldn't just stand by and watch any longer.

"Dad!" I screamed, thrashing harder against the freakish brute strength of the boy behind me.

Victoria ripped Charlie - like an old band aid - swiftly from her shoulder and discarded him to the ground with such ease. Her wild eyes flicking back to Jacob.

I tugged harder, trying to pull myself free. I could feel the bruising rings around my arms where his hands were clamped down, but I didn't care. All I could focus on, as my hopes began to die out again with Victoria's seeming triumph over Charlie, was Jake's desolate form.

A sudden flash of memory from the dream I had so many nights ago hit me like a ton of bricks; Jacob standing over my dead and drained body - his eyes glowing sickly red. I had been so afraid of that image, but then his words came back to me. _"I had to, I had to save her."_

I couldn't let it happen. I couldn't let Jake sacrifice himself just to save me.

With all my might, I pulled my body forward and dropped my head back into the vampire boy. It was a stupid, desperate attempt - I'm not even sure what I was hoping for - but I was grasping at straws. The pain struck through me like a lightning bolt when my head connected with his chin; I could smell the blood immediately. In that split second, his demeanor changed.

He had been apparently bored up to that point, because once the copper scent hit the air, the boy came to life. A vicious rumble erupted from low in his belly, his grip tightening around me. I squeaked out in pain as my bones whined in protest against the pressure. Just as I feared they might snap, something was ripping me free of the monster I had awakened. I tumbled forward, not stopping to look back, and in that same instant Victoria was crouching, preparing to lunge at Jacob.

"No!" I screamed again, my voice barely registering in my ears as the wind roared against them. I was moving - flinging my body in their direction. I landed with a thud on top of Jacob's soft, warm body, my eyes catching with his left one. The pain and sorrow I saw there nearly undid me, but I didn't have time to dissect the moment because Victoria had descended us, landing squarely on my back.

I heard the sickening pops and snaps in my spine before I felt them, then my body went numb from the shoulders down. I grunted at the pressure of Victoria's weight on me. In a blur of speed her head fell to my neck. I could feel her cold breath along my skin, sending icy chills along my flesh. I waited for the chill to run down my spine, a fat tear welling in my eye when I realized I couldn't feel it.

"All for a stupid human," she seethed in my ear as I whimpered, starting to plead with her.

It was useless; I could already see her mouth open against my skin. Everything seemed to slow tremendously in that moment. Victoria picked a spot above my shoulders, apparently aware that she had broken my back - she wanted me to feel the pain. Her teeth sliced through my flesh with ease, and my mind ironically wandered to images of melting, warm butter. I cried out, the burning sensation hitting me instantly. Then she was gone, the pressure of her body missing, and all I could feel then was the open wound gushing at the crook of my neck. A moment later someone lifted me, pulling me to them. I winced reflexively, expecting another hostile vampire - James perhaps. The sight before me was miraculous, tears sprang immediately to my eyes, overflowing my lids and spilling down my face.

My vision blurred in and out, and I struggled to keep focused. Our eyes met just as I tasted the blood that was bubbling into my throat. Edward looked grief stricken and frantic. "Edward?"

I was able to register that he had responded, but my ears were ringing so loudly that I could not make out his words. I felt myself falling, my body failing me - I needed to say my goodbyes. I needed him to forgive me for being so stupid - I needed him to absolve me. I did my best to communicate my thoughts with him through my strangled cries. He pulled my head into his neck, his entrancing smell taking over my senses, soothing me, and supplying me that one last glorious moment.

"Shhh, love, I know, it'll be okay," he whispered to me after some time. I knew he was wrong though. I had so many injuries in my lifetime, but none had ever come close to what I was feeling in that moment. I could feel death coming - there was no question in my mind. Abandoning my concern for forgiveness, I put my energy into trying to relay to him just what he had meant to my life.

"Edward, I'm s-sorry." Frowning at him, I tried to speak as loudly and determined as possible. But, instead, my voice was fragile and withering. "I love you more than anything. Don't… don't you ever forget that," I swallowed back more blood that was choking my words.

"You brought me back," I continued. "You gave me what I thought I would never have again, you fi-fixed me."

Edward surprised me by pressing his lips firmly against mine, effectively silencing me. He kissed me with a fevered passion, and I responded immediately, recognizing it would be the last time. Allowing my eyes to fall closed - my pain momentarily forgotten - I was home. Edward was my refuge and I felt content and fulfilled.

In the recesses of my mind I was barely aware of Jiminy, brushing tears from her own eyes. _I love that man_, she sighed, saying her own goodbyes._ He wasn't all that bad._

Edward began to pull away softly, the pain returning full force. I ground my teeth together, wincing at the sting.

"Bella, love, its okay. Carlisle is here, everything is going to be fine. I love you."

Edward's face turned away from mine briefly, and he spoke to Carlisle who must have been standing behind me. Carlisle appeared in my line of sight, kneeling next to me, his face tender, concern creasing the edges of his eyes.

"Bella, can you feel your legs?" He asked softly.

I shook my head no, tears welling up in my eyes again. I knew it was silly to be concerned about being paralyzed when I could feel death hovering so close, but I couldn't help it.

"Alright, dear, that's fine. Edward, let's lay her flat onto the ground so that I can assess her better."

Edward laid me flat to the ground, letting go, and another pang of grief filled me that I hadn't felt his touch on my body to begin with. Carlisle began assessing me, lifting my arms slowly and asking what I could feel. It was getting harder and harder to focus, white spots appearing in my vision. I blinked a few times, willing them away, but that did no good.

Along with my vision, my attention was going in and out as well; the ringing in my ears growing and then abruptly dissipating. I barely made out Carlisle's words to Edward as I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling very sleepy.

"No, son, there isn't anything we can do. The cut is too deep - it can't be stopped," he paused, "But you could do one thing."

Another wave of static and ringing sounded, and I longed to pull my arms up and cover my ears from the offending noise. A sound that was something close to my name being murmured under water overtook the ringing, but I wasn't sure that I didn't imagine it, so I lay still, lacking the energy for much more.

"Isabella, love, open your eyes." Edward's voice broke through clearly that time. I struggled to lift my lids, searching for his face. It was a blurry circle in front of me which slowly took proper shape. His skin was glowing, a strange orange hue, but I couldn't place where the light was coming from. His expression was grim, quickly shifting as I focused on him. His eyes lightened, and a smile graced his full lips.

He was so beautiful, how had I ever been so lucky as to have that man in my life - even if for only a short while.

"Carlisle says that you have broken bones," he spoke softly, drawing his hand across my forehead.

I swallowed, grimacing against a flare of fire that singed at my flesh. At times it felt as if I could feel each individual cell smoldering to ash. "Don't s-sugar coat it Edward. I know I'm dying," I said, unable to ignore the obvious.

"No, Bella, I wouldn't let that happen."

"What di-did Carlisle mean there's nothing el-else that can be done?"

He closed his eyes briefly, shaking his head as if to rid it of the answer. "He said that you are already changing. That I could help make it quick," he replied reluctantly.

Changing? I was not dying? I was becoming a vampire? It was almost too much information for my brain to process - I hadn't even considered. It only took a half second for his words to register with me and Jiminy mumbled weakly from a darkened corner, _Let him do it. _

I let my eyes close but didn't hesitate in my response, "Do it."

"Bella, you don't know what you're asking me to do. I have never done this before, what if I can't stop?" His answer was panicked, doubt coloring his words.

I had no doubt - not one ounce - that he wouldn't stop. I trusted him implicitly - he needed to know that.

"You will," I replied soft and evenly before opening my eyes. His were a liquid onyx, flecks of butterscotch melding throughout; worry fading as he read the honest trust in my expression.

I watched doubt creep back across his face suddenly as another thought occurred to him - his features falling flat. "I - I, I can't. I can't help take your soul!" He shouted, frustration evident in his tone.

Helplessness overtook my emotions - _then I will suffer_, I thought, defeated. "So you'd rather I be in pain?"

"No, no - I never want you to hurt in anyway," he answered, looking lost as his eyes dropped to his lap.

He was concerned for my soul, but I held no such fear. Edward was being Edward - trying to put my best interest first. Only in that case I think my best interests were outside of his grasp, he couldn't understand.

"Edward, look at me."

He obeyed, slowly, and I continued, "I have seen the ty-type of vampires you and your family are. You are good a-and kind hearted, more m-moral than most people I know. If you are soulless, then I could make the same argument for most humans. I am not afraid of losing my soul. J-Just as you have one, mine will stay intact. Please Edward, do this and then we'll be … ugh!"

Another shot of pain seared through my veins. I clenched my eyes shut, attempting to compose myself. "Together forever," I finished after a moment, breathlessly.

"Edward, there isn't much time," Carlisle spoke from behind Edward, and I wondered idly what would happen if my heart gave out before Edward did what I had asked of him. I supposed I would be made to suffer through the intense agony for that much longer. _Was I asking too much of him then? Perhaps I should tell him to forget it and deal with the pain. _Those thoughts fluttered around my brain, mixed with sharp twinges of pain, as I watched Edward's tormented face morph in and out of decision. Then, suddenly, his expression grew determined, his eyes falling back to mine.

"Alright … this will be painful though. The whole transformation can last three days, but I'm hoping that I can make it quicker. We have never really discussed it, but the burning sensation can be quite agonizing. When you wake up you will be very thirsty. Just remember that we will all be here, we will help you through every second. Do you understand?"

I nodded in acknowledgement, a fragment of fear slithering into my emotions. We had never discussed my changing, and I had not given it much consideration. The process had already begun, and I wasn't fearful of the ultimate effect, or even Edward having to bite me again. I was fearful of the loss of my life. I hadn't spoken to Renee in a few days, would I be able to see her again? Or would I have to abandon her the way Charlie abandoned me? Would she receive a phone call from a stranger stating they had found my body and I was dead? I couldn't imagine what that would do to her, and I felt impossibly sadder at the prospect.

Edward leaned in, kissing my cheek, and pulling me from my mulling. "There isn't much time, love. I need to do this now."

I shook my head again, it being harder than he last time. My muscles felt sluggish, my breath shallow and slow. His head moved to my right side, I could thankfully feel his lips there, and I basked in the momentary feel. His cold lips against my warm skin - it would be the last time. "I'm sorry I could not be better for you," he whispered, his breath fanning across my skin.

Tears spilled over as I drew in a staggered gulp of air, opening my mouth to reject his comment. But before I could, Edward's teeth sunk into my flesh. I screamed out at the immediate pain, the same image of melting butter flashing before my eyes. He moved to the other side of my neck, repeating his actions. The pain was not as harsh, as I was anticipating it that time. His teeth moved so easily through my skin.

He moved to my ankles and proceeded in the same manner. The pain was stinging through my system when he pulled his body up, his face hovering just above my heart. I did not expect what he did next, the fiery pain all but too much as he bit deeply into my breast. I screamed out in shock, thinking I might pass out from the pain, but I was granted no such release.

"I love you, Bella," he mumbled into me before pulling away; I whimpered in response.

I could no longer open my eyes, my world was nothing but agony and sparks of light and dark. The blood moved slowly through my veins, flames taking its place. I was somewhat aware of my body being lifted and moved, but I had no clue or care as to where.

"Bella, can you hear me?" I thought I heard Edward's voice. I groaned in response, dropping my head in its direction and trying desperately to pry my eyes open.

"Edward," was all that managed across my lips.

"Yes love, I am here."

For the first time it occurred to me that he had done it. Just as I thought he would - he had bitten me and not lost control. A sense of pride swelled within me. I tried to smile, but was too weak, only able to turn the corners of my mouth slightly. I could feel the fire moving closer to my heart as it slowed. I knew that moment was my last as a human with a beating heart and blushing cheeks. I thought of my life and aside from my mother, I knew I wasn't going to be losing much. In Edward, I had gained so much more.

Staring into the eyes of the man who had changed my life so drastically, the unconditional love and devotion I felt inside myself was mirrored there - it was indescribable. We connected just by a look, it said all we needed to say as I took my last breath, exhaling the only words that mattered. "I … love… you…."

My eyes settled closed, my heart taking its last feeble beat, and I heard Edward's words echo inside my head over and over as I fell into darkness. "Isabella, my love - my life, I love you more than anything. Never forget that."

xxXXxx

I felt as though I had been sleeping for a thousand years, my limbs heavy to the point of feeling dead. I tried to move but could not. A fireball of pain exploded suddenly from my heart, shooting through my veins. Screaming out, my body propelled forward on its own accord.

Something pushed me back down, and I writhed against the pain, hissing and snarling - willing it to go away. Slowly, it dissipated, and I slipped back into blackness.

A sensation growing in my feet and hands fished me from the darkness once again. It felt as if someone was holding hot pokers against them. I yelped at the feel, only partly aware that I shouldn't be feeling anything at all from my extremities. I bit down against the pain, trying to remember why I felt such intense displeasure, and why I couldn't open my eyes.

The darkness, which seemed a safe haven before, only seemed to swallow me then as the pain followed me. I felt vulnerable, unable to move or see what was attacking me. My brows furrowed in agony and confusion. _Who was doing this to me? _

The relentless torture went on for what seemed like forever - no end apparent. I began to think I was dead, my mind coming to the only logical conclusion. I struggled to remember anything, but could not - only flickers of faces and muted voices that made no sense. There was no other explanation for the excruciating pain - the blindness - the helpless feeling - I was in hell.

Just as I solidified that thought in my mind, coming to terms with the fact that I would be suffering for all eternity - unable to remember what I had done to get there, or anything of my life before - the pain lifted minutely. The intense burning smoothed to smoldering warmth throughout my flesh.

I wiggled my fingers and toes, testing that I could move them. Keeping my eyes shut, from fear of what I would find around me, I sat myself up slowly. As I did so I realized I had not been breathing, for God knows how long; panicked I inhaled sharply. All sorts of smells assaulted my nose, overwhelming me. I stopped breathing immediately, unsure I could handle it, simultaneously it occurred to me that I didn't need the oxygen. Something about that thought struck me as familiar, but small sounds distracted me from thinking of it any further.

I could hear the chirping of birds outside, as if they were sitting on my shoulder. Then there was a rustling of brush along the lush forest floor, small pitter patter of an animal's feet moving swiftly. They were light steps of a small creature, no bigger than a rabbit.

The pain had diminished, the sensation almost completely gone, save the slight burn that had settled into my throat. I felt the intense need to put out the flames there, satiate it in some way, but it was a far cry from the overall blazing pain I had been suffering. I smiled in relief, a small giggle bursting from my chest and the melodic sound was strange to me, like a chorus of wind chimes. I was not dead, I was not in hell, but something was very different.

Cautiously, I opened my eyes, immediately assaulted with vivid light and colors. I didn't need to squint against the it, or shield my eyes; I was able to look straight into it, amazed by the each separate particle reflecting color. Dust motes fluttered around in the light; I squinted at the tiny fluffy balls, astounded I could see each individual fiber.

Glancing down I took note of the long, flowing, white night gown that clung loosely to my body. Grazing my fingers down my torso I touched the soft gauzy fabric beneath my finger tips, it felt fragile.

I stood, moving swiftly and gracefully to the source of the light where it melted in through the window. Voices piqued my interests as they made nerves shudder through me. I felt immediately defensive, perking my ears up to listen to their words.

"I also wonder… Bella has already accepted us. She has known our ways for weeks now and showed no objection to us. She should, in theory, remember that. It gives me confidence that she will be less afraid when she wakes. I have high hopes for her Edward."

_Edward, _I couldn't place it, but the familiarity of that name sent calming waves through me. I twisted to go towards the voices when the light broke through a bay of clouds, spiking a bright beam through the window, gleaming off my skin and splashing a shower of color all around me.

The sight was breathtaking. I turned back to the window, staring at my luminous skin sparkling in the light. It was captivating, all the millions of colors, I could see each distinct crystal. A memory of a duller version of the same sight sparked through my mind.

"Bella," I heard a man's voice whisper. The fact that I had not heard anyone enter threw me; I spun, immediately defensive, my instincts taking over. I stared at the man who had spoken, his tall lean figure hovering in the doorway. My mind was racing with thoughts of survival, and I found it aggravatingly hard to concentrate on any one thing.

Our eyes met momentarily, but he dropped his gaze immediately, sadness washing over his features. His face shifted quickly as he looked back, taking a step in my direction. Every molecule inside me was on high alert - ready to fight for my life. I couldn't make sense of the overwhelming urge, but I was scared and confused, and I went with my prominent reaction - my baser instincts taking the lead.

"Bella, love, its okay…" The man spoke, he was calling me Bella… the name held familiarity, but I pushed it from my mind as he stepped closer. Without thinking, I crouched low, ready to spring if necessary, hissing at the man in warning. He didn't heed the warning and stepped closer still.

Panicking, I turned and sprang through the window toward the light, landing nimbly with a soft thud on the ground below. The man was right behind me, grabbing me by the wrist and turning me to him. The sudden shock of electricity the speared through my body frightened me, and I hissed at the odd feeling.

His expression was unfathomably pained, but I didn't know what he wanted, I only knew that everything was too much for me. I needed to get away, all of those new sensations overtaking me; I couldn't focus - I was terrified by it.

Growling, I pried my wrists easily from him, lifting him up and throwing him into the trees. I didn't wait to see his body hit the ground; I just turned and ran into the forest. The wind whipped madly around me as I dug my bare feet into the earth, it was easy to run. I had a sudden memory of my past clumsiness, and I was fully aware that the lithe, agile movement was new for me.

I ran and ran, never tiring; another thing that I knew was different. Whatever I was, I was no longer human. _Was the man who tried to stop me? _

I spun abruptly, running west towards the sinking sun, and up the slight incline toward the mountain in the distance. I was surprised when the trees parted and gave way to an open field. Slowing to a stop, I found myself standing in the middle of a small meadow. Flowers blooming in radical purples and blues, low to the ground, a stark contrast to the bright green of the soft billowing grass that waved slowly in the breeze.

Rays of light pushed through the thick trees, reaching their arms out to the meadow, golden hues dancing across the field. It was magnificent, I felt oddly content there. Carefully, for the first time since I had awoken from my blackened sleep, I took in a light breath, taking in the scents around me. Once again, I was hit by an assortment of different smells - the earthy smell of the soft dirt being stirred slightly by the breeze; the blades of grass which were warming in the late afternoon sun, the light floral scent of the flowers littering the ground. I could smell the faint scent of animals hiding in the forest, and my mouth laced with liquid as my mind went to what pumped through their bodies.

The blood. That's what my body was craving, why my throat still burned, and why I felt thirsty. _Vampire_, Jiminy whispered to me, and I remembered my familiar inner voice for the first time since my changing.

I had been changed, but by who? If I knew that much, then I knew it was all locked in my head somewhere; I grew impatient and frustrated. Why could I not remember? Sinking to the earth, I felt the cool grass beneath my own chilled fingers. I had a weak sense of an icy touch, one I use to crave, but I couldn't place it fully.

Nothing was making sense. _Why had I felt the need to flee, and why did I feel comfortable stopping in this meadow? _It held something, a presence that my body seemed at loss for. Breathing in again I got a whiff of a new smell, one that was wholly familiar, but more intense. I closed my eyes, laying back, trying to remember before my change and breathing in that recognizable smell.

Cool touches and soft kisses, auburn hair, and soft, warm eyes shining full of love. I was receiving splashes of memory. A smooth honey voice lulling me to sleep. Incredible pain, a loss of a life, and then that voice - peace. He had put me back together. I loved him. How could I have forgotten him?

_Never forget. _And then the memory crashed into me with overbearing force - his last words.

"_Isabella, my love - my life, I love you more than anything. Never forget that."_

"Edward," I breathed, his name trickling over my lips, my new voice sounding strange in my own ears. I could see his face then, gasping as I realized it was the same face I had seen outside of the house - the overwhelming sadness in his eyes was because I hadn't recognized him.

I stood in one fluid motion, inhumanly fast; turning to run back in the direction I had come from, but was halted at the sight before me. Edward was there, lingering at the outskirts of the meadow, watching me with apprehension. Looking into his eyes, with the new pieces to the puzzle, everything fell into place - my mind unlocking the past. The memories flooded into me like a crashing wave, knocking me to my knees.

My father, graduating, coming to Forks, running into Edward, _Edward_, seeing Charlie again, James and his group, Jake - _Oh no! Jacob!_, Victoria biting me, and Edward saving me. The visions of the past were dull, but I recalled it all.

"Bella?" Edward called to me cautiously. It occurred to me then he still could not read my mind, or he would have already been to my side. I ghosted to him, taking him off guard, but stopping arms length away.

Searching his face, I was amazed that he still looked just as perfect, even with my improved vision. His skin was smooth - flawless, his eyes still warm and inviting. Tentatively I reached my hand up, his weary expression melting away when my fingers caressed his cheek.

I was entranced by how his skin felt beneath my fingers, no longer hard, cold stone, but soft and almost warm compared to my own flesh. "Oh Edward," I breathed. "I remember, I remember everything… and I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

With that he collapsed into me, grabbing around my waist and pulling me to him. "Oh Bella, my Bella. I was so worried I had lost you forever," he sobbed dryly into my shoulder.

"Shhh, I know, I'm sorry I frightened you. I was just so scared and I - I didn't know what had happened," my voice trailed as I reveled in the feel of him holding me. The spiking electric current passing easily between us was no longer strange to me, but all too familiar - just intensified. I immediately felt desire pool low in my belly, and I pressed my lips to his neck tentatively.

He pulled back gently, keeping his arms firmly in place, gazing into my eyes. "Bella, how did you know? What happened?"

I smiled wildly at him, ecstatic that the tension was gone, that something felt right for once, and I was no longer frightened. "It was you Edward. I was scared and couldn't remember, but then I came here and something about this place seemed right. I stopped to think, and then with my eyes closed I could smell you and pieces began to fall into place. I was going to come find you, but you were already here."

Edward was regarding me with a curious expression, and I wondered if he was thrown off by my voice as much as I was; I quirked an eyebrow at him inquisitively, "What?"

He shook his head, a light chuckle escaping him. "It's just you… you are amazing. It took most of us days to recall what exactly had happened to us, and you - you take mere hours."

"Hours! I was running for hours?"

"Well, two, but yes, you ran for a long time. I was beginning to think Alice's vision was wrong. I left to find your trail, but you must have come just as I left."

"You were waiting for me here?"

He smiled warmly, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. The buzzing trail his finger left along my skin was distracting. "Yes, love, Alice told me I would find you here."

"Oh," I replied other things clicking into place. "OH! Jake? Is he okay? What happened?"

Edward supplied me with another honest grin, which was relieving. "Jacob is fine, he is banged up, but he will make a full recovery."

I breathed a sigh of reprieve, happy to hear Jacob would be fine. The burning sensation in my throat increased tenfold suddenly, I winced against the irritation. A warm, rich smell wafted against my nose, and I closed my eyes, breathing it in. "Mmmmm," I heard myself hum and turned away from Edward toward the source. My throat was coated in liquid again.

"Bella, stop," Edward ordered, grabbing my arm. The scent was fading, and I whined in response, opening my eyes and turning, irritated, finding Edward's shocked expression. "What was that? Why did you stop me? And stop looking at me like that," I huffed folding my arms tightly across my chest.

He blinked slowly at me before replying, "Bella, that smell was hikers a few miles from here. I told you to stop so that you didn't run after them and make a mistake. I am looking at you like this because I'm shocked you listened."

I rolled my eyes, "Why are you '_shocked_' I listened?"

"Because with newborns their desire typically prevails over all else… and, well to be frank, you never listen to me."

I laughed humorlessly at him, and then recognition hit me. "That smell was people?"

"Their blood to be exact, but yes; I'd say there were three of them. How do you feel now? Is the venom filling your mouth still?"

_Venom? _So that's what that was, it just felt like thick saliva. "Um, I'm okay, my throat's burning, but I haven't gone insane yet," I replied dryly.

He nodded, flashing me a vigorous smile that made my head spin slightly, _Wow. _"Good, it would have been worse if you were already hunting, but I think you did excellently regardless."

His hair was shimmering - bright strands of auburn glowing in the tawny sun cresting the horizon. The desire wound tight in my stomach, my urge to ravage him intensifying as I stared at his dazzling face. The only thing holding me back was the distraction of my scorching thirst. I grunted in irritation. "Can we hunt now?"

He paused briefly, glancing around before responding. "Yes, but we should go somewhere a little more remote. Follow me… if you can keep up," he challenged, lifting an eyebrow and shooting an evil grin at me.

_Wow indeed._

Turning, he ran into the line of trees. I followed, finding it easy to keep up. He stopped after a bit, a large dip in the earth creating a shallow creek that was very wide, the ground dropping off just past the edge of the water. His eyes were radiating with excitement when he turned to me, "Would you care to try something?

"Uh, sure," I shrugged, although I couldn't help the quiver of excitement that betrayed my indifference.

Taking a few steps back, he took two bonding strides forward and flung his body into the air, clearing the wide expanse with no problem, and landing in a tree on the other side.

_Holy shit, he wants me to do that?_ I thought in morbid disbelief. "No way," I finally spoke.

"Oh, come on Bella, you can do it. It's easier than it looks. Just aim for a high, sturdy branch."

"Okay, whatever you say."

Pulling in a deep breath, reflexively, to prepare for my jump, I took two steps back just as Edward had. In two long bounds I pushed my feet with all my might into the earth, propelling myself forward. It was an amazing feeling - the air pushing past me as my body soared through the air - I was flying. I couldn't help the buoyant laughter spilling from me.

Butterflies assaulting my insides - I felt like I was on a rollercoaster - it was amazing. I watched as the spot where Edward was perched drew nearer, and I reached my hands out to grab a neighboring branch, realizing I was too high. I flew past where he had landed by a great deal. Descending a hundred yards or so past him, I grabbed a thick branch as soon as it came close enough. The wood splintered under the force and cracked, falling to the ground - along with me.

Edward scurried from the tree and to my side in no time, pulling me to him, concern lighting his eyes. "Bella, are you okay? I should have stipulated you to be careful when you grabbed the branch."

My body was shaking with laughter, I could not respond; so I held my hands up to indicate he give me a minute. His expression lightened once he registered I was okay. "Yeah, you're a bit stronger then you're used to _b a b y_."

My laughing stopped abruptly with his crooning words, my eyes darkening with lust, recognition dawning on his features. I pulled his face to me with heavy force, smashing his lips to mine. "Owe, Bella, owe careful," he winced.

I giggled against him, drunk with the fact that I could be rough with him and he could be rough with me. "Sorry _babe_."

He groaned, pressing his mouth back to mine, the trigger word still working on him as well. Our tongues joined, sliding lithely along one another, winding my insides tight. Every sensation - every touch was intensified, and I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to have him inside me.

My fingers found his hair, and I pulled, eliciting a growl from deep within in chest. Edward's hands roamed my curves, dipping underneath the long night gown I was still wearing. It was amazing to have his hands feel warm, my flesh quivered under his touch. His nimble fingers skated along my stomach, working their way up and finding solace on my breasts. I moaned into his mouth, my nipples hypersensitive - a live wire straight to the insatiable throbbing between my legs.

He laid me back on the ground, lingering above me, our mouths still connected. I pulled again on his soft tendrils in an attempt to pull his body closer. He responded immediately, dropping himself into me, his erection pressing firmly into the apex of my thighs. He wasn't holding back - wasn't being careful - it was splendid. Working his hips into me, I rose to meet him, granting the friction we were both looking for. His mouth abandoned mine, falling to my chin as he placed sinuous kisses along my skin. His tongue jutted out, licking my flesh - tasting me. I purred into his hair as he moved lower to the exposed part of my chest.

Unexpectedly, my mind began to wander as I caught the scent of a warm blooded creature nearby. My head tipped back to look behind me, the trees appearing upside down from my vantage point.

"Bella?" Edward's whispered into my ear, tickling me. "Would like to hunt first love?" It didn't go unnoticed that his words came out sounding slightly wounded. I looked back to him, wanting to say no, but the inferno in my throat answered for me.

"Yes, please?" Pulling my bottom lip between my teeth I smiled coyly at him, hoping he would understand. His gaze dropped to my mouth and then back to my eyes.

"Well, then, stop doing _that_," he replied darkly, reaching out and tugging the skin free from between my teeth.

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****A/N: I had soooo much I wanted to fit in this chapter, so I decided to split it into two because in Kat's words "that chapter was loooooong." I hope everyone is happy with the turn of the tides here, it appears angsty times have come to an end. (I think I've let you all suffer enough with the past 4-5 chapters.) So, a splash of fun times in the end here, and more to come next chapter, as I plan on that being the final one. Don't worry - loose ends will be tied up!! Please review and send me your thoughts!**

**xoxo Buff**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Dearest Katbug86, you have been my faitful beta through crazy late nights, moments of total fail, times when I felt like I sucked, times when I was giddy and felt good about this mess. You are the best. Thank you SO MUCH for sticking with me. [hearts and a little bit of tucked peen] -Buff**

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Chapter 26

BPOV

Crouching low behind a tree, I listened intently to Edward's instructions.

"Close your eyes and just listen," his voice was soft in my ear.

I obeyed, allowing my lids to fall closed.

"Now, what do you hear? Use all of your senses."

After a moment I could pick up on what Edward was talking about. Not far from where we were perched, about one hundred yards or so down the slight incline, I could easily hear the sound of a small stream; the water splashing lazily against the earth, rushing over worn down rocks. Along with that was the faintest sound of an animal lapping up a drink at the stream's edge. Inhaling slowly, I pulled in musky scent of the animal. It was definitely larger than the squirrels and chipmunks I had detected at the meadow. I could smell the thickness of its warm blood, causing my mouth to fill with venom.

"Mmmm, what is that? It's bigger, I can smell more blood," I mumbled absentmindedly, my attention focused on the very thing that would quell the insatiable burning in the back of my throat.

"That, love, is a mountain lion," Edward whispered softly against my skin, his lips brushing against my neck. I giggled at the touch as it distracted me momentarily. "Now follow your senses - go slow so not to alert it."

Raising my body only slightly from its crouched position, I started moving as quietly as I could. Balancing on the tip of my toes, I trotted lightly towards the scent.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward chuckled, startling me. "You look like Elmer Fudd," his laughing increased to a full on airy belly laugh as he clutched at his stomach, leaning his weight into the tree.

Glancing down, I took in my stance and he was right, I did look like Elmer Fudd; all that was missing was the oversized rifle and that funny hat. Biting back my own laughter that threatened to bubble over, I settled on irritation as Edward continued to laugh like a twelve-year-old.

"Shut it. I don't need to be made fun of, and I certainly don't need you scaring away my first hunt," I stretched my body to its full height, my hands falling to my hips.

Shaking his head softly, he attempted to calm himself, allowing one last chuckle to escape. "You're right, I'm sorry. But Bella - watch out for those pesky wabbits."

"Jesus Edward - fuck you," I seethed through clenched teeth. _Could he possibly be any more juvenile? _Jiminy and I were in agreement for once as she arched a brow, irritated.

"Yes, later," he deadpanned before more silent laughter erupted from him.

My mouth fell open, I couldn't help but gawk at him, my frustration melting away as I appraised his demeanor; he was so light-hearted, so happy, and it was entirely disarming. A slow smile pulled at the edges of my lips as I rolled my eyes at the adorable boy in front of me. "Yeah, sure, that's what you think," I challenged, my tone becoming playful.

Edward's face instantly fell as he pushed off the tree and stepped towards me. "Oh… really now?"

My breathing hitched as his feet fell in line with mine, his face inches away. His mouth curled into that delicious cocky grin, sending electrical pulses snapping through my body. "Well, Miss Isabella Swan," he drew one long finger along my exposed arm, the electricity popping, sending a jolt down my spine. His voice was a hushed whisper, thick and dripping of sex. "That's _exactly_ what I think. That is, unless you weren't interested?" His defined brow quirked questioningly, his eyes dancing with amusement.

My mouth went desert dry, no traces of venom detectable. My knees jarred against one another, and I could feel that pull my body always seemed to have, forcing me to him. I wanted to touch him - to taste him - everywhere. Somewhere in the back of my mind I found myself completely flabbergasted and annoyed that he still had such influence over me physically. But that voice was an almost silent murmur as Horney Bella began to lick her chops, ready and willing to give Edward whatever he wanted in that moment. I had forgotten my ability of speech, my breathing shallow, mouth gaping.

"Well, _b a b y_, you say the word. I won't touch you unless you ask." His finger left my arm, my flesh instantly yearning for the feel of him. Leaning in, his mouth hovered just above my ear. I could feel his breath on my skin, my body longing for the soft contact of his lips. "I promise," he whispered.

What? No. That was no good. He had to touch me, I wouldn't survive. He was so close, our bodies were _so close_, but he wasn't allowing contact. It took my brain a minute to formulate a solution, the frustration flustering my resolve. _Talk you dummy! _HB groaned at me

"Touch me!" I blurted, my hand slapping tightly over my mouth as soon as the words were expelled. _Oh dear God, could this get any worse? I am a fucking vampire now for God sake. They all seem so together, so graceful and all knowing. And I am a bumbling idiot just at the mere spark of sexual tension. Get your shit together, Bella!_ I scolded myself.

Closing my eyes tightly, I ground my teeth together and let out a cleansing breath. When I opened them again, Edward's expression was twisted, his calm sex-God demeanor broken, as he bit into his lip so hard it would have surely drawn blood if he were human. He was trying, bless his heart, not to laugh at me.

Placing my hand against his cheek, I smiled gently. "What I mean is I don't want you to keep your hands to yourself. And with my heightened senses right now, I don't think I can handle … _that_ kind of teasing - so please - have mercy on the vampire rookie."

He grinned, pulling me to him by the waist, his lips pressing into the top of my head. "Oh Bella, I never had any intentions of keeping my hands to myself."

"Good," I replied, all too happily, the fire in my throat intensifying as I caught another whiff of the animal. Reluctantly, I pulled away, turning back to the delicious scent. "Now, if you don't mind…. Be vewwy vewwy quiet, I'm huntin wabbits!"

Edward let out a soft chuckle behind me as I whisked lithely down the hill toward the stream. I closed my eyes for a moment, doing as Edward had said before - giving over completely to my senses. As I grew closer, I could hear that the large cat had started to move up stream, its heavy paws making a weighty thud as it moved. I could make out the smallest sounds - the click of its tongue against its teeth as it panted softly; the pulse of its heart, followed by a dull whooshing sound - its blood moving through its veins. The venom returned with full vigor, drooling down my chin as I picked up speed. My steps were virtually silent, and although I couldn't hear him, I could sense Edward close behind, the hum present as always.

Pulling myself into a tree quicker then I would have ever thought possible, I found myself over top of the mountain lion. It was crouching low in the forest overgrowth, concentrated on something in front of it. Without waiting for further instruction, I took the lion's momentary distraction to my advantage and pounced - dropping my body out of the tree and landing with a loud thump on the animal's back.

It growled and hissed loudly, viciously clawing at me, but I was stronger - having no problem corralling the beast. It felt as if I were wrestling a toddler, it seemed almost effortless as I held its flailing paws back and sank my teeth into its neck. I was naturally drawn to a spot on the mountain lion where the blood pumped wildly, a large artery that lead straight to its heart. Bearing down with my teeth, they sliced through the animal's thick hide with ease. Suddenly my throat was coated with the thick warm substance I had been craving. The taste was slightly bitter at first, but the warm smoothness of it calmed the burning, which was utterly satisfying. I sucked harder and harder, pulling the lion to me as its arms went limp and I sucked the life from it.

I was disappointed when the flow of blood slowed and then eventually ran dry. My body felt jittery, a sensation I would liken to adrenaline pumped through me - I felt slightly high. I glanced up to find Edward standing back watching with an amused expression. Dropping the animal from my mouth I stood, my body feeling fuller, my thirst satiated. "Well? Don't just stand there and smirk at me. How'd I do?" I asked.

He moved to my side, appraising me slowly as he looked me up and down. "Well, you did excellent at the hunting part - but, we'll have to work on your table manners."

My brows furrowed, and I followed his gaze down to the front of my night gown. The crisp white fabric was stained red, with slash marks slit through, parts of my skin exposed. "Oops," I sighed, hoping the night gown wasn't one of Alice's.

"Come," Edward replied, taking my hand. "Let's go get you cleaned up."

We walked at a slow pace back to the Cullen's house, hand in hand, occasionally casting lazy sideways glances towards one another. Edward was entirely relaxed; unlike I had ever seen him before - even in our most intimate of times. Then it hit me - the blood lust was gone. Any, albeit small, part of Edward that was constantly craving my blood was absent. He didn't have to worry about that anymore, he could sincerely just be with me, not a care in the world.

My face split in two, a wide smile stretching across my lips until I felt my teeth showing. I couldn't help the goofy grin, I was deliriously happy at the idea that Edward could be truly free around me. He stopped abruptly; my gaze drew to his face to see what he wanted. His eyes were unfocused, coated with a glassy sheen as he stared at my face. He looked - dumbfounded. "Edward?" The smile fell from my lips, and he shook his head slightly, his eyes refocusing.

"Ha, Bella - you, ah, can't do that to me," he laughed nervously, his gaze flitting around anxiously.

My brows burrowed into my face, I was completely confused. "What the hell are you talking about Edward?"

He finally looked at me, a shy smile playing on his features. "Dazzle me like that."

I arched a single brow, smirking at his coyness. "I dazzle you?"

His eyes grew to wide, honest pools of sincerity, "Always."

There was that disarming charm again, I didn't know what to do with myself, the love inside me swelling - it felt as if I might burst from it.

"But you should know, especially now - that smile, it's lethal," he crooned, pulling me in and kissing my temple.

xxXXxx

"Bella!" Alice squealed as soon as we stepped inside the house, and then she yanked me into a hug, using every ounce of strength in her tiny body.

"Alice!" Carlisle scolded from the living room. "I asked you to give her space."

Alice rolled her eyes and pulled away slowly. "It's okay Carlisle. I knew she would be fine."

I couldn't help but smile down at her, she was entirely too happy to be irritated at. "It's good to see you too Alice."

"Oh, Bella, you are gorgeous!" She stopped short, her eyes falling to the nightgown hanging in shreds from my body. "Well, not that, but I already left you some clothes on Edward's bed."

My head tilted to the side, my eyes narrowing at the slight, prophetic minx in front of me. "Alice… you're clothes don't fit me. Did you bring my things from home?"

She smiled demurely, "No, I may have purchased some things for you…" She allowed the sentence to hang in the air, obviously fully aware of what my reaction would be.

"Alice," I took a deep breath trying to control my emotions, which was proving harder then it use to be. A potent smell immediately assaulted me, burning the insides of my nose. It was musty, but not the woodsy smell like the mountain lion. It was some type of animal; it almost smelled like a wet dog. "What is that horrible smell?"

Edward lost it. He began laughing and held is hand up indicating for Alice to tell me, who was also struggling to control her laughter. "Sorry Bella, that 'horrible smell' is Jake. He's still in the other room."

My eyes grew wide, I had all but forgotten about Jake. "Oh, my gosh. Shit, how is he?"

"He's fine, Carlisle says he should be able to phase back soon, Sam and the others are on their way back. Charlie hasn't left his side."

At the mention of my father, my mouth went completely dry. "Charlie's still here?"

"Yes, of course. He's been waiting for you."

A gambit of emotions plagued me instantly. I had been so hell bent on finding my father - going after him. I had not stopped to think what exactly I was going to say to him. How did I feel? He had left me, allowed me to believe that he was gone for good. I had lost two years of my life grieving for someone who was in fact not dead. And he had been killing people! My father had gone from a law-enforcing and abiding citizen, to a monstrous vampire who killed innocent people, maybe even tortured them.

After witnessing the path the Cullen's chose, I knew enough to know he didn't have to be that way. I was holy disappointed at that realization, that he had chosen that lifestyle, and anger bubbled inside me.

"Where is he?" I asked calmly, my eyes training on the doorway to the living room.

"He's in with Jake now, but Bella -"

I stepped by her, ignoring anything further she had to say. As I entered the room, everyone's heads snapped in my direction, my demeanor clearly garnering worried glances.

Charlie stood, slowly stepping away from Jake. I glanced down at him, my expression softening momentarily; he was curled in the corner, sound asleep. Looking back to my father, my disposition shifted again, the resentment building thickly through me, his expression only fueling those feelings.

He stood there staring at me with such love and sorrow; even through his red eyes I could see that. _What a liar_, I thought, rage sparking inside me.

"Bells, I - I have missed you, I am so sor-," Charlie stopped short when my hand came swiftly across his face with a sharp slap.

"Don't you dare call me _Bells_," I seethed. I was irate, my anger overflowing. The emotions were too much to handle in my new body; I needed to release it somehow. Without thinking I grabbed him by the throat, lifting him into the air, his feet dangling inches above the ground. He did not struggle or make any motion that he couldn't breathe like a normal human would; he had no need to breathe, because he was a _lying_ vampire.

"You are not my father. My father died two years ago!" I roared at him, flinging him to the floor, the hardwood cracking underneath the force. Before he could rise fully to his feet I whipped around and placed my foot squarely across his jaw. The bone there shifted sickly, popping loudly as he grunted in pain.

"Isabella!" Edward called my full name, and I swirled around, fury riddling every nerve in my body, my eyes locking with his in a challenge.

"This is not your place," I growled, but he put his hands in the air approaching me cautiously.

"Bella," his voice was soft, calming. I realized belatedly that the calm I felt suddenly was not from his voice but from Jasper standing a few feet behind me.

"Knock it off Jasper," I pouted, glancing over my shoulder at him and sounding more like a petulant teenager than I ever had before.

"Bella, look at me love," Edward crooned suddenly in my ear, and then his hand was on my back. The distraction worked immediately, our electrical current sparking between us. My limbs filled with lust and I turned my eyes back to his, rich topaz and butterscotch, my home. "I know you're upset and it's hard in your current state to deal with these overwhelming emotions - but love, your father has done nothing but protect you, please hear him out."

_He's right,_ Jiminy sighed lazily from her perch on a lawn chair, tipping her sunglasses down on her nose. _Give him a chance_.

_Oh, gee thanks, where were you five minutes ago,_ I thought irritably, closing my eyes and taking in a calming breath.

Turning slowly back to Charlie, I opened my eyes, my shoulders falling at the sight of him. I was a hypocrite for being angry that he never found me to tell me he was alive. I still had the little matter of figuring out what to tell Renee, and had not yet ruled out the possibility of letting her think I was dead. I knew how impossible his situation must have been, and from what Edward had told me, I didn't know the half of it.

"I'm sorry Dad, I just - I have a little bit of an anger problem apparently right now," I shrugged lamely, feeling foolish for my previous actions.

"Bella, can we go talk?" Charlie tried again, his hand cupping his chin as he spoke.

"Sure, sure," I muttered, glancing back at Jake and then turning to go back outside. Edward started to follow, and I turned, giving him my most convincing smile. "Edward, I'm fine, really. I think I should talk to him alone. Okay?"

He appraised my face, concern pulling the muscles in his face taunt. "Okay love, I will be inside if you need me," he finally sighed, kissing my forehead.

Charlie supplied Edward with a light nod as he walked past, then he looked nervously at me. "I said I was sorry Dad, I overreacted. I promise to be on my best behavior … so relax okay?"

He seemed to relax slightly with my words, taking in a soft breath before speaking. "Bella, I am sorry that I haven't been there for you these past few years. The Cullen's and Jake have filled me in on how hard you took it, and I would do anything to change that."

His gaze fell to his shoes, his left shoulder raised slightly as he seemed to consider his next words. "I couldn't tell you Bells, it was too dangerous. James threatened me; he said that if I didn't join him he would find you and kill you… I couldn't let that happen. Damnit, I would have rather become a horrible _monster_ then let that scumbag harm a hair on your head." His eyes met mine again, an intense fierceness there. "And I'd do it again in a heartbeat if it meant keeping my little girl safe. Even if was only for a couple of years," he finished, sounding defeated, his gaze falling again.

The strain in his voice was evident, and I felt a slight pang of guilt as he voiced my thoughts of his choice. I had thought of him in that way, as a monster. I had judged him before I knew any of his story. I hadn't even afforded him the same benefit of doubt I had graciously, and somewhat to a fault, afforded the Cullen's. _Some daughter._

"Dad, stop - I, I understand why you did it. And honestly? Even if that weren't the case I understand why you didn't come tell me. The Cullen's are different, and I tend to forget how regular vampires can be. It wouldn't have been smart for you to be around me, and I get that. I just… I was so angry for so long. I had lost you, just when you were back in my life." Moving gracefully, I stepped next to Charlie, taking his hand in mine.

"If I am being completely truthful, then I should say that I was angry with myself. I was furious at the fact that I squandered my time with you, and that I wasn't the daughter I should have been. And Dad?" He lifted his eyes to me, as I implored him to hear just how sincere I was. "I am sorry. Sorry that I didn't come and stay with you every summer - here in your home. Sorry that I didn't make time for you when I should have. Sorry that I never said I loved you - not nearly enough. I'm just sorry."

In a completely un-Charlie way, he wrapped his arms tightly around me, towing me into a hug. I smiled, relishing the feel of my father holding me again. "I love you too Bells."

Pulling away, we both silently stepped toward the house - both happy with our resolution, nothing more needing to be said.

"Oh, and Bella, I've been talking with Carlisle, and I was really sorta thinking of giving this whole vegetarian thing a go."

I beamed at him as we stepped through the front door. "Really?"

"Yeah, really. Don't look so shocked. Your old man was a cop in his last life, those habits die hard, and it wasn't easy for me to take human lives," he mumbled with a shrug, as if what he said wasn't completely noble for a vampire to say.

"That's great dad. Really, we can do it together."

He smiled and then turned slightly as if to go back into the living room, but unsure how to wrap up. It appeared Charlie had met his fluff limit. Being a vampire really hadn't changed him one bit. "Well, I'm gonna go get changed," I said, supplying him with an out.

"Okay Bells," he shot me a small smile and then retreated to the living room.

I watched as my father went right back to Jake's side, sitting, legs crisscrossed on the floor. He really hadn't changed. I wondered idly what would happen when the pack got there. No doubt Billy would be with them.

Pushing that thought aside, I mounted the stairs, reaching the third floor in one fluid movement. Edward's bedroom door was open, I skipped across the thresh hold feeling lighter then I had in years.

"Hey you," Edward's warm honey voice filtered across the room. He was leaning against the far wall, thumbing through his CD's.

"Hey," I smiled back wildly at him, shutting the door behind me.

Edward chose a CD, placing it in the player and then turned the volume up rather loud.

I squinted at him, the noise almost too much for my sensitized ears. It was a classical piece, but emoted an aggressive tone; the tympani drums booming loudly in a sweeping crescendo, violins singing madly over the basses that buzzed along. I imagined a conductor with crazy, grey, wiry hair, a mess atop his head, flailing his arms along to the tempo - controlling the pace, pushing it faster and faster.

"What is that?" I asked, curious.

In a flash he had me in his arms, his lips pressed to my neck - a violent current shocking my system, shooting through me, searching for its ground. "Background noise," Edward breathed between kisses.

'Oh' I mouthed, unable to speak.

His hands were everywhere, in my hair, on my hips, my ass, and my arms - pushing me. My back hit the wall, Edward's lips trailed to find my mouth. I responded the second his lips met mine; our tongues pressing together, moving sinuously faster and faster - matching the pace of the music.

Edward's hand moved between us, palming my right breast roughly before moving to my stomach where a small slit hung open. He hooked his finger in the fabric and pulled down, ripping the gown easily in two. He pulled again at the thick straps, and then the gown was in pieces at my feet, leaving me in just my underwear.

Desire washed through me like a tidal wave. "Now Edward," I whispered the only intelligible thing I was able to muster.

He emitted a low growl, ripping my underwear from my body and lifting me into the air in one smooth motion. I pulled at his shirt; to my astonishment and utter joy; it ripped easily from his body. _Ooooooo vampire strength. _Edward whipped us around, and I was suddenly being pressed into his mattress.

Reaching down, I tore his pants from him, the fabric and belt flopping to the ground with a clanking thud. He lingered above me, fully naked, and it was glorious; the sparkle in his eyes, the smile on his lips as he gazed down at me. The line of his jaw moving sharply into his neck, his smooth skin, defined muscles. My fingers traced his contours, drinking in every inch.

"Make love to me Edward," I cooed, smiling at the flash of desire that darkened his irises.

He leaned down, placing feathery kisses along my cheekbones. His lips felt warm on my skin, and the sensation was amazing. My fingers pressed firmly into his back, pulling him to me with ease. I was stronger than he was, but I don't think he would have resisted either way.

Edward parted my legs gently and sunk lower, moving swiftly inside me. I cried out at as our bodies melded together. My hips began moving, friction mounting, a sinful tension built in the pit of my stomach. My hands found the hairs that curled slightly into the base of Edward's neck, and I pulled. A primal snarl ripped from his chest, his hips bucked hard into me, but then he stilled.

He needed to let go - I wasn't as fragile anymore. I pulled harder on his hair, sending him the message. He hissed loudly, and then I was being jostled, moved in a blur, until I was perched on top of him; my legs straddling him as he kneeled below me. With one hand on my neck and one cupping my ass, he began to pump into me vigorously. Fisting his hair, I pushed back against him; the rapid motion causing the coils in my stomach to wind tight and then suddenly spring loose without warning. "Fuck!" I screamed, the waves of euphoria rolling fiercely through me.

Edward moved his hips even faster, thrusting into me, emitting a single grunt with each motion. It was the hottest thing I had ever seen or heard. Edward letting go, me perched on top of him - ridding him, causing him such intense pleasure.

My insides tensed again before the waves had completely subsided, the feeling more concentrated than ever; between my legs was burning molten flames. Digging in, I moved with Edward only a few more times before we both exploded against one another, collapsing onto the bed.

We lay side by side, holding each other for some time, perfectly content to just stare into each other's eyes - fiery blood and smooth honey. "I love you so much," Edward finally spoke, brushing wispy tendrils away from my forehead.

"I love you too." I smiled at the tranquility of the moment - just me and Edward, together, normal in our own un-normal way. No Jiminy, no HB, no doubts or worries, uncontrollable urges or bloodlust. No shadow hanging over my heart. It was simply him and me, together. "Will it always be like this?" I sighed.

Edward returned my smile, pressing his lips to my cheek. "Yes, love, as long as you'll have me, it will always be like this."

"Mmmmm," I cooed, my eyes falling closed. Although I knew sleep would not come, it felt good to do so. "I like it."

A light tap at Edward's door interrupted our moment.

"I'll be down in a minute, Jasper!" Edward called over his shoulder, sighing as he turned his head back to me. "The pack is here for Jacob."

I began to pull myself up, "Oh, we should go down."

"Bella, it's probably not a good idea for you to go down to meet with them." He waited, gauging my reaction. My mouth opened to speak, to argue with his logic, and then fell shut when I remembered my thoughts of Billy earlier. I didn't want to chance any mistakes, especially with someone I cared for.

"Okay," I replied finally.

Edward stared at me for a second, most likely waiting for me to become angry. "You sure you're okay with it?"

I huffed, my chest rising and falling with a whoosh of air. "Yeah, I understand. I need to be smart about this; I really don't want to chance anything."

He looked slightly relieved, nodding his head softly in acknowledgement.

"Besides," I continued. "I need to call Renee."

Edward eyed me wearily; worry creasing his brow, "What are you going tell her?"

I shrugged, "There's not much to tell. She knew I was staying here through the summer. She knows I've transferred to UAA. I guess the only thing I'll have to figure out is how to keep her from helping me move into campus. But I have some time for that."

"Do you really think that is even plausible?"

I shrugged again, laying my head on Edward's shoulder. "I think it could be. Phil's schedule is crazy, and my mom wants to be able to travel with him more. She wasn't able to do that since I moved back in with her. I know she was looking forward to it once I went away to school. Alaska so far away, I bet I could convince her to wait until I get settled, and focus her attention on Phil."

"I can see that," he mused, his lips moving lightly against my hair. He groaned, "Ugh, Jasper is coming back up here." Reluctantly, I released him as he stood, grabbing clothes from his closet to throw on. I realized then that the music had stopped, funny how I had forgotten completely about the angry, loud symphony so quickly. Edward came back around, placing a quick kiss against my lips. "I'll be right back love."

"Ok," I smiled, watching him turn and leave.

Looking around, I found the clothes Alice had laid out for me and pulled the soft navy blue sweater over my head. I ran my hands over the fabric several times, enraptured by the feel of each individual fiber. Sliding the jeans on next, I stepped around to the side of the bed and found my cell phone placed on the bed side table.

I fingered the small buttons, immediately remembering the last time I looked at my phone. Sadness seeped through as I recalled turning it off when Edward was so desperately trying to get through to me. He had resorted to the one capacity we had always been able to communicate - even when we were unaware we were doing so, and I had let him down.

Pulling open a new email, I quickly composed one, suddenly desperate to open up that line of communication again.

_Dearest EM109,_

_I was born._

_I died._

_You reincarnated me - gave me a new life._

_You know this._

_However, what you don't know is that you did this rejuvenation before my heart ever stopped beating._

_From the cindered cold ash that was my existence, you pieced me back together bit by bit._

_You took a chance, put yourself last and defied all odds. _

_You are a hero in my eyes, stronger than you know._

_You are my missing piece._

_The light to my darkened heart._

_Edward, my love, I cannot put into words the immensity of this feeling I have for you._

_My heart is filled to the brim, to the point I fear it may burst. _

_You are my heart's metered beat - you are my life force now._

_With love that will last a lifetime and then some._

_Forever and always,_

_your Bella_

Grinning down at the words, I hit send and felt instantly better. I scrolled through to Renee's phone number, and prepared to call my mother. As I contemplated exactly what to say, the phone buzzed, vibrating beneath my fingers. I pushed the toggle button and the alert appeared - 'One New Email : sender: EM109'. My grin grew impossibly wider as I scrolled to open the email.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I had given up on living long ago._

_The dark you speak of, I lived it for so long, eventually believing there was nothing else for me on this earth._

_Then you stumbled into my world, crashing down any preconceived notions my narrow mind held._

_My soul, something I was convinced I had lost long ago, was only locked away._

_You are the key to my tethered soul._

_You have unlocked me, freed me._

_I am no hero, only selfish and wanting._

_And I want only you._

_My love for you is searing, burning deep to my very core._

_My Claire de Lune, the ocean washing against my shores, the gravity that holds me here - my reason for being._

_Forever and always,_

_your Edward_

And that was what it boiled down to, his words and my words - they were both truthful and heartfelt. My eclipsed heart was no longer shadowed, his broken soul stronger; for I am his key and he is my light, and together we are whole.

* * *

**A/N: *epic sigh* And so the story comes to a close. This is most definitely bitter sweet. Thanks SO MUCH too all of you who have read, reviewed, favorited, alerted - I love you all sooo much! I know there are a few loose ends - and I will write an epi. I wanted this to be about Edward and Bella's relationship - I didn't want anything else to color the tone of the chapter. The heart of this story is obviously their love, how it blossomed and how two broken people found solace in one another. So, in short, I wanted that to be the theme for the final chapter. I did pepper in the resolution with Bella and Charlie, because I thought that was important as well. Please review and send me your thoughts! I will leave you with this fun fact:**

**Elmer Fudd was a vegetarian too. Did you know that?**

**xoxo Buff**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Katbug86 did the beta thing. Longer a/n at the bottom. And now… the epi…**

**Disclaimer: I do not on Twilight; all of the respective characters belong to Smeyer.**

* * *

Epilogue

BPOV

Standing in the Cullen's empty house, my gaze was fixed out their back wall of windows. The view was nothing I hadn't seen before, but I found myself transfixed on every little detail. The normal palette of greens was washed with sparks of bright color dancing through the trees. Leaves were turning; the deep jades and muted moss colors bled into bright reds, yellows, and oranges. It looked as if parts of the forest were catching fire. It was breath taking.

A small beep from the kitchen finally broke my attention away, and I turned, gliding through the door. The aroma in the air was pungent; the smell of turkey seeping into every crevice. I longed for a time when I would have found that smell mouthwatering and comforting. Anymore, the smells of foods I had once loved only seemed to repulse me. I found entirely other scents alluring, something that would have made me want to vomit in my last life.

Opening the oven, I carefully pulled the large bird from within, taking my time and basting it with the juices that bubbled in the bottom of the pan. The turkey gleamed under the florescent light of the kitchen - a perfect golden color, that which you would find only in the pages of a cookbook. I thought it a slight shame that my cooking had only improved since my change, and I couldn't even enjoy it.

Nestling the bird back into the oven, I set the timer once again, my mind wandering as I leaned against the counter. Over the past year, Edward had helped me to perfect the art of looking human. At first, it had been frustrating to me that things I use to do out of habit, had to be so forced. Then, with some practice, I found myself able to mindlessly lean against something, or shift without the actual necessity.

Edward had been right; his life could be pretty boring. Mostly from the fact that things came so easily when you had super human speed and strength. This time last year, if I were preparing a whole Thanksgiving dinner on my own - I would have been a mess; rushing around the kitchen, struggling to do multiple things at a time. Whereas there I stood, calm to the point of boredom, my hands idle with little to do. It took me all of thirty minutes to prep everything, and I had been taking my time. All that I had left to do was bake everything.

The sun rose higher in the sky as the clock stretched its arms straight up toward the noon hour. Clouds broke as the bright ball crested the tops of the tall evergreens lining the woods. The light filtered through the kitchen window, warming my face and sending dazzling beams bouncing from my skin. A sparkle from my hand caught my attention, and I looked down at the small ring on my finger, glinting in a beam of light that refracted from my chin.

I smiled instinctively as Edward's beautiful face flashed through my mind. How happy he had been on the day I had received that small token of his love. Its delicate band of gold wrapped around my finger, moving flawlessly into the tiny single diamond. It wasn't flashy or gaudy, it was quite small in size, but it was utterly perfect.

My stomach twisted and fluttered, a herd of butterflies swarming like they always did every time I recalled that night. We had just finished making love for what was probably the billionth time, our bodies laid tangled in one another. Every time with Edward seemed better than the last, it never got old to touch him - for him to touch me. Fire could ignite with a single tickle of his fingers, burning bright each and every time. My need - my want for him - had not dampened in the slightest. We were insatiable for each other, using our spare hours in the evening to fill our unquenchable need.

"Bella?" he hummed into my hair, light tendrils puffing up from his breath and falling into my eyes.

"Hmmm?" I responded, completely content.

He brushed the hairs back, leaning up so that he could look into my eyes. "This is perfect," he stated as a fact.

I nodded in agreement, a goofy smile playing across my lips. "Yes. Perfect."

"I think we can have more," he replied, a light of determination switching on within his tawny orbs.

My brow furrowed slightly as he moved his body, untangling our limbs and then rising from the bed. I watched as his naked form moved to the other side of the room, sighing deep at the sight. Naked Edward was most definitely something that would never get old. His muscles moved fluidly over the bone, his toned body looking like a cut piece of marble masterpiece. I drew my tongue out, moistening my lips, my mind wandering to all the places I wanted to lick. The familiar pool of desire wound low in my belly. Before I realized it, Edward was in front of me again, only he was down on one knee, bent in front of the bed.

My brain wasn't processing his posture, or the nervous glint in his eye. I barely heard the words tumble from his mouth; all I could do was stare at the cut of his jaw as it moved with his words. The muscles wrapped tightly there, straining as he spoke. I licked my lips again, unthinking, I wanted to lick him right there - over and over. Those were the only thoughts playing through my head because my brain had shifted into _that_ place. The place where HB had full rule over the domain, and I had found it wholly impossible to override her - Edward had learned this too.

"Bella? Love?" He waved a hand in front of my unblinking eyes, gaining my attention momentarily. "Please, Bella, this is important."

"Sorry," I whispered, doing my best to reign in HB and keep my gaze off of his delicious jawbone. Instead, I focused on his eyes. My still heart blossomed inside my chest as our gazes connected. His expression was so deep - it went right through to my soul.

"Isabella Marie Swan, will you do me the utmost privilege of becoming my wife."

I stared at him, the words floating through my head, settling into my brain. How did I feel about what he was asking? It seemed absurd that I would be anything but elated by that question; after all, I did not intend to go anywhere. He was what I wanted - I knew I would be with him forever. So why did it set off red flags, an uneasy feeling rippling through me.

"I … ah, I … Edward," I breathed, my gaze falling to the small box cradled in his open palms. The tiny diamond sparkled bright under the light, and I fleetingly thought of the first time I had seen Edward in the sun. "What?" The word fell away from me before I could stop it, and I immediately regretted it. Slowly, I drew my gaze back up to his. He looked slightly pained, his eyes crinkling at the edges, his mouth set in a sad down-turned line.

"I'm sorry," I blurted, trying to recover what he had obviously intended to be an overly romantic moment. My bumbling had deflated it exponentially, and I felt horrible. "I just - I had no idea. Of course, I want to be with you forever, but I hadn't thought of marriage. I am so young, and - I just… Edward…" I trailed, failing miserably at redeeming myself.

To my surprise, a small smile tucked into the corner of his mouth. "Oh, Bella, you never seem to disappoint me. Always supplying me with the complete opposite reaction I am expecting from you." He chuckled lightly as he shook his head, and then tilted it to the side, momentarily appraising me.

"I understand if you are worried about appearances, and, to be honest, I hadn't really thought much about that. All I had thought of was that I love you. I want you to be mine in every sense of the word, as I want to be yours. I want you to be my life partner, my mate, my wife Isabella. Marry me."

Air caught in my throat, a lumpy sigh parting my lips. Did it really matter to me what others thought? I had never given it a second thought about moving to Anchorage and telling Renee that I was living with Edward. Anyone else may have considered that too soon, but I hadn't cared what she would think. So why did I care about telling her that I would be getting married? I tossed the word around in my head, trying to filter out whether it was my own unfounded fears causing the uncertainty or truly my fear of outsiders' opinions.

Edward's hand cupped my face, drawing my attention back to him. His expression was warm and full of love, he would not push me, but by the look in his eye, I could tell he was reading me like a book. Most likely, he understood my hesitance better than even I did.

"Don't over think it love, marry me."

Pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth, I glanced down at the small unoffending ring once more and then back to Edward's face. "Yes," I breathed, the word falling freely - a release, and I knew it would be fine; my tensions easing as soon as I made the decision.

The second oven beeped, pulling me from my memory. I turned fluidly, pulling the broccoli casserole out and placing it on top of the stove, shoving the corn pudding in and resetting the timer. I checked the clock on the wall, 12:15. Renee would be there in just under two hours. I was admittedly nervous about her arrival. I hadn't seen my mother in over a year - not since I left for Forks.

At first, I had only intended on keeping her at bay for a few months. Edward and I left Forks and were settled in relatively easily in Anchorage. We found a small house to rent, and it was heaven - just him and me, not a care in the world. Then classes started and Edward's tense demeanor began to resurface. He had been a wreck, sending me off to classes, all the while worried I would lose my composure and attack a fellow student.

I would simply roll my eyes at him each time he would lecture me of the importance of being meticulously careful. I had never given him cause to worry; in fact, I was surprised to find how easy it was to restrain myself around humans. However, that didn't stop Edward from worrying, but its Edward we're talking about - so I partly knew to expect as much.

Only one time did I have an issue, and I ended up storming out of the class, later feigning illness to the professor to explain my odd behavior. It was a chemistry lab; we were all busy at work when I heard glass bounce against the floor before it shattered into a thousand pieces. It was then the scent hit me like a bag of bricks across the face. The blood was thick in the air, inundating my senses and torturing me with its sweet smell. My throat burned like the fires of hell, flames lapping from my stomach to the back of my tongue.

I subconsciously let out a low snarl, every muscle in my body going ridged. _Cool it. _Jiminy spoke sternly in the back of my mind, her arms crossed tightly against her chest. _You will hate yourself. _My inner subconscious' voice grew softer as she spoke, eventually going dull and then replaced by a ringing in my ears. My mouth filled with venom, and I drank it back to prevent it from drooling down my face. I turned slowly to find a few students bent over, sweeping up the broken glass, and the professor examining a small girl's hand. The bright red caught my eye immediately as it oozed from the tiny gash on her pointer finger.

I licked my lips, my vision focused only on the red, everything else around me faded to muted grays. _Just a taste_, the thought surprised me as it bubbled to the surface - so innocently. _It wouldn't harm anyone to just see what the difference is - I could clean her wound for her, that's all. _Before I realized, I was on my feet, moving to the poor unsuspecting girl. She was small in stature, no more than 5'2", instantly reminding me of Alice. She looked small and weak with pale blonde hair. Her skin was pallid, almost translucent, and I could see the pulsing veins below her exposed wrist.

With every heart beat, the wiry cerulean lines pulsed - beckoning me to come closer - to taste. My eyes met with hers after lingering on her hand for what I'm sure was too long. She looked worried, her expression tentative and her fair eyebrows knit heavily together. I didn't speak much in class, and just as the kids at Forks high had avoided the Cullen's, they seemed to avoid Edward and me just the same. I was sure my behavior was being seen as odd and uncharacteristic, but I didn't think anything of the sort at the time.

"That looks deep," I spoke slowly, sounding hypnotized, as my gaze drew back to the beautiful red. The color was deep and vibrant against her pale skin, seeping through the pathetic tissue the professor had placed over top the cut.

"Uh, I - the beaker was chipped and I didn't realize," she fumbled for an explanation as if I deserved one, as if my presence was that demanding - as if I cared.

Without hesitating, I placed my hand under hers, lifting her fingers closer to me. She flinched at my touch, which I was sure felt like ice. The professor let go of the tissue, taking a step back. I glanced at his face momentarily, his features twisted worriedly, appearing nervous. Every single person in the room was feeling the tension. Their bodies were warning them, trying to tell them to flee away from me - _a killer_. That word lanced through my mind sharply, sending a chill quaking down my spine.

_Leave! _Jiminy's voice resurfaced suddenly, and I dropped the small girl's hand, turning my back and jutting for the exit, forgetting my bag in the process.

Thinking back, I conceded that perhaps Edward's trepidation was founded; especially when he found me curled in a ball that day, shaking - incoherent ramblings falling from my lips. I'll never forget his face when I admitted to what had transpired in Chemistry. He was horror struck for a fleeting moment, before his features melted with concern, and he cradled me in his long capable arms. It was enough of a glimpse to know that I never wanted to see the look on his face again. I would never let him down in that way - ever. From that time on, I found myself overly cautious, perhaps to a fault, even getting on Edward's nerves a few times when he felt I was being silly. _Really! _

After a few months we were able to find a good balance, I was able to maintain my careful closeness to classmates, and Edward eased up on his lectures. Things were going back to perfect. It was then I decided to call my mom and see if she would like to come for a visit. It was mid February, and I truly did miss her.

"Oh, Bella, sweetheart, I'm so sorry! I don't think I can travel anywhere for some time honey. Phil was in a car accident and -,"

"Oh my gosh, Mom, is he okay?" I interrupted, alarm filling me instantly.

"Yes, dear, he's fine. But he broke his leg in several places and has a few cracked ribs. Oh, baby, I can't leave him like this - I'm so sorry!"

"No. Mom, please its fine. I completely understand, you need to be there, take care of the big guy for me, okay?"

She laughed, a slight tenor of relief coloring its buoyant sound. "OH! But Bella, you and Edward are more than welcome to come visit us in Jacksonville!"

My stomach sank, there was no way I could go and visit her in the sunshine state. She would know something was up as soon as I refused to go out in the sun - I had always loved the warm rays and she knew that. "I don't know mom. Classes here are pretty demanding, we'll figure something out."

Phil's recovery had taken longer than she had expected, almost seven months before he was walking fully again, and by that time I was back in school again. We had decided Thanksgiving would be the perfect time for us to finally reconnect. The Cullen's had been kind enough to offer up their house so that Renee didn't have to travel quite so far. Although, I suspected she was slightly disappointed that she wouldn't be able to scope out my living conditions at school, despite the pictures I had sent her.

The soft click of the front door alerted me that someone was home; I took a deep breath, a small smile falling easily along my mouth._ Edward._

"Hey you," he threw me his dazzling smile as he strutted through the kitchen door. I couldn't help but return a toothy grin, wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders and pulling him into a quick embrace, my lips finding his automatically.

"Ah-hem," a throat was cleared from the doorway, and I pulled only slightly back, my lips still hovering against Edward's.

"Hey Dad," I said without looking.

"Bells," he muttered, obviously uncomfortable with our public display. I sighed and released Edward, who stepped back slowly with a wink.

"How was hunting? Find anything good?" I asked as I turned back to the stove, opening the first oven and peering in at the turkey, the smell hitting me in a thick, fragrant wall of heat.

"It was good, your Dad caught a huge black bear," Edward said, sounding like an excited little boy. "You should have seen it, it was pretty awesome. Emmett would have been jealous for sure."

I felt my face fall slightly at the mention of Emmett. I turned, giving Edward a small smile. "Are you sure your family doesn't want to join us for dinner? I feel bad kicking them out of their house for Thanksgiving."

From the doorway, Charlie scoffed and then snorted, trying to hold back a laugh. Edward didn't try, he simply laughed with a light smile, shaking his head as if I was missing the obvious. I looked back and forth between the two of them, narrowing my eyes in irritation.

"Firstly Bella, Thanksgiving was never really our thing. And secondly, I think any of us would pass up the opportunity to pretend to choke down cooked food, no matter how lovely your mother is."

Charlie stopped attempting to hold back the laughter and was chortling like an obnoxious drunk. I raised my eyebrows at him. _What was in that bear? __Tranquilizer? _Then Edward joined in with the apparently infectious laughter.

"Oh, well - I, it's just suppose to be a family holiday," I began and then fell short, giving up entirely. _Whatever_, I thought, waving the two giggling idiots off and turning back to the food.

"Well, Bells, I'm gonna get going before your mom gets here. That's something I really don't think you'll want to explain, plus I don't think I'm up to choking down food," he finished with a soft chuckle, patting my shoulder. I glared at him, and he pulled me into a quick hug. My face immediately relaxed, I couldn't help but smile. Despite how annoying my father could be, I promised myself I would cherish every show of affection and truly appreciate them. I knew what it was like to regret, and I never wanted to feel that again.

"Alright Dad, love you."

"Love you too, Bells," he replied, giving Edward a quick pat on the back as he headed for the door.

Since everything that had happened, Charlie had assimilated well to the Cullen's way of life. He and Emmett loved to go hunting together; they were very competitive, which always made me smile to think about. He began living in his old house, although I told Renee I had found a renter. I truly had my Dad back, and it was wonderful.

We were all amazed with how well he did changing his diet over to a vegetarian one, although deep down, I hadn't doubted him in the slightest. Bree, on the other hand, didn't have it so easy. Edward and I weren't around to witness it, but Carlisle had relayed to us that she was having a rather hard time. She had tried though; she stayed with Esme and Carlisle for almost six months.

One evening, they all went out hunting; Bree said she didn't feel like going. As a rule, they tried not to leave her alone, but Carlisle said she had been doing so well - he thought it would be fine. They returned to an empty house and a note on the kitchen counter. Bree had thanked them for all they had done, but said she couldn't take it anymore; they hadn't heard from her since.

"_B a b y._" Warm breath fanned across my neck sending rippled shudders through my body, reminding me that we were now alone. My chest rose and fell in slow heavy breaths. I imagined my heart hammering against my ribs, a phantom shadow of the sensation - just a figment of my imagination - but I swore I could still feel it, he still made me _feel_ that way.

"Yes?" I breathed, not turning, staring down at the small digital clock ticking off the minutes before the turkey would be ready.

"Will the food be okay for a few minutes?" He whispered, the tip of his nose barely making contact with my neck, causing me to jump slightly.

"I suppose, I'm just waiting for the turkey, it's got another twenty minutes -,"

My words were cut short as the room fell away from me in a blurry spinning motion. I was hanging over Edward's shoulder, watching the house flash by me in a flicker of lights and shadowed rooms. A short giggle bubbled into my throat, earning me a sharp smack on the ass, I yelped - thoroughly enjoying the slight sting left in place of his hand.

Edward used his foot and shut the door to his room with a thud, dropping me onto his bed. I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could get any words out he was on me. Over top of me, pressing my body deeper into the mattress, his lips finding purchase wherever they could as I squirmed below him, unable to control my laughter.

"Eddwaarrdd!" I squealed, his soft mouth tickling my flesh everywhere it landed. My skin buzzed, my limbs beginning to feel numb from the sensation.

"Hrm?" He grunted, sounding like a complete caveman.

"I have to cook, my mom will be here … any … she's … ahhh … fuuuuu …" I swallowed, trying to keep my train of thought lucid, but he had slowed his movements, focusing his energy on my neck just below my ear - little shit knew what got me.

My hands wound into his hair, pulling in an attempt to unattach him from where he had leeched himself onto my skin. I grunted against him, no longer stronger than he was, my newborn strength had been sufficiently weakened over the past few months. _Oh how I had enjoyed those days._

"Ed - Edward, please," I whispered, my voice ragged and breathy. He finally pulled away, his lips making a loud smack was he unsuctioned himself. I rubbed the skin there, narrowing my eyes at him. "You are lucky we can't get hickies."

His devilish grin grew, exposing a row of perfectly white teeth, and then he fell to the side, a guttural laugh escaping him. "Lucky indeed," he guffawed lightly.

I tried my damndest not to smile, to be irritated, I really did. However, watching Edward like that - so light and carefree, and wanting nothing more than to ravage me - I was powerless to its effect on me. Instead, I let a mischievous smirk settle into my lips, taking advantage of his relaxed state as he laid back - eyes closed, laughing softly to himself. _Oh, buddy, you're gonna get it now - that cuteness cannot go unpunished._

Silently, I lifted my body off the bed, taking advantage of the stealthy, ninja vampire skills I had inherited. I switched my slow movement, swiftly throwing my left leg over his hips, straddling him, both of my hands grabbing his wrists and pressing them up behind his head.

Edward's eyes flew open, all humor drained immediately from him; his pupils dilating, only a thin ring of gold lining the black. His mouth set in a straight line as his darkened orbs locked with mine. The smirk on my face grew as he attempted to move his hands. I may not have been stronger than him anymore, but I did have my own vampire strength to contend with. That, along with the leverage from my vantage point; I could hold him for at least a little bit.

"Why Mr. Cullen, it looks as though the tables have turned," I cooed seductively, his eyes narrowing slightly as they flicked to my lips, and then locking back onto my gaze.

"Why yes, Miss Swan, I believe you are correct," he breathed, barely a whisper.

Slowly and with purpose, I ground my body down into his. Edward's hip bucked up in reflex, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he moaned loudly. _Good Lord - the things those sounds do to me. _I rode out the motion, like wadding through a slow wave, letting my hips swirl torturously down and then back up. Edward's eyes remained clenched tightly closed as he bit into his bottom lip.

Weakly, he tried to move his arms again. I pressed back harder, leaning my body down towards his, my breasts skimming along his chest, my nose grazing his cheek. "Mmmm, Edward," I drew out. "You smell so good. Much better than that dead bird down there," I hummed, bringing my tongue slowly along his jaw, pushing my hips into him again. "Tastier too."

"Ahhh," he hissed, his body rising to meet me again. "Fuck Bella, what you do to me…"

Pulling away, I blinked back at him innocently. "I don't know what you mean?" I emphasized by grinding into him harder and slower.

"Damnit Bella," he huffed, pulling feebly at his arms again, his lids clasped tightly closed. "More … I need more … please."

I chuckled at him, I was really driving him crazy, part of me felt bad - but I wasn't done yet. Taking further advantage of his weakened state, I pinned his two wrists between my left hand, trailing my right down his body. As I went, I popped open the buttons on the front of his shirt, my index finger dipping inside and barely brushing against his chest. He whimpered, sending a dizzying surge of power and lust through me - I was drunk on it.

My hand reached the top of his pants, a leather belt wrapped tight around his waist. HB got an evil glint in her eye, her hands rubbing together as she supplied me with a wonderful idea. Unlatching the belt, I slid it through his pant loops as Edward lifted his hips to help ease it along. Locking eyes with him, I wrapped the belt around his wrists, keeping my left hand clamped tightly around him still. I wasn't stupid enough to think the belt would hold him - but perhaps he'd play along.

Leaning my face down, my lips centimeters from his ear, I whispered delicately, "I know you're a big strong man and can break through this belt with no problem, but let's just say you can't," I paused, giving him a moment to soak in what I meant; he hummed against me.

Tightening the belt around his wrists, I tugged to make sure they were sufficiently held together. "Let's just say you have no control over this - you would have no choice but to just let me do what I want with you," I sighed, feigning pity. "Now, Edward, be a good boy and play along."

Tilting back on my heels, our gazes met again. He stared, wide eyed, his mouth hanging slightly agape before he nodded dumbly. Testing him, I gradually loosened my fingers from his arms, he didn't budge. A wide smile stretched across my face, as I was finally able to move my hands freely down his body.

Skating the tips of my fingers under his shirt, I pushed the crisp fabric away from his body. Leisurely, I walked my fingers down the line that ran between his pecks and abs, meeting the light tuft of curly hair that formed a line into his waistband.

Edward's eyes fell closed as I bent toward my hands, lightly running my nose along his happy trail, nuzzling him, and then dropping feather light kisses along that same line. He moaned desperately, his head tilting up so that from my point of view all I could see was the delicious point of his chin jutting into the air. _Mmmm, mine._

Snaking up his body, I bit lightly on his chin, catching him off guard, his head leaning down to me, his lips searching for mine. I pecked him lightly, before moving my mouth to his neck. Kissing and licking along his sweet skin, I drank in every nook and cranny. His arms lifted into the air trying to find contact, and I sat up immediately, narrowing my eyes at him. "Well," I sighed, throwing my leg over and lifting off of him. "If you don't want to play…" I allowed the sentence to filter into the air between us, hanging in question as I quirked an eyebrow at him.

Without saying a word, Edward's arm flopped back against the bed, his body going completely straight. I couldn't help but laugh as he smiled angelically at me. "That's better," I cooed.

Finding the hem of my sweater dress, I lifted it over my head, letting it fall to the floor. Reaching behind me, I flicked my bra open, allowing it to plop unceremoniously on top of the dress. Edward's eyes raked over me hungrily as he emitted a soft whimper that made me press my legs together instinctually. I wasn't sure who it was more agonizing for at that point, him or me, but something was making me move slowly - I had never been in complete control, and I was utterly enthralled by it.

I hooked my fingers into my panties, tugging them down my hips. "Bella, love … please," he released a haughty staggered breath. I smirked at him, shaking my head.

Moving back over top of him, I pressed my lips to his, ever so lightly. He leaned up, capturing my lips for a second, his mouth moving ravenous against mine, like a starving animal. I pulled away, raking my body down his. I made no show out of removing his pants and boxers; all that was left was his opened button down shirt, which I could live with. Edward lay gloriously naked below me, his erection straining painfully into the air.

Scooting down so that I sat atop his knees, I licked quickly along the head of his penis, making him jump with a choked yelp. "Bella!" he ground out through clenched teeth. "You are -"

Before he could continue I took him fully into my mouth, locking my lips around him, moving up and down swiftly. I saw from my peripheral his arms flinch and then press even harder into the bed, the mattress whining under the force. He hissed as I swirled my tongue along the top of his erection again, and then plunged him back inside my mouth, sucking harder and harder.

I could feel him becoming impossibly harder in my mouth, and I knew he was close. Smiling around him, I worked vigorously, pushing him toward the edge. It was an amazing sensation, to be driving him to that point - I loved it.

_Beep…beep…beep_

"Shit!" I sat up quickly, jumping up from the bed.

"Bella, what the fuck?" Edward growled.

I stared at him briefly, confused by his anger; he had never been aggressive about getting off before. _Well, you've never tortured the pour boy before_, Jiminy sneered. Then I realized he hadn't heard the timer, he must have thought it was part of the game. I grabbed my robe, waving my hand as I turned toward the door.

"Turkey - I'll be right back," I said hurriedly, and then stopped short halfway through the door. "And Edward, don't move," I said in as sultry a voice as I could muster. His head flopped back on the bed, and I ran down the stairs lightening fast, laughing the whole way as I pulled the turkey from the oven.

Glancing at the huge grandfather clock that was ticking off the time with each languid sweep of its pendulum, I saw we had little over an hour before Renee was due to arrive. Bounding up the steps with silent feet, I returned to Edward's room to find him in the exact same position I had left him. _Oh, fucking delicious - I love this man. _

Laughing lightly at his exasperated expression as I neared the bed, I dropped the robe from my shoulders, allowing it to sail to the floor. "Hey you."

"Hello," he replied, his tone belying his annoyed demeanor. His voice - low and husky - spiked slightly in excitement.

_Now, where were we? _I thought as HB eagerly reminded me of his 'bound' hands. _Yes. Delicious indeed. _

I climbed on top of him once again, repositioning over his body. Slowly, I drug my fingers down his torso, digging my nails in ever so slightly. He arched below me, his eyes pinching closed as he emitted a soft hiss between his teeth.

The air around us was instantly charged, all of the sexual tension from moments ago returning. My insides tingled with need, shooting lightning bolts of concentrated heat and electricity down my legs and back up to my stomach.

Sliding down his body, I went right back to where I had left off, running my tongue up his length. Working backwards, I kissed tiny touches of love along his happy trail and up his stomach, my breasts grazing either side of his erection. Edward growled, shifting his hips into me. Continuing my kisses, I pressed my body back against him, letting him feel me there.

"Shit, Bella…" he ground out, pushing his hips back into me again.

Reaching his nipples, I swirled my tongue around the soft pink skin, sucking it into my mouth. He was playing along very well, keeping his hands clasped together, pressing them over his head into the bed. I was pleasantly surprised; _perhaps Mr. Cullen enjoys games?_

Lifting up, my lips grazed his chin, Edward let out a small sigh, his mouth curling into a smirk. Tormentingly slow, I licked along his lips, pecking lightly before I pulled his bottom lip in between my teeth. He attacked my mouth, kissing me with such passion, my legs quaked against him. I moaned into his mouth, wanting more.

Pulling myself higher, our mouths separated for only a brief second. I lowered my hips, pulling him inside of me gently. The instant pressure filling me was euphoric, I gasped into his lips; the leverage from that position - absolutely amazing.

Moving away from his firm body, and crashing back into him, I began working against him - Edward's hips coming to meet mine in time. Slow and beautifully torturous. The heated sensation low in my stomach wound tighter, the intensity of it building as we moved in tandem. I was barely aware of a loud popping noise as Edward relinquished a feral snarl; suddenly his hands were on me - everywhere. Touching my hair, my shoulders, running down my back, _Oh!_, cupping my ass - moving me faster, harder into him.

I grunted against him, more than happy to allow him to control the pace, his movements felt unbelievable. I was spinning fast upward, my insides taut, and my moans becoming high pitched pants. Every muscle in my body tightened, the intense feeling growing more concentrated, furling into a tiny ball, and then I felt the spike. It felt as if I was being electrocuted, my body erupting around him - the aftershocks rocking through my body. Edward groaned into my hair, thrusting upward with such force - if I were human I would have feared broken bones. His body tensed as he released, exploding inside of me. Small tremors quaked through my limbs as I collapsed on top of him.

"Wow," I sighed, unable to verbalize anymore than that.

"Yeah," he breathed. "Wow."

We laid there for what seemed like hours, silently absorbing one another. Edward's hands ran soft paths through my hair, repeating the circuit over and over. I sighed against him, wondering if things could get any better.

Just as the thought flittered through my brain, the doorbell rang. Simultaneously, we both sprung up from the bed.

"Shit. Renee," I spewed as I grabbed my clothes from the floor, spinning in a circle as I threw them on. Edward laughed as he pulled his pants up. Watching me unravel was apparently hilarious to him, I hadn't given myself time to mentally prepare - although I thought I had. As I flew down the stairs, pressing my hair down onto my head, making sure I didn't have "sex hair", I found myself suddenly overly nervous to be face to face with my mother.

Taking a deep breath, I attempted to steal my nerves, pushing the anxiety out of my mind.

"Bella!" She screeched as I opened the front door. Without hesitation, she threw her body at me, engulfing me in her patented mom hug, and I couldn't help but smile. _First worry: she would be naturally afraid of me - not a fact. Good._

"Oh, honey… you look so different," she said, incredulously, I stepped to the side to allow her and Phil to enter, my fists balling at my sides, nerves wrecking my insides. _She knows - the next words from her mouth: 'Are you a vampire?'_

"You look … like a woman, you look … _hot_!"

_Oh, good lord. _I exhaled a relieved sigh, smiling weakly at her. Turning to give Phil a small hand shake and a nod, I almost jumped out of my skin when Renee let out a loud scream. I whipped around to see Edward's concerned, confused expression as my mother stood frozen in front of him. Her back was to me, so I couldn't see her face, but thoughts of her horrified twisted features ran ramped through my mind as I stepped closer.

Before I could reach her side, Renee threw herself at Edward, wrapping her small arms around his large frame, and I choked back the laughter. He looked completely bewildered and uncomfortable; my mother picked up on none of that.

After she finally released Edward from her death grip, I moved in beside him, hooking my arm in his to ward off any further attacks.

"And you must be Edward."

"Yes, it's so wonderful to finally meet you." Edward bowed slightly, taking her hand and kissing it ever so lightly. _Really turning on the charm, aren't we Cullen? _I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help smiling as my mother was eating it up.

"Bella has told me so much about you," he said, releasing her hand.

Renee snorted, smacking him on the chest. "Oh, Bella, he is such a gentlemen … and such a _hunk_," she finished in an embarrassing stage whisper, winking at me.

I opened my mouth to respond when Renee froze, her eyes narrowing, her head tilted to the side as she seemed to study my face intently. _Shit shit shit._

"Bella, honey, your eyes are different. Did you get contacts?"

I swallowed back the lump that instantly formed in my throat. I had prepared myself for that exact question, and, even if I hadn't, she had already given me an out with the way she asked it. But staring her dead in the face, I was convinced my response would tip her off - I was a horrible liar.

"Uh, yes. Ah, er… they are sort of a hazel color, but my stupid brown eyes seemed to want to overrule them, so they come out this strange … golden brown…" after bumbling through my sentence I trailed off, fighting the urge to rake my fingers over my face. Her eyes stayed slanted, I could see her mind churning as she took in my answer. _Shit shit shit._

Her gaze shot swiftly between Edward and me, and then her eyebrows raised, her face softening. She clapped her hands together before she lifted them to her mouth. "Oh, you two are adorable. Phil, look, they have matching contacts - we should do that do babe!" She gushed, turning and pulling Phil by the arm.

I pushed out a loud breath of air, hair puffing out around my face. "Well, Mom, dinner's ready. I'm sure you guys are hungry after your trip. Shall we eat?"

"Oh, yes dear, it smells wonderful! We are famished. All we had on the plane was that lousy bag of peanuts!"

I smiled widely at her, motioning for them to head to the dining room where Alice had decked the table out. She truly never disappoints, with full table settings, four different types of forks, three different types of crystal glasses, a breath taking center piece that looked like it belonged on a real pilgrim's table - all of it real. Real corn, squash, pumpkins, various fruits, and a cornucopia that I was sure Alice wove herself.

The lights were turned to their lowest setting, and the candles flickered warmly against the deep gold's and reds of the table cloth. _Hm, Edward must have lit the candles._

"I'll just go and get the food, I'll be right back. Please, sit down." I smiled at them, and my mother was bouncing with excitement, her eyes washing over every detail.

It took two trips to get all of the food on the table, but once that was done, I settled into my seat, and Renee led us in grace. Dinner moved along, our conversations were surprisingly light and easy. I was relieved that there was no grilling about my changed appearance, which had been my main concern.

We found ourselves lost in stories of college life, as I told Renee about my classes and my professors. I told her more about where we were living, telling her she really should come and visit; it was truly beautiful there.

Edward and Phil talked at length about baseball; I was surprised to learn he had such an interest in it. With as much time as we spend together, I had never seen him watch a game on TV. Dinner was done, and Edward and I had successfully pushed the food around on our plates enough, only having to actually swallow a few small bites. It was the first time I had been forced to do such a thing, and it was the grossest thing ever. It felt like a wet lump of cement, slowly moving its way down my throat.

We moved to the living room, Phil becoming even more animated when Edward turned the football game on. I sat with my mother, quietly talking for several hours as the guys watched the game. After a while, I served the pumpkin pie, which had always been my favorite, so my mom was shocked when I didn't help myself to any.

"Bella, it's your favorite baby. OH, remember the time I tried to make a special version for your birthday, using peanut butter and chocolate," and with that she launched into another tale of my childhood, saving me from having to make excuses.

Edward seemed enthralled with all of her stories from my youth, asking the craziest questions about me. To my complete irritation and embarrassment, Renee was all too eager to share.

The grandfather clock struck the hour, chiming eight times, before I realized how late it had gotten. "Oh, mom, you two must be exhausted. Edward can show you where you're sleeping, and I'll clean up. You guys go ahead to bed."

"But Bella, honey, you did all the cooking. Let me help you clean up at least," she replied, stifling a yawn in the process.

Shaking my head, I rose, "No, Mom, I insist. You guys are the guests, please, it's fine really."

She glanced at Phil, who looked near comatose slumped down in the couch. "Well, alright, but I'm making breakfast!" _Oh joy._

I smiled lovingly at my mother as she pushed her small frame off the couch. Pulling her into a quick huge, I breathed in her sweet perfume, clean sheet and lavender - the same it had always been, it smelled like home. "I missed you mom," I whispered.

"I missed you too baby," she replied, her voice cracking, and I realized there was a double meaning to her words. It hit me that the last time she saw me I was still in a pretty dark place. I hadn't smiled a true smile in years; that was the Bella she had grown use to. _How easily I had forgotten that Bella_. She was seeing, for the first time in years, the real me, and I could read the emotion behind her wide eyes as she regarded me.

"Tomorrow, we'll have a girl's day - just you and me, okay?"

"I'd love that," I replied honestly.

"Renee, I can show you to your room, if you'd like?" Edward spoke, pulling her gaze to him.

"Thank you, Edward - for everything," she said softly, glancing back at me.

He smiled, nodding, "My pleasure," he replied, his eyes falling to mine, the love there a bottomless well - deep and unwavering.

I watched them follow Edward up the stairs, before moving to the dining room. As soon as I was sure they were out of ear shot, I moved at my full speed and cleared the table. The kitchen was relatively clean as I had done dishes as I cooked. I quickly did the dishes from dinner and dessert, finishing just as Edward returned.

He pulled me into a soft embrace, cradling me in his arms. "I think you made a good impression. She really loves you, ya know?" I asked.

"Yeah, she seemed pretty fond of having her daughter back, I think that's what she loved more than me - per say."

I arched an eyebrow, "So you caught onto that?" My gaze drew to the large windows, blackened by the November evening, only a light sheen of pale moonlight tickling the surface of the trees. "I only just realized…"

"Bella, I've told you before, you don't see yourself very clearly. She lost you when you were overcome by such sadness. Even when you were getting better - it still wasn't you. And you - you are a precious, precious thing. To lose that, to lose someone who you love so much, that brings such light to your life, it was devastating to her. All she kept thinking all night was that she had her light back."

I was stunned by his words. I had never given it much consideration. I knew when I was utterly depressed and she had tried to snap me out of it, that it was bad. But I never considered that it had altered me wholly as a person, so much, never thought of what it did to my mother. I made a promise to myself right then and there to keep my mother in my life as much as possible - which would mean telling her the truth about us - about Charlie. I would have to, in due time. _For now, I will just be selfish and enjoy having her with me._

"Thank you, for telling me all of that."'

"Of course, love. I will always tell you everything, and that, especially, you deserved to know."

I smiled at him, laying my head on my chest.

"Which reminds me, there's something else you deserve."

I knitted my brows together, confused. "What? What else do I deserve?" I questioned, leaning my head back up.

Edward's eyes shone brightly, fire igniting within them. His mouth curled into a slow, lop-sided sexy grin. "Payback."

Oh shit.

I took a step back, raising my hands defensively. "Now Edward, be reasonable… my mom is right up stairs." I continued to back up slowly as Edward stalked toward me, resembling a ferocious cat, sizing up his prey.

"Oh, don't worry, love, I intend to be very quiet. And you?…" he reached in his pockets simultaneously pulling out a new belt and a scarf. _Scarf? _"You are going to be absolutely silent."

His wicked smile grew wider as I turned, dashing around the kitchen island. He caught me within seconds, I stifled a squeal as he pulled me with him to the floor. Capturing my lips in his, I melted into him, my hands moving along his arms, pulling him into me.

Pulling back momentarily, he smiled down at me once more, tossing the belt and scarf to the ground. "I was just kidding _b a b y_, I would never gag you - I love the sounds you make."

I laughed at his confession, his eyes lighting up at the sound. He looked like that playful little boy again, so happy. He mirrored precisely how I felt, and I hoped he could read my happiness too.

"Edward, you make me happy."

"You make me ridiculously happy," he replied.

I brought my hand up, caressing his cheek, thinking back on the last year, in awe at how things happened. "How did I get so lucky - how did I find you?

He chuckled softly, reaching down and tucking a loose tendril behind my ear. "We found each other, even when we weren't looking, even when we didn't know it. We've always been drawn together."

Breathing in a contented sigh, I grinned back. He always had a way with words, my EM109. "I love you Edward."

"I love you to Bella."

Leaning in, our lips met once again, sparks of light and color flashing behind my closed lids - our own personal fireworks as we tangled together on the kitchen floor, our souls melding into one entity. We had all we would ever need, all we were ever looking for right there inside one another, and we were both truly happy.

The End

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**A/N: Alright lovies, this is gonna get mushy. A want to give my undying devotion and thanks to Kat, who was the one and only person to speak up… I think it was around the second chapter, volunteering her services to me. (It was painfully obvi that I needed a beta something fierce.) I pounced on the offer, and I am soooooo glad she spoke up b/c she has been my rock whilst writing this. Thank you Kat, I love you tons! **

**Now to my loyal readers/reviewers - you have no clue the elation and fucking high I get when I read your reviews. It's really like my crack, (all together now,) my own personal brand of heroin. Thank each and everyone of you for reading this and showing support - I love you all! To you lurkers, I love you to. Just knowing people have read this little story that was a simple way to feed my addiction to all things twilight, just knowing that I had _one reader _- was all I ever hoped for. I cherish you all! Thanks for taking this ride with me! Please leave me your thoughts and comments because I really poured a lot into this epi, and I am dying to know what you think. **

**Love, Buff**


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